Si Baba

First rounds ko sa ICU and kelangan ko i-therapy si Baba (tawag namin sa matandang lalakeng arabo) sa isolation room kasi may infection siya. Contact Precaution. After wearing all the personal protective equipment (PPE), pumasok ako sa loob.

Kinakamusta ko siya habang nag kakabit ng nebulizer kit na may laman na gamot sa ventilator circuit niya. Fully awake and conscious siya kahit na may life support.

Kasalukuyan kong kinakabit ko sa knya ang vest at ang mga connections sa physiotherapy machine na katabi ng kama nun matapos ang nebulization. Maingat ko itong ikinokonekta sa mga straps at holes, nun maubo siya ay marahan ko siyang sinuction, nang umaktong may sinasabi si Baba sa akin dahil intubated (may tubo sa bibig) kaya hindi siya makakapag salita kahit anong gawin niya.

Sinusubukan kong intindihin ang gusto niya iparating sa akin ngunit di ko talaga ma-comprehend. Kinuha ko ang alphabet board na ginawa ng mga nurses niya para ituturo nalang ng daliri ni Baba ang letra ng words na gusto niya sabihin sa amin.



Itinapat ko sa knya ang board at nag umpisa siya isa isang magturo ng letra. Matagal na proseso dahil na rin siguro sa malabo ang paningin at nanghihina pa siya pero matiyaga ako nag intay na matapos.

Una niyang itinapat ang hintuturo sa letter: Y...na sinundan ng O...at ng U....

"YOU" bigkas ko nun mabuo ko. Umagree siya.

Sumunod ang mga letrang:

A...R...E....A...G....O....O.... natagalan niya hanapin ang sunod na letter...at itinapat sa letter: D...


"YOU...ARE....A...GOOD..." bigkas ko muli...tumango siya muli at muling hinagilap ang sunod na word na gusto niya sabihin sa akin...

Itinapat niya sa:

"P".

"E"

"R"

"S"

"O"

"N"

Wala pa ang last letter ay nage-getz ko na siya. Muntik na ko maluha sa pagka touched nun mabuo ko sa isipan ko ang gusto niya sabihin.

"You Are A Good Person?" inulit ko sa knya. Tumango siya. "thank you Baba". sabi ko pagkatapos na nakangiti kahit na di niya makita ang aking mga labi dahil sa face mask na suot ko pero alam kong alam niya na nakangiti ako at masaya.

"all of us here are good Baba..." sabi ko pa. Pero umiling siya. Hindi siya umaagree. Napatawa ako. Malamang ay tinutukoy niya ang ilang mga ibang lahi na nurses and therapist etc. Karamihan nga din naman talaga ay bara bara nalang. "maybe they're just tired Baba or very busy thats why..." pagtatanggol ko na lang sa ibang member ng team ng ICU na di niya naappreciate. Hehe.

Ibinaling ko nalang ang pansin sa pag press sa mga controls sa machine na ikinabit ko sa knya. Kelangan kasi na maimproved namin ang condition ng lungs niya. Medyo collapsed and may pneumothorax pa sa kabilang side bago pa ako maluha sa sincerity ni Baba.

Minsan lang may maka appreciate kasi sa ginagawa ko or namin. Lalo't sa arabo pa galing di ba? aminin naman natin na karamihan sa kanila ay trabahador lang ang tingin sa ating mga pinoy. Pasuweldo lang nila. Na dapat ay gawin lang lahat ng gusto nila. Ni thank you ay wala.

At aliw lang na hindi naman ako nag eextra effort sa knya kanina, Im just doing what I'm supposed to do bilang therapist niya. At may super big reward pa ako from HIM. Nakakataba ng puso.

:-)

Heto Na Naman Me! (Medical Escort)

Aktuwali, sa London sana ang medical escort na pinupuntirya ko this month since due na ako sa aming rotation. May pila kasi kami dito, lahat ng staff mula sa pinakasenior hanggang sa junior. Para lahat kami may chance maka byahe at kumita na din ng extra. Fair naman di ba. Minsan may mga sumisingit na kupal lalo't gusto nila pumunta sa bansang yun.

Heniweyz, nun tinawagan ako ng friend ko at sinabing kunin ko na daw itong pinoy case na ito ay medyo hesitant pa ko. Kasi Pinas ang byahe, I mean, I'm targetting Europe kaya. Nun naibaba ko na ang telepono, napag isip isip ko, hmmmm why not! I'll get to see my family and my friends and my boys. Chos!

Hopefully bago matapos ang taon ay makapag London escort ulit ako :-)

Di ba its a win-win case! Kumita na ko dahil babayaran ng company ang 4 days ko, libre pa ticket ko pauwi, tapos mae-experience ko pa ulit ang Pinas lalong lalo na ang mga food na talaga naman namiss ko ng bonggang bongga!

Kainis nga lang 2 days lang ang binigay sa aking extension! pero keri na 6 days na din yun. Pagkakasyahin ko nalang ang lahat ng pwde ko magawa in a short time hihihi. #alamNa.

Nakaka haggard nga lang mga prepare ng mga dokumento jusme. Mga permits, mga letters, mga requirements, at kelangan ay nasa tamang kondisyon ang aking Ventilator (breathing apparatus) at ang mga extra batteries nito kundi yari ako kapag nag fail ito sa eroplano.

Itong aming medical escort na ito to the Philippines ay binubuo ng tatlong tao. Ang aking mabait na Jordanian doctor, ang aking sweet na Indian nurse, at ang inyong lingkod. Kasama namin ang anak ng patient namin na si Ate Cora.

