Sa Kandungan Mo

Nagmamadali na akong makababa ng taxi na sinakyan ko papasok ng mall. Kanina pa naghihintay si Boking. Putok na din fuse nun. Lol

Tinawagan ko siya at tinanung kung san siya nag hihintay. Galing siya ng work at 9pm siya nag out. 930 ako nakarating. Lagot ako.

Pero since mabait ang bokbok ko di nya ako sinermunan. Hihi

Dumaan muna kami sa gadget store and bought a new galaxy tab 3 10.1 inches para may mapanoodan ako habang nakaduty dahil sumasakit mata ko sa maliit na screen ng phone ko kapag sobrang petiks sa work. Laki ng problema ko noh?

Pagkatapos ay nag start na kami mag grocery. Well, kaya kami nagkita nun gabing yun ay nagpapasama ako sa knya mag grocery hahaha! Naglalambing lang naman ako sa kanya at para makita ko na din siya. Ilang araw ko na miss ang ungas kasi.

"may ginawa ka bang listahan?" tanong niya. Nun sinabi kong Oo, tulak tulak nya ang trolley at hawak hawak ko ang listahan at sabay namin hinahanap ang kelangan ko. Naaliw lang ako sa amin. Para lang kami mag asawa na namimili tapos nakadaster daw ako malaki ang tiyan kasi buntis ganyan tapos may rollers sa buhok! LOL (at talagang nakadaster lang mag grocery?hahaha)

Kapag may di ako nakita ay siya ang aligaga maghanap. Masyado siyang apektado sa paghahanap ko, sabi ko relax ka lang makikita din natin yun. haha.

Tapos naisipan ko bumili ng JUICER. Dahil uso na ang juicing detox and diet ay nagturo ako ng bibilhin. May sale na JUICER kaya naman sinamantala ko na ang pagkakataon na bumili. Natawa lang ako dahil ang laki ng box. Buhat buhat ni BOK nun pauwi na kami nagmukhang kargador ang boylalu ko. Idagdag pa dun ang ilang plastic bags na puno ng grocery items na binili namin. Naglabasan tuloy ang ugat sa braso niya! LOL

I wonder kung may mas maugat pa siyang parte ng katawan! charot ulit!

Pero pernez ang cute nya tignan! parang binatang handang magsibak ng kahoy para sa aking bubot na katawan!

Pag uwi ay nagdinner lang kami ng inorder kong fave niyang ulam na adobong pusit. Gutom na gutom ang Ugok halos maubos ang isang bandehadong kanin kalurkei.

"aminin mo! isa ka bang karpintero? or isang pahinante? ang lakas mo kasi kumain ng rice! LOL" sabi ko.

"masahihin mo naman ako Mac..."

"ay nako ayoko nga! di naman ako marunong noh!"

"konti lang, himas himasin mo lang ganyan" pilit pa nya

"ay ayoko nga! nakakatamad! iba nalang himasin ko gusto mo?" at natawa siya sa joke ko.

Nakaupo siya sa silya sa may dining table nung tumayo ako at umupo sa kandungan niya paharap sa kanya. Nakatingala siya sa akin ng slight at ako ay nakatungo ng konti. I searched for his lips and gave him a quick kiss.

He hugged me so tight na parang nanggigigil. I squeezed him too. Narinig kong bumulong siya:

"kelan magiging tayo Mac? mag one month na tayo magkakilala...."

"darating din tayo dun. I wanna be sure when I commit myself to you"

Hinagkan kong muli ang mga labi niya para mawala agam agam niya. This time mas matagal. Isa ito sa pinaka sweet na kiss na natikman ko. Hinawakan ko pa ang face nya just to make sure di siya makakawala hehe. In return he squeezed my body tighter pakulong sa katawan niya.

Matagal tagal na din nga...siya lang ang pinatagal ko ng ganito. Gusto ko naman ng mahabang ligawan ng slight, ng mahabang kiligan...Ni wala pang nangyayaring sekswal sa pagitan namin. Kiss and make out lang lagi...Kawawa naman haha. Nauumay na kasi ako sa mabilisang pakikipag commit. Usually 2 or 3 dates gow na ako. Nagmamadali. Wala nang aral aral ng feelings. This time I wanna make it special.

Matapos ang halik ay nanatili siyang akap ako. May ilang minuto din siguro. Kulong kulong sa mga bisig niya mula sa aking pagkakakandong sa mga hita niya. It was so sweet of him naisip ko lang...maswerte ang magiging karelasyon niya.

Pero this time,I want to be sure na siya na nga....

I wanna make sure to have a good time knowing him more. This good soul hugging me right now.

Maki-Ride

Napaaga ang sunod naming pagde-date nun, naging saturday imbes na sunday. Atat na kasi ako manood ng Man of Steel, tapos hindi na siya pwde ng sunday kaya ayun. Hindi na kami nakaabot sa Imax dahil naubusan na ng tickets. Kumain muna kami saka tumuloy sa sinehan. Nag 2D tuloy kahit masama sa loob ko. LOL

Last full show yun at almost 3am na natapos ang movie. Usapan na namin na sa house ko siya matutulog. Maayos naman ang unang gabi namin. Lambingan. Usual making out session ganyan. Hindi pa din ako nakipag sex. Oh hah!!! ako na talaga haha.

Nakuntento na ko matulog kami ng magkayakap. Ramdam ko sa mga haplos niya na gusto nya may mangyari kaso ayoko pa e. Ayoko na parang katawan nalang lagi at sex na agad kahit wala pang love. hihihi. ewan kung hanggang kelan ako magiging ganito. Baka next month mag iba na ulit. charot.

Gustong gusto ko yung may kayakap sa pagtulog. A warm body next to mine. Kakaibang feeling. Ito ang madalas ko namimiss e. Kesa sa makipag sex na nakakapagod at nakaka tamad sa dami ng preparation. hahaha! ang messy pa after. LOL

Tumunog ang alarm clock ng alas nueve ng umaga. Ginising ko na si Gerald. kelangan na niya mag ayos at umuwi dahil may pasok pa siya ng after lunch at medyo malayo ang uuwian nya mula sa flat ko.

Nun matapos ay inihatid ko na siya sa pinto na nakapikit ang isang mata ko sa antok. Nag akap at nag good bye kiss lang ako at muling bumalik sa pagtulog.

Wala pang sampung minuto mula nun makaalis siya ay tumunog ang phone ko. Si Gerald. Tinanung ko kung bakit siya napatawag.

"eh Mac, nakalimutan ko sabihin sa yo kanina na, hihiram nga pala ako ng pamasahe sa 'yo..."

Hindi ko alam kung nanaginip lang ba ako or what. Napaupo nalang ako at huminga ng malalim. Na turn off na ko...hoping na sana ay hindi ko naririnig sa mga labi nya yun.

