Deprived

I was checking out my friendster account when I saw an update at my ex-girlfriend Joana's new pictures..hmm so she's in Dubai now.That's good I thought to my self.At least everything is going well on her life,she has a job abroad plus her husband is with her and she seems happy.And I envy her somehow...

If she would ask me how am I?I don't know what to say to her.I'm still single,still in the Philippines.It sounds pityful compared to her life huhuhu.Until now she doesn't know about my true colors,that instead of blue I'm pink!LOL. We were together for 6 months and I must admit I loved her during those times even if I'm missing a man's embrace and kisses but I ignored that cravings for her.

There are times that some of my ex-boyfriends would call me and she's one hell of a jealous and possessive gf then and would interrogate me who's that and sometimes she's racing me to answer a call or a text and would see a guy's name and I was just freeze and say its a wrong sent message!hahaha.I changed all their names to girls name!Like if that guy is mark,ill replaced it with Marlene!hahaha.And later changed my Sim card!

Sex?hmm we almost did it technically but she backed out when I'm about to put it there hehe!She realized she might get pregnant and we don't have protection and I realized it too I dont wanna get married that soon!Alarming!Then I thought what would happen to the guy's kissing and embracing and fucking!!!!I'm glad we stopped!

My concern at first what if it didn't rise to the occasion?haha.But I really got a hard on when were having intimate moments together,thanks to the guys I'm with before I mastered the art of kissing and licking very well!And she would reached heaven and hell and back!But whats frustrating though,girls are so shy!She wont suck mine!She just love holding it and stroking it!

Anyway,before I get carried away I will stop na hehe.We separated after a long and frequent fights and I got sick and tired of it already.So we decided to end it finally.After that,I felt like I've been deprived of whats really for me!Then I met Mark.

All I Want Is You!

Being in a gay relationship is kinda difficult,I've been there many times,as I have many failed relationship before.But what's the best thing about having to experience a lot heartache and trouble inside a relationship is that you learn from it.You learned some lessons along the way.So what do I really want in a realtionship anyway?What shall I look for?What shall I do or us to make it work and last?I made some list here go take a look :

• Someone who will text me frequently.Like to tell me he just woke up or about to sleep,or how his day was.Or to ask me what im doing.Its nice to hear that he is thinking of you by just texting you with this simple and small things.That kinda make him a bit thoughtful.
• Its nice to have a boyfriend who can be dragged to watch your much awaited movie.or to a sale nearby,or to a friend's birthday party and all.
  
• I avoid guys who are too sensitive.They usually get mad or get too affected with things that are not regularly have to take too seriously.
• Someone who gets jealous to some silly things (like hugging your dog!)and not make a big deal ouf of it.
• Someone who will do small things like putting a friendster account just for the two of you.Or get mad if you didnt changed your single status to in a relationship.
  
• Im too hot-tempered.i have to lessen it if i cant avoid it,I should try to be patient.
• You should have an agreement that you'll try to adjust to each others attitude,this things doesn't go overnight you know.It takes time especially if you got used to this for a long time.
  
• I want a guy who constantly asking small info about me.Being him curious about little things makes me think he's really that interested and into me.Like what is my fave color? Kidding!!!haha.
• Its annoying if his constantly talking about his ex.
  
• And if we are a couple we should not let a day passes without talking it over if we have a fight on something.Avoiding the issue or not talking about it make it more difficult and will only make matters worst like if you ignoring each other for a long time.Or if you feel like you're not yet ready to talk to him,just take a walk and relax and or tell him give you more time and space.(like a year perhaps thats enought time to think haha)
  
• And my favorite of all,just tell your partner that "breakup" is not an option to this realtionship hehe.No matter what.Its one of my mistakes before.So now Im making it my rule no-to-breakup.Unless I dont love him anymore its an excemption ofcourse!
• Dont make promisses you cant keep,depending on the reason maybe I'll reconsider hehe.(like if he promise to buy me a car and take it back)
  
• Each one should tell any whereabouts,or plans to your partner.i dont like him to tell me about it when he's already doing it!Like going out with friends for a weekend.Duh!Its too inconsiderate.(like if he's having sex with your bestfriend just tell it in advance ok?hehe)
  
• I want someone who can easily accept his fault and shortcommings.And apologize for it.(babe,I accidentally shaved your left eyebrow,Im sorry)
  
• I want someone who can tell me"baby its wrong!" or "baby you're grabbing it too tight!"haha.I dont want someone who just agrees with me all the time.Having a petty fight is fun once in a while you know!
• Someone who can sit with me at the couch and hug each other on a cold night while watching a romantic movie.
• Its nice to be introduced to your friends and families,even as just friends to those closeted bf.
• Someone who have the time to visit you at home or suprised you when you are at home when you least expect him to be.("O my god this is a suprise meet my wife..")haha
  
• I dont like the silent type guys.They just bored me to death!I like my guy to be outspoken,makes me laugh,makes me horny,makes me confident about my self,makes me relax about who i am.
• I want someone who has ambitions.Someone who thinks of the future.(like what shall i wear tomorow babe?)
  
