Should I Give Up?

Its been 2 days since our last date. I haven't heard from him since. I did my usual routine at work at the ICU when Gil noticed me and said: wow, look whose here! I did not expect to see him either on duty that afternoon.

And if Gil is here, it means R.A is on duty too! (Gil is R.A's preceptor)

OMG!

I looked around...looking for a familiar face, a face that I long to see....

there!

at the station, he looked surprised seeing me too. I cannot tell if that look was from being glad to see me or for fear that Oh-oh-he's-here-look!LOL. Our eyes met and we smiled to each other. I don't know...after our date, it just felt awkward talking or seeing him again.

I kinda missed him. I wanna run into him and give him a tight hug.

Nobody from his colleague at the ICU knew that we had our date last weekend. For them, I'm still getting nowhere on my quest to win his heart!LOL

I didn't stay longer than I used to, I finished up my work and went back upstairs to our unit. I didn't chat with him like I used too. I was trying to read his actions. I'm still guessing if he likes me or not.

I feel so insecure after I noticed his indifference. I wanna scream to his face and yell: what now! But I didn't!

di ko keri hahaha!

On my second rounds. Gil noticed that I'm quiet while doing my work, I'm not like that. We usually have this moment of fooling/joking around and talking some silly stuffs while I'm trying to get notice by R.A at work.

I already had my dinner, but Gil and R.A just about to have theirs. Gil asked me if I wanna eat with them. I said thanks, that they should go and eat for I have things to do. I was waiting for R.A to invite me too, but he was just quiet as if he did not know that I'm there. But I'm sure he knew that I am.

It hurts me that after we shared a great dinner and some time last Saturday, he was acting weird. So I thought to my self, OK, that's it! that's my sign! I should give up whatever hopes I had with him!

I finished up my rounds and my documentation after 30 minutes when they came back...I was at the faucet scrubbing my hands:

"Mac, ganyan ka di ka sumasabay sa min kumain ha!" Gil said
(Mac, you really didn't join us for dinner huh!)

"Busog na nga kasi ako!hahaha"
(I told you, I had dinner already)

I saw R.A passed by but I ignored him. Pretending that I did not see him.

"Mac..."

I looked around and saw him.

"Here...take this..." giving me a can of milk for patients on nasogastric tube for feeding!He was teasing me to have it for dinner instead. He was smiling like a small boy, trying to be funny with his super korny joke!

Tinignan ko siya ng matagal. Nakangiti lang siya ng parang engot...

"hmpf! ah ganun ha...you take it first!" I replied. I was smiling back at him. He was laughing when he left.

For a few seconds...that brief moment. Everything around us felt so quiet. As if we had our own world. I was looking at his eyes and he was looking at mine.

Yes. It was our moment.

I know. Mababaw ako!LOL

I was smiling on my way out. As if all the worries flew in the air.
hay, shall I stop hoping or what?!

Taena ka R.A! Ginugulo mo ko!LOL

*****

Dahil jan kakanta ako ng:Chasing Pavements!hahaha

(related post about R.A. click HERE)

Yukey

Tomorrow is my flight going to London, ( Feb 24) I am excited and nervous at the same time. I'm trying my best not to show any doubt on my capacity as a professional heath care provider, for my superiors will lose their confidence on me. I know I can do it. Its just that it is my first time and I know this is normal.

I will be escorting a pre-termed baby for a procedure to be done at a children hospital in central London. I will be traveling with one doctor and one nurse (ate eliza, which made me so happy because its much better goin with your fellow kabayan, mas masaya). It is my first trip to UK.

There's a reason for my anxiety. Too many things might happen when you're up there in the sky. Patient might deteriorate or worst, die. Its a bad record! or baka di ako bayaran LOL

And preparing your papers are stressful too, I also have to prepare all of my equipments and other stuffs. These things are not easy. Andami gagawin at papipirmahan! Grrrrrr!

Nakaka-toxic taena!

Pero ang pinaka nakaka-toxic ever e ang mag isip ng outfit sa 13 and below degrees na weather!

Thank God that I managed to do all of that, I hoped so! Wala na sana ako nakalimutan!

