June 24, 2010
This post is about how I came out to my Dad...well, I think so!LOL
Actually we never talk about it at all, but maybe parents do know, especially my Dad, when I was growing up, he noticed some signs that I maybe, becoming "gay". He didn't like it, of course, it will be such a shame for him. Lets face it. Its the truth. I mean who would want a gay kid right? and if ever I would be the first in our family's history of macho man.
He tried to make things right, but I guess he did the wrong way. He tortured me emotionally. He humiliated me in front of family and friends. We always fight, its a word war between us. Sometimes we get physical but I fought back. I am not the battered son. LOL!
I developed this hatred for him. I even cursed him to death at that time. I swore I will take him to the home for the aged institution when he gets older and let him die alone. But that's in the past now. He realized maybe, he cannot do anything about my "fate", or he thought I'm old enough to decide for myself, and that as long as I wont bring shame to my family, he has to accept me. He made an effort to make it up to me. He tried to be a good father. But its ten years too late. The hatred on my part disappeared though.
All his efforts are useless to me now, I will never be close to him like the way he wanted to be. The gap is way too big. We are just civil to each other, that's all I could offer. Anyway, lets go back to the main issue hehe. I always feared what would be his reaction if he finds out about my relationships with other gay men.
That's why I never brought a single guy at home even if I wanted to. Boyfriends come and go. To tell you honestly I lost count! LOL. But this guy came along, Brian...(that was I think around 2006) he was so special to me at that time. I love him dearly and vice versa. I was so fond of him that I wanted my sister to meet him and become a part of my family.
But I was hesitant to, because I don't know how my father would react. It took him a long time to accept (i think so) about my sexuality, but bringing a guy at home, that I don't know if he could take. But I took the risk, I have to find out. It was our barrio fiesta and many of our guest from far places sleeps over at our house.
The first step is introduction: I invited Brian and my father didn't suspect a thing. I introduced him to my sister who knew that he was my boyfriend. He stayed the night. Second step is visibility: After a week, I invited him again, this time stayed for two days. Brian helped my sister with the cooking, taking care of my nephew and Brian even called my father:
"tay, kakain na po...(Dad, let's eat)
The first time I heard him said it, I almost faint!LOL
My sister and Father became fond of him too. I know deep inside him, he knew who was Brian is to me. No words needed. He understood.
One time Brian and I had a big fight that to my anger, I threw him out of the house "lumayas ka ayoko kita makita" (get out of my house, I don't wanna see you) LOL. He was crying and took his things and waited for the jeepney to arrive. I saw my Dad was talking to him. When he was gone, my dad went inside the house and said:
"Why is Brian crying? Did you two fight? Why you made him cry, he's nothing but nice!"
Huwaaaat! I was so surprised! OMG! Brian would love to hear this. LOL
For 8 months, Brian was a part of my family, every weekend, every occasion, he was there. Even to my close friends. When we broke up and the visits stopped, father asked my sister these:
"How come I didn't see Brian this past weeks?"
"I don't know, ask Mac!" but he never did haha.
So that's the story of my coming out, which I'm not sure if its really a coming out story LOL! With my upcoming vacation, when I told my sis and a friend that we would go to the beach, they asked, if Brian will come? I said no.
I told EDC about it, I want him to know what he's up to when he meets my family and friends, he felt the dilemma of being compared to him, I sensed the insecurities. He felt the need to compete with Brian's memory. I just said to him:
"just be yourself and they would learn to love you too like they loved Brian, eventually..."
June 20, 2010
Siyet... ten days to go and I will be coming back home to my beloved country! I cant believe it, time is indeed really fast! It also marks my first year in Doha and whew! I made it, a year with a million miles away from home.
July 1 is the day I will see my family again, my taklesang-sister, my cute nephew/godson, and of course, my father (hay naku pwde bang wag na siya isali! bad koh!)
ohhhh, I miss our house, my room, and my dog shaggy, she just died last month huhuhu. But I won't cry anymore. I'm done mourning her death already.
You may ask, what about EDC? well, I cannot answer that now, we are having some issue (actually, we never run out of issues LOL) so, if you guys are confused, well, me too! haha.
Anyway, my bags are pack and ready to go, just waiting for the days to pass by. My suitcase is full of "pasalubongs" (give aways) to my loved-ones. I hope they will like it. I enjoyed buying them though, its fun! you know, shopping-shopping eklavuh!
yun nga lang nabutas bulsa ko! huhu
I have so many plans, so many things I wanna do, and eat! especially...jan-ra-ran...PORK!
Baboy! Baboy! gusto ko ng baboy! LOL!
Babuyan tayo! Nyahaha!
That's all for now. See yah later guys! have a great week!
June 16, 2010
I guess a former friend was right when he told me, don't talk too much online with your boyfriend or else you will end up fighting. That's what exactly happened to me and EDC last night. We were so excited to chat again after the other day. During a few minutes it was fine, until everything turned out...sour...and ugly....