Haist, sad lang ang case ni Ate Cora. Dinala siya sa ER noon January due to acutebiliary pancreatitis. Naoperahan siya kaya nadala sa ICU. tapos nag aspiration pneumonia nun nasa ward na and then nag cardiac arrest, tapos na apektuhan na ang brain functions nya nun ma-revived at gumising kaya naman bed ridden na siya at di nakakapagsalita, tapos nagka pleural effusion pa siya, tapos ARDS. At ito ngayon naka tracheostomy tube siya at sinusuportahan ng mechanical ventilator ko dahil mahina na ang lungs niya.

Napag desisyunan na iuwi na siya sa Pinas dahil supportive na treatment nalang ang kelangan niya. Ihahatid namin siya sa isang hospital sa Pasig. wala na kasing magagawa pa ang hospital namin for her. At wish na rin ng family nya na maiuwi siya.

From the plane ibibiyahe namin si Ate Cora na sana ay stable at walang aberya sa kalagayan niya mahirap na mag code blue kami sa ere! jusme imaginin nyo nalang ang panic ng mga kasabay namin sa erpleyn nun at baka mapilitan kami mag landing sa kung saan man airport pinakamalapit, at saklap kapag sa North Korea kami inabot da vah or sa afghanistan! charot!

 Pagbaba namin sa NAIA ng around 11pm ay may naghihintay ng ambulance sa amin, hopefully ay na coordinate nun family ni Ate Cora ito ng maayos kundi nganga kami sa airport. LOL From the erfort ay ihahatid kami ng ambulance all the way to Pasig. Hmmm, sana bago mag 1am ay naiendorse na namin ng maayos at stable ang pasyente.

Magpapasundo ako sa sis ko sa hospital sa pasig tapos idadaan ko sa kung saan mang hotel magcheck-in yun dalawang kasama kong foreigner. I feel bad kasi na iiwan ko sila sa Manila. Syempre ala sila kilala diyan kahit isa diba. So im sure worried din sila. Pero sabi ko nalang mag ingat sila sa mga mandurukot at holdaper. LOL! (lalo natakot ang mga hitad hahaha)

So yun nalang consolation ko sa kanila, ang ihatid sila sa hotel nila. Sa makati daw nila gusto, nagmamayaman ang mga bruha at sa five star hotel daw. tseh.

So yun ang plano. Sa ngayon ang goal namin ay mapanatiling stable ang kalagayan ni Ate Cora sa ICU habang nag iintay kami ng sabado ng umaga para sa byahe namin pauwi ng Pinas. Kagabi kasi nag respiratory distress daw ang pasyente kalurkei. Tinakot kami. Pero ngayon ay Ok na siya. Kundi good bye to my pinas mini vacay! haha

Panadol

Bilang OFW una ko agad napansin nung mag umpisa ako mag work sa hospital na kasalukuyan kong pinagta-trabahuhan ay ang populasyon ng mga PANA (indyano) minsan tawag ko sa kanila: PANADOL. Kelangan kasi may code para di nila alam na sila ang pinag uusapan. Nag ugat ang word na Pana sa kantang: Indian-Pana-Kakana-Kana. Kinanta mo noh? LOL ewan if sinong pinoy nakaimbento niyan pero yan na ang inabot ko so keri na.

Mas madami sila kesa sa aming mga Pinoy. At kapansin pansin ang kakaiba nilang ugali.There's something odd about them. Madalas maiirita ka sa kanila. Minsan pinapatulan ko pero minsan dine-deadma ko nalang, kasi parang balewala sa kanila e. Talagang matigas na lang ata mga mukha nila. LOL

Ang dugyot din nila sa pag care sa patients nila. Bara-bara. Burara. At walang care! jusmiyo. Wala naman ako galit sa majority ng populasyon nila. Ito lang ay mga nao-obserbahan ko sa ilang taon ko ng pag work sa hospital ICU kasama sila. Marami din naman mababait at kasundo ko.

Mas napapansin ko ang kakaiba nilang ugali sa mga Pinoy nurses. Sa department kasi namin puro kami Pinoy so OK kami. At di nila kami napapakialaman.

Naaawa ako sa mga kababayan nating Nurses dahil dehado sila. Mas marami kasi sa kanila ang Pana kesa Pinoy sa ICU. At halos lahat ng Head Nurse or Nurse-in-charge e Pana! So matatapang sila lalo kasi nasa pwesto sila. Kaya naman napapagtulungan nila ang mga kalahi natin.

Andiyang pagbawalan silang makipag usap sa kapwa pinoy or kahit sa aming mga therapist kapag nasa patient kami at nagra-rounds. Pero wag ka, pag sila sila naman na kapwa Pana ay hindi bawal.

Andiyan pang pagkaisahan nila yun isang Pinay na wag tulungan kapag di nila kasundo kapag oras ng admission. Pero kapag kababayan nila at di tinulungan ng Pinoy nurse galit na galit sila at nagsusumbong agad sa Bisor nila na kesyo tamad si ganito-si-ganire. Kairita much.

Andiyan pang kapag may pagkakamali ang pinoy ay agad agad nila ito papagalitan at isusumbong sa bisor at kapag sila sila naman ay nagtatakpanan sila ng pagkakamali ng isa.

Madalas pa nga kapag sobrang sick ang patient asahan mong sa pinoy nurse nila agad yun i-a-assign dahil ayaw nila ma-toxic ng todo sa work loads.

Lahat yan nakikita namin. Madalas din na hinaing ng mga nurses dahil karamihan naman ng Pinoy nurses sa ICU ay kaibigan ko kaya di maiwasan di makapag kwentuhan ang mga ganitong bagay.

Pero kakaiba ang kwento ng kaibigan kong si Belle. Kasama ko siya manood ng sine nun isang araw hehe. Maayos magtrabaho si Belle at wala mairereklamo sa knya ang mga pasyente niya. Annulled na ang kasal niya sa asawa niya sa Pinas. Kaya naman free siya makipag boyfriend kahit sino na gusto nya. May fina-follow up siya na paper sa head nurse niya about work. Pero tuwing pupunta siya sa office nito ay binabalewala lang. Nakakailan balik na siya pero wala pa din. Nakapending lang sa opisina nito at di inaasikaso. Kaya naman makaraan ang ilang linggo ay sa HRD na siya nag follow up.

