Mac At 2011

First of all, I would like to greet everyone a very happy new year!!! Hope that this would be a great and blessed year for all of us (pero siyempre dapat mas lalo na sakin!LOL)

Anyhoo, this is also my first post for this year! yey! la lang!hehehe

I'll just share to you what I did these past few days. First,I celebrated new year's eve at my friends house,Val, well, he was kind enough to let us in and joined them this holiday. I was supposed to be on night shift duty, but KC, asked if he could swap scheds with me, which I gladly said yes! Why not! It means I would be able to celebrate the new year's eve with my friends!!!

After some call and blah-blah-blah, we finally made it to the small get together. Val prepared the amazing foods! Loved his cherry cheesecakes and his crema-de-futa I mean fruta pala! hihihi. Some people brought their own specialty,yum yum yum, and me? well,I just brought myself and ate! LOL!

Me and my two closest friends posing before the clock hit midnight.

Kakahiya, as in literally, nakikain lang kami haha, e kasi naman galing pa kami evening shift noh! la time to prepare foods! *defensive*

Stories from the bath house and the chronicles of E

My sister sent me gifts thru my cousin who just arrived here. Its the book of Mcvie and E!!! yey!!! Napatili naman ako ng slight nun makita ko! I love yah my dear sistah! Mwah! wala daw nun kay MGG when I asked her bakit kulang ng isa! haha.

Its payday, its new year so, the malls are having their amazing sale! I was very happy when I entered A/X store and found out they dropped down their prices too. I bought the 3 cheapest shirts I could afford! LOL


Hugo Boss also released their new scent "Bottled.Night" I immediately fell in love with the smell when I tried it. It has a fresh, clean, masculine, and long-lasting scent. Yun lang binili ko, inawat ko na sarili ko hahaha. Baka wala na ko lamunin sa sunod na araw!

I also greeted Clayton a happy new year thru sms message. He greeted me back, and that's it hehe. I just want him to get the idea that, everything is in the past na.

Since I am single, wala man lang ako ka-putukan! kainis! hmp!

I am currently eating a baked potato with melted cheese and sausage and mushroom on top and inside which I ordered at this Italian food store at the food court. It's one of my new favorites! Ang sarap!!!!

Hay, I don't know what would happen this year. But I'm expecting good things! and a new loving guy please...LOL!

Happy New year!!!

End Of The Road

Every song and every movie always ends
Every opportunity passed by and never comes back again.
Every morning turned into afternoon and ends at night.
Every performance no matter how good it was
Always ends with a bow and curtains closing....

As the words of this song summarized how I deeply felt for you, I'm afraid I would never hear you'll sing this back to me:

When the evening shadows
And the stars appears
And there is no one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a millions years
To make you feel my love...

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love

Why is it that when you love, you'll get pain, you'll get disappointment, and I got tons of it. Maybe, I just got tired of understanding, got tired of waiting, got tired of loving you...

I could not continue going on like this. We could not continue anymore. I guess, this is the end of the road for us. I wish you well and happiness.

I just hope God could give me strength to get over you and wish I could eventually put back the broken pieces of my heart and glued it together :-)

My New Love!

The other day, I got my holiday work pay and decided to hit the mall and find something to give to my boyfriend Clayton, my 7 year old nephew and my sister. I wanna get them something nice but not too much on the budget, especially for Clayton, he swore he would kill me if I get him something too expensive.

Well, I know for a fact that my boyfriend is a simple guy, he's a practical guy, he likes to use his stuffs to the last drop, as in hanggat di nadudurog di niya itatapon! kaloka! Minsan kung di ko pa inaapi yun gamit niya di nya papalitan!

We're like north and south poles! I love getting new stuffs! LOL

I love wearing black lately! I don't know why!haha

Anyway, after 2 hrs, I'm done with my christmas shopping until I noticed this new shop...Its like it was calling me...mac...come inside me...come....!

I went inside and the guard and the sales clerk greeted me. I looked around and I fell in love with their items!!! I heard so much about these things...

I like! I like!
The shopping devil inside me screamed! Its a little expensive, but I really fell in love with it! So, for sure, I might be having rice and soy sauce the whole month!LOL

I just convinced my self, its christmas anyway, I might as well get myself a gift, right? and its my holiday pay, so, thats it! hahaha

After a few minutes, I'm already wearing my new TOYWATCH!

toywatch jelly--is a fun watch, its made of silicon and the straps could be changed to different colors.

watch the video:

Note: Check out their website here and here

Feel The Beat

After many months of being assigned at the pediatric ICU, its my return of the come back at the Accident and Emergency room today. I was a bit excited, thought, I'm gonna see my top 5 crushes there again! hehehe mind you, I think of all of them are gay! They're just hiding it, and that I think is the main reason why I'm so attracted to them this bad!

