February 3, 2009

A Friend In Denial

I felt good today,finally I had the chance to get out of my cage! I've been inside our house for a whole freakin week.Now I had an excuse: submitting my NBI clearance to my agency at Makati, after it was authenticated by the Qatar Embassy which I paid 385 pesos by the way(just for a small stamp!).This is necessary for them to know if I killed any ex-boyfriend I had in the past LOL.

Riding the jeepney going to the bus terminal I saw a face that I never expected to see!It was Ronn! shetttt! My super-dooper-I'm all-over-you-first-love way back from college!(hmmm let me count how many years was that already...1999...2001...oh my god!Eight years ago!!!! He have this dirty look,you know the moustache and beard that he never trimmed,and the hair "literally looking like an ermitanyo hehe" I had a hard time recognizing him for a minute.He looks like a drunk father from the streets of Tondo!He never changed a thing about his personality,he has this habit of going out of the house wearing his "basahan" looks!

He was wearing this t-shirt that the sleeves that I don't know where fell off,it has a lot of holes in it and the cloth was so faded and thin evident that that shirt needed to be dumped,that thing he was wearing had no match to the ones wearing by the beggars on the street!(mas ayos pa damit nila sa kanya!waaa!) I could feel it that he was uncomfortable me seeing him like that,maybe he thought" shett why now of all days he have to see me and with me wearing thisss!Mac will be laughing his brains out with this sight!" I know him so much,in and out!I could read his mind (psychic???)

Which by the way really made me laughing inside hehehe "Its like OH my god Ronn you look ridiculous! and I believed I smiled for a bit and I suppressed that immediately.I still have those memories of us together inside of me (may kabinet dun e) and he occupied a large storage area in it...lots and lots of folders of memories that if I need to read again will all be available...thats the impact he had on me...

We were best friend,(i know its so gasgas na) I believed we were more than that...I could feel it and I know he felt it too during those two years together in the same classroom.he's just too coward to face it..to accept it...he was in denial of his sexuality...of him being in love with a guy.That scared him.That made him go away from me and courted a girl just to prove his masculinity.hayyy those were the days....I will tell you more about that "tragic" story of my first love in the coming days.

Until he have to get off the jeep,its their house already....(I've been inside that house and his room so many times then..).and all through out the 10 minutes being in the same jeep facing each other and trying to avoid each other's eyes to meet was like forever!I almost got a stiff neck!I just pretended that I was busy texting and I'm glad I'm wearing my shades today!

Maybe if I'm like this then,I mean being how confident I am about my sexuality now being a gay guy maybe "wala siya kawala!" haha it sounded like a title of an evil movie!LOL Our time now was so different then,seems gays are like having this sexual revolution!Well maybe,we had a shot then,I was so convinced then that he was my soul mate if you ever believe in that crap hehe,I still do now,he's just too chicken to realize it till now!

5 comments:

Green Gloves said...

i feel you.. i have this neighbor, hes the only one who knows im bi... im not out and for some reason i told him that im bi... we kinda call each other bestfriends... even after i told him wat my sexuality was, we even got closer... i confused bwt him nd im afraid to ask if hes also like me... and ohhhh! hes HOT!!!...

Mac Callister said...

haha goodluck with that dude
and besides as i've sadi to my post bi and gays are diffrent now they are a bit accepted by our society just a little bit than before

Pao Pielago said...

dapat tinapik mo siya sa tuhod sabay sabi "mare, kumusta ka naman? saan ang ruta mo?"

tingnan natin kung hindi ka pa niya ma-notice. hehehehe...

Pao Pielago said...

dapat tinapik mo siya sa tuhod sabay sabi "mare, kumusta ka naman? saan ang ruta mo?"

tingnan natin kung hindi ka pa niya ma-notice. hehehehe...

Mac Callister said...

haha sabay chikahan kami no?

pero he already noticed me,he knew its me kaya nga todo iwas siya ng tingin din e hehe