Pinaakyat ko siya muli sa floor ko at nung magkita kami sa may pinto ng elevator ay inabot ko sa knya ang 20 riyals. sabay sabing: Ingat ka.

"bayaran ko sa yo pag sweldo ko ha. thank you" sabi niya.

Sinubukan ko iignore yung moment na yun. Baka naman kasi kapos nga talaga. Kaso sana di nalang siya sumama sa house ko kung alam na niya na wala siya pamasahe pauwi. Ewan ko sa inyo pero for me, rule 101 on gay dating:

wag na wag ka mangungutang sa taong dinedate mo.

Ang paglalandi at pakikipag date ay isang magastos na paraan. haha. aminin na natin di ba. wala kayo mararating if wala kang panggastos. mapa restaurant man yan, nood sine, or pang motel. lalo na ang pamasahe. kaloka.

I don't mind spending for the bills sa restaurant or ilibre kita ng sine, lalo't alam ko naman na mababa sahod ng ka date ko, kasi kaya ko naman, walang halong yabang. Kinain naman namin pareho yun so why not di ba. Pero hindi ibig sabihin lahat ako sasagot. pati pamasahe mo. LOL

Nanamlay ang pag message at pakikipag usap ko kay Gerald after nun. Hindi ko alam pano siya lalayuan na hindi naman siya masyado masasaktan lalo't ramdam ko na eager siya to be with me.

On our third date after a week, kumain kami sa Shake Shack at nanood kami ng World War Z. Super bored na ako sa company niya. Silent type kasi siya talaga to the point na panis na laway ko. Nakakapagod din kasi ang mag gawa ng conversation. Yung hindi spontaneous ang pag uusap nyo. Sa isip isip ko nun ay last na ito. I need to get away from him na.

The next day habang nagtitiyaga akong kausap siya sa Whatsapp ay mas ginulantang ni Gerald ang mundo ko:

"mac may sabihin sana ako sa yo kaso parang nakakahiya kaya wag nalang..."

Kabado ako nun. Ramdam ko ng baka umutang siya sa kin. jusme gerald maawa ka naman sa sarili mo sa isip isip ko nun.

"ano yun?' patay malisya kong tanung.

"hindi wag na, nakakahiya e..."

Ikot lang eyeballs ko to 360 degrees ganyan. pero kinulit ko pa din to satisfy my curiousity. (A) baka sasabihin may sakit family nya, (B) walang pambayad ng kuryente sa pinas, or (C) may naospital blah blah...yan mga naiisip ko. LOL

"Di ba may credit card ka?" he continued

"oo, bakit?"

"may bilhin sana ako, makiki ride ako sa card mo sana..." sabi pa niya.

Nabigla ako. First time ko makarinig ng ganun. Makiki ride. Hmm, iba toh ha hehe, none of the above dun sa mga naisip ko kanina na sasabihin nya hihihi.

Pero na turn off pa din ako. kahit iba pa itong sinabi nya now. Kasi, hindi ko pa naman siya lubos na kilala...pera pa din ito e...pano kapag di siya nag bigay ng panghulog monthly...pano pag tinakasan nya ko...I mean there's so many things that could happen.

At mahirap mag involve ng pera sa kahit anong gay relationship. Lalo't nagde-date palang kaming dalawa.

"ah, kasi Gerald, pasensiya ka na, pero hindi kasi pwde..." sagot ko nalang.

"ah ok, I understand"

"e matanong ko lang ano ba bibilhin mo? curious lang ako"  i really wanna know

"buy sana ako ng Iphone 4S..."

Nanlaki mata ko. Jusmio. Wala na nga siya pamasahe bibili pa siya ng iphone. kalurkei. LOL pero iba isinagot ko sa knya.

"saka na yan, may phone ka pa naman di ba. pagtiisan mo na muna phone mo. ipon ka nalang, soon makakabili ka din, mas madami ka pang dapat pag tuunan ng pansin" payo ko, sincere ako dito nun sinabi ko yan.

"nag hahang na kasi tong phone ko ngayon" katwiran nya.

"may mas mura naman na mga phone, yun nalang pag ipunan mo, gerald"

"ok lang, sige salamat, pasensiya ka na. Sige antok na ko, good night." bigla niyang paalam.

Naloka ako. Nagtampo? kala ko ba ok lang daw. LOL

tsk tsk tsk

3 days siya hindi nagparamdam. Which is a good thing na din, atleast nagkarason para hindi na ko mahirapan iwasan siya. Its obvious na sa pag iwas niya sa akin na nadisappoint siya na di ko napag bigyan ang gusto nya. Baka iniisip nya na deads na deads ako sa knya at mag sisisi sa naging pasya ko.

Nakakalungkot lang, mabait pa naman siya. Yun nga lang.

Haist.

Sa Mga Halik Mo

Babala: Medyo Mahalay. 

Rated B.S.S.

(Bawal Sa Straight)

He called and asked if nasan na ko. I just arrived at the mall an hour late kasi. Uu notorious na late ako lagi. LOL

Buti di siya nagalit sa kin. Sa villagio mall ang meeting place namin. Its my first time to meet him in person, though, we talked everyday on the phone and online medyo na tensed pa din ako. What if he doesn't like me. Or i don't like him ganyan. Beki issues you know on a first date.

I saw him approaching me and honestly I like what I'm seeing. Si Gerald. Isang malaking check! Bet na bet ko siya. hihihi. He's maputi and that pink shirt he's wearing looks good on him. Parang isang malaking candy siya na papalapit sa akin at nag aantay na dilaan ko. LOL

Real gay guy wear pink di ba. charot.

ganda dito noh? hihi

He's a shy guy I noticed. I have to initiate the conversation para may mapag usapan kami. We headed to my fave Asian restaurant, Thai Chi. I love the food there kasi, hindi ata ako mag sasawa kumain dun. Its his first time to dine there kaya excited ako ipatikim ang sarili ko este ang menu nila. LOL

This is Gerald...well, a piece of him. LOL

Forgot the name of this pinkish fruity drinks basta masarap siya. tseh

 this is a fried snapper with a sweet and spicy sauce. yummeh!

 my fave seafood oyster plate

During dinner he started to relax and I'm starting to enjoy his company na, naging madaldal na siya eventually pero andun pa din yun slight mahiyain personality nya.

San tayo after this? he asked. Kahit na I told him kagabi palang na I have to go home early because I have a 6 o'clock shift the next day, he still asked me, maybe he's thinking na I might change my mind, and I did after I met him!!!!

Sabi ko lets check the cinema if may magandang movie to watch. Casual kong sagot kahit na natatawa ako sa loob loob ko kasi kinain ko sinabi ko. I don't want our night to end agad after our nice dinner. I'm thinking of taking him home na rin... hihihi

May tinake out akong food from Thai Chi at siya nagprisintang magbitbit nun paper bag. Kinilig naman pekpek ko ng mga 10% ganyan. Nag tuck nalang ako ng hair sa tenga ko.