Yun bang pigil na pigil nila, pero nag uumalpas! shit! yun ang type koooo!LOL

I put on my best scrub and white coat and showered my self with my D&G -The One perfume! (haha bragging, I know!)

Anywayz, I saw only one, most of them are not on duty! I searched all department of the ER already! Pero bigo! harot ko! Clayton would kill me! LOL

So, I thought, my day is ruined.
Until this new guy crossed my path! Umusok bigla ang mata ko sa pagbabaga! sabi ko sa sarili ko: Type ko itooooo!

Nurse. Bald. Average built, and cute. His name is Wilmer. How I wish he's gay! But he's so damn straight! Taena!

He is the nurse assigned to my intubated patient. (patient breathing thru a tube inserted on his mouth directed to his trachea to help him breath with the use of the ventilator, which I managed, whew, thats long!) We talked a little, like the usual new people meeting for the first time.

I was checking my machine, when I realized he was at my back, his chest so close to my back that i could feel his breathing on my nape....I almost dropped the stethoscope Im holding at the time! He almost hugged me! He was pressing something at the cardiac monitor on top of my machine that's why he's there behind me.

Pero, shit ate charo, paka-sarap! LOL

The whole time, I was watching him work secretly. I wanna stay at his patient, but that would be too obvious, so I just sit and read my pocketbook at the station while waiting for some action at the emergency.

My moment arrived... the doctor ordered me to do arterial blood extraction, on his patient. I prepared my things, then he said: sir could I do it for you? I wanna try doing this...I know its your job, but I wanna learn...

Arterial blood extraction is different from the usual nurse vein insertion.

Makakatanggi ba naman pukelya ko? E di gow! I gave the syringe at him and assisted him. He didn't hit the artery on his first attempt on the arm of the sedated patient. I said try to feel the beating of the artery with his finger...but he inserted the needle too far on the site.

I came to the rescue, I moved closer at him, shoulders to shoulders, we were so close that I wanna smile with my naughtiness...

I guided his fingers to the spot...I was holding his fingers together with the syringe...damn, I did took my time guiding his fingers...I'm so bad! million bolts of electricity run thru my body that time...I could smell his natural body scent...kakalibog!

Shit! babaw ng kaligayahan ko!

So yun, di kami naka kuha ng blood!LOL (We failed to extract blood!) puro kasi kalandian ginawa ko!

So i told him to try it one more time. O di ba teacher material na ko ngayon! trying hard much?! I told him where to insert the needle and try to feel its pulsating movement. He focused and after a while, I saw the blood going up the syringe! its a success!!!

I'm so happy for him! You know, that kind of happiness when a mother saw his son going up the stage with honors! That's how I exactly felt! LOL!!!!!

"Thanks sir."

"Yeah sure, no problem".

I went back at my chair with a mysterious smile on my face.

*wink* wink*

Sentimyento Ko

Nauunawaan ko minsan yung mga single na tao kung bakit ayaw nila pumasok sa isang relasyon...marahil, naisip nila, mahirap nga naman, madaming komplikasyon. Walang sakit ng ulo.

Bakit nga naman kasi, pag nag mahal ka, di maiiwasan na masasaktan ka. Minsan iiyakan mo pa ang walangya! (pero di pa to nangyari sakin!--defensive?)

Bakit nga naman kasi pag nagmahal ka, kadikit nito na umasa ka, tapos mabibigo ka lang sa huli...sasabihin nila wag ka mag expect, pero bullshit yun! Nagmahal ka pa kung wala ka naman aasahan sa mahal mo di ba? Taena!

Masarap mag mahal kung mamahalin ka din ng tama.
Yun makikita mo sa maliliit na bagay, hindi lang puro satsat...

Hindi porket lagi nag a-I love you e mahal ka nga!
Patunayan nya letse!

Bakit nga naman kasi pag nag mahal ka, matututo ka mag selos, mag set ng rules...limited na kumbaga ang freedom mo, bawal na makipag textmate/chat, makipag eyeball, at makipag date sa ibang bading!

