I'm not so good with waiting.
I'm impatient,but I waited.
I'm demanding,but i hardly demand anything this time.
Because I like him.
I love texting, someone who can make me reply no matter how hard i try not to.
But he seldom text me, so i tried to understand
Even that someone told me he's a "text-person".
I love chatting, good chats. But that someone hardly have time.
So I still wait for whenever he felt like chatting.
Because I like him.
I'm so eager to see him in person
You hardly hear him talk about meeting
It have to be me to do the talk about meeting.
Always have reasons.
I waited again till he agrees.
All i did was waiting.
And he said he's doing all the chasing
"I love chasing men I love and treat them like a princess"
Now I'm confused about the meaning of the word:chasing
To sum up all of this:
Mac have to be understanding.
I have to understand his busy work
I have to understand he cannot chat with me more often
I have to understand he cannot text a lot,or even say goodnight
I have to understand he cannot meet this day or next day
I have to understand he don't believe in dating
I have to understand that he needs to play bad just to test me,a role play!
I don't get it,got mad.This doesn't count haha
I have to understand that he is sarcastic
I have to understand that he is an asshole
Now that's a lot!I cant believe I did those!The first time in my life!
But I asked myself, what did he do in return?
Did he try to understand me too?
Is it always have to be me?
When we're chatting, he said he just cried.
I asked why
Said"don't wanna talk about it"
Since I'm understanding,I didn't.LOL
When we fight and I said goodbye
He said he cried and wrote a post at his blog about me
It felt good.He cried over me,imagine!I said to myself.
He said he's been hurt by most of his ex's
he almost killed himself
We're chatting tonight, he said he cried again
I asked him why
Because of painful memories, he said
An ex bf who made a great impact on him
Remembered how worthless he have been
Felt bad about himself
But i didn't get it, crying again because of that?
No, he said, just cant help feeling sad because of the past
But I still asked myself, but why crying?
Maybe haven't moved on from an ex lover?
I figured, he still cares for that ex
He accused me "you're bothered because of something you're afraid at, not because am sad. wow. thanks.I'm expecting you would say --hush... don't cry. its OK, its all in the past.I'm here"
But why wont I?I mean, if I'm going to involve myself with anyone, I have to be sure that he is ready and had totally moved on with his past relationships!I'm not a martyr, you know!
And besides,I'm not a fan of his crying, a little bit too much for me. It is self pity.
That's why I said, you're being so emotional, you have to be strong with or without a man at your side.
He wants me to understand that its alright to cry over that.Yeah I get it,you got hurt in the past.
But I got hurt pretty bad too, but I'm doing well now. I mean I don't cry over things like that anymore, maybe if it happened last week.But its like months or years already.
Its too much drama for me.Too complicated.Too stressful.He is too complicated.
He got so used to me being understanding, he wants me to understand again.
That's great.Right?All me understanding him.
Said "I'm emotional,live with it"
But sorry this time its a NO-NO.Maybe I just got tired of adapting to him.To be kind to him.I'm a healthy living individual,I love life,I enjoy life,I'm a happy person,I don't let problems and past haunt me,I can carry them very well,of course at times I get bruised and down but i get up again and be able to be happy again...No complications.No drama.You just have to understand that.This time,it have to be you,you have to understand.For a change.
Funny,the only fun I had with him, really good time,was our first chat ever,and the rest..well you know, me doing the waiting and the trying-to-understand stuff haha.I should change my whole name to Mac Understanding!!!
(and herbs you moron, stop calling me BB ,I prefer TT Gandanghari LOL!)
Wanna be with me?Take away all your crying, hung ups and drama and be happy.I'm not a fan of self pity.Live life lightly.If you cannot, and kept on thinking people: "should be the one to always do the understanding and saying--thats me,live with it".I'll pray for you and hope that you'll be happy.
That's all guys!Thanks for reading (if ever you peeps will read this!haha) Ciao!