Nakarating ngayon sa Head Nurse at Director ng Nursing na nagsu-sumbong siya umano sa HRD. Ipinatawag siya ng dalawang bruhang Pana sa opisina nito at sinabon sabon na may kasama pang kula. Bakit daw bina-bypass sila at sa HRD agad tumuloy si Belle.

Ayaw daw tumanggap ng paliwanag nya ang mga bruha. Sinigaw-sigawan siya at kung ano ano daw masasakit na salita sinabi sa knya. Galit na galit daw si direktor na pati personal niyang buhay ay isinasali na. Kesyo napakalandi daw niya at may asawa daw siyang tao ay nakikipag landian at nakikipag nobyo siya dito. Samantalang di nila alam na annulled na kasal ni Belle noon pa.

Napaiyak na lang daw siya sa mga sinasabi sa knya. Naiimagine ko siya na pinagtutulungan nung dalawang Pana sa saradong opisina. Hanggang sa lumabas ng opisina ng Head nurse na umiiyak pa din. Bumalik si Belle sa pasyente nya na mugto ang mga mata at pinipigil ang hikbi.

Na siya namang napansin ng Katari niyang patient and relatives. Worried na worried daw ang mga ito sa nakikitang bigat ng kalooban ni Belle. Pero sinabi nalang niya na OK lang siya at don't worry about her.

Dito sa bansang ito, ang salita ng Katari ay katumbas ng ginto. Kapag may sinabi sila susundin mo kung ayaw mo mapauwi at ma-deport. Subukan mo sila labanan sa korte sure na sure na ikaw pa din ang talo kahit sila talaga ang may sala kahit napakakas ng ebidensya mo. LOL.

Kinausap ng mga relatives na ito ang isa sa pinakamataas ang katungkulan sa hospital. Sinabi na may problema daw ang nurse nila at sila ay nag aalala sa kalagayan ni Belle. Kilala na daw kasi nila si Belle dahil ilang araw na niyang hinahandle ang pasyente nila. Naging mabuti diumano si Belle sa kanila kaya naman gusto nila siya tulungan.

Dahil dito, nakarating sa HRD ang sitwasyon hanggang sa magsagawa sila ng imbestigasyon. Ito ay isang kaso ng BULLYING. Dito sa medical corporation namin, mahigpit na ipinagbabawal ang bullying. Kaya naman si Director ng Nursing ay agad na pinatalsik sa trabaho. Pero abswelto si Head Nurse. Nakiusap si director na wag muna siya agad agad alisin sa trabaho dahil may binabayaran pa daw itong utang sa bangko.

Pinagbigyan naman siya ng Personnel kaya naman sa medical records siya itinapon bilang taga file ng mga dokumento. From top to bottom ang ending ng bruhilda. E ano na siya now. Kaloka. Ito ay story of triumph para sa kaibigan kong si Belle.

Isang lesson sa lahat nang nasa pwesto dito na mag ingat sa mga kilos at ayusin ang trabaho at wag mang bully hehe. Ang karma andiyan lang. And she's a beach este bitch pala. Chos!

Should I Give Up?

Its been 2 days since our last date. I haven't heard from him since. I did my usual routine at work at the ICU when Gil noticed me and said: wow, look whose here! I did not expect to see him either on duty that afternoon.

And if Gil is here, it means R.A is on duty too! (Gil is R.A's preceptor)

OMG!

I looked around...looking for a familiar face, a face that I long to see....

there!

at the station, he looked surprised seeing me too. I cannot tell if that look was from being glad to see me or for fear that Oh-oh-he's-here-look!LOL. Our eyes met and we smiled to each other. I don't know...after our date, it just felt awkward talking or seeing him again.

I kinda missed him. I wanna run into him and give him a tight hug.

Nobody from his colleague at the ICU knew that we had our date last weekend. For them, I'm still getting nowhere on my quest to win his heart!LOL

I didn't stay longer than I used to, I finished up my work and went back upstairs to our unit. I didn't chat with him like I used too. I was trying to read his actions. I'm still guessing if he likes me or not.

I feel so insecure after I noticed his indifference. I wanna scream to his face and yell: what now! But I didn't!

di ko keri hahaha!

On my second rounds. Gil noticed that I'm quiet while doing my work, I'm not like that. We usually have this moment of fooling/joking around and talking some silly stuffs while I'm trying to get notice by R.A at work.

I already had my dinner, but Gil and R.A just about to have theirs. Gil asked me if I wanna eat with them. I said thanks, that they should go and eat for I have things to do. I was waiting for R.A to invite me too, but he was just quiet as if he did not know that I'm there. But I'm sure he knew that I am.

It hurts me that after we shared a great dinner and some time last Saturday, he was acting weird. So I thought to my self, OK, that's it! that's my sign! I should give up whatever hopes I had with him!

I finished up my rounds and my documentation after 30 minutes when they came back...I was at the faucet scrubbing my hands:

"Mac, ganyan ka di ka sumasabay sa min kumain ha!" Gil said
(Mac, you really didn't join us for dinner huh!)

"Busog na nga kasi ako!hahaha"
(I told you, I had dinner already)

I saw R.A passed by but I ignored him. Pretending that I did not see him.

"Mac..."

I looked around and saw him.

"Here...take this..." giving me a can of milk for patients on nasogastric tube for feeding!He was teasing me to have it for dinner instead. He was smiling like a small boy, trying to be funny with his super korny joke!

Tinignan ko siya ng matagal. Nakangiti lang siya ng parang engot...

"hmpf! ah ganun ha...you take it first!" I replied. I was smiling back at him. He was laughing when he left.