We will be staying in London for 4 days, all expense paid by our hospital by the way, well, actually its for 3 days only, because on the first day of arrival we would bring the patient first to the children hospital and do the proper endorsement and etc., then our service will bring us to our hotel, and Im planning to sleep first! LOL

On the second day, and the next and the next blah-blah-ba-blah we would be exploring the whole of London! yes!!! Shopping! pork! parks! castles! and....men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so excited! sana magkasya pocket money ko! So any of my reader in London would like to give me a tour? I might get lost there hahaha! It would be very much appreciated.

See you there!

Fly-Fly

We attended a lecture today about fire and safety (one of many requirements for employees like us!), as always, made me sleepy the whole time! The lecturer mentioned that our hospital has two new helicopter for transporting patient by air! (syempre alangan nga naman by sea!)

I got so excited that I forced my friends to check it out!

FYI: I haven't seen a real-life helicopter!

Ang laki pala nya...
Ang tigas-tigas...siyet...

I wonder how it would be like if I am part of that team! That would be so cool, right?! Mac, a member of Air-emergency-transport-team! Panalo!

Kaso, hindi e, pang lupa lang ganda ko!LOL

While They Were Sleeping...

When I was just an intern way back year 2000, I was assigned to this big and old hospital at Quezon city, there are also interns from other schools, we instantly got along and became friends, every duty are always fun and exciting.

On night shift, there's nothing much to do unlike the morning shift, so we get to sleep at night!!! I mean literally sleep, with matching blankets and pillows and lights off! There's this co-intern Harry, known for being so "manyak" (pervert) and at that time I was still a virgin and not as flirty as today LOL! And I have a feeling he knew what I am.

Five of us are on the floor and he was beside me, he knew I'm still awake and texting using my Jurassic Nokia 5110, he looked at me and smiled. I knew what that smile meant, I could see it in his eyes that he was horny! Like a mad dog! LOL He's been flirting with me the whole time. Testing me. Giving me sexual innuendos and all.

He came closer to me, I didn't mind, I'm waiting for what he was about to do. I could sensed that he was unsure too...maybe he's still a beginner on his perverted career! Toinks!

"Gusto mo...?" (you want?) he asked.

"yuck! go away!" I whispered at him worried the others might hear us! Pakipot bah!

But I was having an erection at that time too. I was dying with anticipation what we'll gonna do. I always imagined him when he's wearing his scrub suit that somehow he has a big dick. I don't know about you but I could imagine as if I have x-ray visions, to predict if this guy's dick big or not LOL! Or maybe its a gay thing or I'm just perverted in nature!LOL

He got impatient and to my surprised he took my hand and put it on top of his throbbing dick. Damn, he guided my hand to stroke his manhood...It was still inside his soft pants but I could feel that it was so hard and big...

It made me so horny too, I looked around to check if no one sees what were doing. I looked at Harry's face, his eyes are closed. His mouth a little open. As if releasing a silent moan. Feeling my hand on his dick. He loves it.

I wanted more so without him guiding me, I inserted my hand inside his pants...his stomach flattens and his breathing became faster...I looked for an entrance inside his undies...I decided to enter on the sides...I felt his pubes escaping from it...bushy...just the way i like it. I touched his crotch...then slid my hungry hand more inside and gripped that big dick...

He brought my hand on the garter of his brief and here I could stroke his manhood with more freedom...I was holding his girth and his balls one at a time and I cant get enough...it was hot on my palm...throbbing...I knew I wanted more...but I don't know how...Its my first time to touch some one's dick...I wanted him to touch mine too but he never did...

Someone moves! I immediately withdrawn my hand from his pants!

I was afraid that they might catch us doing a dirty thing!hahaha. So I moved my position. Turned my back on him. Signaling him that I don't want to do it anymore.

But he was persistent. He moved closer and I gasped when he wrapped his arms around my waist and rubbed his big dick on my ass...Shit it felt so good!

So this is how it felt to have a man wanted to have sex with you...I like this feeling...I rose and went to the toilet...i wanted him to follow me. So he did.

"kantutin kita..." (let me fuck you) he said. I refused. Its painful I know. He didn't force me or else I'd scream "rapeeeeeeeeeeee" LOL! I never want to put it inside my mouth too. Arte no? E virginal pa ko niyan e hahaha!

I just put my hand once again inside his undies and this time I did it harder and faster..my other hand touching his nipple, his chest, tracing the body hairs...he was breathless as if his life dependent on my palm...