Aba sino ba namang tanga papayag nun! Jowa mo na tapos nakikipaglandian sa iba?! Haller ok lang siya?

Putol-titi gusto nya?LOL

Pero ang pinaka gusto ko pag nagmamahal ka, nagiging korny ka, nagmumukha kang tanga sa saya, inspirado ka at higit sa lahat, natututo ka mangarap, mangarap ng buhay sa hinaharap na kasama siya...

Yung papakasal kayo, mabubuntis ka, binyagan...

ay!!! potah di pala yan! LOL

Pwera-biro, ang gusto ko lang sabihin, sa hinaba-haba ng pasakalye ko e ito, masakit ipin ko! hahahha!

O ito na tunay na to:

Happy 4th month sa jowa ko'ng abnoy na si Clayton.
You know naman that I love you, ayt?

Though, may pinag daanan tayo lately, pero sana huli na yun kundi, taena ka, sa kangkungan ka pupulitin pag inulit mo pa yun! LOL (may pagbabanta daw sa buhay?hahaha)

"Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it MEANING"

Love Status

Clayton still managed to sent me these shirts even though we are on a time off...its been 5 days now and we haven't talk or exchange a single message toward each other since.

I'm not mad anymore, actually I was not really that mad at him. Surprised maybe. Surprised with what I have found out I guess. He told me he never dated or cheated on me. That it was just a simple thing out of boredom. In my heart I want to believe him. And I did.

Maybe because I know Clayton is good guy.

I hope.

But out of respect with my self, and to teach him a lesson, I asked for a cool off. Because I'm supposed to get mad. Right?

There are two shirts he sent me. This one has a print that says: Single. Maybe he wanted me to choose between the two. But I'm still thinking if this would be my love life status from now on...

After a careful thought...
finally, I listened to my heart and decided to wear the other shirt...

So I guess, I still have a boyfriend after all!

UnBreak My Heart

I fell in love

I was happy

We made a love story

We made a dream for us

He broke my trust

I am in pain

I am hurting

We need some time off. I told him. To think.
To see if I could still trust him.
But one thing is sure. I still love him.

Why do we always hurt the ones we love?

"Mahal na mahal kita...nagkamali ako, oo admitted ko yun...alam ko ang feeling ng mawalan, at ayoko na maulit yun. Siguro sa cool off na to, papayag ako...pinukol na din ako ng sarili kong bato sa ulo. Pero sana, mahanap mo sa puso mo yung mapatawad ako at ituloy yung kung saan tayo mapuputol. Kasi i love you. And i mean it."

(I love you so much...I know its my fault, I wont deny it...I know how it feels to lose someone, and I don't want that to happen again. I may have agreed on this time off, but i do hope that you could find in your heart to forgive me. Because I love you. and I mean it.)

His last words.

Our Song

Me and Clayton have been arguing for a theme song for some time now! I know, its kinda cheesy, but I love to have our own song. Something that will remind us of each other. But we just couldn't decide which one. I even asked my friends on facebook and was only annoyed with their suggestions!

Anak--by freddie aguilar
Multong Bakla--by whoever!
My way--Frank Sinatra
Jumbo Hotdog--by whoever again!

I mean my friends are all dicks! LOL
I'm serious when I posted that question on my page and instead they made fun of it. Grrrrrrrrr!

I suggested "love song" by 311 --Clayton rejected it!
I suggested "head over heels" by Digital daggers--rejected too!
I also love "the only exception" by Paramore--but he hated it!

But when he suggested the song "Everything" by Michael Buble' and watched it on youtube...

Winner!

LOL!

I told him its ugly!

When in fact I know I found our song! Its perfect! I love it! I just can't admit that to him yet. I wanna give him a hard time just for a while to convince me...hahaha

But I know its the One.

Listen to our official song...



Hopefully, we could sing this together on a local videoke bar some time some where in June next year when we go to Coron, Palawan for my yearly vacation. (see the pictures here)

Fingers crossed!

How about you guys, what's your song? :-)

Tigang

I was doing my rounds one afternoon at the ICU. I immediately spotted him. Orville, 28 years old, A private nurse to a patient in coma, machine dependent. He was pleasant to talk with, a nice guy though. He smells good too.

The next time I saw him, he was telling me how he missed going out with friends, like gimmicks and also dating girls...he said, its too difficult to get a date here in Doha, unlike in Manila. I agreed and laughed.