For a few seconds...that brief moment. Everything around us felt so quiet. As if we had our own world. I was looking at his eyes and he was looking at mine.

Yes. It was our moment.

I know. Mababaw ako!LOL

I was smiling on my way out. As if all the worries flew in the air.
hay, shall I stop hoping or what?!

Taena ka R.A! Ginugulo mo ko!LOL

*****

Dahil jan kakanta ako ng:Chasing Pavements!hahaha

(related post about R.A. click HERE)

And Then He Said Yes!!!

For a few days I kept on flirting with R.A, I've been extra sweet, spending extra time talking at him even though I have nothing else to do at the ICU, been throwing jokes about going out and etc, I'm sure he gets it, unless MANHID siya noh!

Then I went to London for 4 days without telling him, and then when I came back Gil told me that when he asked R.A about me this question: "so how are you and mac?" and he told me, R.A replied with this: "he's always missing", that's the time Gil told him "tange, he's in London, you didn't know?"

It made me smile, so, he misses me after all!

And as I soon as I went online on Face book, he started chatting with me:

"Hello, bigla nalang nawala... Yun pala natuloy sa lugar na sinasabi niyang pupuntahan niya"
(hello, you've been gone, and found out you went to that place you're talkin about)

"hahaha, hey! I'm back!"

"walang pasalubong?" he teased
(no souvenir for me?)

"of course, I have! I'll give it to you later"

When we got to see each other, i handed him this big chain made of silver with a print on its heart: I love London. I bought it specially for him. Without him knowing that it has another partner on my keeping...hehehe! hindi niya alam mag jowang bear yun!

"aw shit! May puso pa talaga ha..." Gil teased me and pointed the red heart on the bear I gave to R.A. I knew R.A noticed it too, but I just played innocent. Deadma

I've been trying to hide my feelings towards him, as my friend advised me, that i shall not reveal my true feelings so easily to a guy I like, no matter how much I like him, that I should play hard to get too LOL! So days have passed that our scheds didn't match and we're not able to see each other but I sent an sms message on him once...

When he saw me online at FB he said:

"hello, anong duty? Di ata kita nakikita sa hospital a..."
(hello, what's your duty? How come I havent seen you at the hospital lately?)

"Sungit mo kaya sa text kahapon.." I said
(you we're snobbish yesterday when I text you)

"ah, yeah, I was not in the mood. Work problem. I wanna transfer to another hospital"

"what! you're planning to leave me without going out on a date with me first?LOL!" I can't believe that I really typed the word DATE! waaaaah!

"LOL ka rin"

That's it! that's his fuckin reply to what I just said! Grrrrr!

He's been chatting with me every now and then when ever he sees me online, which I must admit gave a wide smile on my lips...giving me hope, that maybe, maybe...arghhhh! I don't wanna expect anything! F*ck!

But his message yesterday almost made me fell on my chair:

"hello, kelan ka manlilibre?"
(hello, when are you gonna treat me for dinner?)

Pakshet! I used to say those words at him! And this time, he's throwing that line back at me!!! taena! I wanna scream and shout to the world that R.A is finally asking me out!!!

Shit! Shit! Shit!

"Ikaw lang naman ayaw e...kelan ka off?"
(I'm just waiting for you to say yes.When is your day off?)

"Saturday..."

"Ok, saturday then..."

"Ok..."

Let's See It Together!

I was on the hallway about to enter the ICU where I am assigned and the voice of Mel kept on playing over and over again to my ears when we had a conversation at his car earlier:

"ask him out already...ang bagal mo!"

He was referring to R.A his new colleague and my new crush-crushie hehe. I kinda like his nerdy-virginal-soft spoken-character and dark skinned too! Damn! I have so many adjective for him!hehehe.

I like him. As in so much that I'm almost thinking of him every day. I'm just not sure if he likes me too or if he likes straight guys or gay guys too! Its hard to read him!

Its been a few days since I showed interest in him. But I still haven't gone far at all! All I did was to make smile and make-pacute at him and invited him at my face book and had a few chat!

I took a deep breath and spotted him immediately at patient number 3...its his patient I assumed. I didn't go at him yet, instead I went to check on patient number 1...took my time till patient number 2 and when I'm about to see his patient number 3, he's already facing me and was giving me something on his hand....

"hey, here's the pen that I promised to give you..." he said smiling. Oh my gosh, I was about to melt. I mean, I almost forgot that i asked for that same pen like 4 days ago, but here he is still honoring that promise...*kilig*

"thank you! you remembered!" I said and kept the pen to my pocket. and thought: I won't use this pen ever and will kiss it goodnight everytime! Chos!

"of course". he said and went back to his paper works.

I continued on my rounds and Mel whispered "did you invited him out already?"

"not yet! atat ka?sasama ka sa lakad?!" and we laughed together.

When I finally got the chance to approach him alone, I took a deep breath and started a conversation:

"you know what, I hated my friends..."

"huh? why is that?"

"I was asking them since last week to see a movie on I-max, but they didn't say yes, but I found out they saw it yesterday when I was at duty! Imagine!" this is actually a true story haha I didnt make it up, but decided to use the situation on my favor.

"wow I-max. What movie you wanted to see?" he asked.

"The Green Hornet."

"hey that's still new! I've heard some good reviews about it."

I saw the excitement from his eyes. Hmmm, I think he likes the idea of going to see a movie. This is good. I took a deep breath once again and said the magic words:

"Come with me, lets see it together..." I nervously laughed and tap his shoulders for some reason that I don't know! LOL and I just walked away from him and see other patient's chart without knowing his answer!

Grrrrrrr! Stupid! Stupid!

When I calmed down and back to my relaxed self again. I approached him once again and sat in front of his table. Tutukan ko na toh! LOL

I saw Gil, his preceptor (his teacher since R.A is only new to the job) which is my friend by the way. I secretly sent him away from us so that I could have R.A for myself alone!

