October 7, 2008
I was reading a magazine at our living room today and my 4 year old nephew who's very talkative and energetic was at the terrace with his playmate when suddenly I overheard a part of their conversation he said "si ninong may friend na Brian ang pangalan..si kuya brian..kilala mo yun? si kuya Brian yun.." and I just said OMG..
Brian did a lot of influence and memories with my nephew! A little trivia, Brian was my boyfriend from august 2007 to may 2008, he was so close to my sister and her son since im so busy at work and we cant go out most of the time thats why he just spend the weekend at our home for us to be together, this is the routine for the duration of our relationship.
And that time he created some kind of bonding with my family, he cooks for us a great carbonara, he chitchat with my sister with girly stuffs and everything haha and he plays with my nephew and I think he misses Brian..hayyyy...so sad that we are over hehe and he didnt know that, for him Brian was just my friend maybe if he become older he will then realize that he was not hehe.
After we broke up I met Jaireh at end june and we became boyfriends, and I think Brian was hurt by that news, and after more than 2months we broke up too..you might say Im so used to breaking up. hayyy if you only knew how much I wanted to make every relationship work. Now me and Brian stay friends..he's texting me once in a while he asked if he could still visit our house if he has the time,and I said yes why not.
If you are a tv series fanatic like me and you watched everything and you cant wait for the next episode to be shown in our country or be available at our "manong dibidi-dibidi" haha like for example CSI:miami, Gossip Girl, Heroes and etc.,which already premiere their new season,well I have a solution for that..thanks to my friend kimpot!haha. He told me about this site which you can download the latest episode I want in the states.Its the "utorrent.com"...you must download this application first and then you go to "thepiratebay.org" and you choose whether you like movies or tv series or music videos or any application you name it they have it!And then after choosing,it will start downloading and you gotta be patient haha downloading depends on your internet connection,like mine,for example it took me 4 to 5hrs for one episode of Gossipgirl.But i must admit it was worth it!And i just watched the first 3 episodes of Heroes..it was fantastic!
I finished watching season 1 to 3 of David E. Kelly's Boston Legal,I must admit he is a genius hehe.He's the creator of some of the well-known television series Picket Fences, Chicago Hope, The Practice, Ally McBeal, and Boston Public. He has also written several film.I like his style of dramatic and the occasional surreal comedic touches in every show he did.One time Im so into crying and the next minute Im laughing!I love it.James Spader,the lead actor,was nominated for best lead actor in a drama series last Emmy.But he didnt win hehe.But being nominated was a big thing already!And now Im going to watch season 1 to 4 of Grey's Anatomy, after ignoring it for the past months hehe,I dont know maybe because I love House M.D so much or maybe I just run out of tv series to watch hehe.
October 2, 2008
The first sleep over was followed by another and another..and the next one was different, when we were lying there together, as usual I cant sleep when his with me, I felt him moved closer to me, our shoulders touched..and I was electrified..Oh my god it feels so good!!!So I pretend to be asleep..then his legs lie on mine…”Ang sarap shettt” hehe.And after that…I fell asleep!!!!!Damn!hehe.
We went to breakfast together,we were talking about anything and it felt good,as if we were partners in real life hehe. Then he’s sched changed to morning shift( 6am-2pm), so no more sleep over..I missed him, his smell, I don’t know I like his sweet sweaty like smell hehe. After 2 weeks he’s in the 2-10pm shift again and asked me again he will sleep at the lab.. I was told that he never sleeps at our lab whenever I was not the duty therapist. and it made me happy. It means he likes to be with me hehe.(*kiligg) this time I asked Brenda to help me moved this big box of supply to our sleeping area of Perry, so that it will become smaller, so he have no choice but to sleep really closer to me since the big sleeping area before is now become so small!!!Haha we were laughing at our brilliant plan!!!Now I can feel his body really closer to mine and Im excited! When he came and noticed the big big box at our area he just ignored it and just lie there..i can see how small our sleeping area has become when he was lying there OH MY GOD…We immediately prepared our meds which is due at 12am to give to our patients..it took us an hour..and now I can go to sleep and wait for any calls..wishing that there will never be cardio-pulmonary arrest case tonight!