Ay! kalbo nga pala ko. LOL.

I like what it felt pa nun magsagi yun kamay namin sa pakikipag agawan nya dun sa paper bag sa akin.

Nag iisip ako ng tamang linya after namin ma check ang mga movies. Told him na walang maganda. Iginiya ko siya sa direksyon ng exit door ng mall...I observed him. Deadma lang.

"Gusto mo sumama sa house ko?" ayun nasabi ko din.

"O kala ko gusto mo magpahinga ka ng maaga?" sabi nya.

"ok lang, uwi ka nalang ng mga 9 o'clock" pacute ko pang sagot hihihi. mag 7pm na kasi nun. kaya sakto lang yun oras na yun.

Sakay ng taxi nagpahatid ako sa bahay namin. Don't get me wrong ha, wala ako balak makipag sex agad agad. Anuh kala nyo naman pakalibog ko? tseh di kayaaaaaaaa.

I just wanna spend more time with him, yun lang. (defensive?) Para kasing everything was ok that time. Kaya nanghihinayang akong tapusin agad ang gabi naming dalawa. Ayoko magsisi sa bandang huli na I didn't give it a chance di ba.

I invited him on my couch kahit na pang single person lang yun. The idea was magsiksikan kami dun para super dikit katawan namin hahaha. Natupad naman ang gusto ko, kahit alam niyang pang isahan lang yun ,he agreed na mag tabi kami.

We both know that we like each other na. Ok na yun. established na yun fact na yun. kaya kelangan ng itodo.

We watched the pilot episode of My Husband's Lover na i've been hearing a lot of puss about kaya eto nag try ako panoodin kahit na ayaw ko na manood sana ng Pinoy soaps. Boring yun mga unang eksena about life ni carla abellana kaya naman yumakap nalang ako kay Gerald. He hugged me back. Napangiti ako. sarap kasi... its been a while since may yumakap sa akin ulit. landi ko lang hahaha

"Ang boring naman...tagal naman nun part nina Dennis at Tom..." reklamo ko pa kunyari

"wait mo lang, pinapaliwanag pa muna sa atin ang story nun girl haha"

"ay nako, lika nalang kiss mo nalang ako..." baklang bakla ako dito ahahha. pero inilapit ko na din ang labi ko sa labi niya nitong mga sandaling toh.

I kissed him. tender lang muna. Just like what I wanted. Walang pagmamadali. Parang nilalaro at tinutukso lang ang mga labi namin. I like how he played with me. Ayoko ng nauuna maglabas ng dila kesa sa akin. When I kiss someone, i want it slower, magaan muna...parang i wanna feel his lips muna yun tamis ng labi...

That's what I like about Gerald hindi siya nakikipag unahan sa akin, he's taking the right time to intensify the kiss. Then I started biting his lower lip na nagpaungol sa kanya, gumanti din siya ng pagkagat ng labi ko...then I grabbed his nape to give me more power in taking over, i started to be more aggressive this time, halos di na kami makahinga...

Bumitiw lang ako saglit to take a deep breath and I took his lips again, this time para na kong may lakad sa pagmamadali. charot.

Mainit init ang dila niya na naglalaro sa dila ko, napapaungol na kami pareho...hindi pa ko nakahanap ng kagaya niya na kaya tumapat sa akin ng ganito sa pakikipag halikan, na kaya makipag sabayan sa akin ng ganitong klase ng halik. Its been a long time na makahanap ako ng ka match ko. And Im happy.

Nun magbitiw ang mga labi namin ay isang salita lang lumabas sa bibig ko: ang sarap ah...

Halos sabay pa kami ngpunas ng mga laway na nasa baba at at paligid ng bibig namin hihihi. halos madurog ang mga labi namin at natawa nalang kami pareho.

"o anyare na sa pinapanood natin?" sabay kaming nagtawanan.

He held my hand the whole time na magtabi kami sa couch at nanonood ng series na ito. He checked the time and its almost 9 o'clock.

"Join me in my bed. 10 minutes. tawad ko pa. Nagpaunlak naman siya. Nagkulong kami sa ilalim ng comforter ko at sa mga bisig ng isa't isa. Dama ko ang init na nagmumula sa katawan niya. I like hugging him. Pero habang iniisip ko tong mga bagay na ito ay binabalaan ko din ang sarili ko:

Wag muna masyado umasa Mac. Its too early...chill lang. and enjoy this moment. Uu, parang may konsensiya lang na nasa likod ko na nakadaster at nag papaalala. charot

Malamig sa room ko dahil naka maximum ang AC kaya naman wagas na wagas lang ang yakapan factor namin. tsalap tsalap!

"Oy ano yan matigas na yan ha.." sabay hawak niya sa pagkalalaki ko

"e ito ano din yang matigas na yan" dinakma ko din siya haha para fair noh.

Umibabaw ako sa kanya and started kissing him again. I cant get enough of him. letse! We kissed like its our last night together. we kissed as if wala ng kasunod. This time mas intensed at mas aggressive si Gerald. Naibaba na pala niya ang zipper ng pang ibaba ko ng di ko halos namalayan. halos hubad na hubad na ang aking bubot na katawan..hawak hawak na rin niya si Junjun ko. haha

Medyo nag panic ako. Wala sa plano ko gawin ang bagay na yun tonight. Pero maski ako ay dalang dala na sa mga nagaganap.

Pinilit ko kumawala sa mga labi niya at bumulong:

"Not this time Gerald..."

"why not...papasakitin mo puson nating dalawa..."

"no. not this time. my next time pa dont worry..."

I kissed him again para pagaanin naman ang loob nya. Alam ko nabitin siya haha. Pero what am i goin to do. Pinalaki ako sa tamang asal. sa konserbatibong paniniwala na kasal muna bago ang lahat

CHAROT!

"halika na. uwi ka na..." sabay bangon at hila ko sa knya patayo hihi. pero hinila nya ko pabalik sa ibabaw niya at hinalikan muli.

Tumayo akong muli at inayos ang butones at zipper ng suot ko. Nag ayos na rin siya para umuwi. Muli niya akong niyakap mula sa likuran at hinalikan sa batok at likod ng tainga.

"sige na uwi na ko. maaga kapa bukas. pahinga ka na Mac" nakangiti niyang sabi.

Ihinatid ko siya palabas ng flat namin. Pumindot sa elevator at sabay kaming pumasok. Muli kaming nag yakap at siniil na naman niya ng halik ang mga labi ko habang pababa ang elevator sa ground floor. All this time nakadilat ako at baka biglang bumukas ang pinto at may makakita sa amin hahaha!