"so R.A, what now? come lets watch The Green Hornet this weekend"

"where do they have the Imax here?"

"At the villagio".

"How much is the entrance?"

"not that much... I think around 55 riyals"

"expensive..."

"kuripot mo!"

"hahaha I haven't have my paycheck yet Mac. So technically I'm still poor!" and we both laugh at his remarks. When I looked around I saw Mel, Gil and Ate Luz watching us with a giant silent teasing smile on their face! natawa ako sa itsura nila!

I was about to say that the date is on me, that's when his monitors started alarming. He got so busy that I was left hanging again!

Pakshet!

When I approached ate Luz she said: "o ano, napasagot mo na ba?" (did he say yes?) with a voice so loud that R.A might hear at the other side!!!

shhhhhhhh!!! wag ka maingay!!!

Present Stressful Events

I felt fully charged today after sleeping for almost 12 hours straight! Its been a while since I last slept like that. I wanna beat my friend's record of sleeping for 16 hours but I just cant!haha. Even if I had enough believe me I'm still sleepy right now! Well, anyway, its my day off today, I need this rest because tomorrow is my big debut duty at the Accident and Emergency room!(ER) waaaaaaaaa!

This is my punishment for being late at work often they said, and being too lazy to do overtime work!LOL We are actually at the general hospital, but my contract is for the special hospital that is on its finishing touches and would open this September, at the Cardiac Center. It is first of its kind here.

I'm nervous, I'm excited, and clueless if I'm going to make it!haha. ICU's are always been my fave area on the hospital, and the least are the operating rooms (OR) and wards. Been having duties at the ER before way back home, but gosh, in this hospital now in Doha, its soooooo different. Very demanding. All new protocols. I'm not on my safe zone anymore.

Its like divisoria! too much people and you never know who or what kind of people will come carrying their complaints! Like last time last year, many of the staffs are exposed to H1N1 because at first you would never knew what they're having until tested or seen by doctors. Sigh.

And what I'm worried about is, all the staffs are new to me, I would be like a wallflower in that chair with no one to talk to! haha. So i have to make new friends right away.

The only thing Im excited about this new experience is the cute ER gay guys...whew!Tons of them! I like! I like! toinks!

Another issue that's been bothering me lately is my first yearly vacation, I'm supposed to have it this July, for some reasons, many of my senior staff from other countries just listed their names on the same month! meaning Boss cannot allow too many staffs having leaves in a month. Since I'm a junior staff, my boss will grant their request first! I hate them! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

What will happen to our Boracay adventure? Been planning to have our honeymoon there! EDC is already working out his body to flaunt out on the beach!LOL

Its so annoying when your mind already set on one thing, its hard to accept any other options huhu.

And besides I cannot bear the thought that I will have to wait more more months to be with my love... I'm dying to hug and kiss and make love to EDC...

(I'm gonna grab his d*ck and kiss him hungrily the moment I see him!LOL)

He sent me a recording of his voice singing Love Me Tender, too bad I wasn't able upload it here, damn blogspot! He joined many singing contest before and as usual he didn't win! LOL! Joke lang mahal!

Tragedy

It was my first orientation at the emergency room/accident room last night, of course I was a bit nervous at first, I mean its not my territory, I'm always assigned at the five ICUs of our hospital. I was told I will have regular duties there, as a punishment for not doing overtime work and being late at work!LOL

Many of my colleague don't wanna be assigned there. Little did my boss know, all my crushes, straights and gays are there! I mean this is so cool! ER has many new nurses that are gays and sooooo cute! (mahal, crushes lang naman to ha? wag selos!LOL)

Its really busy there, cardiac arrest left and right, vomiting all over, traumas, brains out, bloods etc. And besides, we don't know much of the people there. So technically at first you would look like a stupid unknown guy! My senior staff did her best to orient me and took me to places I need to know and the stocks etc.

But this entry is all about something else, something tragic. The charge-nurse sat beside us and told this:

I have a bad news...Marvin committed suicide at the prison yesterday. He's in our mortuary now.

He hanged himself.

I didn't know how long did my mouth was open that time. Its was so shocking. We didn't see it coming...I don't know him personally but I felt him. He's gay. He's one of us. I was sad, I felt mad, and tons of questions arises.

You may remember HIM on my post as the gay guy being arrested by the police here in Doha. You could check the story here. I was so concern abut his case because I wanna know why he was arrested in the first place. So that I could avoid it, and learn the lessons from it. But up to now its still blank.

We went at the morgue and we saw his friends sitting, one was looking at nothing, and the other one, crying at the side...They're saying its unbelievable. Marvin was full of life.

We are all clueless about the truth and now...he's dead. No one could know the real score. Was he having an affair with a local? Was he arrested because he's gay? Was he raped or tortured inside that's why he killed himself? Or he cannot face his family back home about what happened?

We were told he's about to take the flight back to Manila last night. So why would someone about to go home would hanged himself? why not on his first few days there? he's been imprisoned for a month now. It doesn't make sense....

Filipinos all over the hospital said this: Its a foul play.

Let us pray for his soul.

***************************

Note: So I'd like to make a holler to all PLU's out here. Please be careful. As much as possible, don't entertain or date or make any affair with Arabs or other races. Its too dangerous you never know who might report you to the police. Stick to our fellow Filipinos.

A Sweet Torture

Its totally unexpected.

I didn't see it coming. I didn't text or sent any messages for him for a long time.

I was so shocked when my boss assigned me at Darkguy's area! We have 5 ICU here and he is a nurse on one of them... So this is it, I cannot avoid him forever. Its been almost two months since we last had that intimate moment, and I was so successful forgetting him, well, ofcourse I owe some of the credits to Aldwin, who kept me company. Until we had that bitter separation.

My friend told me: goodluck!

