Konting Kembot Nalang

Three weeks nalang!

Eggzayteyd na aketch!

Uu. Yun na. Bakasyon grande na ng OFW hehehe.

Andami ko na naplano. Naisipan gawin. Good luck nalang sa execution! At sakto din uwi ko sa first birthday ng pangalawa kong pamangkin. Cute cute nya! cant wait to give her my big kiss and hug :-)

Masaya din ako kasi November yun last chemo ng bayaw ko. O di ba kahit maggala kami hindi na nakaka guilty na mag sasaya ka tapos may isang member ng pamilya na nasa hospital. So I thank God for that. At alam naman natin na di biro magkasakit. Lalo na ang gaya ng sa brother in law ko.

Andami ko gusto kainin at kainan jusmiyo!

Pagkasundo sa akin sa airport gusto ko dadaan kami sa Jollibee dahil gusto ko ng chickenjoy at sa Greenwich yun lasagna nila na kakapiraso na daw ang serving ngayon haha, dun sa expressway branch kami kakain para wagas!

Sa dinner sabi ko gusto ko ng Paksiw na Pata ng baboy. un parang adobo ang luto na mejo manamis namis. ewan kung yun nga ang tawag dun. pero gets na ng sister ko bilang alam naman niya mga gusto ko. Tapos hinog na mangga! jusko sabik na sabik ako dun! goodluck sa tatay ko sa paghahanap! LOL

Naglilista na ko ng Ulam sa first 5 days na stay ko sa amin sa laguna haha. Andiyan yung Hamonado, kaldereta, crispy pata (fr Max's), sinigang sa bayabas na ayungin, ginisang upo at kalabasa with galunggong, ginataang sugpo with kalabasa and sitaw, letchon paksiw, inihaw na pork liempo with suka at sili sa toyo! wagas yunnnnnnn!

First time ulit in three years ko magpapasko sa atin. O di ba nakakamiss din naman yung feeling ng christmas sa sariling bayan. So ito, ipinaglaban ko talaga sa gobyerno itong bakasyon kong ito kahit tutol si De Lima! char!

Makakakain ulit ako ng Fiesta Ham! yihiiii!

At alam nyo ba na miss ko ng sobra? Yun pagpapa facial ko! at saka ang foot spa with pedicure! hahaha! jusko nanlilimahid na mga kuko ko sa paa bilang regular ko yun pinapalinis sa pinas noon! ditey sa middle east nganga mga paa ko! Toink!

At andami kong imi-meet na mga kakulitan sa FB, Twitter at sa blog. Excited na ko makita at maka ut-utang-dila kayong mga mahadera kayo! LOL

At masaya akong makikita na kita...alam mo na kung sino Ka.

*wink*

Ang Kupal Mo Lang

When did you realize you were gay?

Or have accepted it?

I was in grade two when the confusion started...

When I was growing up I always think there's something wrong with me. In gradeschool, I was very shy, very close to my mom, I played inside the house with my sister.

I only have one friend, Bert.

Who is very straight by the way hehe.I have a hard time blending with other boys, I always have this feeling that why can't I naturally join them when they play or hang out....it was so difficult for me.It took me a lot of effort to blend in.

I tried so hard to be accepted, but my classmates knew that I'm not like them, they tease, they call me names...you know how cruel kids could be.

I end up playing with my girls classmates, playing Chinese garter, jack stone, paper dolls! which I'm so good at designing their clothes haha. I wanna be a fashion designer when I grow up, told myself! LOL

But I enjoyed playing cars and airplanes too with Bert, he used to come to our house to ask me to play, he was my best friend back then, we go to the same classroom from grade 1 to high school. I don't know, but I always wanted Bert by my side...I had this strange sensations every time my arms or hands rubbed against his...

I found it weird. I was 9 or 10 at that time. I don't even want him to play with other kids. I'll threaten him that I won't speak with him again if he disobey me and would feel very powerful whenever he follows me. Yeah, back then I was a jealous-insecure-manipulative bitch! LOL

God knows I really tried so hard to be straight. I don't want it. I get so mad when someone call me "gay".