He continued talking to me and to my surprised he told me he also misses having sex! That its been quite a while since he had his last! His term was "tigang na tigang na nga ko e...", I laughed harder... you know me, if you talk about sex, I'm always interested LOL!

On my third time seeing him, he asked me if I knew someone available to hook up him with. He mentioned my single girl colleague, he saw her one time, asked me if she is looking for a date too. I told him, no way she will date him hahaha!

"If you know someone, please refer me to her! I'm single you know! Would you like to add me to your face book account? " He said and smiled at me. He gave me his real name and said, "did you get it? OK?" he added. But I forgot all about it when I got home.

When I saw him again was at the hallway, he was at the vendo machine I called him, "pssst, Orville!" he saw me and smiled! "How are you? We are now on a private room, my patient getting better now..."

"I know someone , a single girl to hook you up with! I mentioned you to her and she seems interested in meeting you!" I said. I was referring to a nurse named Elly 35 years old and been looking for the right guy since like forever LOL!

baka maging old maid ang lola nyo kaya help ko na!

"What's your number? I will give it to her right now!", I excitedly said. I gave the number to Elly immediately and she asked me some details how this guy looks. Some heads up, I said, he looks fine to me, decent, looks young, and smells really good!

But as soon as Orville got my number on the other hand, was bugging me how Elly looks, and what ifs..is-she-like-this...is-she-like-that-blah-blah. I told him he better meet Elly, or text her immediately.

After that I went home and didn't know what happens next!

Yesterday, I saw a missed call from Orville on my phone, its been 2 days since I last saw him. When I finally got the chance to see his patient during my rounds, I secretly asked him what happened between him and Elly.

Secret...

Please tell me now!grrrr! I wanna know!

Nah! You're a kill-joy! anywayz, I called her last night.

Wait, were you calling me last night too, why?

Nah, you're not picking up...(he made a face)

I was asleep, moron! and I smiled. He's getting cuter every time I see him haha. I asked for his face book account once again to give it to Elly, but he said he needs to make a new one.

Fuck! You're married! Admit it!

Of course not!

So why you need to make a new one when you already have an existing FB account?

After some time talking about him and Elly, his next words caught me offguard:

"lets go out some time...I haven't been going out, lets have coffee or something..."

And I was like, whoa! What is this? Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!

I was so kiligggg naman siyet! (got giddy) *Faint!*

Toinks!

I tried to composed my self and replied:" you don't have day offs, how could you go out?

I could have a day off whenever I want to noh.

Really, so you will asked the other guy to go on a 24 hr duty just to have your off?haha

Absolutely! and he laughed.

Treat me for a coffee, come on...

No payday yet. You treat me for coffee instead!

Haha! You're the one getting a pay of thousands of thousands here, you treat me for coffee. He teased.

No I'm not! Anyway, need to go, I have a bleep.

I run away from him with a sweet smile on my face. Clayton will kill me for this!LOL. Baby, I just wanna share this OK, I'm not doing anything bad. Be calm? Don't panic!!

Please help me analyze this guy. He easily gave his FB account to me earlier, but when he found out I will give it to Elly later, he refused to do so.

Why?

And why he wanted me to go out with him all of a sudden and not with Elly???

Is it me he really likes? Feeling! Or he thought I could be his easy sex partner?!

But my gaydar's not working properly! I think he's damn straight!

Oh my gosh, this post's so lame!

Mac+Clay=Love

My name is Mac. Clayton is my boyfriend.

We are miles apart...

But its our third monthsary! yey!

*fireworks*LOL

Our relationship is just retard and crazy!

But I love him.

He loves me.

Please bear with me for making a post every month about our monthsary, you have to understand that we are on a long distance relationship...

For every day, every week and every month that we could stay together, was a struggle, a sacrifice...

for there are many temptations out there, stuff that could get in our way for being separated...

for this, we celebrate each month of LOVE.

I would like to share to you some of our crazy conversations over sms and chats.

Hindi bayolente ang asawa ko...

Clay: Ingat ka pag uwi mamaya ha. Nilalagnat pa ko ng konti, anlamig kasi!

Me: Dapat kasi naliligo ka muna lagi bago pasok sa work!

Clay: E kung hampasin kita ng tabo e no?!

prim and proper pa...

Clay: Busy pa ko dito, nag inventory pa ko, bakit di ka pa natutulog?

Me: Gusto ko pa kasi lumandi LOL!

Clay: Okay. Pakyu ka!

at hindi ako paranoid promise!

Clay: Bebe, gising ka pa? Tawagan mo ko mamaya ha, simba lang ako.