• Someone who dont cheat ofcourse.
• Someone who is a neat and nice dresser(ayoko ng baduy)
• Shoes and watch are the first thing i noticed to a guy next to his looks hehe.
• I stop chatting or visiting a gay sites when im in a relaltionship and hope my partner too.Its one of the cause of some fights and jelousy and it might be tempting to flirt to any gay out there.
  
• Someone who can make sacrifices for you.(like if you need a heart transplant!)

And these are all the things I will do and hope my bf will do in the future.It has to be both ways.It takes two to tango,right?

Just a Simple Word

After more than two weeks of being together JL and I had a big fight,come to think of it its not really a big fight,actually its a petty fight haha.We didnt talk or text or chat for 3days,no one is giving up,im not approaching him first,over my dead body!And I was so pissed off that he's not approaching first either.On the second day of he sent me a text quotes, part of it goes like this:"...never apologize for saying what you feel because its like saying sorry for being real etc etc ek ek..." and the other one was: "Why do we become so numb caring for people whom at times dont even think of us in a day or two etc etc..blah blah"..I didnt replied to any of the damned quotes if he's thinking I will give-in or he's intentionally making me mad to textback, well sorry for him,Im not just mad..Im furious!!!haha.but ofcourse I didnt want him to know that.I just ignored him and even at YM i shifted from visible to invisible evrytime I saw him online.

At the third day,he sent me a message at ym even if Im invisible he said "ano na?" and I said "anong ano na?"hehe.And that word followed by another and another which end up us fighting again and I said "you know what,lets talk next week Im so mad at you!" and after that without a reply he signed off.

I was so mad at him that night.I even planned on making a break up but then again,I dont want to be impulsive and regret it after.I did that already with one of my ex,I dont want to regret things over and over again,so I controlled my self not to say "I want a breakup".It feels good to say that at first but after a few days its ugly anymore,so I didnt.

So i look for something to divert my anger..and I saw his name at my friendster!I immediately erased him to my list of friends haha and it made me feel good after.Im sure this will make him mad!Good riddance I said to myself.

The next day,when I opened my blog I saw his comment,it says : "so you erased me at friendster huh..do you want to end this already?"It made me smile haha.I know i will invite him back im not angry anymore.

My friend Oj adviced me to think it over and relax,and just let my emotion subside.So just like any other day I was online earlier and I was changing the color of my blog(hoped you like it over the green one)when his name popped out on the bottom of my screen "JL is now online",I dont know what happened I just click his name and said "bati na tayo" and thats it,he replied and we chat and everything was ok again(well i hope so) he even want to voice chat.

Its so funny how a simple word like "bati na tayo" or "sorry" or anything makes a diffrence to everything.Sometimes a simple word is the solution.Ofcourse at the right time and place.Ciao!

Wait!I remember we have a deal when we started this relationship we said :" if we fight,lets not wait another day to settle it"haha i dont know what happened to that promise!

Things I Love About JL

(picture taken from movie:bangkok love story)

I have enumerated some of the things that keeps me loving him and will continue on loving JL,these are the things that gives me inspiration and the things that I think of everytime I'm pissed off with him haha!

I love it when--he suddenly became quiet the next day(nag inarte hehe) and I didnt know his reason for doing so,I asked him and he said "wala lang"but knowing me im so makulit...just because he wanted to hug me while were sleeping but I said "just let me sleep,for a while ok"...I didnt know that he took it so seriously hehe,and I already forgot all about it in the morning,because Im the type of person who cannot sleep with something on my leg or arm or anything that will obstruct my movement while sleeping.After I learned about it I smiled at him and teased him"ah,yun lang ba?Asus "to naman!"

I love it when--he said "pipilitin ko may maka-swap ng schedule basta matuloy lang tayo"

I love it when--he's sleepy and just came out from a night shift and yet he still have the energy to enjoy our date and be with me.

I love it when--he wanted me to bring to their house and meet his family(but I said not now!nag iinarte hehe)

I love it when--he's texting me frequently when he said he's not a texting-kind of person,and doing it just because he wants to make me feel thats he's there.

I love it when--were walking in the rain sharing his broken umbrella while walking the streets of manila and ended up soaking hehe.

I love it when--he's sleeping and snoring a bit due to a tiring day...

I love it when--he get irritated and embarrased if I noticed he's eating too much hehehe

I love it when--he put me on his featured friends at friendster(babaw ko hehe)

I love it when--he bought a new headset and webcam just because I said so (martial law ba ito?hehe)

I love it when--he finally read my blog and said"bhe ang sweet ng mga sinulat mo sa blog mo.."

I love it when--he asked me repeatedly to say it when I said I love you the first time.

I love it when--he always want to hear my voice at ym when we were chatting that as if my voice will make his day hehe(feeling ako!)

I love it when--he agreed to spend the christmas at our house with my family even if its not yet sure due to his schedule.

I love it when--I hear his husky voice makes me want to jump in bed with him instantly.

I love it when--he wakes up 30minutes early everynight so that we could have an extra 30minutes moretime to chat before going to work..

I love it when--i kiss him and he will kiss me back hungrily..

I love it when--I make love to him and he moan like a music to my ear hehe

I love it when--I hold his hand while watching madagascar and he held my hand with his two hands in return

I love it when--he said that kiss on our first date made the deciding factor why he agreed to be my bf.

Thats all for now guys...I know there are lots of more loving things to come about "MY JL..."