Parausan

Walang ibang maririnig sa madilim na silid ko na nababalot ng pulang liwanag na nanggagaling sa lampara sa gilid ng kama kundi ang mga ungol...mga daing ng sarap na kasalukuyan namin nararanasan na dalawa.

Nakakapit ako ng mahigpit sa mga braso nya at madidiin na din ang bawat halik niya sa batok at balikat ko na may dulot na kuryente na agad na gumagapang sa buong pagkatao ko.

Parang kailan lang na ni ayaw niya ako halikan sa labi...hindi daw siya humahalik sa labi ng kapwa lalaki sabi nya.

Ngunit ngayon na nakakailan na siyang akyat sa bahay ko dito sa ikaanim na palapag ay nagugulat nalang ako kung gaano kaalab ang mga halik niya nun una itong dumantay sa mga sabik kong labi. Masarap. Matagal kong inasam na hagkan nya ko. Hindi ko iyon inaasahan. Hindi ko ipinilit. Kusa niyang ibinigay.

At ngayon nararanasan ko na ito mula sa knya, hinding hindi ko malilimutan kung gaano ito katamis.

Ibang sarap ang nararamdaman ko kapag siya ang kasama ko. Pinapalasap niya sa akin kung gaano kasarap ang pag niniig...

Sa knya ko una naramdaman ang unang sakit at unang sarap pagkatapos. Ilang ulit na namin ito ginagawa. Walang usapan. Walang anumang kasunduan. Basta automatic na. Kapag nagtanong siya kung pwde ba siya umakyat. Oo agad ang isasagot ko. Ilang minuto lang ay nasa doorstep ko na siya. Nakasando. maiksing short. Matipunong katawan. Nang aakit. Nakakalibog.

Nag aalab ang aming katawan at pawisan na pareho sa ibabaw ng aking kama...gaya ng dati ito ay isang gabi na naman na parang ayaw mo na matapos. Lahat ata halos ng posisyon ay ginawa namin at laging mag tatapos sa posisyong nasa ibabaw ko siya...

Pabilis na ng pabilis ang paghinga nya...mga galaw niya sa ibabaw ng aking katawan...parang alon sa dagat na bumabangga sa dalampasigan...nagngangalit ang mga muscles sa balakang at braso nya na gustong gustong ko hawakan....

Hanggang sa pareho kaming umabot sa sukdulan.

Hindi lilipas ang minuto na siya ay tatayo at magbibihis...agad agad...mag aayos ng sarili...


Sige una na ko ah....maaga pa duty ko bukas.


Kasabay ng paglapat ng pintuan ay ang pagdagsa ng sakit sa dibdib ko. Ganun lang yun.

Maiiwan ako na nakatingin sa pintuan na nilabasan niya. Parang walang nangyari. Ganun ganun lang na nagtapos. Magaling na mangingibig sa gabi...masarap na pag niniig. Pero bakit parang may kulang? Parang hindi ako kuntento?

Parausan.

Yun ang unang salita na agad na pumasok sa isipan ko. Ano ba naman nga mapapala ko sa kagaya niya na may asawa at mga anak na nasa Pilipinas. Ano nga ba aasahan ko sa knya na nagpapanggap na machong-macho?

Kasunod noon ay ang guilt na naramdaman ko, baka makarma ako. Niloloko namin niya ang misis niya na walang kaalam alam sa kalokohan ng asawa niya. Isa ako sa maaring ikasira ng pamilya nila. Ayoko mangyari yun.

***

Lumipas ang ilang araw na di ko siya sinasagot sa mga messages niya. Mga mensahe na nagtatanong kung pwde paba siya umakyat muli sa flat ko sa 6th floor.

Gustong gusto ko sumagot ng Oo, aantayin kita. Pero pinilit ko maging matatag. Mahinahon at wag magpadala sa libog ng katawan. Isa nalang matitira sa akin. Self-respect. At yun ay plano ko i-keep.

Ayoko na e. Busy ako. Iba nalang ayain mo.

Yan ang reply ko sa knya. At knowing him, ma pride din siya kaya naman di na niya ko muli kinulit. Kapag nagkikita kami kahit na lampas dalawang taon na nakakalipas ay may panaka-naka pa din daloy ng alaala ng halik na hindi ko malilimutan mula sa knya.

***

Nakakalungkot lang na hindi pa din pala siya nagbabago. Halatang halata naman na "sila" na ng housemate niya na si Eli. Halos sa iisang kwarto na nga rin daw sila nag-stay kahit may kanya kanya naman silang silid. Hindi mo sila makikita na di magkasama. How sweet! haha. Bakla din ako kaya kahit i-deny nila or itago at sabihin mag bestfriend lang sila ay halata ko pa din. LOL

Lampas dalawang taon na mula nun huli kami magkasama at wala na akong hard feelings or attachment sa knya. Nakakalungkot lang na till now niloloko pa din niya pamilya niya. At bilib din ako kay Eli na kaya niya yun gawin kahit alam niya na mali. Natawa pa nga ako nun makita sa FB na karga karga pa ni Eli un bunsong anak ni Darkguy nun bumisita siya sa bahay niya.