Sakto naman na ground floor na at nagbitiw na kami mula sa pagkakalapat ng aming mga labi. nagtatawanan nalang kami palabas sa lobby.

"kelan tayo kita ulit Mac? mami-miss kita agad..." sabi niya

"Sa sunday. We'll watch The Man of Steel. Gusto mo? sagot ko.

"oo naman. see you on sunday then" nakangiti niyang paalam at sumakay na ng taxi.

Nun makalayo na ang sinasakyan niya ay pumasok na kong muli sa lobby na napahawak sa mga labi ko. Parang pakiramdam ko sa mga lips ko at namaga bigla at namula ng todo. halos mawarak sa tindi ng ginawa naming dalawa. Napangiti nalang ako mag isa sa loob ng lift. Ngayon lang ako nakipag halikan sa isang lalake ng ganun katagal.

This is a first. Masarap pala. hihihi

Layers

You enclosed your heart with a thick layer of protection...no one knows where you found it...no one knows where to get them. Only you.

You thought, you could add another one more layer, just to be safe. Through this, you said, anyone can't just pass through it and hurt your heart again...

Its too safe here. You whispered. As if whispering to a friend and assuring him: no one can harm you now.

You were so hurt the last time that you became so scared of being vulnerable again...you don't wanna be on that place again...to that dark place. It took you a long time to be free of the pain and now that you are, you wanna be protected at all cost.

Years have passed and you became comfortable wearing these layers inside your heart.

In fact you forgot its there all along...

You missed being loved...

You found a special someone...

But by loving someone, you need to remove these layers that you're wearing for such a long time...

You don't know how...

You are scared to be without it.

He offered. You let him. One layer. Just one layer at first you said.

But you felt so different without it...

It became your skin...it became a part of you...you felt so naked and cold...

You turned around...took a deep breath

And put it back again...




--dedicated to YOU.

Loving A Lady Boy

I saw this documentary about Thailand's popular Lady Boys. They are gay men who underwent surgery to have breast and other procedures to look like a female. Most of them works as a prostitute to earn money for their poor families. Somehow similar to our situation back home. But damn, this particular video I'm sharing is cute and romantic in their own way.

Lady boys finding the man of their dreams. Their love. Watch it.

(Note: Double-click while playing to enlarge the screen)












Nice! I love Paeng and Scott's story! Kinilig ako ng slight! hehehe

Cute Gay Couple Video

I don't know these guys but damn, they made me smile and giggle just by watching them fool around and kiss each other every time!

Seriously! every time! LOL

I love them!

Made me wanna wish that someday I could be as happy too...hayyy! yan na naman ako! hmp!


And that song just keep on playing on and on my head since! waaah!

Cover Up

I turned off the lights inside my room and shut the door.

I took the lift down to the ground floor and hailed a cab.
I'm on my way to the hospital...Its my night duty again.

When I came to our department, the afternoon shift was waiting. Its crazy inside. Ang ingay! Its the best part of the day...endorsements. We get to see each other. Colleagues I seldom see due to different schedules.

Work is fun. Though its tiring most of the time but its fun. I love my job. I've gained too many friends in this foreign land. I am contented with the kind of life I'm having. Who would predict that I will actually love working in the middle east when I first came here in the first place? I just took a gamble and leave everything to fate and to God.

Suwertihan nga lang siguro talaga. Some of my friends abroad, hindi sila masaya sa work nila. Pati sa mga pinoy na kasama.

Minsan kasi kapwa pinoy mo pa ang hihila sayo pababa...

I'm lucky to have my colleagues who supports me and cares for me. Its like a big family. So far I've never regret accepting this job...well, not yet...LOL!

I'm a jolly and goofy person. I love to laugh. Bungisngis ako. You could make me laugh with just some silly korni jokes you could throw at me. I love to talk a lot too. At mahilig din ako makipag asaran sa mga straight na kasama ko sa work.

Masarap makipag tawanan. Nakakabawas ng stress.

Then my shift are about to finish again.
I did my endorsement to the next shift. Chit chat with colleagues before heading out of the hospital. A friend usually gives me a ride home. While inside the car, more laughters and asaran na umaatikabo...

As soon as he dropped me to my building and gave my Thank you..take care... that's when the silence begins...

That's when the slow and heavy walks towards the elevator happens...till I reached my flat on the sixth floor...

I unlocked the door to my room and sat on my couch as I wait for my laptop to start...

Here I am alone again. Inside the four corners of my cold room. They said its fun being single...its fun being with your friends...yeah it is...walang iintindihin na ibang tao but yourself...Ok ang single....I've been telling that inside my head for the whole year and it worked really well...yeah nabola ko sarili ko.

But who am I kidding?

I cannot fool my heart for so long...

I am sad and lonely.

My heart is longing for someone.

Now I could honestly say it out loud.


:-(


Why am I still on my own, if there's a soul mate for everyone?





Meron nga kaya talagang soulmate??? Hay naku emotera na naman daw ako! hahaha! dyan na nga kayo at boborlogz na ko!

Deep Inside

I stumbled upon an old folder of mp3 files on my laptop and I rediscovered this song once again...

I listened one more time, and I smiled... yeah I smiled. It was bitter-sweet hehe, even though I'm alone in the middle of my dark room, I sang along with its lyrics...typhoon falcon was pouring its heavy rains outside. But I didn't mind. At least no one would mind...as no one would care...

I thought to myself, if someone would open my heart and listen to its voice...its screaming...its lonely...and begging for someone to hear what its gonna say... burried deep inside its veins, its arteries, its valves and its two large ventricles...

I guess this song best describes what's inside of it...

"Still I believe...
I'm missing something real.
I need someone
Who really sees me...

Don't wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give... all the love in the world"


--All The Love In The World by The Corrs

cheesy....I know!!!LOL

Hay, love why are you not goin' my way? don't skip this road again, will you? chos!!!

Ulan kasi ng ulan, kaya nag iinarte tuloy ako! hahaha!

Untitled.

I don't wanna be your friend.

Are You Kidding Me????

I was inviting R.A to visit the Marine festival with me in the city, thought, it could be another way to spend time with him and he said: OK LANG. Its not a yes or its not a NO either I assumed. So I told him, OK then lets go there later since both of us are off!

"I don't have enough money left, let's wait for the payday"

"oh come on, you still owe me a dinner hehe!" --me

"its true. i don't have enough to go out this week."

"I'm bored today, I'll take care of it. Just come with me" I insisted

And then he signed out on Face book without giving me a confirmation! he did it again! Damn him! I tried to call his cellphone but he wont pick up.

OK, fine. He's avoiding me.

I won't bother him again. As in ever again! asar na asar ako!

Magpapa-miss ako! tignan natin kundi nya ako hanapin!tse!