Me: E tutulog na ko, pagising ko 3am na jan nun!

Clay: Sige try ko gumising, gusto ko din kasi "usap tayo".

Me: Bakit??? kinakabahan naman ako! Baka makikipag break ka na sakin a! ang tanga mo bakit dito ka nagreply hindi sa roaming ko?!

Clay: Oo nga e...tangna ka wag ka mag isip ng ganyan hahaha! tawagan mo ko ha? Ok night night!

Eto sobrang cheesy, sumakit ngipin ko LOL

"Hi bebe, ang malas ng monday ko. Toxic na office. Naabutan pa ko ng malakas na ulan paglabas. Basang basa talaga ako. Pero ok lang, at least wala naman masamang nangyari sa kin...at nandiyan ka para mahalin ako. wabshu bebe!"

O di ba galing mambola!

I love you Clayton kahit ang panget ng paa mo!Toinks!

Hope you'll like the watch and the cologne I sent!

Love Limits...

What's the boarder line between love and money?

I was asked one time by a straight colleague, when he found out that my boyfriend is in Manila, that I obviously sends money to him. For his maintenance and to keep him from looking to other guys. I mean that's absurd!

I don't have a problem treating my special someone over dinner or dates, or giving gifts on special occasions, but asking or borrowing money is a different thing!

Clayton came from an average family, having a small business, and he is earning more than enough from his job. I know I'm safe with him!

Money is not easy to find these days. It was hard-earned. Not given to you easily. Money is a very sensitive issue to me now. Many gay people have been fooled by love...took advantage of their love...

I learned my lesson some time ago. I've been used. Borrowed money from me and never paid me back. Now I realized I'm stupid for trusting. At least its over now, before its too late. He took advantage of my millions LOL!

Nakakadala na magtiwala kasi...

I told myself, I'm gonna have this rule: I won't involve money on any relationship I'm going to have next time. Money changes everything.

"But what if, if... your boyfriend now, the one you really love....is in a very difficult financial crisis, lets say, a family member being very sick, or an accident at the hospital now, their resources have run out or something and you're the only one who could help him...would you're rule still applies?" my straight colleague have asked me.

Honestly, I wasn't able to answer that.

It took me a long time to answer.

Well, maybe if its really a matter of life and death I would gladly help. But not to shoulder everything...I guess.

I saw a grin on his face as if telling me: "See, you still gonna give!"

Bigger Love?

I'm in love.

I know you all knew that already.
I'm here in Doha, he's in Manila.
But I'm having this thoughts about love.

About Clayton's love for me.

I think I love him more than he loves me back.

Do you get me? is this suppose to be an issue with boyfriends?
Does it matter if the other loves more?

I told myself its silly.

But somehow it gets to me.

I'm the type of person who would like to text my boyfriend. No matter how busy I am, I find time. I love some conversation over text, on free time, like how his day was, what's he doing, or about anything...

But, Clayton don't do that.

I told him how I felt about it. We are on LDR and communication is all I have of him. That's all we could do. No holding hands. No kissing. No love making. All we have is communication.

He said I'm sorry and promised to be my text mate LOL!

And he did.
But why should I need to tell him what he needs to do? he supposed to know that right?

I love chatting with him online during our offs. I'm excited all the time. As if I never run out of topic to talk about. Its like i never want the day to end chatting with him.

Until he would say, Mac, I need to go blah-blah-blah-reasons. I mean we only chat for an hour or two. Its just disappointing you know, can't he feel the same? that he wanted to chat with me as long as it takes? Why am I the only one who have that intention? but I tried to understand. I'm suppose to understand. So I just shook it off.

But it gets to me sometimes.

I call.
Yeah, I called on his phone. But sometimes, its nice if the call comes from him, right?

I don't know, but whenever I opened my face book, its like a routine to check his profile page, his shout-outs, his update status, his latest pic uploads.

But its been days before he could check mine. Sometimes I have to tell him that I have a new uploads or whatever, that's the only time he would check it.

It would be nice if he does, right?

Like tonight. Its 6am in Manila. I immediately took my cel and typed these messages:

Nakita ko FB mo kanina, pero malamang di mo pa din nakikita yun mga lumang pictures namin nung bata pa kami! antagal na nun dun di mo man lang masilip! Letse!

Nakita ko tanga! Kasama mo sis mo. Pasko yun at nasa bahay kayo ng tita mo!!!!