(check out his blog here)
Its about something I want, and its something he won't try. I won't go into details what we fought about, but its something shallow and petty!LOL
"If you're that disappointed, why don't you break up with me then huh?" he said provoking me. I was about to, I was so mad and hurt. It was our second argument and its the second time he hurt me with words I can't take.
He said his piece, and I shared mine too.
I was so sure I will break up with him again this time. For me twice is enough, I said to my self. The tension was so high that I couldn't take it anymore, to think this is just online argument, what if we're facing each other right now? Would it be much worst?
It's so bad that I cried. No one made me cry. I don't know. Words cut so deep this time.
I don't know what happened but it seems like an angel passed by and scattered "love confetti" in the air. His next words caught me by surprise....
"Fine! I will do it even if I don't like to! "
Huh? I thought he typed in a wrong sentence.
"Gago ka Mac, alam mo kasing mahal kita, kaya iniipit mo ko...if ever you would be the first (referring to what I want)!!!" he added.
("Damn you Mac, you knew that I love you and i would agree eventually, that's why you're pressuring me")
I didn't expect he would give in, after all the arguments and harsh words...it may sound that I'm demanding to you guys, but its not, so don't get me wrong. I just can't share it to you haha.
Those words sounded so rude and sweet at the same time.
Actually its very sweet!!!
I was caught off guard. This guy is unpredictable.
Oh I love him.
"Did you know you made me cry?" I told him when everything was fine.
"Please Mac, don't cry, hush...I'm sorry to cause you pain, I didn't mean to..." he continued
(Tawa naman ilong ko, palakpak pa tenga sa narinig haha, kaya naman sinamantala ko na lalo pag da-drama!LOL)
He said many things to cheer me up and yes he did.
"You were asking me to break up with you earlier, did you know I was about to, what would you do if I actually agreed to your challenge and broke up with you?" I asked.
"Susuyuin kita ulit... Mahal kita e Mac..."
("I'll persuade you again to take me back, because I love you Mac...")
Awwww!!! ganda ko!!!LOL
I wanna get closer to him now.
Get much closer to a point where I can't take no more...
That feeling when you're hugging someone and you literally wanna buried yourself deep inside him...
and synchronize your heartbeats and his breathings with yours....
June 9, 2010
I went home from work and feeling so horny, I wanna speak and see EDC online, and we'll do a show together but he has no Internet connection yet. I was frustrated. It's been many months since I last had sex LOL! I felt like I'm a wolf and my saliva is drooling for too much anticipation for something I want haha!
EDC suggested that he could buy the Smart bro prepaid Kit and a new web cam at the county, but it will take him 2 or 3 hours to get it since he lives in the lay back country side!!
I'm so horny nah ano bah! Toinks!
So, I said, OK payn wat eber, go mahal and buy!
After 3 hours he texted me and said he is good to go. And damn, the camera's clear as a crystal haha. I love it.
"EDC, strip down hurry up...shit I love your boxers..." I said as soon as he opened his cam and started teasing me by spreading his legs and stroking.
"Babe, just slow down, ok, di naman halatang atat ka noh?" he said scratching his head.
According to something we read before about surviving LDR is this:
Even the most connected, loving couples need some extra skills to overcome the possible damage to the relationship imposed by long distance separation. To begin with, sex between them is gone as they have known it in the past. Without sex, and without the other partner looking over their shoulder, long distance relationships often meet a quick end as either or both parties find new sexual partners.
The key here is to practice abstinence. Perhaps a bit of risqué conversation over the phone, late at night, might keep the partners from looking elsewhere to satisfy their sexual urges. It may seem a bit odd at first, having these sexual encounters over the phone with your mate, (but this time we did it modern style,cyber sex!) but it will help you make it over the rough patches of being separated.
EDC was still reluctant at first, it is his first time he told me. But not for me LOL! After a few minutes I am able to persuade him to do it, and yeah I am not disappointed. He gave me a show I will never forget! Toinks!
I could almost explode but I said I wanna see him to finish...I wan't to see that fountain LOL!
ahhh...ohhh... he is almost there he said. OK, me too, lets do it baby....
I'm about to see it...
I'm waiting for it....i wanna shoot with him
just waiting at the right moment...
then his camera hanged!
WTF! its freeze! Shit! Shit! Shit!
When his camera moves again he came already! I saw all of it on his tummy!
I said OK EDC, just tease me while I stroke mine again...and suddenly the view from his cam became dark as hell!
"Mahal, there is a power interruption...walang kuryente..." he said.
That's all I could said and stroke my d*ck like a mad man and came.
Threw the tissue at the floor! (nagdabog! padyak padyak on the floor!)
June 6, 2010
I was having dinner at our department on the second floor when I received a bleep...
Trauma team is activated...
Trauma team is activated...
Trauma team is activated...
Shit! that's all I could say and stopped eating and run...literally!!! I have to, last time the doctor was mad at me for being late haha. But what to do, the Accident and Emergency room (ER) is at the ground floor and so far away from our department. But I do have the options to eat at the ER pantry but I chose not to. I'm happy dining with my colleague. I just need to run as fast as I could like tonight! Toinks!