I want him to touch my dick too. I took his hand and put it on my dick...he did it shortly...I know I wanted more, I pulled his pants down and mine too and I pressed my dick on his...it felt so good when both our dicks are together...feeling its heat radiating from it...our balls touching and our pubic hair added to the sweet sensation...we started moving our hips as if were having sex...

His back was on the wall and I put my arms around his shoulders for support as we grinded and rolled our hips on this fantastic dance...I know I'm about to come...

"are you coming?' I whispered.

"yes...ohhh..." he answered. I wanted to kiss his lips but I refrained from doing so.

A few more movements and I felt my cum and his cum on both our dicks and groin area...it was hot and slimy...

I suddenly felt like ewwwwwwww! How could I remove this thing now?!LOL

We went back to sleep and become interns again in the morning! We never did it again though. I wonder what happened to him now? hmmm

Old Ugly Bitch

One sad reality I've seen working abroad is that many of our fellow Filipinos are ill-mannered! They're annoying. They're selfish. They're rude and arrogant! Well, not all hehe! But some are and I wanna stab their neck using my fork! LOL

Its disappointing when I was new here to find out that not all are as friendly and as helpful as the others I've been with. Its gives me a sense of shame knowing that they're my "kababayan". I could understand if its from other nationalities but a fellow pinoy? WTF!

Some act as if they owned the place. Some likes to be the boss even if they're not. Some would treat you as if you're less of a person. But I didn't allow it. I know now how to fight back! LOL.

May sungay na e!

One time I was the one who answered the phone call from an oldie-Filipino nurse, my colleagues just went out the door to go their designated areas:

Me: Yes, what can I do for you?

Bruha: Who is assigned here in _____?What time you do your rounds its almost 12am!!!

Me: Ah, mam, they're on their way, just went out of the door.

Bruha: Huh? How come they're still not here!

Me: Who is this? They are on their way...

Bruha: Its ____. you know the "mataray nurse". How come they're still not here its very late!

I tried to stay calm and still tolerate her annoying tone.

Me: What is it that you need from the assigned person there?

Bruha: Ha? Why you need to ask me that? Of course its your time to do the rounds and you're asking what do I need??? So stop asking me what I need!

Me: I know, I was just asking if you need something else and I might be able to help

Tanga pala siya e, kaya nga my bleeper kami. E di mag bleep siya pag may kelangan siya! kesa mag taray siya kung bakit wala pa ang duty dun (we have our own bleeps so that whenever an ICU needs us, they could easily use that.)

Bruha: Why the assigned here is still not coming????

I am now really annoyed and I wanna go up there and put salt and pepper on her rotting v*gina while tied on a tree and put a big eggplant on her ugly mouth so that she cannot scream!!! Freaking old bitch!

Me: Mam, as I've said, he's on his way. OF COURSE, HE WOULD WALK THE LONG HALLWAY, THEN TAKE THE LIFTS UP TO THE 6th FLOOR, THEN WALK AGAIN THE LONG HALLWAY TO GET THERE...

I spoke clearly and pausing on each words as if talking to a child for her slow and dysfunctional brain can absorbed what I'm trying to say.

Bruha: Whatever! Its hard to talk to you! Goodbye!

That bitch! she hanged up on me!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Ako pa daw ang mahirap kausap? kakatawa! LOL

I told everyone what happened and we all just laughed after a while and said: she's an old bitch, don't pay too much attention to her. Just think that no one likes her and that maybe she has a miserable pitiful life. Instead of being mad at her, just feel sorry for what she become.

After ko siya dinurog durog sa Facebook update ko and my friends making hilarious and ugly comments about her, ok na ko. In my mind nakaganti na ko!haha

Buti nalang di ko siya friend dun.

Di niya nababasa! Nyahaha!!!

Present Stressful Events

I felt fully charged today after sleeping for almost 12 hours straight! Its been a while since I last slept like that. I wanna beat my friend's record of sleeping for 16 hours but I just cant!haha. Even if I had enough believe me I'm still sleepy right now! Well, anyway, its my day off today, I need this rest because tomorrow is my big debut duty at the Accident and Emergency room!(ER) waaaaaaaaa!

This is my punishment for being late at work often they said, and being too lazy to do overtime work!LOL We are actually at the general hospital, but my contract is for the special hospital that is on its finishing touches and would open this September, at the Cardiac Center. It is first of its kind here.