Kakaloka.

Yun lang.

LOL

So, We're Talking Now?

It was really awkward having him on one table...I think its a bad idea for coming here. I'm uncomfortable being with him. We didn't talk for about 5 months. We ignored each other for the longest time. We just stop talking for some reason I don't know!

And here we are now.

Sharing a table with 4 other guys.

Me and Darkguy!

On one table this close???!

Its a friend's birthday dinner. He invited me. Didn't know he would also invite Darkguy. I don't have any control who he wants to invite. Its too late to back out now, I already said yes before he called Darkguy to come.

I avoided his eyes. I avoided talking to him. I intentionally ignored him and spoke to the guy next to him. I could see he's looking at me from the corner of my eyes. He lose weight. He works out they said. I could see the development on his arms and chest (I only imagined it without his shirt on LOL!)

He came with Eli. A former crush of mine. I believe they are closer now. They dined out, stay at each other's flat from time to time. Should I be jealous? I shouldn't be. Maybe I just felt a little weird. I mean, I used to chase Eli before. And I used to f*ck Darkguy before. And now they are together?

Though not sure about it. I heard Darkguy's wife now pregnant with their second child. Maybe they are really just friends.

I think I still have a crush on Eli! Clayton, its just a crush OK? haha. No more. No less. And I don't know if he likes me now than before. I noticed some changes on him. Its like he is giving me some signs that he is now ready! LOL

But deadma nalang me. I love Clayton noh!

Darkguy was trying to reach out on me. He spoke to me directly and I have no choice but to look at him and listen. I don't want the other guest to feel the tension between us. It felt so weird looking at his eyes while he spoke to me.

I know he's just trying to cover the real situation between us. People would ask questions if they noticed we are not talking. Especially Egay. He is so persistent on knowing the truth. He knew something is going on. I won't give him that satisfaction! So I just go with the flow and pretend I'm Ok talking at Darkguy.

He opened the door for me when I went out.

As we all walk back to our building (we all live in one building) I walk side by side with Egay avoiding him. And vice versa.

I don't know if this event changes anything between us.

(click here to read more posts about Darkguy)

What's Goin On Mac?

The following are recent updates on my life so far. You could say "we don't care!" LOL, but I don't mind, I still wanna say them anyway, whether you like it or not! tse!

• Its been eight months now, and my dream before going here to work was to save money, I wanna buy a house and lot to a decent subdivision back in Laguna, so that I could have my own private place, where me and my future partner (which I hope, I could meet soon LOL) could live without interference from my family. But its such a shame that I don't have a single cent on my account yet!waaaaa! Its frustrating. The main reasons are these: I'm sending money to my mom, she has financial crisis at Dubai now. I also volunteered to shoulder the monthly electric bills at home. That's the least I could do to help them there. They could have the air con open all day!LOL. The last reason: I'm such a shopaholic! I need psychiatric help!nyaha! I felt guilty when I bought this expensive Bulgari eyeglasses last time which costs less than 20,000 pesos while my mom are trying to budget her money to lasts for a month. Even worst is, I'll be having my yearly vacation this July which is 4 months from now, so I need to start saving now or else I would be poor when I go home!
• I was into Eli for a few weeks, been happy every time we're talking and had the same schedule at work. Recently, I chat with him at Face book and had the courage to asked him on a date. I said: Hey Eli, what you doing later? he said: nothing, will stay home. Then I typed the words : would you like to have a date with me? I was so nervous when I pressed send. But i was too afraid to know what could be his answers, so before he could read it and reply, I immediately signed out of face book!LOL So till now I never know what his reply was and good thing that time FB was having troubles with their system. Now, we have this awkward feeling towards each other, as if we broke up or something, I'm avoiding him and he's avoiding me! haha
• I also found out that Eli used to bring food at Darkguy's flat! whaaaat! they're friends or what?!
• My night life was very active for the past weeks, we had fun going to club to club. Had some drinks and party hard all night!
• We received 5o% of our salary the other day, a gift from our bosses for passing the international standard of care for our beloved hospital. That's awesome!
• I cannot find a diesel skinny jeans here! I hate Doha stores!LOL
• Me and two girl friends decided to watch The Wolfman at the cinema,before it start I warned them not to scream or else. Turned out when the first scary scene came, my scream was the loudest!LOL
  
• I'm loving the pediatric ICU now, unlike before that my chest almost explode due to too much nervousness! I'm good at adult patient but with children? with neonates? waaaa! But now I could say I'm confident enough, so kids bring it on!
• My laziness escalated to the next level, I so hate washing dishes, so I had the idea of buying disposable plates, cups, and spoon and forks! O di ba tapon na lang ng tapon?!haha I'm not even cooking, I have my foods delivered every night from a nearby Filipino resto.
  