Ay nakita mo ba?bah malay ko ba hahaha

Ang tanga mo e kung maka-letse ka... WAGAS! na-i-stress ako sayo kakamulat ko lang. Uggghs!!!

Ok fine! I might be wrong with that one! LOL. but, what I'm trying to say is...

ah, eh, whatever!

Anyway, why am I the only one does those things?
I think about him most of the time, like whats he doing at this moment...

Does it means I love him more than he loves me?

I know these are all simple and petty things, I know. Clayton loves me in his own way. I could sense it. But these little things matters too.

What do you think?
Am I just being silly and i should slap my face for being pathetic?LOL

Or my love for him is bigger than his to me?
If its the case, should I be worried?

Or you think he don't love me at all?

That would be awful!Arrrrghhh!

Father.Son.BF.

Clayton's dad arrived to Manila yesterday, after many years of working abroad, he finally decided to quit and stay for good. His dad don't want him to be gay. So my baby-baby is hiding inside his big closet full of skeletons with pink ribbons on the head! Nyahaha!

I told him to go home early and meet his dad. But Clayton said he'll be very late to have a grand entrance!

Anong kaeklatan yun? artista?!

When I'm about to sleep, I texted him:

Iidlip muna ko, i-kumusta mo nalang ako sa "Papa" natin...hehe. Goodnight.

(Goodnight, I'll take a nap, Clay...send my greetings to "our" DAD)

OK, kamusta ka din daw. Mahalin mo daw ako ng todo-todo sabi nya! LOL

(OK, he said hi too. He said, you should love me more than enough!LOL)

Napailing nalang ako... bumanat na naman si Tanga hehe

It made me smile though.

And told myself, Damn, I love this crazy bastard!

Makatulog na nga! :-)

La Lang...

I'm missing my baby-baby...

At times, I'm wondering what's he's doin there (baka nagtataksil?LOL)

We do text everyday, though we are both busy with our own lives and work

Twice or thrice is enough for me...kasi busy nga!

Without texting goodnight is a mortal sin!

You could skip all day, but without saying goodnight, rest assured you will be dead the next day!

kidding!

I remembered one conversation with him before I left:

Clay: I will take glutathione Mac, so that you can't tease me anymore that I'm too dark!(sabay pitik sa ilong ko)

Me: Oh baby-baby, you know that I like you the way you are (parang Jericho Rosales bah! LOL)

Clay: basta mag gluta ako letse ka! at ikaw mag work out ka ng todo!

Me: OO na!uminom ka ng sang baldeng pampaputi! laklakin mo ha!

Commitment Vows

A Filipino blog reader from UK, added me on my instant messenger account and started chatting with me months ago, telling me how he loves my writing, that he read it from the beginning up to the latest!

I was overwhelmed when someone does that (its not a first time though, yabang haha) for a blogger like me, it was humbling, imagine, someone, somewhere out there, paused, and literally stopped their lives and sat in front of the computer and read your entries for many hours?!

Isn't that amazing?!

Anyway, as our conversation got deeper, I learned that he is working there as a hospital staff too, and that he and his partner for I think 5 years now are planning to tie the knot!

Seriously????

It was my reaction when he told me that. Wedding? In our country? It was very bold of them to do that, right?

He cleared to me that it's not a wedding, but rather a commitment ceremony in front of their families and friends and about 5o other guest.

A commitment vow...

Oh my God!

When it all sinked in, my reaction was, wow!!!!

My mouth was wide open and imagined it on my mind and I was feeling like screaming: That's so romantic!

I've never seen anything like that in the Philippines. This reader of mine, got me so interested in their lives that we chat for a long time that night. I'm a sucker for everything romantic!LOL.

I asked him too much, like details, about their families, I mean its not easy to have both parents approval for a gay ceremony like that in our country right? especially, in front of many friends and guest.

I salute them. I gave them too many credits for being bold and for just following their hearts no matter what people say.

He just told me, he is proud of what they have and that's why they want all close to them witness it. On that special day.

I was really happy for them. It was a long distance relationship too, and I could really relate to their story, for many years, they stayed faithful and loving towards each other even they are many miles apart and only spend time together every 6 months or year. Its amazing. It got me more inspired that if others could manage to do it, why can't I?

And to top it all up, they are going to tell to the whole world, in front of families, how they love each other, a commitment to be together, and a promise to be there for each other. After a month, when I catched him online, he told me the ceremony was a success!

Hayyy, I wish I could do that too...

