Ano Nga Kaya?

Hindi naman lihim sa lahat na madami na ko pinagdaanan pagdating sa pakikipagrelasyon. Marami ang naging saksi kung pano nag umpisa at nag wakas ang bawat kabanata ng lovelife ko dito.

Minsan napapaisip ako...Ano kaya kung mas inunawa ko sila? or mas sinikap ko pa'ng maging mapagbigay? Kung mas binuksan ko ang puso ko sa kanila? Siguro, baka meron na kong masasabing isang matatag na relasyon ngayon.

Aaminin ko. Masyado akong naging maramot sa pagmamahal... Dati kasi feeling ko, pag mas ipinakita ko ang pagmamahal ko, feeling ko talo ako...baka isipin dead na dead na ko sa kanya...kahit minsan yun naman ang totoo.

Laging nakatanim sa isip ko, mas mabuti muna makita ko'ng mas mahal niya ako kesa makita nya'ng mas mahal ko siya.

Masyado din ako proud. Iniisip ko kasi. Madali ko siya mapapalitan. Madali lang ako makakahanap ng mas higit pa. Kaya sa konting fault na makita ko. Mayabang akong nakikipag kalas.

Impulsive ako. Yan ang madalas nila sinasabi.

Mayroon naman na pinagsisihan ko sa bandang huli at humingi ng second chance...pero mukhang parusa ng tadhana...madalas rejected ako. Tatlo lang ang hiningan ko ng pangalawang pagkakataon sa dinami-dami ng mga lalake sa buhay ko! Oo...pokpok ako dati! chos!

Sobrang sakit at pag sisisi ang binigay nila sa kin...hindi ako swerte sa second chance. Hindi ko naman sila masisi...kasi ako naman ang nauna makipagkalas. Ako ang nagmatigas noon. Gantihan?

Madami ako natutunan sa pakikipagrelasyon ko...sa bawat taong nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon na makilala at mahalin...laging may iniiwan itong aral at pagmumulat sa pagkatao ko. Mas higit ko nakikilala ang sarili ko...kung ano ang kahinaan ko. Kung saan ako dapat mag umpisa muli. So that history won't repeat itself...

Para san ba ang post na ito? Wala lang hahaha...nag iinarte na naman sa mga WHAT IF's na tumatakbo sa isip ko...

Isa lang ako sa karamihan... maaring nakakasalamuha mo sa araw araw...sa dami ng tao mapapansin mo ba ako?

What if...sa tinagal tagal ng paghahanap ko...andyan ka lang pala...malapit sa akin.

CHOS!




Wala lang.. mumuni-muni moment lang :-)

Its Cold Outside

Its past midnight here and its really cold outside. I am sitting in my couch and listening to the sound of silence. Its really quiet tonight.

I didn't realize that I'm that lonely till now. Its been two months since I broke up with my last boyfriend. I didn't have time to mourn on that another failed relationship, I was so damn busy that I didn't have time to get the feeling of regret of losing him.

Next thing I knew, I already moved on and there's no pain left to remember. I couldn't even care to think. Being too f*ckin' busy was one hell of a great way to move on! LOL

And yeah, another failed relationship. I know.

Hay, what else is new right? If you were a follower of my blog you might have been thinking..."Mac really sucks on having a relationship longer than 4 months!" How many guys I've dated and broke up in the end. This blog is my witness on all of that.

Maybe its me. Yeah, I think maybe its me.

Did I give too much that I suffocated them? Or they just didn't love me like the way I thought they did?

All I wanna do is to love someone...

To give love and to experience love. I want to have that feeling of being cared for. That feeling of being significant. I want to live again.

I missed those hugs and kisses and sweet words and romance...

Many times I loved. Being loved...and ends up disappointed. Hurt. And lost. Whats keeping "it" to find me. I've been waiting and ready for a long time...

But no matter how many times I get down and hurt by this thing called love, I would never give up on LOVE. Its one of the greatest feelings in the world. Do you agree? hehehe.

Damn, this cold weather's making me lonely.

Goodnight everyone... :-(

Single-ness!!!

I was at the mall today after I paid my credit card bill (which by the way is so maxxed out!haha) I was just walking,strolling,window shopping and feasting to the cute guys I see...then I realized I am the perfect example of the regular-original-classic-single-gay guy in the country!The only consolation I have is that I know I'm not alone haha I know a lot of homos out there who are exactly like me today!LOL

Since my last relationship ended last December 13 ,its been what,two months now.I missed it.I miss having a boyfriend.I'm used to having someone by my side most of the time,whenever theres a good movie,a 70% off sale to the malls and dates on special occasions.All the signs of being single are all pointing towards me now.Take a look:

• I stay up late all night chatting with other gays out there and looking for a possible date! (atat na atat!) example:"nasl?are you free tom?lets meet!dali payag na!!"
  
• Too defensive and bitter whenever being asked about love life! example:I don't need a bf right now.I can date and do anything I want!hmpf!"
  
• Almost begged my friends to go out so that I wont get stucked at home!And always on the go once invited! (nanginginig pa sa pag OO!)
  
• My phone is so quiet that the only one texting me is my network and saying "from globe:may pang -gas ka na! or From globe:baka ikaw na susunod na manalo ng 100,000 sali na!" di ba ang ganda?!
• Since no sex life,I spend a lot of times browsing those gay porn sites and wank along the way!LOL
• Most of the time, solo flight when going to the malls,events and parties.
• Sleeping all day and awake at night.What a boring life!haha
• Spending most weekends at home.Updated to all the TV shows and gossips and spending a lot of time watching DVD just to keep myself busy.
  
• Desperate to find a copy of any romance book!haha.I finally decided to read "New Moon" but no luck its always out of stock!Waaa!
• Todo emote sa mga love songs whenever hearing one at the radio!
  

Just Some Truths

The truth :

• Not all guys that are cute on their photos are really cute in person-- some of them are just photogenic. Some looks cute due to proper lighting, angle, and even photoshopped!
• Dont be choosy especially if there's not much to choose from!
• Sometimes a wrong sent text/sms messages are not really wrong sent--it is the way of the other party to be noticed by not being obvious.
  
• Just because he always talks to you,chat with you,calls you,or invites you means he's into you or will court you eventually--there are guys whose just sweet and friendly, and flirt!
• It is true that its wonderful to be single.Night out,no hassles,you can do anything without someone telling you not to,you can fuck anyone,you can party all night---but after all the fun and you are alone at your dark room.Are you still happy? Its more fun to have someone waiting for you and tell you "where the hell have you been????!Now take off your clothes!haha
  

(source: my textmates!hehe)