Many days have passed and we haven't seen each other. A good thing, I must say. Fate was helping me to move on. (parang nag-break up?LOL)

But not last Friday morning! We have the same duty! I spotted him as soon as I entered the ICU. He was busy with his documentations. I carry on with my job and pretend I'm not noticing him. I told my partner that I don't wanna go near him (he knew I like R.A) that he should help me to avoid him haha. sabwatan ito!

Everything works well until my partner got busy and I have no choice but to check the file of R.A's patient myself!

I quietly took and open the files while he was busy writing, he looked at me as soon as he felt my presence.

"uyyy, nag morning shift siya..." he said smiling.
(you're on morning shift)

"oo nga e..." (yeah) that's all I said to him. He's acting as if we're OK, hmmp! I still hold a grudge against him kaya. Pretending I was not interested in talking further and moved on to the next patient.

After a few minutes I was checking the medicines few meters away from him and he suddenly called me.

"mac...you think we'll have the salary tomorrow?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe". and I continued on my work. And why is he asking me about payday tomorrow? Is he going to invite me out finally tomorrow if salary is available?

Tse!

One time I was fixing the personal protective gown for the isolation patients when he jokingly pulled out its tie and I looked around and saw him silently laughing while walking away.

In my mind, I thought: Papansin siya huh. Tsk tsk tsk. (he's trying to get my attention since I'm not giving it to him on purpose) I smiled.

An evil smile!

I was bragging to my friends how successful my plan was on R.A! that finally he noticed it and he's the one making those efforts now for me to notice him this time. Yeah! Success!

On our second rounds around lunch time. I was on the phone and he was at the computer that we were so close and no one was around...I don't know what came to me and my emotions took over and I said the words that I have been keeping inside since last week!

"Hoy R.A! May atraso ka sakin". --me.
(hey R.A. You did something bad last time)

Damn! what happened to my plan????Shit! shit!

"Wala kaya... (I don't think so)" he said while smiling innocently. He knows what I'm talking about.

"Of course you know what I'm talking about...You left me at the chat room and you're not answering my call!"

"I don't have phone credits, that's why..." he continued and went back to his patient. But I followed him. I'm not finish with my interrogations yet!LOL

He was checking his patient's I.V but I kept on going: "you don't need credits to answer my call!"

"really?" he's still playing stupid.

"yeah!"

"so tell me...why you're not answering my calls?"

He moved to another part of the bed. The patient was looking at us, maybe wondering what's the fuss all about haha. But I kept on following the moron (R.A).

"ano ka ba? nag tatrabaho ako hehehe" he said while pushing me a little to back off. He was still laughing at my persistence.

I'll go where he'll go. He cannot escape me!

He squat at the side of the bed and I squat with him too while he was checking the patient's urine bag and measuring it. I looked around and saw my partner smiling at us. Maybe he thought I was weird hahaha!

"You're avoiding me aren't you? tell me...that's why you're not answering my call?"

"I did not hear your call that's why...and besides I told you I don't have enough money left. Let's wait for the payday..." he explained.

"I told you too that we don't need more money to go the festival! Its free!"

"If we have salary tomorrow, maybe....and besides, I think the festival's finished since yesterday!"

"No. its extended till end of the month. For us!". LOL. I continued on convincing him.

"really?" and he looked at his new female colleague and said:"you wanna come? the festival he said is extended..."

WTF????are you kidding me? I wanna scream that to his face! He wants to bring this new nurse with us? On our date?!

I just walked out on him and left the unit! F*ck him!

Hay...poor Mac, no one wants to love him...Charot!

Should I Give Up?

Its been 2 days since our last date. I haven't heard from him since. I did my usual routine at work at the ICU when Gil noticed me and said: wow, look whose here! I did not expect to see him either on duty that afternoon.

And if Gil is here, it means R.A is on duty too! (Gil is R.A's preceptor)

OMG!

I looked around...looking for a familiar face, a face that I long to see....

there!

at the station, he looked surprised seeing me too. I cannot tell if that look was from being glad to see me or for fear that Oh-oh-he's-here-look!LOL. Our eyes met and we smiled to each other. I don't know...after our date, it just felt awkward talking or seeing him again.

I kinda missed him. I wanna run into him and give him a tight hug.

Nobody from his colleague at the ICU knew that we had our date last weekend. For them, I'm still getting nowhere on my quest to win his heart!LOL

I didn't stay longer than I used to, I finished up my work and went back upstairs to our unit. I didn't chat with him like I used too. I was trying to read his actions. I'm still guessing if he likes me or not.

I feel so insecure after I noticed his indifference. I wanna scream to his face and yell: what now! But I didn't!

di ko keri hahaha!

On my second rounds. Gil noticed that I'm quiet while doing my work, I'm not like that. We usually have this moment of fooling/joking around and talking some silly stuffs while I'm trying to get notice by R.A at work.

I already had my dinner, but Gil and R.A just about to have theirs. Gil asked me if I wanna eat with them. I said thanks, that they should go and eat for I have things to do. I was waiting for R.A to invite me too, but he was just quiet as if he did not know that I'm there. But I'm sure he knew that I am.

It hurts me that after we shared a great dinner and some time last Saturday, he was acting weird. So I thought to my self, OK, that's it! that's my sign! I should give up whatever hopes I had with him!

I finished up my rounds and my documentation after 30 minutes when they came back...I was at the faucet scrubbing my hands:

"Mac, ganyan ka di ka sumasabay sa min kumain ha!" Gil said
(Mac, you really didn't join us for dinner huh!)

"Busog na nga kasi ako!hahaha"
(I told you, I had dinner already)

I saw R.A passed by but I ignored him. Pretending that I did not see him.

"Mac..."

I looked around and saw him.

"Here...take this..." giving me a can of milk for patients on nasogastric tube for feeding!He was teasing me to have it for dinner instead. He was smiling like a small boy, trying to be funny with his super korny joke!

Tinignan ko siya ng matagal. Nakangiti lang siya ng parang engot...

"hmpf! ah ganun ha...you take it first!" I replied. I was smiling back at him. He was laughing when he left.

For a few seconds...that brief moment. Everything around us felt so quiet. As if we had our own world. I was looking at his eyes and he was looking at mine.

Yes. It was our moment.

I know. Mababaw ako!LOL

I was smiling on my way out. As if all the worries flew in the air.
hay, shall I stop hoping or what?!

Taena ka R.A! Ginugulo mo ko!LOL

*****

Dahil jan kakanta ako ng:Chasing Pavements!hahaha

(related post about R.A. click HERE)

Take Your Chance

There are many couples out there, men and women, men and...errr men too! Some are married, well in other states, and some are just committed. Maybe in time, they will tie the knot soon, or just waiting for the right time to move in to their own love nest. But, above all of these, there are the singles...

do you have any idea how many single gay guys out there?

