October 15, 2010

Bigger Love?


I'm in love.

I know you all knew that already.
I'm here in Doha, he's in Manila.
But I'm having this thoughts about love.

About Clayton's love for me.

I think I love him more than he loves me back.

Do you get me? is this suppose to be an issue with boyfriends?
Does it matter if the other loves more?

I told myself its silly.

But somehow it gets to me.

I'm the type of person who would like to text my boyfriend. No matter how busy I am, I find time. I love some conversation over text, on free time, like how his day was, what's he doing, or about anything...

But, Clayton don't do that.

I told him how I felt about it. We are on LDR and communication is all I have of him. That's all we could do. No holding hands. No kissing. No love making. All we have is communication.

He said I'm sorry and promised to be my text mate LOL!

And he did.
But why should I need to tell him what he needs to do? he supposed to know that right?

I love chatting with him online during our offs. I'm excited all the time. As if I never run out of topic to talk about. Its like i never want the day to end chatting with him.

Until he would say, Mac, I need to go blah-blah-blah-reasons. I mean we only chat for an hour or two. Its just disappointing you know, can't he feel the same? that he wanted to chat with me as long as it takes? Why am I the only one who have that intention? but I tried to understand. I'm suppose to understand. So I just shook it off.

But it gets to me sometimes.

I call.
Yeah, I called on his phone. But sometimes, its nice if the call comes from him, right?

I don't know, but whenever I opened my face book, its like a routine to check his profile page, his shout-outs, his update status, his latest pic uploads.

But its been days before he could check mine. Sometimes I have to tell him that I have a new uploads or whatever, that's the only time he would check it.

It would be nice if he does, right?

Like tonight. Its 6am in Manila. I immediately took my cel and typed these messages:

Nakita ko FB mo kanina, pero malamang di mo pa din nakikita yun mga lumang pictures namin nung bata pa kami! antagal na nun dun di mo man lang masilip! Letse!

Nakita ko tanga! Kasama mo sis mo. Pasko yun at nasa bahay kayo ng tita mo!!!!


Ay nakita mo ba?bah malay ko ba hahaha


Ang tanga mo e kung maka-letse ka... WAGAS! na-i-stress ako sayo kakamulat ko lang. Uggghs!!!

Ok fine! I might be wrong with that one! LOL. but, what I'm trying to say is...

ah, eh, whatever!

Anyway, why am I the only one does those things?
I think about him most of the time, like whats he doing at this moment...

Does it means I love him more than he loves me?

I know these are all simple and petty things, I know. Clayton loves me in his own way. I could sense it. But these little things matters too.

What do you think?
Am I just being silly and i should slap my face for being pathetic?LOL

Or my love for him is bigger than his to me?
If its the case, should I be worried?

Or you think he don't love me at all?

That would be awful!Arrrrghhh!

16 comments:

PILYO said...

may tao lang talagang di pala-txt or showy sa pag-express ng kanyang emotions.

Mr. Brightside said...

I think he loves you, in a way different than how you express your love for him.

Pipo said...

Sabi ng ex ko meron at meron daw talagang magbibigay ng higit kesa sa isa. Mas madami kasi talaga sya ibibigay kesa sa partner nya. Pero that doesn't mean he's not giving everything he can give.

Naniniwala pa din ako sa sinabi nya.

Ex Jason said...

Aw, hindi magandang mag compare. Hindi mo kayang sukatin ang love. Ang korni, and mejo cliche, pero totoo. Mas expressive ka lang siguro, pero hindi ibig sabihin na mas malaki ang love mo kesa love niya.

Mac Callister said...

@pilyo--yeah siguro nga,but im happy he's reaching out to me na after i told himhow i felt..

@mr.brightside--you think so?hayyy salamat!hehehe

@pipo--pansin ko nga!at talagang mas showy nga lang siguro ako

@ex-jason--awwww magkasunod talaga!haha.sabagay tama ka nga...

Nimmy said...