My dad was a complete reminder of that, he suspected that I'm gay and he's so furious whenever he sees me with some signs and symptoms of gayness! LOL.

He was so happy when he sees me playing with Bert. For him Bert was a good influence on my masculinity.

Little did he know, I have sexual desires for Bert! siya una kong pinagnasaan, Oo ate Charo.

I wanna see his penis! I wanna see it!!!

One time, I said to Bert

"Tuli na ko Bert" my heart was beating so fast with my plan

"Really? I don't believe you! let me see!"

And I showed my uncut penis at him

"Nah! stop fooling around! you're supot pa like me!

"Can I see yours?" I was dying with anticipation

Its just the two of us at our house that afternoon after school. He pulled down his pants. I couldn't take away my eyes from his dick.

We sat there at the corner, pants down and both inspecting our penises! I pulled the foreskin of my penis and saw the whitish smelly thing on top of it "kupal" he said (smegma)

I wiped it with my finger and to his surprised I put it on his nose!

all of them!!!

I swear, I could still imagine the horror on his face when he realized what's on top of his nose!

When I saw him pulling his foreskin too and scooping his kupal I've realized he'll get even!!!

I ran!!!

He chased me outside the house and was laughing my ass off when he reached for my nose! I covered my face with my hands and he failed!

But some of his kupal was on my hands! I smelled it and I screamed: Ang bahoooooo!!!LOL!

Good thing I have more kupal (oo kupalin ata ako noon) to put at his nose and chased him again!LOL.

Ah! Childhood memories!



excerpt from my post "Gay Childhood, March 2009"

***

It was after college that I finally accepted it...No more dramas, no more pretentions, its time for acceptance. And I embraced the word GAY in my life.

Its just up to me on how will I live my life. I struggled for acceptance from my family and friends, step by step I know I've gained their confidence and trust that I would not screw up my life just because I'm gay.

Tawa pa ako ng tawa nun sinabi ng sister ko na baka naman magladlad ka na ha! For her kasi, kapag nagladlad na, mag papalda na ko, magme-make up...kekembot kembot sa kalsada at babastusin ng mga lalake. Hindi naman ako naging ganun. Powder lang ganyan!LOL

Bading naman tayong lahat, iba iba nga lang ng preferences, effem, straight acting, cross dresser...

Lahat naman tayo gusto ng katawan ng lalaki...lahat, lalo na ng titi! charot!

How about you guys? When did you realize that you are not straight at all? When did you accept it?

Sisterly

I only have one sibling, and that is my sister, I'm just a year older than her and I could still remember very clearly how we were when we're young.

We are like cats and dogs. We fight all the time. Literally. I don't remember a time that we never get jealous of anything. So my parents have to get me something if they gave anything for my sister or else...it would be chaos in the house!LOL

So if she received a doll, they have to give me a doll too!

Kidding!!!

Of course, i would love to have a car or a gun during those times...ano bah!!! (hawi ng bangs!chos!)

When we're fighting, it was like a wrestling match. I would pull her hair and dragged her accross the living room while she screams for help! Ibabalibag ko pa ulo nya saan-saan sa gigil ko!

And if she has the advantage over me, she would use a wet towel and lashed it on my face! and it would leave a reddish mark on my face and I would cry so hard till my mom comes! LOL

Fighting over who would wash the dishes was also a classic one! Sometimes it would take a whole day who would surrender to wash them till my mom arrives and beat us both! hahaha

Those memories makes me smile. We came a long way. Me and her. We are both adults now and she is married to a great guy and having a cute 7 year old boy and another one on the way.

Our relationship somehow changed and we became matured and responsible. I came OUT on her first and accepted me wholeheartedly.