Nah, I don't have the statistics too, but I'm pretty sure, there's tons of them! Maybe, You are one of them!

I am definitely one of them!

Come to think of it, if there are many single guys out there, in fact too many to count, how come many are still loveless? Still cannot find that one right man for them?

Why can't those millions of single guys meet and date? No more lonely people in the world. No more lonely gay guy, I mean! Yeah!

But still many are searching...
Many are still lonely...
Many are still praying to meet him...
and be happy soon...

I am still waiting! LOL.
Whats taking him for so long to find me? *eager much*

Why?

High standards. Maybe. Too choosy. Maybe. But beauty fades...material things lose their value. I DON'T KNOW

But whats left was, whats really inside...whats really behind that beautiful shell of him. There are other fishes in the sea, maybe you're just looking at the wrong body of water...lakes is there at the back...rivers was inviting you there for a swim for a long time, you just focused too much time at the ocean and its beaches...

What if...

You already saw him at the store at the mall, you saw him and he looked back at you too. A first sign. But you're just too shy to approach him...and you let that chance passed and lost him.

When in fact, if you did approach him and ask for his name and eventually led to a coffee date somewhere else after...he could be that guy you are waiting for!

He danced with you at the club and introduced himself and asked for your number, but you didn't replied his messages after...because you thought he was too confident or you thought he would play you...and you let the chance passed by...

When in fact, that guy was really interested and serious about having a long and committed relationship this time after being playful for so long...

Or he was a reader of your blog for so long and he was constantly emailing you, sending you instant messages...but you thought he's too boring to chat with...you just ignored him and let the chance to talk to him and know him passed by...

When in fact, he's just not the chatting kind of guy and he was more interesting to talk to in person...

I for one, had Jason in my hands before, but I did not took good care of him and I let him slipped off my fingers and didn't do about it sooner. I lost him forever. Because I didn't take a chance to come back for him and asked for a second chance to prove that I really do love him. We could have been together till now. I just let the chance passed by. Why? simple. Its my pride. Fried chicken shit! LOL

But its all in the past now. That's 6 years ago! I'm just saying!

Lets continue!

I mean, there are countless possibilities...many opportunities that I thought could have been a happy ending if we just have the courage and...

take a a chance.

Rejections? So what! At least you tried!

But if.. what if...ah, damn! He could be the one!!!

Take a chance...that one chance in your life. Who knows, your future love is just waiting and just around the corner.

So. you, yes you!

Why are you single till now?

Love Status

Clayton still managed to sent me these shirts even though we are on a time off...its been 5 days now and we haven't talk or exchange a single message toward each other since.

I'm not mad anymore, actually I was not really that mad at him. Surprised maybe. Surprised with what I have found out I guess. He told me he never dated or cheated on me. That it was just a simple thing out of boredom. In my heart I want to believe him. And I did.

Maybe because I know Clayton is good guy.

I hope.

But out of respect with my self, and to teach him a lesson, I asked for a cool off. Because I'm supposed to get mad. Right?

There are two shirts he sent me. This one has a print that says: Single. Maybe he wanted me to choose between the two. But I'm still thinking if this would be my love life status from now on...

After a careful thought...
finally, I listened to my heart and decided to wear the other shirt...

So I guess, I still have a boyfriend after all!

Bigger Love?

I'm in love.

I know you all knew that already.
I'm here in Doha, he's in Manila.
But I'm having this thoughts about love.

About Clayton's love for me.

I think I love him more than he loves me back.

Do you get me? is this suppose to be an issue with boyfriends?
Does it matter if the other loves more?

I told myself its silly.

But somehow it gets to me.

I'm the type of person who would like to text my boyfriend. No matter how busy I am, I find time. I love some conversation over text, on free time, like how his day was, what's he doing, or about anything...

But, Clayton don't do that.

I told him how I felt about it. We are on LDR and communication is all I have of him. That's all we could do. No holding hands. No kissing. No love making. All we have is communication.

He said I'm sorry and promised to be my text mate LOL!

And he did.
But why should I need to tell him what he needs to do? he supposed to know that right?

I love chatting with him online during our offs. I'm excited all the time. As if I never run out of topic to talk about. Its like i never want the day to end chatting with him.

Until he would say, Mac, I need to go blah-blah-blah-reasons. I mean we only chat for an hour or two. Its just disappointing you know, can't he feel the same? that he wanted to chat with me as long as it takes? Why am I the only one who have that intention? but I tried to understand. I'm suppose to understand. So I just shook it off.

But it gets to me sometimes.

I call.
Yeah, I called on his phone. But sometimes, its nice if the call comes from him, right?

I don't know, but whenever I opened my face book, its like a routine to check his profile page, his shout-outs, his update status, his latest pic uploads.

But its been days before he could check mine. Sometimes I have to tell him that I have a new uploads or whatever, that's the only time he would check it.

It would be nice if he does, right?

Like tonight. Its 6am in Manila. I immediately took my cel and typed these messages:

Nakita ko FB mo kanina, pero malamang di mo pa din nakikita yun mga lumang pictures namin nung bata pa kami! antagal na nun dun di mo man lang masilip! Letse!

Nakita ko tanga! Kasama mo sis mo. Pasko yun at nasa bahay kayo ng tita mo!!!!

Ay nakita mo ba?bah malay ko ba hahaha

Ang tanga mo e kung maka-letse ka... WAGAS! na-i-stress ako sayo kakamulat ko lang. Uggghs!!!

Ok fine! I might be wrong with that one! LOL. but, what I'm trying to say is...

ah, eh, whatever!

Anyway, why am I the only one does those things?
I think about him most of the time, like whats he doing at this moment...

Does it means I love him more than he loves me?

I know these are all simple and petty things, I know. Clayton loves me in his own way. I could sense it. But these little things matters too.

What do you think?
Am I just being silly and i should slap my face for being pathetic?LOL

Or my love for him is bigger than his to me?
If its the case, should I be worried?

Or you think he don't love me at all?

That would be awful!Arrrrghhh!

Boyfriends Come and Go...

If you're a follower of my blog you could have figured out by now that I'm no good with keeping my relationships longer! I sometimes thought, I'm such a failure with this! Grrrrrr! No matter how I badly wanted to have a long lasting relationship...It all ends to one thing. Break up.

When I sensed that its about to end, I took the first move to end it. I don't know, maybe I'm afraid to hear it from them so, I would gladly take the initiative to end it myself.

My last was a disaster! I couldn't believe I entered that one in the first place LOL! I regret that I have been so trusting...yun lang!

Too many boyfriends have come and go...all started well and fun, but eventually, love fades...all what's left was pain and regret. Or have I ever found love?

When someone asked how many did you have? I always find shame in answering them, I'm not proud of collecting boyfriends contrary to what others believe. Because its a proof of my failure.