She knew about my affair with him. I took a deep breath when I opened the door of the ICU and gather all my self confidence. I spotted him immediately. Wearing his bluish scrubsuit. I pretended I didnt see him or even aware that he's there. I started my rounds, reading charts and signing the medications. One by one, bed after bed, one nurse per patient...

I am uneasy, as I was walking toward his patient. I have to go there. I cannot skip it! I thought I was comfortable with him already. i thought i already broke the awkwardness between us, but what am I feeling right now, did I missed him?

A big fuckin' YES!

I went to his table he was sitting on its chair writing, I took the medication folder from the side and started flipping the pages and signed each meds assigned for me.

"You have been quiet for a while..." he said while still busy writing. I already knew what he was talking about. So he's waiting for my messages?my texts? he noticed I wasnt giving him some attention? hmmm, I was so kilig LOL!

"Been busy with lot of stuffs" I lazily said to him.

"Why did they assigned you here?"

"I dont know with my boss, infact Im not usually assigned here"

"Yeah I've been wondering too...why is that?" he asked, there was a hidden meaning to the question, so he thought I intentionally requested not to be assigned on this area?

"I dont know, Im not the one doing the assignment, you know!" I said. But he looked unconvinced. He made a face.
"Oh, i will talk to your boss and senior staffs to always assign you here!" he laughed.

"Har-har-har" I said and walked away.

The whole shift, our eyes whenever we are on far corner of the room made contact and we're both gonna look away. Damn!

Whenever he needs me, he wont say my name, he'll just say "therapist-therapist, pls put my patient on anothe ventilator mode" its starting to annoy me. He cant say my name! And he kept on asking me where the fridge key for the medications. I already told him I gave it to one nurse!

Even though we're talking, there is this awkwardness between us still, I cannot make it go away, I know he felt it too.

That's why I was so surprised when my colleague told me that Darkguy and 3 others are moving to my transpo!!!! WTF! what happened to their own transpo?!

This is torture!

It was unbelievable when I sat on our van to take us to work and saw him at the back. Its really him. I sighed. I have to see him more often than before. At first I was just quiet and listening to my mp3 songs. Until time after time, he started teasing me with some silly things, he was so talkative when he's with his friends, I'll just laughed with them, they're funny.

But when everyone else was gone and there's only two of us on the van (since we live on the same building) he was sitting at my back and he'll touch my skinhead and said "ang sarap himasin ng ulo mo" then he realized it sounds so awkward, he immediately corrected it and said instead" ang lambot..."

He dont usually sit beside me, his fave place is at the back, thats why when one nurse about to open the door of the van, and I realized (and maybe him too) that she would sit beside me, its like in a flash Darkguy was already sitting beside me, I dont understand why he have to move beside me! Its the first time he did that.

He would usually asked whats my schedule the next day. I dont wanna think of anything else with his actions. I am not going to fall for him...

Before we go to work he usually send messages on my messenger, nothing important, just nonsense...haha. He'll send again after work.

When there are others inside the van, he dont run out of words to say.

But when its time to go inside our flat's building and we have to walk a few meters towards the elevator, he was silent, we are both silent, both of us dont know what to say and it felt like eternity and wished I could fly to reach it in an instant...

Very awkward.

We entered the lift and I felt like suffocating...most of the time, its just the two of us inside...

Torture.

Whenever I see him, there's always a flashback of his lips and how he hungrily kissed me.

I cannot take it out of my mind! Oh dear Lord!

"Bye"

He said, when he reached his floor.

*************************************

Related post entries on Darkguy:
The Lucky One..or Not?
A Painful Start
Do You Wanna Do It Again Tonight?
No More, No More
Nice To See You

Exposure To The Virus

Two days ago, I was assigned at the Medical ICU here at our hospital together with other two senior Indian staff and we made our rounds on each patient and we finished our tasks for the day...and today we were informed by our secretary that one patient from Medical ICU is positive with A(H1N1)!!!!

Waaaaaaaaaaa! I made contact with that patient! Now I'm bothered that I might be carrying it...not only me but half of the staff from our department!haha. I'm observing myself if I have any symptoms already!Now I'm paranoid! And its annoying that the hospital management are not telling us anything or giving us any prophylaxis and we just said, fine!If we get infected nobody will run the department!

They didn't even tell us to do a self-quarantine!

Those assholes!

So far I feel fine!LOL

Like A Stone

In a few days, I'll be at Qatar, well that is, if I don't encounter any problem prior to my flight!LOL. So I'm thinking positive now.

In a few days, I'll be on a new environment, a place where I don't know anyone...culture and language so unknown to me..

In a few days, I'll be waking up on a totally different room and house....no annoying sister, no stubborn 5 year old nephew and no alcoholic father too LOL!

In a few days, I'll be on the hospital laboratory and halls once again. A familiar scent that I'm so used to...

In a few days, I'll be around death again...people are surviving and some are dying...a fact that I have accepted long time ago...

In a few days, I have to put up a strong face when someone dies and prevent myself from being affected...a front that took me a long time to master...

I remembered the first time someone died on my hand...My first week on my job (what is an RT?). I was resuscitating this old woman, a patient on one of our ward that was so loved by her children...she suffered a heart attack and I was called together with a team of nurses and did the code blue...but its her time...the doctor pronounced the time of death..

Suddenly this woman rushed unto me crying, grabbed my arm and begged "please don't stop..keep on resuscitating her...don't stop please...please" the other kids are hysterical...just like in the movies, only that this is real, you could feel their emotions, their anguish, their loss...

She went at her lifeless mother lying on the bed and she started compressing her chest just like what she saw me doing ,as if she could revive her dead mother. I stand still, there's nothing we or I could do...I excused my self and went at the bathroom, there, I let the tears that I was holding back while ago to flow freely...It really affected me....

My first death.I was so affected.

Time goes by, sometimes everyday, weekly, someone dies on our duty and I began to be emotionless, unaffected, playing tough, playing professional. Like a stone.