Then I went to my very little space of our bed, I asked Perry to move a little bit because I cant fit in the space he left me (I told to myself “its ur idea to have it small now suffer”haha) and he moved so little,so I have no choice but to shrink myself in I went on side lying position and I was facing him..he was lying on his back ..and I was very close to his body and I can feel the air he’s breathing out..it was heaven!Then I lie my arms in his stomach as if im hugging him…as if his my boyfriend…and no movement…nothing at all..no reaction or something, I don’t know if he’s just pretending not to feel my arms in him..so I got aggressive..i move my head closer to his head..and my hands moved down his navel..I can feel his skin..it was smooth and with so very thin hairs…there’s still no movement from him…then I moved my hand again down…I wanna feel him…his genitals…haha I was so horny that time!!!And I was so curious if its big and if he’s really gay as I suspected!And when Im about to slip my hand inside his pants he suddenly moved and went on sidelying position so now Im facing his back!haha. I was silently embarrassed at that time OMG what have I done???How can I face him again? But at the back of my head I was a little amused hehe..did he just gave me the wrong signs or he just got scared at the last minute?haha
I was called at the ICU and when I got back at the lab he was gone he went home early than usual, I told Brenda what happened and she was laughing she cant believed that I really did it! From then on, I started to avoid Perry, I cant face him haha and I think he did too, he never called at our lab and never sleeps again.. and now after 5months he texted me, it was a forwarded message, a comedy quotes, I thought it was a wrong send message,but he texted again the next day,it was nothing special but it’s a good sign..and I missed him.
I received a text message today from a person I never thought will ever talk or even text me after what happened between us months ago! His name is Perry (not his real name).He is a nurse at the hospital I used to work in,(I resigned last april) and I am the therapist. We are lucky because we have our own laboratory where it is airconditioned and we have the privacy to do whatever we want inside as long as we lock the door and close the blinds! hehe. And that includes taking a nap during night shifts! We wait for calls if they need us, and most of the time there’s none for like 3 or 4hrs and we take that opportunity to sleep and rest. Unlike nurses they stay at the stations, they cant take a nap, and they can be seen by everyone approaching them including patients and relatives.
And Perry becomes close to me he ask for some help or advice with regards to patients care, which I gladly do, and by the way I have a crush on him! Hehe .I don’t know I get attracted to those a bit effeminate or “malamya” guys. Im not much into those very musculine and manly guys, I like my “guys” to be a little on the feminine side hehe but not much ok I like to clear that haha. After a while he shyly asked me if he can stay at our lab after his duty (because he’s on the 2-10pm shift and he cant go home there’s no more ride so he has to stay at the hospital till 5am) so I say ok why not (and Im kilig inside) I have Brenda as my assistant that time and I told her Perry coming over. So I prepared our mattress on the floor there’s a wall between my area and Brenda’s and she have her own mattress. She told me “O, Mac pagkakataon mo na reypin mo na! haha” and I laughed at the thought I said "no"
I cant do that! haha and besides I think he’s in the denial stage of his sexuality.
And so he came and he didn’t say anything when he was told by Brenda that he will sleep beside me that my mattress was big enough for two people (I have told Brenda to say that to make it convincing haha) He took his polo off and I saw him in his sando (he is skinny but his arms and chest are sexy) he still wearing his pants.
And we go to sleep.. but I cant help my self but watch him sleep.. his breathing. .his lips.. I wanted to kiss it…then the phone rings..its from ER and according to the nurse I was needed there at once! And so I rushed to the ER and saw that there was a stab wound victim and he is not breathing we did a quick intubation and did a CPR but the patient died…and I’ve been there for 2 hrs and now its 5am when I got back at the lab Perry was preparing to go home.
He said thanks and added “sa uulitin” and I smiled secretly at Brenda hehe. And she said “I will tell Brian that ur such a slut!!” and my eyes open wide and told her (Brian was my bf at that time) “No, your not gonna tell my wife that! Haha” Of course it was just a joke from her I have her loyalty or I’ll have her assassinated!hehe
............................to be continued..................................
October 1, 2008
Its been three weeks now since me and my boyfriend broke up, I told to myself that its high time for me to take it cool, I mean have time to myself being alone for a while because I met Jaireh two months after me and Brian broke up, I wanna be alone for a long time I said to myself.
But here I am again on the gay chatrooms and websites chatting till my brains out..and before I knew it I was exchanging YM i.d and my cel numbers to guys that I enjoyed chatting at, that they wanna know me more,they said.And I was enjoying it,the constant chatting and texting, I cant even remember Jaireh..am a bad person?
I just hurt my last bf and now Im flirting with another one?and its not just one theres 3 of them! I mean not flirting literally..you know just cyber and text flirting,I only went on dates to those guys that I've been talking for about a week or two,to know if Im really sure to meet that person.
I havent met them yet,I only met one, and he's a fantastic guy, the date was fun,our conversation was spontaneous which is what I'm looking for in a partner,after our date we kept on communicating, I still need more time if I wanna ask the big question "can u be my partner?"hehe. Because I find it still early for that I wanna take my time, I dont wanna rush things like what happend between me and Jaireh before.
And I still kinda waiting for him to be a little thoughtful..its important for me...for me if you are not a little of that,it means you are not that concern for me.When I say thoughtful,its like texting me with what you doing,telling me you're not gonna be able to text me because you have to be away for a couple of hours,or that you will text me later so that I wont wait..something like that, little things that really matters.And if the guy cant be like that,well, I'll rather find another.
(Image are taken from yahoo.com)