With everything that's been goin' on with our family right now...the situation with my mom and the health situations with my sister's family...
Half of the weights are on my shoulders at this moment... and it felt heavy...a little too heavy to carry. I didn't say this much to them...I'm not complaining though. I don't want them to worry about me too.
Playing tough...a tough son...brother.
I just pray to God that everything will be over soon and that everything would be back as what it was before...
With everything that's been goin' on right now...
I just wanna run to you and tell me everything would be ok...
Kiss away my worries...give me butterfly kisses at night...
Hug away the stress I'm holding...no talking...
Just hold me...
I guess, all I'm saying is...I just need someone to worry for me too...
Just to hug me tight till I get to sleep...
Sound asleep as your embrace gives me peace and comfort.
It was a mixed feeling as I was leaving the remittance center the other day, glad that finally I was able to send my family the money they need this christmas season. It was bigger this time. They asked for an increase (oh di ba, parang tuition fee lang, may increase din!LOL) since it is the holidays. I understand.
I remembered the conversation I had with my sister: "could you please send more this time... too much expenses and we don't know if there would be enough left for us".
I wanna cover my ears and stop listening to them for a second. I wanna scream. Shout.
But I couldn't. I wouldn't.
Mom in Dubai is going through though times now. I wanna help. I should. But I don't have enough. So I'm doing the best I could to help.
I shouldered everything for now. Because I should. I am family. They are my family.
A year ago, I was very hopeful to work abroad and save for my future. A dream house. A business.
But I'm on a different situation now. I can't save up now. No more shopping. No more unnecessary spending.
As I was leaving the remittance center and closed the zipper on my bag...I just smiled and thought...more than half of my salary were all sent to the philippines and dubai...I only have enough to feed my self for the whole month...
Yeah it was a mixed feeling. Proud that I could help my family and a little low that after a month of hard work, all whats left is this much on my pocket.
But what to do Yani? :-)
So, this is how it really feels to be an OFW after all huh? Suddenly a perfect word crossed my mind.
We've all encountered some kind of hardships and troubles in our lives...mine was something about money.
I remember when I was in grade school, when dad quit his job abroad and stayed with us since, mom forced herself to work to get something on our plate every day. Its a moment in our lives that will always stay with me. I cannot forget how tired my mom was like during those days...
She was a food vendor in front of the school gate (like isaw, hotdogs etc.) She even put up a small eatery at a tricycle terminal with a capital borrowed from 5-6. She wake up so early in the morning and sleep very late at night.
I usually gets very emotional when I think about it till now. My mom did everything she could for us to survive.
I remember having only one pair of shoe for school. It was very old and torn down. My mom cannot get me a new one and she would stitch it up and glued it together so that I could use it again. But I'll cry and asked her to get me a new one.
Yeah, I was a brat.
How many school outings and excursion did I missed? How many school projects did I struggle to pass due to lack of fundings?
Jollibee was just a dream for us during those days. Our television set was terrible, you have to kick it first before I could watch my fave show.
I don't wanna go back there again. I just dont. Now that I'm earning enough for myself here in Doha, I have to stop spending so much on unnecessary stuffs.
Its funny when I was working way back in our country, my ten thousand pesos salary was not enough, and now that I get paid many times over that, its still not enough!
Maybe its true, you get higher pay, you also get a higher lifestyle.
I've been a material "girl" for a while now. (Girl daw talaga e noh!LOL)
bakit kasi naimbento pa yang shopping!hahaha More than a year na ko dito la pa ko ipon.
This have to stop.
Anywayz,
Today as I was getting a bottle of soy sauce from the grocery store,
I smiled and thought to myself: I used to eat rice with just soy sauce in it for dinner...
Last Thursday was my birthday, I was waiting for my mom's greeting as what she usually does for the past years. But its almost afternoon and I haven't received a call from her at Dubai. So, I called instead. Apparently my cool mom forgot about it!
Imagine! She forgot my birthday! napaka-galing di bah?!
Anyway, I celebrated my birthday at a Chinese restaurant at a mall in Doha (its an eat-all-you-can!) Ten of my closest friends are invited, we ate, we took pictures, we laughed, and we had a good time especially when they surprised me with a cake with candles and sang the famous "happy birthday" toinks!
I was so shy because almost all the guest at the resto are staring as I blow the cake, I tried to keep my mouth pouting and poised !haha
"Potah, ang kipot ng bibig...as if! ahahay!" I heard my friends joking LOL!
At exactly 8:00 o'clock in the evening, we went clubbing at Qube. We were expecting a live band but turned out its a DJ night, so the musics are all house remix! I hated it! By the way they have a brit artist named Sonique, but I don't know who the hell she is LOL!
Beers and alcohols poured in and we danced the night away! I was dancing like its my last night at that club haha. A guy danced with me and shook my hand and introduced himself, but its just a plain hi and hello kinda thing. Nothing special. Technically, I didn't have my birthday sex that I had been talking about!
Sorry for me!
Anyhow, my friends drove me home at 2:00 am after we had some trouble at the road, but gonna tell you about that on my next post.
I am now eating a riped mango, I am savoring each bite, its been a year since I last have this fruit, its my favorite! I bought a few after we went shopping, birthday shopping haha. I bought a new perfume, this time I have " the one" by Dolce and Gabbana. I also bought a new bag from Zara and few shirts at Jules. (yaman-yaman-an daw!)
Maybe its my way of moving on from our break up hehe.
"Lahat nalang nawala, pati ikaw...haist (all are gone now, including you...)" an sms message EDC sent me after a few days.
I don't know what else to say. But I do miss him though. Anyway, I'll go for now, before this post become an emo one!
I opened my phone and read the text messages, one came from my mom. She's asking about my email address. She said she will give it to someone, I thought its about work or some paper work that she needs to send me, that's why without any question, I keyed in my ad and sent it to her.
After a while, my phone rang. Its her.
Mom:" Your email address is weird. Where did you get that?!"
Me:" I'm creative, you know!"
Mom: "I asked about your email, because I have one student at our ballroom class and he wants to know you..."
I got confused what she meant at first. "Wait, wait, slow down, what do you mean mother?!"
Mom: "well, he's gay and I talked about you, and he said he wanted to know you, and I promised him I will give him your email, and he said, he wants to chat with you some time".
I was in a shock! Is this really my mom I'm talking to???? I mean we never talk about my sexuality ever. As in for me, what you see is what you get with regards to my folks. But I'm pretty sure they knew already, but this is the first time, my mom, in reality showed me how she already embraced my true personality.
I suddenly wanna cry...
and laugh too! Imagine, my mom is hooking me up with some gay guy at Dubai!!!hahahaha. I composed my self and answered her on the phone. "so what about this gay guy? how old is he?"
Mom: "He's 34 and very much single. He's also looking for some special guy"
Me:" OK mom, you have my blessings, give him my email ad!" LOL
I suddenly felt very light and happy. I love my mom! Soon she'll be joining me here at Doha, hope I could get her a job and a nice place to stay. If not, she have to bear the thought of going back to my Dad back home! too bad for her! *Toinks!*
Note: Mom and Dad are not on good terms. In my mom's mind, they're separated already, but dad still on denial.