That's why whenever I see a patient survived death and came out of the ICU, where I spent most of my duty, it gives me so much happiness knowing I was part of his/her wellness.

There was this rich patient that survived her near death experience from a fatal car accident and gave our team 5oo pesos each after a month of being discharged. She's so thankful to us. She considered us her "heroes".

Hmm, I wonder why only 5oo?Kidding!!!!!!!!

Guess What!

Hay after a while I've been thinking whether to comply or not to the TAGGING made by Umleo (i hate chu) and Flamindevil(you chu hehe) last month. I visited other blogs that they tagged too and already made their part of the tagging I suddenly felt guilty since the two of them are nice to me (naks!) so now Im giving you 9 things true about me and one hoax.GUESS!

1. I was born and raised here in Laguna.I only have one sister who is now married.(in other word we are sisters LOL) I was so thin when I was growing up,I always wanted to gain weight.I ate a lot but still not getting extra pounds.Its have something to do with my metabolism,but when I reached 20 plus I started becoming fat that it bothers me already haha!But now I'm happy with my current body built.
   
   
2. When I graduated in college that's when I discovered gay sex,its like I'm having a sexual revolution.It was a lot of fun meeting and dating and fucking guys!I was like a sex machine way back then.All one night stands.Then after 2 or 3 years living a life like that,I got sick and tired of it.I searched for more meanings,I wanted more than sex,I want to experience love and be loved.Then they came.They go.They came again.But it was all worth it.I love being in a relationship,even if 50 percent of it are heartaches but I'm still looking forward to the other 50 percent of love,companionship's,friendships,and happiness it can give me.
   
   
3. I'm close to my mom than my dad.I miss her,she's in Dubai right now.When I start working abroad I'll ask her to quit her job and stay at home and I'll just send her money and be at the spa everyday!haha.She could have a manicure every hour if she like till it bleeds!LOL
   
   
4. One main reason why I'm so eager to work abroad is that I wanna prove something to myself,because I am 29 years old already turning 30 this May 20 by the way hehe,and I still haven't achieved anything yet.Yes I am successful at work,in fact I'm good at it,but in terms of financial stability,I don't have that.
   
   
   
5. I wanna save up so that I can buy my own house and lot.Me and my future special someone will live in that house and we will fill the walls and halls of semen I mean of love and laughter! I hope he's just somewhere and I know god will find a way for our paths to meet along the way.I can feel it.
   
   
   
6. When I was just a hospital intern I had this upset stomach and I have to unload and I had no choice but to run at SM North Edsa's CR haha.When I came out of the cubicle the people are like "ang baho naman!" deadma lang ako,paki ko taeng tae na e!"
   
   
7. I was on duty that time and this cute guy was transferred to ICU because of an attempted suicide (he took a chemical I forgot what it is already) because take not,his gf was breaking up with him!Shacks! And the nurses are giving him a bath to wash out some chemicals at his skin and I pretended to be a nurse so that I can participate in the bathing of that cute naked guy at the CR!He's hairy and OH my...gifted!Yummy!haha
   
   
   
8. I don't know how to punch anyone haha,Im not effem ok (defensive?haha) its just that I've never been to any serious fights before I mean,no physical matter involve, just pouring of some acid at the face!LOL! or just taking a number of hairs and with a little doll and some needle,and that's it!
   
   
9. In all my relationship I never tried sucking at least once!I don't know,I felt like I cant do it.They asked me to do it,but I just cant.I'm glad they didn't insist on me doing it or they just love me that much?Hmmm maybe hehe.
   
   
10. I was harassed twice while riding the bus going to work.Someone sat beside me and next thing I knew he's slowly touching my leg and moving at my genitals (well,I allowed it so technically it was consensual LOL) I don't know,it gave me a feeling of being lust about haha.Till he slipped his hands inside my pants and let him played my "patutut" but i never came because I'm about to reached the hospital so, sorry for him haha.The other one was when Im riding a van from festival mall alabang going back to laguna,and this guy touched the tip of my little finger,I was pretending to be asleep hehe.I allowed it,I wanna know how far he's at it.We were sitting at the back and there's only two of us left there and its so dark that no one will notice.Until he sucked me and I almost came.Unfortunately we reached the terminal.He's inviting me to a nearby motel but I refused.

So that's it guys! Its up to you to find out which one is the hoax! Good luck!I wont be tagging anyone so that I will receive good karma and no one will tag me again (?) so don't worry haha I will just cut off the curse for now LOL.

Unforgettable

Since it was valentines day yesterday and it is all about hearts let me tell you a story about one of unforgettable patient we had at the hospital (haha see the connection?whatever!).
I was at the ER waiting for some action because that day was a boring one,I was talking to a nurse when suddenly a tricycle stopped and the guard opened the door and there he is!The driver was shouting "help!help" and our female attendant was shocked and screamed at the sight of the patient she couldn't moved!and I froze too!I'm stunned!

The patient: a 40 something years old guy,a porter(kargador) at this 18 wheeler truck loaded with supplies to be delivered to manila and while resting,he lay down and sleep under the truck,and then someone asked the driver to moved the truck because they're blocking some driveway or something and without knowing his brother in law(the patient) was resting under the truck he moved the heavy vehicle and that's when it happened.The patient was rolled over already by the huge wheels before the driver could stop.Its too late.

This is the actual picture of him.I intentionally turned the photo to black and white.

The patient was inside the tricycle awake and he was sitting on the floor of the vehicle but what shocked all of us was from waist down,all bones are broken and muscles torn!when he was lifted the leg muscles and bones are falling from the stretcher and the only thing holding them together are his skin!Its like a piece of meat from the markets!It was like a scene at a movie!there actually smell of blood and fresh flesh all over the room!everyone was eyes wide opened!

