Best Person In The World

Kinda late but I still wanna greet you, mom. A Happy Mother's day. Even though you can't read this and I cannot tell you how much I love you in person, I know deep inside you, you could feel that we do love you Mom, very much :-)

Mom, I do wish you happiness. I'm missing you terribly, you don't know how much I wanted to see you. I called you on the phone most of the time and you would say you're fine. But, I know you are not. I know you are under a lot of stress lately, the current situation you are in Dubai right now, God knows I wanna do the best I could to help you carry that burden but I don't have the power to do so...its not in my power to do so...

I just hope and pray that every thing's gonna be alright soon....

I planned for this June vacation for both of us...I wanted to give you a great beach vacation, a grand dinner for your return and a reunion for all of us after two years...

I died when you said its not possible for you to come home. You deserved a break from all of this...

I cried when you said, you have to wait for another 6 months or a year to go home. You are tired. I know. I want you to come home with me, to see your one and only grand son, I know you miss him...

I wanna scream when I asked you what's the best thing we could do and you said: I don't know, son. We don't have the solution at hand.

I am really sorry Mom. I wish I could. Sometimes I think, i don't deserve to be happy or even to laugh real hard while you're there. A feeling of guilt.

Just hang in there.

God has his own way. I just know it.

I feel so helpless when all I want for her is to be at home, on her couch and watching her grandson play while having her cup of coffee...

Konting panahon nalang Nanay.

Marami kang sakripisyo na ginawa sa'min magkapatid at utang namin ang buhay namin sa 'yo. (yan naiiyak na ko huhuhu)

I love you Mom. Happy Mother's day. You're the best Mom in the world.

Responsibility

It was a mixed feeling as I was leaving the remittance center the other day, glad that finally I was able to send my family the money they need this christmas season. It was bigger this time. They asked for an increase (oh di ba, parang tuition fee lang, may increase din!LOL) since it is the holidays. I understand.

I remembered the conversation I had with my sister: "could you please send more this time... too much expenses and we don't know if there would be enough left for us".

I wanna cover my ears and stop listening to them for a second. I wanna scream. Shout.

But I couldn't. I wouldn't.

Mom in Dubai is going through though times now. I wanna help. I should. But I don't have enough. So I'm doing the best I could to help.

I shouldered everything for now.
Because I should. I am family. They are my family.

A year ago, I was very hopeful to work abroad and save for my future. A dream house. A business.

But I'm on a different situation now.
I can't save up now.
No more shopping.
No more unnecessary spending.

As I was leaving the remittance center and closed the zipper on my bag...I just smiled and thought...more than half of my salary were all sent to the philippines and dubai...I only have enough to feed my self for the whole month...

Yeah it was a mixed feeling. Proud that I could help my family and a little low that after a month of hard work, all whats left is this much on my pocket.

But what to do Yani? :-)

So, this is how it really feels to be an OFW after all huh?
Suddenly a perfect word crossed my mind.

Bread winner.

Yes, Mac, you are indeed now the breadwinner.

Looking For A Job Abroad?

How did you get a job abroad?

How can you apply for a job online?

Well some are asking, and I wanna share to you how I got a job here in the middle east.

I was working my ass off at my former hospital back there in the Philippines, and still getting very low pay. I thought, I didn't deserved it! I could have more.

A friend told me how much they earned working there, but I was reluctant because, middle east was extremely hot! and very much a Muslim country! I won't enjoy working there, I told them.

She just answered me this...do you have a dream? Own your house? Buy anything you want? Do you wish to help your family? Do you wish of giving them better life? You can't have them while you're stuck in here...

It hit me. Its been five years since I started working here and yet, I haven't have a single penny on my bank account! I can't save up for my future. My salary was just enough to pay all my basic needs and couldn't even share some to my family. Its awful.

So I made a decision: I will apply for a job abroad. But not in Saudi Arabia! definitely not! LOL. Somewhere not so strict I said, an open city like Dubai or Qatar perhaps.

So I sat in front of my laptop and went to the:

(1) POEA website. I want it to be legal and safe.
(2) clicked on online services at the right side.
(3)clicked approved job orders.
(4) saw three links: approved job orders by position, by country and by agency.
(5)I clicked on them and typed in my title on the search bar. I found tons of results.
(6)I listed those recruitment agencies on a piece of paper. I narrowed it down to a shorter lists.
(7)I started visiting those agencies websites. There's a link wherein you could check if that agency is legal or not on the POEA website as well. (click here)
(8)I only picked agencies who are not asking for placement fees. I found three. Mahirap ang buhay now noh, kaya dapat yun walang placement fees and piliin!
(9)I updated my resume. Took new photos too, yun cute LOL!
(10) I submitted my resume online. Visit them personally too, sometimes, they appreciate a personal submissions, you know!
(11)I waited. And go on with my life. Prayed too! O di ba, nagdadasal din ako noh!