Its my long time dream to have a permanent guy on my side...someone who I could tell stories, someone I could share how my day was...someone who could comfort me and say its all right Mac. Eventually live on one house for us to stay with till we grow old together.

We could all agree that finding the right guy is not as easy as buying something at the store. It takes time. Its takes too much emotions. Rejections and heartaches. Many have been searching for that someone. And they're still looking.

On my case I have found and lost them. Too many times. Maybe its my fault or them. I don't know. But what I do know, I could have done something. I could have fight for it. I could have been patient. So many could have beens...

So now, with Clayton. Maybe I'm a matured Mac this time. Tested by time. Tested by experience, good and bad. I'm tired of looking for that special someone and let them slipped off my finger. This time I won't take it so easy. For love is patient, for love is sacrifice (kaya jakol nalang muna LOL), and for love is trusting.

I hope we could make it. I have a four month period most of the time. I'm determined to make it at least five this time! Kidding!

Clayton, good luck to us. Let's make it work. Lets make a love story, a love story that is so happy, a little complicated, less sacrifices but full of love. Here's a toast for our forever...

I love you Clayton, gaya nga ng sabi mo last time: Mac-ko, mahal kita, trust me on that, mahal kita na singlakas ni bagyong Glenda. Napatawa mo 'ko sa kakornihan mo. Nasabi ko nalang sa sarili mo, bumanat na naman ang asawa kong abnoy! LOL

This is me cam-whoring at the hospital while at work LOL!

Walang Gaguhan

I have a bad schedule at work this week and due to time differences, me and Clayton had a hard time catching' each other online like we used to do for the past weeks since I arrived here. Though we text every day, but we like online chat better.

He suggested he would wake up at 4 in the morning, Philippine time, its 11pm here. But I told him its so unfair on his side. But he insisted. So i just told him to make it 5am there, that would make 12am here.

I felt bad about him waking up on a Sunday morning soooo early haha!

But you know what? Its kinda make me feel special...ayayay!

May kilig factor!

Sweet!

He had his first paycheck and he was so excited telling me how much he earned and I'm proud of him. Told me he gave half to his mom and the rest he will save at the bank...

"I'll be saving up so that when you come back next year, I will be treating you to anywhere you wanna go, anywhere you wanna eat without you spending a single penny..." he said

That gave a smile to my face. He deserves everything that's happening on his life right now, his loving family, great friends, new job, and having me!!! toinks! haha

"If someone fall out of love, or got tired of the other, or met a new guy...please let the other guy know, OK?" --me

"Yeah, that's what I want too, to tell it straight, walang gaguhan...(no cheating) I want an honest relationship." he answered.

I had that conversation with him because let's face it, we are miles away from each other, though we love each other, we never know what might happens next...or someone will come and suddenly you don't love your boyfriend anymore, though its tragic but, what to do?

"I think its you who would get tired of me first" I teased

"Really????you have your Brian! Is he courting you, anyway? Tell me...seriously?" he asked

"No. I told him I'm happy with you." I assured him

"I got a feeling he will try to take you from me...I just feel it." he continued. But I tried to convinced him Im not going to waste what we have just like that.

"You love me?" --me

"Yes. Too much. As in uber." --Clayton

"Hahaha. You're good now ha! nabobola mo na ko!" --me

After two hours:

"Go to sleep Mac, you need to rest! Stop chatting with anyone else" --Clayton

"You go ahead. I'll sleep at 4 o'clock...hahaha" --me trying to annoy him. I'm not really chatting with anyone else aside from him. He's worried that I might flirt with some gay guy and he's jealous hehe.

"Potaena matulog ka naaaaaaaaaaaaa!(F*ck! go to sleep!!!!) Do you want me to beat you?! enough chatting Mac. I'm serious please stop chatting. Go to sleep its 2am already." --Clayton

"yeah, yeah, I will log out now, but you go ahead first..." I was really laughing while typing those words. I knew he is really annoyed.

" ..|.."

he sent me that instead. Fuck you sign. hahaha!

"lets sign off together, nowww!"

"OK, OK!"

Don't tell him but, I didn't sign off

just clicked "invisible mode"

*wink* wink*

Desert Gay Stories

It's my second month in this foreign country, the land of desert and heat, a country served by different nationalities, more of Indians and Filipinos and some from neighboring countries. I must say this state is not a tourism destination, it's more of a workforce country, people are here to work.

There are few amusement parks, a few night hang outs, and gimikans unlike Dubai I guess, but the good thing is, you can really save up when temptations are less, right? Good thing that I'm a home buddy! And besides I have Mr. Italian to keep me company. He is my constant companion and my driver! LOL

I am able to gain new friends, which I'm proud of. I can honestly say that I'm enjoying my life here. Work is a thing that I need to get used to but I'm cool and confident that in time I will learn everything.

And being here for two months you can't avoid hearing many stories and rumors about gay Filipinos and couples being deported back in the Philippines. As we all know, homosexuality is forbidden and considered a sin here. In other words, my friends are scaring me and giving me warning too.

Let me tell you their stories:


The Policeman

Harry was in a relationship with this Arab policeman and only few knew about it, when he caught Mr. Policeman cheating on him, he immediately broke up with him, but  Mr. Policeman doesn't want to lose Harry, he wants to win him back, but after many failed attempts, since he can't have him, Mr. The policeman has the gay Pinoy arrested instead and within 24 hours he was deported back to the Philippines.

The Mall Gays

There are two discreet gay Filipinos inside the mall and they've decided to go inside this shop and noticed some fancy female dresses on display and  forgot that they are in a Muslim country that they started goofing around and putting the dress on top of their clothes, but not really trying the dress on, as if telling his friend that it looks good on him. An Arab saw them and reported them to the management and have them deported.

The Blackmailer

Nathan adored the Middle Eastern guys (like me! LOL) and when one approached him, showed interest, he immediately grabbed the chance! He felt lucky. Kilig. He dated him and had him as his fling, but when Nathan started losing interest and didn't want to see the Arab guy anymore, he started blackmailing Nathan threatened him to be reported of his homosexual activities if he still avoids him. So Nathan had no choice but to still see him until he finished his contract and went back to the Philippines.

The Gay Party

One night a bunch of Pinoy gays held an all out party where everybody was wearing drag clothes! Complete with make ups and high heels. But it's a private party, all Filipinos. They took videos and pictures using cell phone as remembrance. Unfortunately, one member of that group was caught by authorities after a few months with a complaint or a crime he committed that was not made clear to me by my story teller hehe. So this gay man was arrested and the authorities comfiscated his cellphone and there...they've found the videos of the group's party! All in the videos are deported as well...