I'm nervous, I'm excited, and clueless if I'm going to make it!haha. ICU's are always been my fave area on the hospital, and the least are the operating rooms (OR) and wards. Been having duties at the ER before way back home, but gosh, in this hospital now in Doha, its soooooo different. Very demanding. All new protocols. I'm not on my safe zone anymore.

Its like divisoria! too much people and you never know who or what kind of people will come carrying their complaints! Like last time last year, many of the staffs are exposed to H1N1 because at first you would never knew what they're having until tested or seen by doctors. Sigh.

And what I'm worried about is, all the staffs are new to me, I would be like a wallflower in that chair with no one to talk to! haha. So i have to make new friends right away.

The only thing Im excited about this new experience is the cute ER gay guys...whew!Tons of them! I like! I like! toinks!

Another issue that's been bothering me lately is my first yearly vacation, I'm supposed to have it this July, for some reasons, many of my senior staff from other countries just listed their names on the same month! meaning Boss cannot allow too many staffs having leaves in a month. Since I'm a junior staff, my boss will grant their request first! I hate them! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

What will happen to our Boracay adventure? Been planning to have our honeymoon there! EDC is already working out his body to flaunt out on the beach!LOL

Its so annoying when your mind already set on one thing, its hard to accept any other options huhu.

And besides I cannot bear the thought that I will have to wait more more months to be with my love... I'm dying to hug and kiss and make love to EDC...

(I'm gonna grab his d*ck and kiss him hungrily the moment I see him!LOL)

He sent me a recording of his voice singing Love Me Tender, too bad I wasn't able upload it here, damn blogspot! He joined many singing contest before and as usual he didn't win! LOL! Joke lang mahal!

Salami?

I don't mean to offend anyone on this post.But what can I do, this is a true story!LOL

Working in a different country is hard for me at first, since its my first time working outside our beloved Philippines LOL! Anyway, handling the machines/ventilators are one of them, i studied them and manipulated them until I get familiar with the knobs and controls, next is, I always get lost!haha damn,its a big hospital with lots of hallways and turns and everything!!!

And the biggest challenge for me: the Indians!

Why?

Because I cannot understand them quickly when they speak to me. They have a strange way of speaking in English, they eat the words and they have a unique sound. Its a big issue since most of them are nurses and I have to communicate with them almost all the time!And there are more Indians here than Filipinos!

One time I was inside the isolation room, the Indian nurse came to the door and asked me:

nurse: Why is salami?

Me:huh? (clueless...in my mind:WTF is she talking about!)

nurse: salami!

Me:I don't know what you mean with salami?( is that the food?LOL i thought.) sister,please say it s-l-o-w-l-y...

nurse: why-is-it---a-l-a-r-m-i-n-g....????

Oh my gosh!hahaha I almost laugh so hard after I realized what she meant!

I have to ask them to repeat what they are trying to say 3 times before i could understand. That's why i have to focus my eyes on their lips when i talk to them so that i could read their mouth.

For my third month here, I guess I'm improving, I can get what they mean for asking them to repeat for only 2 times now!LOL

Proud Of Him

I was so busy the whole week!Been to manila and back!So tiring!Ive been completing my last sets of requirement for my application to work abroad.And today I went to my school at Biñan then went straight to Lipa city to my former hospital.I have to ask them to sign and fill up a verification form and be my reference for my employer.I asked our chief nurse,our HRD head and one co-lab employee to be that final three hehe and all of them are my friends so I manipulated and dictated all their statements and answers LOL!

I've been there like for 4 hours(may kasama na chika siyempre) completing all of it and putting them in an enclosed envelop take note,sign sealed and to be delivered to Qatar!hehe.As I was at the Nursing office,I saw some of the headnurse are at the computer and I got intrigued whats keeping them to it "the Nursing Board Exam results are in!" they said! and I was like "Oh really???let me butt in!haha and I took over to search for one name: Brian's.And I was like so nervous waiting for the page to load...

Brian have been denying that he took the exam last November,I've been bugging him about it,and still kept on lying,but me and Berna are so sure that he took the exam,but we play along with his dramatics.We just thought that maybe Brian was cautious so that if ever he fails we wont know about it.

And then the page finally loaded the surnames starting with the letter "S" and OH MY GOD!!!!He passed!!!!Yipee!I've never been happy this much that my chest almost explode with excitement!I looked for my friend Sasha who was having an endorsement at that time and I said "He passed!Brian passed the exam!!!then I immediately texted Berna about it!Im so proud of him I know a lot of nurses who failed the exam 3 times already.