Imagine, a commitment vows...hay...kahit wala wedding pwde na din!

But I know, its so impossible right now, when my dad still a little indifferent about my sexuality, and you have to add my uncles and aunts grrrrrrrrrrrrr! and Clayton's too! His older gay brother disowned by his dad when he found out he is gay!

So I say to my baby: Clay, you gotta hide it better than your brother! LOL

Hay! Buhey!

Uyyy, Surviving!

Amazing person.

Incredible lover.

Fashion Icon.

Party girl.

Southern Cutie.

But enough about me! LOL

I'm here to greet my baby-baby...

Its our second month together
(well, ugh, not together-together, since he's there, and I'm here LOL)

But we're surviving yey! I'm looking forward to our third month.

Love yah Clayton!

Halika na baby-baby-ko pagsaluhan na natin ang ulam na si Luis Alandy. Extra rice?LOL

Boyfriends Come and Go...

If you're a follower of my blog you could have figured out by now that I'm no good with keeping my relationships longer! I sometimes thought, I'm such a failure with this! Grrrrrr! No matter how I badly wanted to have a long lasting relationship...It all ends to one thing. Break up.

When I sensed that its about to end, I took the first move to end it. I don't know, maybe I'm afraid to hear it from them so, I would gladly take the initiative to end it myself.

My last was a disaster! I couldn't believe I entered that one in the first place LOL! I regret that I have been so trusting...yun lang!

Too many boyfriends have come and go...all started well and fun, but eventually, love fades...all what's left was pain and regret. Or have I ever found love?

When someone asked how many did you have? I always find shame in answering them, I'm not proud of collecting boyfriends contrary to what others believe. Because its a proof of my failure.

Its my long time dream to have a permanent guy on my side...someone who I could tell stories, someone I could share how my day was...someone who could comfort me and say its all right Mac. Eventually live on one house for us to stay with till we grow old together.

We could all agree that finding the right guy is not as easy as buying something at the store. It takes time. Its takes too much emotions. Rejections and heartaches. Many have been searching for that someone. And they're still looking.

On my case I have found and lost them. Too many times. Maybe its my fault or them. I don't know. But what I do know, I could have done something. I could have fight for it. I could have been patient. So many could have beens...

So now, with Clayton. Maybe I'm a matured Mac this time. Tested by time. Tested by experience, good and bad. I'm tired of looking for that special someone and let them slipped off my finger. This time I won't take it so easy. For love is patient, for love is sacrifice (kaya jakol nalang muna LOL), and for love is trusting.

I hope we could make it. I have a four month period most of the time. I'm determined to make it at least five this time! Kidding!

Clayton, good luck to us. Let's make it work. Lets make a love story, a love story that is so happy, a little complicated, less sacrifices but full of love. Here's a toast for our forever...

I love you Clayton, gaya nga ng sabi mo last time: Mac-ko, mahal kita, trust me on that, mahal kita na singlakas ni bagyong Glenda. Napatawa mo 'ko sa kakornihan mo. Nasabi ko nalang sa sarili mo, bumanat na naman ang asawa kong abnoy! LOL

This is me cam-whoring at the hospital while at work LOL!

A Dying Wish???Nooo!!!

It was almost dark when I woke up, I came from a night shift, so I slept the whole day. Its a habit for me to check messages on my cel first before getting up from the bed. Three sms from Clayton. We just ended our cool off which supposed to be for a week! But only lasts 3 days LOL. We are starting over again and he told me he will visit his cardiologist that day.

Its not serious, he told me. But he still want to have it check.

But his messages made me worried:

"Are you awake? Doctor told me, the findings are still unsure..."

"Bebe, I realized my shortcomings with our relationship, for taking you for granted, I don't know, I didn't mean that. Maybe Im not use to the idea of spending much time with someone...I feel ashamed. I'm sorry Mac..."

"Bebe are you awake now? wala lang..."

Hold on, is this really my boyfriend?!!!! LOL

I mean he's not like that! He's always goofy and cheesy most of the time but not serious. In my mind: what happened to the test, maybe he is seriously ill, a bad heart condition! I immediately replied to his texts. But trying to be calm as possible.

Me: "that's good! That's why I asked for a cool off anyway, for you to realize stuffs...So what now?"

Clayton: "Nothing, I just wanna change. For us. Please help me..."

Me: "I already told you what I noticed about you...its up to you now..."