The Happy Gay Couple

This one is different from the other stories, this is somehow good, and this guy was lucky. Why? Because Archie and his Arab boyfriend are going on their 15th years together! Oh wow! sweet!! It was said that they've met when Archie was still working in Saudi Arabia and when he finished his contract and decided to work in Qatar, the Arab boyfriend came along and moved here too! And he is using an expensive car given by his rich Arab lover! And Archie is living in a big house and all expenses are provided by his Arabian sweetheart! Take that!

-End-

Hmm, me and Eros (lets call my Mr.Italian by that name) I don't know whats our future, one thing we need to do now, is to be careful, and they've said as long as its inside your walls nobody cares what you're doing and you will be safe. We go out, we hang out, spend some good time together. And he said he will cook for me. I hope that day will come soon!


Greetings to my friends namely: Paolo from the Philippines and bleeding angel from Dubai. Ciao!!!

Birthday Gift?

"Its my birthday on the 20th hehe wala lang...papansin lang LOL"

I found someone promising, hmmm...*wink-wink*
It started on twitter, he talked to me a little...
Then finally on May 13, he replied on my tweets, got my attention
I left for a while to have my dinner then and I saw a message on my YM account,saying:
"You never came back,I'm waiting for you at twitter..."
Hmmm....demanding haha

I smiled, I saw someone willing to talk to me, really, really wanted to talk to me
I got giddy and all haha, its been a while since I felt this funny stuffs
He said he's been following my blog since November
and that he's been trying to reach me for a while now.
"I read almost everything, from the beginning.
I'm more on the content of your blog"

I saw some of his updates on twitter while were chatting:
"I'm chatting with my dream boy right now... pls bear with me friends,Im busy with him. Gustong gusto ko kasi siya makausap ever!"
I know he's referring to me (ambisyosa ako di bah LOL)
I don't know if its right to flirt with your readers?!haha

Its been 5 days now, everyday were chatting at YM from 8pm to 5am. We even extend our chats till 6 in the morning! he just don't wanna stop! I have to remind him that the sun is up and he needs to go home! He's working on a call center and I kept him company while he works
It felt like I'm working too.LOL. Its a good thing he can chat with me while he work.

What I like about this guy is, he came to me so honest, no fuss at all
He introduce himself, gave me his real name with surname included ha! which is so rare on chatting. he showed me his picture right away too...
Even if I never asked any of them. He could easily talks about his past, his broken family, as if he wants to come clean and open with me. Im impressed.

You have a nice name, I told him
"you'll be carrying my name once were married" he said
And my eyes popped out of its socket and replied
"Waaaaa I don't wanna be the bride!" LOL and he said
"OK,fine, I'll wear the freakin' gown...just marry me!"

Maybe there's a reason why my surname on my visa was misspelled

For me to have more time with this guy?To get to know him more?

I don't know.I'm just too afraid to commit at this point in time.

I don't wanna be unfair at him.We both know I'm leaving soon.

"Don't be so pessimistic.Lets make the most out of this Mac, while it lasts.."

Out of nowhere..I don't know where it came from,I asked him

"Will you be my date on my birthday?"

"sure hehe.I will be your gift, I'll wrapped myself on a big box!"

All The Single Gay Guys...Put your Hands Up!

Do you believe the guy you are with now will be your partner till the end?

Or you knew you will be single from now on?


Why is it so hard to find a gay partner in this life? haha

That is the question I asked most of the time.I'm not that desperate to have one at this point, but think about it, its really hard!

Maybe a hook up was easy but someone who will love you.Nah!

I've been with a few serious relationships before,but still, we end up separated or hating each other. I don't wanna put here how many, but enough for me to look back and smile for some memories when I'm alone and feeling nostalgic hehe.

I even save some photos and videos of them on one special memory card and just insert it on my phone or computer when I feel like watching them, some videos are wholesome some are naughty! Like us kissing or goofing around the motel room and more haha. So if I misplace or lost that memory card it will be a complete scandal!

They said you don't go looking for love, it will find you.Just wait. But is this true? What if I turned 50 and gray and still waiting???LOL

Pao and Randall are so vocal on how they felt about me, but why cant I just like them too the way they like me?

Its ironic don't you think? You like someone and yet he don't like you, and there's some guys who likes you but you don't like them!Waaaaaa!

Being gay in this world is so complicated!

There's a lot of single gays out there and yet we still cant find the right one.

Maybe more singles than in a relationships.But why?

Maybe we're too choosy?

We set our standards so high that nobody qualifies?

Physical looks matters first before we get to know whats inside?

But I've seen some gay couple where the other one is cute and the other belongs to the average level.Some might think they are not a great match. I just thought to myself, maybe the average-looking guy is really special that the cute guy never minds whats on the outside of his partner.

I'm just thinking, now that I'm here in the Philippines were there are too many Filipino gays and still cant find the right guy what more if I'm in Qatar!!!!I might be single there for three years or more!

Well if that will be the case, I'll just focus on work and not think about it, maybe through that who knows there's someone might bumped into me unexpectedly and will be my love.

could be...

A patient of mine...

A doctor from my hospital...

Or a co-employee....

Or ambisyosa lang ako!LOL

I'm One of Them!LOL

I asked my sister to buy me a sun sim card today, its her money by the way so thanks to her haha!RR asked me last time if I have a sun cell so that we could talk more on the phone,many of my friends are using it too, since its the cheapest cellular network in the country I mean in terms of calls, they have an unlimited feature for all day for a certain amount compared to other networks,so i have one.

This is convenient to couples who wants to be in touch with each other without spending much.I called this before "the mag-jowang-kuripot" phone!LOL! Its fun though, you get to speak to someone all day all night just for 25 pesos!Imagine that!But the service sucks!You gotta dial at least 10x before your call get through.Its a matter of being patient!or else this might get your high blood pressure's high!

I talked to RR for a long time, he's one of the reasons that I bought this. So there we talk,there's just a slight "thing" I'm bothered about.Anyway,I called Pao instead, I dated him last year and he's offering me a call center job at Makati a few days ago and I inquired about the details and all about the job, he even suggested that we could look for a place to live.Meaning me and him living together!haha!He still likes me.But I'm honest about him that I don't feel the same way.Got worried about by the number of I love you's he said during our two hours talk haha!

FYI:I'm still waiting for my visa from a hospital abroad, but i decided to look for something else to make me busy while waiting. I'm considering this call center job, but kinda worried about Pao, what if I found someone else and we're working together and he might accused me that I used him just to get the job?

On the other hand, I chat with Bleedingangel (of mybleedingangel.blogspot.com) last night, thanks to him I had a blast! He made my night worthwhile! It was a fun talk! He's so adorable and even teasing me that "Don't be like that, or else I might develop a special feelings for you!" haha it made me giggle but of course I know he's joking and he's so far! he's at Dubai!

Im looking forward to more fun chat with him.He took my worries away. That's all Im missing lately.Anyway,I'm having a good time with this unlimited calls, Im calling everyone!haha.See yah!