Brian met my two closest friend before a couples of time since we've been together for 8 months last year and I used to bring him at the hospital during my duties at night hehe we even made love to the laboratory room 2times!LOL! reminds me of Grey's Anatomy's Dr.Sloan and Dr.Torres hehe.Thats exciting though,you should try it,making out inside a hospital facility!haha

Then I remembered to text the man of the hour.Here was our text conversation.Sorry to bore you with this hehe:

Me: "Nakapasa ka pala sa board exam nakita ko ngayon!Hmmp!arte arte nito!
Brian:"haha!Oo,thanks!Mwah."
Me: "nag iinarte ka pa na di nag exam!Ang galing galing naman nakapasa ja!Im so proud of you!
Brian: "haha hiya ako pag bumagsak e.."
Me: "Arte mo talaga pati sakin nahihiya ka pa,I already told Berna and Sasha about it"
Brian: "What did they said?Baka pwede mo na me i-apply jan sa hospital nyo? haha.Im so happy grabe!"

Then I said to him to pass his resume so that when they need someone his papers are already a top priority since Im cheek to cheek with the HRD hehe.Then an unexpected reply came:

Brian: "hehe..ikaw nga nung umalis ako deadma ka lang e.Kainis ka!..di ka man lang tumayo"
Me: "Naartehan ako sau nung gabi e kaya tinamad na ko,dapat di pa kita pauwiin sana"
Brian: "Naartehan ka ba talaga o nagselos?haha"
Me: "Ngak!Kanino ako magseselos???(remember the call he received that night when he was staying at my room last tuesday night?thats what he's talkin about hehe) ayaw mo kasi magpahalik at makipag make love sakin kaya ako tinamad na..."
Brian: "haha naku sayang nga e kung pinilit mo ako e di dapat..."
Me: "hay naku magtigil ka tagal kita pinilit at sineduce hanggang mabuwisit na ko kakapakipot mo hmmmmpf!"
Brian: "saya pa naman ng kuwentuhan natin nun.."

Now its 100% sure..he still cares for me.haha and he really wants me to lust about him thats why he's stalling me!And when Im typing another reply to his text then "it's message failed" I dont have any credits left!Putikkk!hahaha

A Little Bit Of Fun

I visited my old friends from my former work at the hospital today,it was a good day to travel all the way to lipa city,its sunny but not too hot.I cant see my boyfriend because he is busy at work,and he sleeps at the day,as a matter of fact when I told him I'll go to lipa city he didnt even bothered to ask what am I going to do there or what time Im going home,well he said he' s insensitive and not the sweet type of guy at times,now is the proof of that.I just thought what if I try to date another guy or whatever he wont even know it haha(ofcourse it doesnt mean I'll do it ok).He's kinda diffrent from my previous
partner so Im adjusting a bit with his "i dont care attitude",you might think he dont love me,I just hope I can cope up with it(*fingers crossed).Since I dont have anything to do so I decided to go the hospital to have a fun day with mah old friends,and fun it is that I found haha.

They were excited to see me when I arrived at the ER,I stopped by at the ICU,and my former lab,the pulmonary dept.I was waiting for Brendamage (its only brenda I just love to call her that) to arrived and she was so late!Im glad most of the people I wanted to are on duty.They were practicing this dance steps for their christmas party on the 16th which by the way invited me to come ofcourse hehe

And I begin noticed the choreographer,he is a cute little thing,a gay guy...hmmm i liked him and Brendamage told me he seems to be looking at my direction when Im not looking at him(I dont know maybe she just imagined it haha) well.atleast he made my stay more worthwhile.(Pero sympre hanggang tinginan nalang kami!No can do im taken!)

I went home very late,i felt tired and hungry due to the trip,im kinda hoping I will find a cold text or atleast a cold offline messages or something but ofcourse there's nothing,Oh wait I forgot there was this message at YM : ".........." !!!! That's it.dot dot dot .Nice!Maybe this "I dont care attitude" gonna need a lot of getting use to for me,...hmm...maybe I should do the "I dont care anymore attitude"too?hahaha.kidding!Anyway i cant wait to be at their christmass party for sure it will a lot of fun and foods! Ciao!