April 21, 2009

Complicated

Warning:this post is more of my ranting!haha.Skip this entry if you like.This is actually me being serious and disappointed.I just got to let this out sorry guys.Bear with me.(you know,the teddy bear LOL!)


I'm not so good with waiting.
I'm impatient,but I waited.
I'm demanding,but i hardly demand anything this time.
Because I like him.
I love texting, someone who can make me reply no matter how hard i try not to.
But he seldom text me, so i tried to understand
Even that someone told me he's a "text-person".
I love chatting, good chats. But that someone hardly have time.
So I still wait for whenever he felt like chatting.
Because I like him.
I'm so eager to see him in person
You hardly hear him talk about meeting
It have to be me to do the talk about meeting.
Always have reasons.
I waited again till he agrees.
All i did was waiting.
And he said he's doing all the chasing
"I love chasing men I love and treat them like a princess"
Now I'm confused about the meaning of the word:chasing

To sum up all of this:
Mac have to be understanding.
I have to understand his busy work
I have to understand he cannot chat with me more often
I have to understand he cannot text a lot,or even say goodnight
I have to understand he cannot meet this day or next day
I have to understand he don't believe in dating
I have to understand that he needs to play bad just to test me,a role play!
I don't get it,got mad.This doesn't count haha
I have to understand that he is sarcastic
I have to understand that he is an asshole
Now that's a lot!I cant believe I did those!The first time in my life!
But I asked myself, what did he do in return?
Did he try to understand me too?
Is it always have to be me?

When we're chatting, he said he just cried.
I asked why
Said"don't wanna talk about it"
Since I'm understanding,I didn't.LOL
When we fight and I said goodbye
He said he cried and wrote a post at his blog about me
It felt good.He cried over me,imagine!I said to myself.
He said he's been hurt by most of his ex's
he almost killed himself
We're chatting tonight, he said he cried again
I asked him why
Because of painful memories, he said
An ex bf who made a great impact on him
Remembered how worthless he have been
Felt bad about himself
But i didn't get it, crying again because of that?
No, he said, just cant help feeling sad because of the past
But I still asked myself, but why crying?
Maybe haven't moved on from an ex lover?
I figured, he still cares for that ex

He accused me "you're bothered because of something you're afraid at, not because am sad. wow. thanks.I'm expecting you would say --hush... don't cry. its OK, its all in the past.I'm here"

But why wont I?I mean, if I'm going to involve myself with anyone, I have to be sure that he is ready and had totally moved on with his past relationships!I'm not a martyr, you know!
And besides,I'm not a fan of his crying, a little bit too much for me. It is self pity.
That's why I said, you're being so emotional, you have to be strong with or without a man at your side.

He wants me to understand that its alright to cry over that.Yeah I get it,you got hurt in the past.
But I got hurt pretty bad too, but I'm doing well now. I mean I don't cry over things like that anymore, maybe if it happened last week.But its like months or years already.

Its too much drama for me.Too complicated.Too stressful.He is too complicated.
He got so used to me being understanding, he wants me to understand again.
That's great.Right?All me understanding him.

Said "I'm emotional,live with it"

But sorry this time its a NO-NO.Maybe I just got tired of adapting to him.To be kind to him.I'm a healthy living individual,I love life,I enjoy life,I'm a happy person,I don't let problems and past haunt me,I can carry them very well,of course at times I get bruised and down but i get up again and be able to be happy again...No complications.No drama.You just have to understand that.This time,it have to be you,you have to understand.For a change.

Funny,the only fun I had with him, really good time,was our first chat ever,and the rest..well you know, me doing the waiting and the trying-to-understand stuff haha.I should change my whole name to Mac Understanding!!!

(and herbs you moron, stop calling me BB ,I prefer TT Gandanghari LOL!)

Wanna be with me?Take away all your crying, hung ups and drama and be happy.I'm not a fan of self pity.Live life lightly.If you cannot, and kept on thinking people: "should be the one to always do the understanding and saying--thats me,live with it".I'll pray for you and hope that you'll be happy.

That's all guys!Thanks for reading (if ever you peeps will read this!haha) Ciao!

10 comments:

Turismoboi said...

ok lang yan patreho tayo ng nararamdaman

juzt zmile!

rik32miles said...

Hay!!

It's only like a week since I last read your blog andami ng nangyari...
your post about you and nick on the bed made me kilig...i luv the sexual tension going on...so like Calista and Rob lowe bago naging sila sa Brothers and Sisters...

your mom arrived..

breakimg up w/ RR

talking again with RR

No more Drama w/ RR

anu va yan parang mexican telenovela napaka fastpace....

siguro kayo ni nick in the end....Etchoz!!

I (heart) your blogs...this time no etchoz! hahahahha

Herbs D. said...

at baket na singit ang name aketch ditech?! si RR ang pinaguusapan ha! lecheness to.

some times, if you feel like people are already dragging you down-you have to let go. you can't please everyone :)

*HUGSIES BB*

p.s. gaga. kung ginagamit mo mata mo-tinag kita dun sa latest post ko!
ciao.mwahmwah

Summer said...

Oh i love this one.This is a great post ever Mac.;D
we don't have to cry forever even if we're hurt.Ya i know that we still need to cry for it hurts,but not for a long time or forever.That is so dramatic already.=)
I think he wants to be an awardee actor of the year.lol.
But all we can do know is to tell him that there are still a lot of things to be happy for.;D
Life is good..;D

Solo said...

Oh my...He cry,he cry and he cry..That only means he still can't live life for the future,he still live on the past..;D
He's no good.lol..I he not yet ready for the future?!

Bleeding Angel said...

mac, i hope someday you'll find someone with no if's no why's.. someone who could love you the way you need it and someone you could love the way you wanted... m juz here a "broad shoulder to cry on"....wahehehehe! smile na lang ulet para cute....

Mac Callister said...

@turismoboi--thanks atleast im not alone LOL

@rik32miles--you just have to keep up with my ride hehe!im a porn star u know LOL

@Herbs--huh what post/tag i didnt see one LOL

@summer--really?thanks i thought people will get bored with this after i posted it hehe,thanks alot!

@solo--thats what i thought too

@bleedingangel--hmmp lagi ka kaya nagmamadali umalis pag chat tayo LOL!joke!

Efarojie said...

hey there,

am d nu reader. From what u said, he was just being the DQ-drama queen or was he just trying to grab ur attention. that's so immature...

he thinks by grabbin ur sympathy he'll get u or sumthing..base frm true experience here..hahaha! opS!

btw, nice readin ur blog

Mac Callister said...

@efarojie--thank you for being here!hope to see more of you!

AudExistence said...

ei.,.i juz read this
and i can totally relate
c0z i have an ex bf like this and i broke up with him because i never felt any effort in him . . .