Clayton: "No, I'm asking for your patience. If you can't stand me anymore, or you got tired of me already, just tell me...I'll take the blame. Its on me..."

Now it got me more worried! Its seems I'm talking to a different person! I'm nervous, damn it! Maybe he just don't wanna tell me he is dying! I mean why on earth you would speak as if you have a dying wish like that, and you wanna make up for all the stuffs you think you did was bad????

Me: "wait, wait..what led to this realization Clayton? Tell me!!! grrrrr!

Clayton: " When I was having the doctor's check up...I suddenly realized that life is so short...and I want to make into reality my plans with you for the future."

Me: "what does the doctor told you? You sounds like the findings are serious! Its like your dying!"

Clayton:" No idea Bebe. My mom's the one talking to him. I don't wanna hear what he has to say. Its better that way. What we don't know wont hurt us, ayt?hehe. Like what I've said before and mean it...I love you, Mac. As in uber..."

Me:" I love you too Clayton. Andaya mo naman..kakainis ka...you're only making me worried here! Tell me the result, I know you already knew!!!"

Clayton:" No need to worry. I'm good. I don't want you to think of anything else. Just focus on work, your family, friends...and us... Yun lang. Don't stress yourself. Mwah! "

Me:"Maybe there is already a findings and the result, you just don't wanna tell me!! ano bah!!!!!!!!!"

I'm restless that night. I wanna know the truth. I want to squeeze it out from him.

Clayton:" Gago! Wag ka nga ganyan. Takte ka! sasabihin ko naman agad noh. Duh. Pumasok ka na nga sa work! Pinapainit mo ulo ko eh! hahaha. I love you."

(idiot! don't be like that! damn you! I will tell you if its something ok? Go to work, you're annoying me! hahaha. I love you)

I was laughing too hard when he said that! I could imagine his face being so half annoyed! hayyyyy. I said goodnight to him and did a little prayer up above that my boyfriend will be OK.

Love Gonna Find A Way..

Sometimes a little time and space could help both parties to re-think, re-evaluate their own feelings, and to see what are missing...

What are needed to be done in the future...To have a more meaningful and contented relationship...Its just a step to improve each other, a step to know one's weakness.

This might also lead to something awful and sad...

But if both are really meant for each other, no matter what they go through...

No matter what trials they go through...I know

Love will find their own way to bring both hearts together.

Update:
Sept.10,2010 --> Me and clayton are Ok now. I just hope for the best...

So, We're Talking Now?

It was really awkward having him on one table...I think its a bad idea for coming here. I'm uncomfortable being with him. We didn't talk for about 5 months. We ignored each other for the longest time. We just stop talking for some reason I don't know!

And here we are now.

Sharing a table with 4 other guys.

Me and Darkguy!

On one table this close???!

Its a friend's birthday dinner. He invited me. Didn't know he would also invite Darkguy. I don't have any control who he wants to invite. Its too late to back out now, I already said yes before he called Darkguy to come.

I avoided his eyes. I avoided talking to him. I intentionally ignored him and spoke to the guy next to him. I could see he's looking at me from the corner of my eyes. He lose weight. He works out they said. I could see the development on his arms and chest (I only imagined it without his shirt on LOL!)

He came with Eli. A former crush of mine. I believe they are closer now. They dined out, stay at each other's flat from time to time. Should I be jealous? I shouldn't be. Maybe I just felt a little weird. I mean, I used to chase Eli before. And I used to f*ck Darkguy before. And now they are together?

Though not sure about it. I heard Darkguy's wife now pregnant with their second child. Maybe they are really just friends.

I think I still have a crush on Eli! Clayton, its just a crush OK? haha. No more. No less. And I don't know if he likes me now than before. I noticed some changes on him. Its like he is giving me some signs that he is now ready! LOL

But deadma nalang me. I love Clayton noh!

Darkguy was trying to reach out on me. He spoke to me directly and I have no choice but to look at him and listen. I don't want the other guest to feel the tension between us. It felt so weird looking at his eyes while he spoke to me.

I know he's just trying to cover the real situation between us. People would ask questions if they noticed we are not talking. Especially Egay. He is so persistent on knowing the truth. He knew something is going on. I won't give him that satisfaction! So I just go with the flow and pretend I'm Ok talking at Darkguy.

He opened the door for me when I went out.

As we all walk back to our building (we all live in one building) I walk side by side with Egay avoiding him. And vice versa.

I don't know if this event changes anything between us.

(click here to read more posts about Darkguy)