After a month, two of the three agencies called me. The other one bound for Dubai and the other in Doha. Asking me to submit this and that. That one in Dubai was promising. An American hospital, I said wow! But i have too get through a lot of interviews and exams. I was on my 2nd interview when the agency going to Doha called me again, and asking me to send my resume to their email again. I did.

After a month. I was told that out of 5o applicants I was one of 5 being picked and about to be offered a contract!

I was like whoa! Whats this? No interview? No exams? is this true??? Just my resume and my credentials????

Of course, I asked the agency about it. They said, they are picking applicants based on educational background, years of work experience, seminars attended and etc.

Was my credentials that good? Toinks!

After almost six months of preparing the necessary documents and requirements. I'm finally here in Doha, having a good time and the rest is history.

I hope this post helps.

I am Not OK

I was at the mall this afternoon, I sent money to my sis to help with the bills, and also to my mom...sigh, I've been thinking about her for some time now, our plans of getting her here with me was canceled. She just cant be, she has a financial obligations there, its too big that I don't know how she can settle it....the bank wont allow her to leave.

Amounts she used to save my uncle's ass from being put behind bars. (Don't wanna bore you with the details) She was confident she could pay little by little, but recession plagued Dubai and her salary was cut to half, she wants to resign from work and move here with me, and that's where the problems came in....

When I spoke to her, it seems that everything was alright and under control but I know deep inside, she was troubled. She cant sleep at night thinking and trying to figure out a solution...I know her, she's my mom. Always like that. She always spare me the worries even when I was small.

She stood up for me when someone teased me due to my weak personality while growing as an insecure gay kid...Fought with my dad whenever he tortured me emotionally for suspecting I am going to be gay...which by the way turned out to be true LOL!

She took a risk applying for a job abroad to support my studies through college, I mean, everything that I am, all that I have, is because of her...So why can't I find a way to help her now...I did everything I could, but all seemed not cooperating...I am so useless....

shit! shit! shit!

Anyway, excuse me for being so mellow dramatic today, she's not going to prison though, its just that, it will take her a long time to pay all those sums...and she wont be able to go home...they would hold her back. I want her to retire and spend her days worry free...

It all has to wait...

The annoying part of all these is, my aunt, who by the way I think never understood the sentence: Walang pera si nanay anu bah! (my mom have no money) she kept on calling my mom for financial support, she's telling she will die if my mom wont send her money! and naturally my mom being so kind to her siblings, would send even if there's nothing left to her!

I wanna yell at my mom and tell her to stop being sooooo "like" that already!

I strolled the mall, entering from shops to shops, but didn't bought anything, I thought I don't have the right to spend or splurge on anything when my mom is saving every penny at the other side of the world. Even went to a Chinese eat all you can resto alone, didn't stop until I felt like vomiting!

I went to the supermarket after and took some basic stuffs I need at home.

...canned goods

...baby powder for my face (sooo bading LOL)

...soaps, hand sanitizer, tissues

...Durex condoms

waittttttttttttt!condoms?! I don't know why I picked it up and put on my cart haha! I mean, EDC is not even here and there's no other guy!
*Ting!*

I remembered I have a cucumber at the fridge! *wink*

Just kidding!!!!

A Family Show: Goodbye Once Again

Its five in the morning, still dark when I look out the window, I turned off my alarm clock and grab my "piknik" (remember my chamber pot?LOL) and headed out of my room.I saw my mom and dad having breakfast,there's a silent atmosphere in every corner of our house.I sat down and eat "goto" and loaf bread.I felt like choking.

But I pretend I'm not sad at all, don't wanna show them I'm being an "emo" or something.I don't know,why are we too shy to say our feelings with our mother? I cant remember I said "I love you" to her, maybe it sounds so cheesy and corny and all, we are not so used to it, (but i don't have a hard time saying those words when I'm f*cking someone and about to c*m!LOL) but I know I showed it to her on every possible way I can I just cant say it!Damn!

I told her instead "mom, don't forget to bring your face mask and alcohol on your bag OK?"

I hope she got my hidden message. That inside those words I'm saying "mom I love you, please take care of yourself and we will miss you". I'm jealous of other people too comfortable saying I love yous to their mother, or parents, we are just not that vocal about it, but we knew, deep inside our hearts that we do love each other.

We talked about anything inside the car. It was fun.

Then we reached our destination...

NAIA...the airport.