@Pipo and Jason - magkasunod ung comment oh. :P

ganun talaga Mac. mahal ka nun pero hindi lang sa paraan na preferred mo. wag ka masyado mag-alala dyan. :D

Soltero said...

agree ako ke Papa P! and wag ka masyado demanding ahahah :P

nataw aako dun sa term na "kakamulat ko lng" lol, sobrang lalim haha :P

Virex said...

for me, ok na yung minamahal ka nya.. the point is, he loves you and you love him.. though not equal, but still he reciprocates your love..

ibañez said...

makaemote ka teh!!?hehekhehek siguro hnd lang sxa showy katulad nang sinabi ni pilyo .. o baka masyado nang nakaset ang braincells mo sa isang relationship na sa tingin mo ay gusto mo mangyari?kaya feel mo na ikaw ang naglalabas nang todo effort sa relationship nyo?or baka nga maslove mo lang tlg sxa. .

Mac Callister said...

@nimmy--thanks baka nga,pero minsan feelingero din cguro ako haha!

(napansin ko nga din na magkasunod sila ng comment haha)

@soltero--di na nga no! at oy,di malalim yun kakamulat!di ka lang sanay magtagalog!

@virex--tama ka nga,kasi if di nya me mahal di naman siya makakatiis na maging kami di ba?

@ibanez--baka nga!cge na nga tapusin ko na tong ka emo-han ko hehe

c - e - i - b - o - h said...

late comment..

haayz, wag ka lang mag-isip ng kung anu-ano..
wag mong sukatin kung sino ang may mas mahal sa kung kanino..

there are things that you do to show how you love him, meron din siyang sariling way.. It doesn't mean na pag may ginawa ka, kelangan gawin din niya..
love should expect nothing in return.. (nu b ung mga sinsabi ko? hehehe)

nweiz, just believe na mahal ka nya. mahal ka niya..

Mac Callister said...

@ceiboh--super late nga LOL! anywayz,thanks sa mahaba mong comment na muntik na matalo ang blog entry talaga!LOL

Kane said...

Hi Mac. As some of them have said, people express their love in different ways.

What I think is more interesting is how we feel scared whenever we feel that we love the person more than that person loves us.

But the leaves the question whether we love because we are loved back?

Do you love him ONLY if he loves you back EQUALLY?

Kane

Ming Meows said...

jalousie ka

Redlan said...

Ang pag ibig talaga! pak! Naalala ko tuloy yung pasts ko.

Meron kasi akong ex na gaya mo. Yung dapat ganito, magtext pag gising, dapat magtext kung ano ginagawa. Demanding. Dapat kung ano gunagawa niya gawin ko rin, magtext, magreply. Kakapagod yung ganun. Bumabawi naman ako sa ibang bagay. Talagang busy at wala akong panahon makipagtext all day unli dahil stress ako sa work palagi. Aba, umbaot sa puntong hindi na siya ganun magtext,one time hindi siya nakapagtext na usually ginagawa niya. Buking siya meron milagrong ginawa. Tsinugi ko na.

Yung oinalit ko ganun rin, palatext kahut nagpopo nagtitext at umabot 2 years. At bigla na lang kahit hi hindi na nagtitext. Tsinugi ko rin. Kasi alam ko meron na bago. Sila kasi nagsi-set ng rules at sila mismo ang bumibreak.

Pero naintindihan kita, sobrang excited mo teh. Sobra kang in love. Pero dahan dahan lang muna, step by step yan. huwag mong biglain. Kapag hindi nagtext or nagreply baka busy sa work, kasi nabasa ko palagi siyang stress sa work. Try mo kaya hindi magtext, mamiss niya yun. hehehe.

Nakakatawa kayo. Hindi nagpipikonan pareho at huwag mag-ayaw ng bonggang bongga ha.

Inspired ako sa pagpapatuloy na pagbabasa ng updates mo and looking forward to kilig posts.

Redlan said...

Pahabol: Kung mmalapit lang kayo sa isa't isa, I know babawi siya sa ibang bagay at mapasigaw ka. (wink)