Remember the movie "the ring"?where the ghost covered with hair on her face and going out from the TV screens using her arms to walk towards you?that's how he looks like inside that tricycle floor while our orderlies are trying to get him.And that image of him kept inside my mind till now.I cant forget it.Its so gory.I've seen patients being shot by a gun with all bloods and patients with tumors and patients with brains out but nothing can compare this.

I grabbed my camera phone and video shot shot this unique case.What really impressed us was that he's still alive and conscious but a little disoriented,he doesn't seem to know what really happened to him.He kept on rising from the bed and trying to get up.I tried to help the nurses cleaning him and preparing him to be directed at the OR.

Then after 8hours or more I got a call from OR that the patient will be needing my services for the mechanical ventilators at the ICU.Then we waited and there he was,survived the accident and operations.They cut off both legs from the groin area down.He's in incredible pain after the general anaesthesia faded away.He's screaming and saying names we cant understand.After a day he was transferred to a hospital in Manila.And we were told that he died after a few more days.

A Little Bit Of Fun

I visited my old friends from my former work at the hospital today,it was a good day to travel all the way to lipa city,its sunny but not too hot.I cant see my boyfriend because he is busy at work,and he sleeps at the day,as a matter of fact when I told him I'll go to lipa city he didnt even bothered to ask what am I going to do there or what time Im going home,well he said he' s insensitive and not the sweet type of guy at times,now is the proof of that.I just thought what if I try to date another guy or whatever he wont even know it haha(ofcourse it doesnt mean I'll do it ok).He's kinda diffrent from my previous
partner so Im adjusting a bit with his "i dont care attitude",you might think he dont love me,I just hope I can cope up with it(*fingers crossed).Since I dont have anything to do so I decided to go the hospital to have a fun day with mah old friends,and fun it is that I found haha.

They were excited to see me when I arrived at the ER,I stopped by at the ICU,and my former lab,the pulmonary dept.I was waiting for Brendamage (its only brenda I just love to call her that) to arrived and she was so late!Im glad most of the people I wanted to are on duty.They were practicing this dance steps for their christmas party on the 16th which by the way invited me to come ofcourse hehe

And I begin noticed the choreographer,he is a cute little thing,a gay guy...hmmm i liked him and Brendamage told me he seems to be looking at my direction when Im not looking at him(I dont know maybe she just imagined it haha) well.atleast he made my stay more worthwhile.(Pero sympre hanggang tinginan nalang kami!No can do im taken!)

I went home very late,i felt tired and hungry due to the trip,im kinda hoping I will find a cold text or atleast a cold offline messages or something but ofcourse there's nothing,Oh wait I forgot there was this message at YM : ".........." !!!! That's it.dot dot dot .Nice!Maybe this "I dont care attitude" gonna need a lot of getting use to for me,...hmm...maybe I should do the "I dont care anymore attitude"too?hahaha.kidding!Anyway i cant wait to be at their christmass party for sure it will a lot of fun and foods! Ciao!

"Wrong Signals Part 2"

The first sleep over was followed by another and another..and the next one was different, when we were lying there together, as usual I cant sleep when his with me, I felt him moved closer to me, our shoulders touched..and I was electrified..Oh my god it feels so good!!!So I pretend to be asleep..then his legs lie on mine…”Ang sarap shettt” hehe.And after that…I fell asleep!!!!!Damn!hehe.

We went to breakfast together,we were talking about anything and it felt good,as if we were partners in real life hehe. Then he’s sched changed to morning shift( 6am-2pm), so no more sleep over..I missed him, his smell, I don’t know I like his sweet sweaty like smell hehe. After 2 weeks he’s in the 2-10pm shift again and asked me again he will sleep at the lab.. I was told that he never sleeps at our lab whenever I was not the duty therapist. and it made me happy. It means he likes to be with me hehe.(*kiligg) this time I asked Brenda to help me moved this big box of supply to our sleeping area of Perry, so that it will become smaller, so he have no choice but to sleep really closer to me since the big sleeping area before is now become so small!!!Haha we were laughing at our brilliant plan!!!Now I can feel his body really closer to mine and Im excited! When he came and noticed the big big box at our area he just ignored it and just lie there..i can see how small our sleeping area has become when he was lying there OH MY GOD…We immediately prepared our meds which is due at 12am to give to our patients..it took us an hour..and now I can go to sleep and wait for any calls..wishing that there will never be cardio-pulmonary arrest case tonight!

Then I went to my very little space of our bed, I asked Perry to move a little bit because I cant fit in the space he left me (I told to myself “its ur idea to have it small now suffer”haha) and he moved so little,so I have no choice but to shrink myself in I went on side lying position and I was facing him..he was lying on his back ..and I was very close to his body and I can feel the air he’s breathing out..it was heaven!Then I lie my arms in his stomach as if im hugging him…as if his my boyfriend…and no movement…nothing at all..no reaction or something, I don’t know if he’s just pretending not to feel my arms in him..so I got aggressive..i move my head closer to his head..and my hands moved down his navel..I can feel his skin..it was smooth and with so very thin hairs…there’s still no movement from him…then I moved my hand again down…I wanna feel him…his genitals…haha I was so horny that time!!!And I was so curious if its big and if he’s really gay as I suspected!And when Im about to slip my hand inside his pants he suddenly moved and went on sidelying position so now Im facing his back!haha. I was silently embarrassed at that time OMG what have I done???How can I face him again? But at the back of my head I was a little amused hehe..did he just gave me the wrong signs or he just got scared at the last minute?haha

I was called at the ICU and when I got back at the lab he was gone he went home early than usual, I told Brenda what happened and she was laughing she cant believed that I really did it! From then on, I started to avoid Perry, I cant face him haha and I think he did too, he never called at our lab and never sleeps again.. and now after 5months he texted me, it was a forwarded message, a comedy quotes, I thought it was a wrong send message,but he texted again the next day,it was nothing special but it’s a good sign..and I missed him.