This is the day she's going back to Dubai

Another two years before she come back

Before we go out and hangs out again

I will miss her so much

When she's about to go inside I hugged her so tight and said:

"mother wag ka tatatanga-tanga na naman dun sa eroplano ha!"

And we all laughed and she headed at the entrance.

related posts:
Looks like Insomnia
My Favorite Person
A family show:homecoming
A Family show 1

A Family Show: Coming Home

I will call my mom and dad "mother and father lily" in this entry haha"

Yippee!We're going to pick up my mom at the airport (NAIA) this Monday morning at 10 am!Kinda early but its alright, anything for my beloved mother-lily LOL! It would be the happiest day of my life, seeing her again after two years,I didn't realized that it was that long already.We just missed her so much!She must be really excited to see her only grandchild (since all of my kids are killed at the bathroom drainage LOL!)

She'll be having her month long vacation leave from work at Dubai.My mom have been in and out of Dubai for a while now, its like less than ten years already, she went there to send me to college and have hope in heart that I'll be the one to give my family comfort in life!haha what a shame I only gave them comfort rooms!LOL. I'm still nothing up to this day!Darn that visa from Qatar!Its like 48 years already why the hell its not here yet?(nagalit na LOL)

That's one of the reasons, that the title of this blog is "Living the Expectations". Its only fortunate that my mom have a great job there, its not something that she didn't like,s he's happy doing her own thing, she drives her own car, living in a nice unit, there was this time time when she missed her job badly back at Dubai when her vacation took at least two months here in the Philippines way back then.

We asked mother lily if she wants to share my dad's bed when she get here, on the phone last night and she said ,"oh no! I'll be sleeping with Anton(my 5 year old nephew)" and I was like "i told you so" to my sister, because she's having this idea that mom will actually be sleeping at dad's bed, she just didn't get it, that mother lily has fallen out of love to her husband already.A very long time ago.

We just don't know how father lily will take this, for all i know, he's expecting it to be the other way around.He might be un-manageable if he finds out that mother lily wont be sleeping with him,I feel the pity for him,he needs to wake up to reality.My mom is just being civil, she's doing her best to be friendly at him, but dad, thinks otherwise.

Actually I'm bothered, what will happen? I mean by the time my mom reached home. This will be the first time, she will actually spending time together with my father, because not until last year, my dad worked as a supervisor at a food processing at Saudi Arabia.Mother lily was always successful avoiding him, like she's having her vacation leave every month of May and dad will be having his at December, its been like that for like 5 years or so.

But dad quit his job and now living like a king here LOL!See yah next time!

By the way I created a multiply account haha.pls add me up if you have I'm so kawawa I don't have any friends there yet! www.maccallister.multiply.com

Related posts:A Family Show (part 1)
Related posts:Father and Son Story

A Family Show

My mom called last night and told me its confirmed that she'll be going home next month...hep hep hep...hold your thought guys!not because of the recession,but to have her 30 days vacation hehe.We are so excited its been two years since we saw and hugged her.My nephew were just 2 years old then barely crawling the floor and now he's 4 and running around the house already!

That made me happy.I missed my mom so much.I don't know maybe being a bi or gay made it so natural to be super close to their mothers than their fathers.Mothers made it so easy for us,me being gay by being so understanding,so forgiving,so loving...At least she will be free from responsibilities from my uncle who is currently her problem at Dubai.

But there is one slight problem of her homecoming...my father.You see,mom and dad are not really together,like together-together anymore.They are separated but without the legality.I mean my mom is living her own life now without caring what my dad thinks.Its fine with us,I mean she deserves to be happy.And my dad was really hard to reasoned with.He have an impossible personality that no one could bear!We all see it coming.

You see,my mom don't have a problem not seeing my dad for many years since my dad was out of the country too and he have his yearly vacation every December and my mom every May,so its been a success avoiding him.My dad don't seems to take it,he's still hopeful,but my mom and I thought its hopeless.She told my sister too that there is no love left at all.

But this year its a totally different scenario.My dad quits his job last year.And his visa for another work hasn't come yet,so my mom cannot avoid the inevitable hehe.Seeing my dad and actually living together in one roof!That's exciting for us haha we don't know how my mom is gonna play this!

I mean will she be sleeping the same room with him?
or how is she going to tell him that its not what's he thinks looks like?
Will there be lots of fights?
For my dad they are still husband and wife.He's in denial,that gets me irritated.

This will be the much awaited event of the year.
Abangan ang susunod na kabanata.

Relatives...Relatives...