• I developed a good friendship with my senior Lebanese staff, he's 45 something and very kind, at first I was just joking around about liking his company, but damn, I somehow develop this fondness on him, I kinda consider him now as my dear old friend Greg. He brought me home, he bring me chocolates, even asked me to go drinking, but too afraid to say yes, my friends are scaring me that he might rape me LOL!
• and lastly, I don't know but do you believe that love could grow even if you two haven't met yet? I mean its an online relationship, we talk for hours, web cam, calling from the phone every now and then, for more than a year now. I suddenly realized it, just tonight, that I'm possibly in love with him....Its hidden somewhere in my heart that only now it made me aware of it, and I think he's the one I could come home to...this July. You made me happy tonight EDC...naks! tawa yan! LOL

I hope you're still awake after all that! So see you next time guys. Take care!

Entrapment

We live on the same building, I know that he works as emergency room nurse, I suspect that he's a PLU too. When we're at the elevator twice we never talk, just plain smile. Lets call him Eli, he has the same hair as Eli Buendia, that's why. He has fair skin, around 5'5 in height, and average body built. Not that cute, but he caught my attention.

I'm surprised when I entered the van (our transport) and saw him inside! WTF is he doing here?! Oh my...so he moved to my transpo! yipee!!!

He never spoke to me aside from that "hi", a little shy maybe. That's why, before going home, I made this plan: I talked to the 4 people riding on the same van with me. I asked them if they could sit on each row of the vehicle, and never move or give Eli space when he arrives. I will occupy the first row and when he's looking for a space, no one should give him a seat! I and only I will be offering him a space!

So that he could sit beside me the entire travel time back home! Genius!!! *wink* wink*

I did a lot of convincing before I could persuade them!LOL they're even asking for a treat at Marry Brown ( a local fast food here, just like our Jollibee) Egay, agreed easily (remember him?click here) the hardest one to convince was Ric! That annoying bastard! he kept on teasing me that he will tell Eli that I like him!haha

Me, Eli and Egay are the last persons to be transported, so I told Egay, to give us time alone from point of going out from the van to the lobby and the elevator, its like 5 minutes walk. Egay will be tying his shoelace and be left behind, so that it will be just me and Eli on that 5 minutes of walking!sweeeeet!

And when we reach the elevator, Egay will take the stairs, so that it will be the two of us on that small box called: the elevator!

Everyone was seated according to plan, our driver has no idea that I'm literally hijacking his passengers with my evil plan! toinks!

We headed to the ER building, and there he was, waiting for our arrival hehe. He has no clue he's going into a trap!

"He's coming!!!" ate Rose, a 40 y.o nurse at the ward, nervously said and covered her mouth as if Eli could hear her.

I said "shhhhhhh!!"

I held my breath everyone was quiet, in fact too quiet!!! We were too noisy a minute ago and now we're like inside the library!!!LOL

He opened the door, and stepped in...he scanned the van and look for a space for him to sit, I wanna burst into laughter when I saw Ric's face, he looked somewhere else even when Eli looked at him, and he looked so guilty for ignoring the look on Eli's!!!

Then Eli realized, no area for him and he looked in front and saw me, then I picked up my bag on my side, a signal he could sit beside me. And jan-da-ra-ran....he sat beside me....

Success!!! confetti's falling LOL!

I was suppressing a smile on my face, then no one speaks, as if they're waiting for me to start the conversation, damn them!

"so, busy day huh?" I asked Eli

"not that much, I was at the triage, so, the usual stuff" he said

"Marry brown, we're coming...." Ric said to no one in particular. My eyes was wide open! they're teasing because we're talking.

Then I talked to the others so that he won't realize that I'm into him hehe. Then the conversation went to where I live and Eli caught that, he said: "You're from Laguna? Where?"

"Yeah, I'm from Sta.Rosa. Why?" --me

"I'm from Los Banos!" he answered. "So did you go to University of ____________ too?!" he added.

"Yes!" --I exclaimed. Oh my, is this destiny or what! Toinks! we live on the same province and went on the same school.

"I'm feeling the chicken at Marry Brown ...yum yum..." Ric again teasing, and the other people at the back. I'm hoping Eli could not make a guess whats going on haha.

I could feel his arms and legs pressing against mine when the driver made turns. Electrifying haha. 3 months of no sex and this is the end result!

Its time to get down the van and we started to walk, and the stupid Egay forgot about the plan! he didn't stop and tie his shoelace, he comfortably chitchatting with my Eli!!!! I wanna throw my bag at his back! I could not whisper and remind him of the plan. Eli might take notice.

But he obviously forgot about it, we're nearing the elevator. Then something must've hit him and Egay said:

I'll take the stairs, you know, exercise" and he went on without waiting for a response. I sighed and felt glad, I'm already thinking of 101 ways of killing Egay later. LOL!

The elevator scene was my fave, it felt awkward haha. We almost touched each other's hand when we both tried to press the numbers, I retreated my hand and said, I'm on the 6th.

"Did you have your dinner already?" I nervously asked him

"yeah at my break, why?" --Eli

"Nothing, I'm kinda hungry and looking for some company" I said. He didn't said anything and timing that its his floor already.

"See you around" he waived goodbye.

I kicked the air when I was alone!Fuck! LOL

I still have many chance, be ready lover boy...

*evil grin*