March 8, 2009

Gay Childhood

When did you realize you were gay?

When I was growing up I always think there's something wrong with me.I was in grade two,I grew up shy,very close to my mom,I play inside the house with my sister,I only have one friend,Bert.Who is very straight by the way hehe.I have a hard time blending with other boys,I always have this feeling that why cant I naturally join them when they play or hang out....it was so difficult for me.I tried so hard to be accepted,but my classmates knew that I'm not like them,they tease,they call me names...
I end up playing with my girls classmates,you know,playing Chinese garter (so gay!LOL), jack stone, paper dolls!which I'm so good at designing their clothes haha.But i enjoy playing cars and airplane too with Bert,he used to come to our house to ask me to play,he was my best friend back then,we go to the same classroom from grade 1 to high school.God knows I really tried so hard to be straight.I don't want it.I get so mad when someone call me "gay".

My dad was a complete reminder of that,he suspected that I'm gay and he's so furious whenever he sees me with some signs and symptoms of gayness!LOL. He was so happy when he sees me playing with Bert,one time,i said to Bert "I'm already circumcised" and he was like"really?I don't believe you!let me see!"And I showed my uncut penis at him! "nah!stop fooling around!you're supot pa like me!" and I was like "can I see yours?" at that time there's only the two of us.

We sat there at the corner pants down and both inspecting our penises!I pulled the foreskin and saw the whitish smelly thing on top of it "kupal" he said(smegma) I swiped it with my finger and put on his nose!haha.He did the same and I run,its so grosse!Good thing I have more kupal to put at his nose and chased him again!LOL. I called that game kupalan!hahaha

There was this time,when my mom was taking a nap one afternoon,I wore her old maternity clothes and put some towels inside my tummy and played like pregnant woman!My sister was the doctor and I enjoyed it so much that I got so carried away with the role play "push...push...its coming"my sister said,when I'm about to deliver the baby I screamed so loud like I was really in pain giving birth!"arayyyyy!ang sakitt!!!!"

I forgot that my mom was at the next room and sleeping!next thing I knew she rushed into us and spanked me using her dirty slippers!haha "why are you like that??you really want to get pregnant?!wanna be gay huh!" she scolded me so loud that I cried.Hmmm,memories of my childhood haha.Till college I was in denial,I don't look so gay,I acted straight.I kept on telling my self I'm not gay,i wanna be straight and all,but its useless fighting it,I think I was born this way,and no matter what I do or try to do nothing can change that.
After college that's when I finally told myself.I had enough.I'm tired of pretending.This is me.I'm not straight,hate me or love me.Taray!LOL! I realized being gay was not always have to be dressing up like a big fag or be girly. I still have attraction to women and men.(I had a gf before) I don't wanna wear make ups and all. I like my d*ck and I like fcking other gay men.

Filipino gay are so afraid to be called gay.They get so defensive.They wanna be called bi's. Even if many of them haven't been with a girlfriend or have any interest in girls at all!Duh!Why not search the word bisexual?Discreet gay or a gay guy will be fine.OK?!

32 comments:

call.the.shots said...

yeah. i can kinda relate to ur experience. not having much friends as a kid. playing with girls at a young early age.

Ron Centeno said...

Mac,

As long as you're comfortable in your own skin & know who you are. That's the most important thing. It's better to be truthful to yourself than pretend and suffer in the inside.

TC!

Mac Callister said...

@call the shots- really? u have the same thing?haha,hope everything turns out ok with ur lovelife by the way.

@ron-yeah im done pretending someone im not.

:: cb :: said...

in the philippines, bisexual is discreet. it's funny how it's more of a cultural definition. nobody wants to be called gay.

i like this post because it solidifies that homosexuality is not a choice. a lot of my gay friends said that they were born gay and so it's hard when people tell you to change who you are just to conform to society. i'm all for diversity. let's just respect that gay people are born and not made.

Bleeding Angel said...

Mac, i really enjoyed reading this entry again... even though i cannot relate much in this story...how i wish i had a childhood like yours... sad-happy-adventure-real!

Herbs D. said...

i know what this felt like. we just really have to give in sooner or later :)

*hugs*

Pao Pielago said...

there's no such thing as "bisexual". once a gay, always a gay. those who subscribe to the term aren't ready to face it yet.

Mac Callister said...

you are right pao,they are just not really ready to face it hehe

flamindevil said...

that's why i always come back here macmac..i like the honesty and sincerity of your posts. :p

Mac Callister said...