I'm pissed.
Aunt who is here in Laguna asking for money again from my MOM.
Mom is sick in Dubai.Working extra time.
Why?She needed extra money to support my jobless uncle with her.
Why jobless?Due to other Filipinos who do nothing but to hurt one's reputation due to envy or to gain selfish ambitions.
And because he is jobless,there are unpaid loans.
He was put behind bars at Dubai.
Mom paid for his bail.More than a hundred thousand.
Where did my mom get all those money?Answer:working too hard and asking for friends to lend her money.Mom was problematic till now.She's helping uncle pays the remaining credits.Plus their everyday needs.
So Mom have big debts now thanks to uncle.
Why uncle have so many loans?Answer:He petitioned his crazy wife and kid to be at Dubai.
You know,the house,the schooling of the kid once they get there.All of it.Cost a lot.
The crazy wife of my uncle,was not happy and decided and insisted on going back to her beloved country.Philippines.
So now all of the effort and money used to get them was wasted.
And now,my super kind mother is the one suffering through all of that.
For this I wanna kill the crazy wife.LOL!
Since mom is so kind to relatives who are in need of money in Laguna
She looked for jobs for her two niece and fly them at Dubai.
When they got there,the other one was so lazy that her employer wanted her out.
And the other niece run away from employer.
The employer get back at my mom and wanted a refund for all the expenses.
Totally great!Right?So now I wanted to kill those nieces too!
So now I'm pissed.
Going back to the aunt whose here at Laguna
My mom is the one buying her medications.Monthly she receives money for it.
Mom asked us to give an amount to her since aunt said to my mom she's no money to buy foods!
Aunt is still strong and an expert seamstress.An old maid.
We asked her to moved in to us so that she wont have to worry about foods.
She refused!Great!
So maybe you already know what I wanted to do to her too right?LOL!

I mean come on!My mom have a lot of things going there right now,and she's sick maybe she don't visit a doctor because of those responsibilities she have with her relatives and wanted to save money!Damn them!All they do is ask and ask.Didn't they realized my mom had enough!Relatives thought once some one's working abroad that they have a lot of resources and no problems at all!

Its a good thing we are not adding burdens to my mom.We have a small Internet shop.My dad bought a passenger jeep and our hired driver gives us boundary everyday.And my sister's husband at Saudi always helps to our finances.Once I got my visa I will insist that mom to go home and leave all of those relatives at Dubai at their own!

Relatives are fun.But sometimes they are headaches too!And its pains me to have a kind Mother too!Wish she knows how to say NO too.I love you MOM.

Guess What!

Hay after a while I've been thinking whether to comply or not to the TAGGING made by Umleo (i hate chu) and Flamindevil(you chu hehe) last month. I visited other blogs that they tagged too and already made their part of the tagging I suddenly felt guilty since the two of them are nice to me (naks!) so now Im giving you 9 things true about me and one hoax.GUESS!

1. I was born and raised here in Laguna.I only have one sister who is now married.(in other word we are sisters LOL) I was so thin when I was growing up,I always wanted to gain weight.I ate a lot but still not getting extra pounds.Its have something to do with my metabolism,but when I reached 20 plus I started becoming fat that it bothers me already haha!But now I'm happy with my current body built.
   
   
2. When I graduated in college that's when I discovered gay sex,its like I'm having a sexual revolution.It was a lot of fun meeting and dating and fucking guys!I was like a sex machine way back then.All one night stands.Then after 2 or 3 years living a life like that,I got sick and tired of it.I searched for more meanings,I wanted more than sex,I want to experience love and be loved.Then they came.They go.They came again.But it was all worth it.I love being in a relationship,even if 50 percent of it are heartaches but I'm still looking forward to the other 50 percent of love,companionship's,friendships,and happiness it can give me.
   
   
3. I'm close to my mom than my dad.I miss her,she's in Dubai right now.When I start working abroad I'll ask her to quit her job and stay at home and I'll just send her money and be at the spa everyday!haha.She could have a manicure every hour if she like till it bleeds!LOL
   
   
4. One main reason why I'm so eager to work abroad is that I wanna prove something to myself,because I am 29 years old already turning 30 this May 20 by the way hehe,and I still haven't achieved anything yet.Yes I am successful at work,in fact I'm good at it,but in terms of financial stability,I don't have that.
   
   
   
5. I wanna save up so that I can buy my own house and lot.Me and my future special someone will live in that house and we will fill the walls and halls of semen I mean of love and laughter! I hope he's just somewhere and I know god will find a way for our paths to meet along the way.I can feel it.
   
   
   
6. When I was just a hospital intern I had this upset stomach and I have to unload and I had no choice but to run at SM North Edsa's CR haha.When I came out of the cubicle the people are like "ang baho naman!" deadma lang ako,paki ko taeng tae na e!"
   