Whenever I'm on vacation back home, she never fails to make my stay worthwhile. She prepared and cooked my favorite foods. Pag nag request ako ng kakainin, later on, andun na yun sa lamesa. She's making sure I'm comfortable and contented.

Especially my last vacation this year...we are closer than ever. Most of the time we go out together. Just the two of us. And always reminding me how to be careful in choosing someone to date and who to fall inlove with.

"Ayoko masaksak ka sa motel tanga ka!" her famous line whenever I go out alone and meet someone or go on a date.

Sometimes I felt that she's the one older. Because, she thinks much wiser than me. Last year when I had my first vacation and its my flight back to the middle east when she hugged me I felt really awkward because Im not really the hugging type of person when it comes to family members.

But this year, when I'm about to leave and say my good byes to them again, my body automatically approached her and hugged her really tight this time. I never felt awkward at all...

We are really different now. And we are both grown ups who loves each other. And besides, I know she will be there for me no matter what.

And I know she would take care of me when I'm old and...alone.

Happy For Sis

care to join my umbrella?

Seeing my sister's pictures with her son and husband at face book ,who just came home from working abroad by the way, makes me really happy for her. They make a really cute couple. And I thanked her for giving me a very cute and adorable nephew. he calls me Ninong (godfather), gosh how I miss it!

My brother in law like me is an OFW who comes home every year. Finally, after a long time, at least even for one month they are family. A complete family.

The happiness from my sister's face is priceless...I love her dearly.

Sigh....

eto na, syempre eemote na naman ako!LOL

how I wish I have my own someone too...you know, a sweet partner to come home to.

Chos!

I am Not OK

I was at the mall this afternoon, I sent money to my sis to help with the bills, and also to my mom...sigh, I've been thinking about her for some time now, our plans of getting her here with me was canceled. She just cant be, she has a financial obligations there, its too big that I don't know how she can settle it....the bank wont allow her to leave.

Amounts she used to save my uncle's ass from being put behind bars. (Don't wanna bore you with the details) She was confident she could pay little by little, but recession plagued Dubai and her salary was cut to half, she wants to resign from work and move here with me, and that's where the problems came in....

When I spoke to her, it seems that everything was alright and under control but I know deep inside, she was troubled. She cant sleep at night thinking and trying to figure out a solution...I know her, she's my mom. Always like that. She always spare me the worries even when I was small.

She stood up for me when someone teased me due to my weak personality while growing as an insecure gay kid...Fought with my dad whenever he tortured me emotionally for suspecting I am going to be gay...which by the way turned out to be true LOL!

She took a risk applying for a job abroad to support my studies through college, I mean, everything that I am, all that I have, is because of her...So why can't I find a way to help her now...I did everything I could, but all seemed not cooperating...I am so useless....

shit! shit! shit!

Anyway, excuse me for being so mellow dramatic today, she's not going to prison though, its just that, it will take her a long time to pay all those sums...and she wont be able to go home...they would hold her back. I want her to retire and spend her days worry free...

It all has to wait...

The annoying part of all these is, my aunt, who by the way I think never understood the sentence: Walang pera si nanay anu bah! (my mom have no money) she kept on calling my mom for financial support, she's telling she will die if my mom wont send her money! and naturally my mom being so kind to her siblings, would send even if there's nothing left to her!

I wanna yell at my mom and tell her to stop being sooooo "like" that already!

I strolled the mall, entering from shops to shops, but didn't bought anything, I thought I don't have the right to spend or splurge on anything when my mom is saving every penny at the other side of the world. Even went to a Chinese eat all you can resto alone, didn't stop until I felt like vomiting!

I went to the supermarket after and took some basic stuffs I need at home.

...canned goods

...baby powder for my face (sooo bading LOL)

...soaps, hand sanitizer, tissues

...Durex condoms

waittttttttttttt!condoms?! I don't know why I picked it up and put on my cart haha! I mean, EDC is not even here and there's no other guy!
*Ting!*

I remembered I have a cucumber at the fridge! *wink*

Just kidding!!!!