@flamindevil-naks naman nag blush daw ako!LOL

Kenji said...

Well i wouldn't say that you're turning gay... Even if you are bi, when you walked the gay path, it is harder to go back to liking girls. My bi friend is exactly so... But multiple bad relationship with men turned him into liking gals again! xD

Anyway... i can't believe you did that with your childhood friend oh geez... Haha thanks for sharing though! This is an awesome post!

Mac Callister said...

@kenji-haha i know Bert remembered it he was telling me about it a few years back but i pretend i dontknow what is he talking about haha!

rik32miles said...

As far as I know , I don't know any old person who's bisexual...in the end Gesyha din ....hihihii

Mac Callister said...

@rik32miles-haha geysha i like that term!

Mon said...

It's funny because there were also times that I was teased as "binabae" when i was in elementary. Haha! Maybe because I was too influenced by my mom. The way she talk and the way she laugh, I was a carbon copy. When I reached high school, gladly I became close with my uncles and I got more influenced by more "Astig" and medyo barombadong uncles.

I think all boys come to a point of confusion. Minsan kasi na-dedevelop yan. I dont believe gays are born to be gays. Minsan sa environemnt din yan. And i believe its a matter of choice. We all have a choice.

Mon said...

by the way, thank you at nag-enjoy ka sa last post ko. hehe.. although, i would prefer to be called Monmon or Monching, okay lang sa'kin kahit may tumatawag sa'king bugoy! it's no big deal ;)

Mac Callister said...

@mon- haha buti di ka napipikon nun?i dont like bugoy during PPD 2,ang oa at arte niya kasi hahaha

danielyuson said...

humalakhak ako nang...
parang walang bukas...
nang madaanan ko yung...
istorya nang mag...
maternity dress ka..!
then..,
humanga naman ako nang...
finally ay...
inamin mo na sa sarili mo na...
you think...
you like men more than women now..!
tama yan..!
meron kasing iba na...
kunwari bisexual..!
pero..,
maninipis naman ang kilay..!
bomba!!!
hahahahahahahaa..! ;)

Mac Callister said...

@bombero-haha tama ka jan!at im glad napatawa ko ang nag iisang bombera ng pinas hehe

StarFish said...

i realized that i was gay when... well i couldn't take my eyes off of my friends bulge... lol... and i like sucking C*ck!! haha...

you bring out the worst in me... lol... and yes i did clean the stains off the bed sheets, dork!
LOLOL!!!

have a great week!

Vin

gillboard said...

sorry off topic: pero inadd na po kita... just as requested!!! thanks...

MC said...

I am gay. Wala ng paligoy-ligoy pa. bwahaha

LaKAs-nG-LoOb said...

Is there something wrong about gay?..my gay friend always told us that pag nabuhay kang gay, mamatay ka pa ring gay...hehehe

turmoil said...

hehe...can relate to it...ang kulet!(kupalan)hehe

bisex',discreet,str8 act etc...iisa pa din "gay" pa din tau lahat...just live with it!!!hehehe

peace out!

*wink

Mac Callister said...

@starfish-haha ako din i like staring at bulges!

@gillboard -oh yah add na kita hehe right away!

@Mc- tumpak!haha

@lakas ng loob--yeah once a gay always a gay

@turmoil--nahiya naman ako,ako lang ata may ganun pinaggagagawa sa buhay ko ang magkupalan haha

Faisal Admar said...

Sometimes we don't even know who we are... and what we want.

I understand, being gay is not easy and who wants to be gay?

Most people don't understand what is fate and faith :)

Mac Callister said...

@faisal-ei thanks for being here,i appreciate it

KRIS JASPER said...

Thanks for sharing Mac. It's just unfortunate that you had to feel those pains but im sure you're way stronger now.

K said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA for KUPAL GAME.

You are disgustingly funny MAC. Very straightforward ang blog mo, and I laughed at some of them really, wala akong masabi, basta GO GIRL!

Nash said...

gosh when i was 6 years old hahaha :P

rik32miles said...

How far are you in New Moon na?
I'm lusting after jacob kasi balbonic sya!heheheh
it's one of my fave book. the fourth series is even better.
happy reading

Mac Callister said...

@KJ-yeah im way past them already,all those memories just give me laughs nalang when i remember them hehe

@K-thanks for being here and liking my so decent blog LOL

@Nash- what about when u were 6?hehe bitin!

@rik32miles--im just at chapter 13 Killer im so loving it!i already have book 3 and 4 cant wait to finissh them all!haha