   
7. I was on duty that time and this cute guy was transferred to ICU because of an attempted suicide (he took a chemical I forgot what it is already) because take not,his gf was breaking up with him!Shacks! And the nurses are giving him a bath to wash out some chemicals at his skin and I pretended to be a nurse so that I can participate in the bathing of that cute naked guy at the CR!He's hairy and OH my...gifted!Yummy!haha
   
   
   
8. I don't know how to punch anyone haha,Im not effem ok (defensive?haha) its just that I've never been to any serious fights before I mean,no physical matter involve, just pouring of some acid at the face!LOL! or just taking a number of hairs and with a little doll and some needle,and that's it!
   
   
9. In all my relationship I never tried sucking at least once!I don't know,I felt like I cant do it.They asked me to do it,but I just cant.I'm glad they didn't insist on me doing it or they just love me that much?Hmmm maybe hehe.
   
   
10. I was harassed twice while riding the bus going to work.Someone sat beside me and next thing I knew he's slowly touching my leg and moving at my genitals (well,I allowed it so technically it was consensual LOL) I don't know,it gave me a feeling of being lust about haha.Till he slipped his hands inside my pants and let him played my "patutut" but i never came because I'm about to reached the hospital so, sorry for him haha.The other one was when Im riding a van from festival mall alabang going back to laguna,and this guy touched the tip of my little finger,I was pretending to be asleep hehe.I allowed it,I wanna know how far he's at it.We were sitting at the back and there's only two of us left there and its so dark that no one will notice.Until he sucked me and I almost came.Unfortunately we reached the terminal.He's inviting me to a nearby motel but I refused.

So that's it guys! Its up to you to find out which one is the hoax! Good luck!I wont be tagging anyone so that I will receive good karma and no one will tag me again (?) so don't worry haha I will just cut off the curse for now LOL.

Job Offer At Qatar

This morning I went to Makati, you know for my meeting with my recruitment agency to work overseas, I'm going to the middle east as a therapist by the way..ooohh scary! haha.But actually its just my second choice

I came at their office at around 11am,the place is nice and the staff are friendly and they accommodate me very well,which is just right I'm a client you know.hehe.Ms.Marie was talking to this guy, so i have to wait, who is complaining about the fee the he have to pay for backing out of his employment,Ms.Marie said that it is every agencies rule to pay 200 USD, (hmm i took my cel and calculate the amount, geez! Its whooping 9 thou plus!) for every job withdrawal whose visa's processing is ongoing.

When its my turn I said good morning,and she asked about my name and she look for her folder and took out a paper from it and showed it to me.Its an "Offer Of Employment" it stated that I will be receiving that salary every month with a transpo allowance, a little short of my what I'm expecting but not too much, that the accommodation is free,that I will have an annual leave of 30days for the whole 3years contract.Hmmm, sounds like a nice offer I thought to myself.But the food is not free! I asked her some questions and she gladly answered them.

One of them was,why don't I need to do an interview and examination, if its alright and is it unusual? She said, yeah, usually we do required them to most applicant, but she added that, this is rather a great oppurtunity and I should consider my self lucky, because the employer is needing my service urgently and the management of _____ Medical Corporation screened 50 resume's and credentials submitted to them through my agency including mine and only 5 of us were chosen! That was a real shocker to me! I mean Wow! I'm really that great?!

But at the back of my mind...ows?you might told that to a couple of people already to make me feel good hehe .But I don't know, she might be telling the truth or not.No one knew.But that really made me feel great what if that's really my fate and I'm being so lucky? Why would I not accept it? I said to her, can I think it over? She said "what else to think? this is a rare opportunity?you should grab this already."

I called my mom and asked her about it,because my mom is in Dubai for less than 10 years now and she said OK you can sign it its not a bad offer anyway so I went inside the office and signed the offer of employment. But its not yet binding so its alright if I back out within this week haha. She gave me some papers and referrals for my medical next week and I should prepare some documents and if everything goes well I'll just have to wait for my contract and visa and ticket...ooh,I cant believe its happening, within 3months time I will be on that plane!!!if I submitted my passpot to them together with the result of my medical I cant back out anymore,it means my visa will be processed.
But hey,with all the money I'm getting I can buy a lot of stuff! haha. I mean,my mom has her own job at Dubai,my dad is just waiting for his plane ticket he already have his visa bound to Dubai too, my sister is married to a husband whose working at Saudi we have a small business, I thought I don't have to share my money with my family every one has their own already,right?Yahoo!!!!my money are all mine!Imagine all the guys I can buy!!LOL