After more than a month of being assigned there, I can say, I like it. Unlike before that I could curse my boss for putting me there. I'm happy with the Pediatric ICU and he will just decide to assign me at the ER! WTF!
There are many rooms at the emergency room, there's the cardiac room, where I should stay all the time unless needed somewhere. But I am covering the whole Accident and Emergency room, on call basis.
(CARDIAC ROOM: all chest pain patients. This is the busiest room, and the most toxic place ever! any minute there will be cardiac arrest, and if there's cardiac arrest,only means one thing: I will be tired!)
Like this call, at the Trauma room, where the ambulance brings all accidents and trauma related incidents. This area is usually the bloodiest! the goriest ever! But this room is my favorite. A lot of action going on, its fast and unpredictable. But this is also a place where everyone need to be serious and focused.
(But sometimes how can I focus if someone's tut-tut were in front of you! ang laki kaya shit! kidding!)
Finally, I reached the Trauma room number 4. Every one was there. All in their personal protective gear! Its like inside the wet market. All the trauma code team was there.
"Brother, come! Hurry!" I heard my anesthesiologist referring to me. He is my partner on all procedure, its like a loveteam Toinks! All five doctors are there. I'm the only one late! As usual hahaha! The nurse handed me the gown, gloves and face mask. Good thing he is not the other one who scolded me before.
I looked at the patient, a female, around 30 yrs. old. You could barely recognize here. Her face are all sore. A hit and run victim. Most probably its a head injury... I noticed there's too much blood coming out on her mouth, her jaw was broken...She is also not breathing.
A big problem for my anesthesiologist and me...since our role is the airway (since I'm the RT). I need to make sure there will be air coming in her lungs.
Get ready for intubation, I heared him said. I prepared all the stuffs needed. I put them all on the side of the bed and assisted him for the procedure. While the other four doctors are busy with their own respective specialty.
(Basta ako, sa airway lang la ako paki sa kanila LOL!)
After the endotracheal tube was inserted, I needed to fix it right away with the ET tie, so that no matter what happened it wont be dislocated or accidentally pulled out. I have to lean towards the patients face to do it right, I wasn't able to stick it properly because the blood orally are endless. I even have blood all over me and my hands.
"Hurry up brother, we need to position her on her side. We will do the log roll right away!" I heard the surgeon told me. Damn! How can I do it right away! You do it! but its only on my mind LOL!
I was able to fix it and connected her to the portable mechanical ventilator ( a breathing machine where I'm the only who supposed to set and manipulate) and as are we doing the log roll on the patient, the anesthesiologist whose holding her head and neck noticed something:
"Please remove her I.D lace on the neck". The nurse quickly get the scissor but she wasn't able to reach, since my hands are free at the time I volunteered to do it.
I took it, and started to cut, but the scissor were sooooo useless. Its not cutting! Ang talas bongga! LOL.
I tried to cut again but then we heard a loud voice:
"awww--awwww! that's my finger! seriously, brother...that's my finger!" it was my anesthesiologist! I didn't feel that I'm not cutting the lace anymore but his finger hahahaha. Its sooo embarrassing...
Everyone almost burst into laughters! But tried to contain it. We are not allowed to laugh inside. He forgave me after the patient was transferred to the operating theater.
I attached an intubation video here so that you guys will have an idea of one of my job here in the hospital. In this video, I'm supposed to be the guy assisting the doctor. The first scene was funny. Watch it.
June 2, 2010
Long distance relationship...bow!
Its a big gamble, I know, but we tried
I love him...he loves me back.
We were happy...
I was inspired everyday
Can't wait to chat, talk and call him again...
Problems, arguments, and misunderstanding came
We broke up...
Turned out, I only thought we broke up!
But we didn't, its just a cool off! My bad :-)
Sorry naman LOL!
"I tried to ignore it, but I really do love you...I just can't lose you..."
That's one of the sms messages I received after a few days of "break up"
Naturally, my heart melts and we are back on track again haha
Happy days again...
Days passed by and we had an argument again about our boracay plans
Its about who would wear the red bikini. Kidding!
Nah, Its about something that's too long to enumerate.
I ignored him. I was so mad. I wanna kill him. Toinks!
He tried to explain. To convince me. But I was still mad.
I didn't contact him him for many days. Flirted with other guys here. Joke!
"Still mad at me?" I read when I opened my new HTC touch pro 2 phone (bragging haha)
"You know what I want" I replied
"You know that I don't have enough will not to talk to you..I love you so much...OK, i will give in with what you want" he answered.
Yahoo! I won! I won!!!
I changed once again my facebook status from single-to-in a relationship.
Arte ko! haha. Sorry for the lame post guys. But that's what happened for the past week on my complicated relationship with EDC.
I will see him this coming July, I'm too excited.
"walang puknat na sex Mac...for 24 hours!" he said.