So, We're Talking Now?

It was really awkward having him on one table...I think its a bad idea for coming here. I'm uncomfortable being with him. We didn't talk for about 5 months. We ignored each other for the longest time. We just stop talking for some reason I don't know!

And here we are now.

Sharing a table with 4 other guys.

Me and Darkguy!

On one table this close???!

Its a friend's birthday dinner. He invited me. Didn't know he would also invite Darkguy. I don't have any control who he wants to invite. Its too late to back out now, I already said yes before he called Darkguy to come.

I avoided his eyes. I avoided talking to him. I intentionally ignored him and spoke to the guy next to him. I could see he's looking at me from the corner of my eyes. He lose weight. He works out they said. I could see the development on his arms and chest (I only imagined it without his shirt on LOL!)

He came with Eli. A former crush of mine. I believe they are closer now. They dined out, stay at each other's flat from time to time. Should I be jealous? I shouldn't be. Maybe I just felt a little weird. I mean, I used to chase Eli before. And I used to f*ck Darkguy before. And now they are together?

Though not sure about it. I heard Darkguy's wife now pregnant with their second child. Maybe they are really just friends.

I think I still have a crush on Eli! Clayton, its just a crush OK? haha. No more. No less. And I don't know if he likes me now than before. I noticed some changes on him. Its like he is giving me some signs that he is now ready! LOL

But deadma nalang me. I love Clayton noh!

Darkguy was trying to reach out on me. He spoke to me directly and I have no choice but to look at him and listen. I don't want the other guest to feel the tension between us. It felt so weird looking at his eyes while he spoke to me.

I know he's just trying to cover the real situation between us. People would ask questions if they noticed we are not talking. Especially Egay. He is so persistent on knowing the truth. He knew something is going on. I won't give him that satisfaction! So I just go with the flow and pretend I'm Ok talking at Darkguy.

He opened the door for me when I went out.

As we all walk back to our building (we all live in one building) I walk side by side with Egay avoiding him. And vice versa.

I don't know if this event changes anything between us.

(click here to read more posts about Darkguy)

Mac Is Two Years Old!

I know its little late for celebrating, but better late than never right? I feel really awful for forgetting it, I should've checked my phone's calendar.

Its my blog's anniversary!

So, my blog turned two last August 7. I remember, its the time that I was busy being homesick and melodramatic! haha. No wonder I forgot about it.

I can't believe Maccallister is 2 years old too! My alter ego. A name, well its actually a surname, that I got from watching my fave drama series at the time, Brothers and Sisters. For two years, I was referred to as Mac. Well, I kinda like it though. Parang totyal at gwapo pakinggan! LOL!

This blog means a lot to me, its my life. Its my baby. Its my whole being. Everything in it was the true event that happened, and I will be very happy when I grow old, I mean really really old like major-major-old, that one day I could sit on that couch, and look back and reading entries...remembering those moments...crying in it...laughing in it...

Hay, I'm so glad I made this blog a personal one. A random personal blog.

I can't forget the people that I've met since I started this blog. Salamat sa inyo.

And to my few and wonderful online friends: Rik from UK (see you there pag nag escort ako ng patient), Tizzy from Indonesia, Stainedheart from Lebanon (kahit wala na tayo communication naging part ka ng life ko hehe drama), Jaypeelo from Nevada, Delfin from New York (malay mo, maging tayo din sa bandang huli, pero di pa definitely ngayon haha!), EDC from Dubai (we've been good friends for almost 2 years nun nasa dubai ka pa, di mawawala yun kahit na bad ang ending natin) and Vin from Texas (miss you dork!). You are all part of this journey.

This blog has been a great tool also for me in meeting those "boyfriends" in the past, you already know who you are! hahaha. Yaw ko na isa isahin, kasi kakahiya!

To those avid readers and followers. Gosh, I never thought it would be that much. Para sakin madami na yung 182 na followers ha! Parang kelan lang, halos wala nagbabasa dito! Just keep on following! Para maging 200! LOL

I, thank you. You don't know how you made me so happy when you give me emails and instant messages saying how you love reading them from the very first post up to the latest entry. Its overwhelming.

So anyway, masyado na madrama 'to. I am looking forward for another year of blogging with you guys.

Cheers!

One Month Na Tayo Clayton

Today is a special day for us

August 23rd, exactly 11:50pm last month

You and me agreed to a commitment, that

You and me will love each other...

You and me will be there for each other...

To stay together till I come back next year...

I wanna hold on to that promise

To come home to you...

Every year...

Where my heart belongs.

Long distance relationship is not easy

And yes, we argue, most of the time

Even though we are not perfect partners

At the end of the day, we still agreed on one thing:

We love each other.

I love you so much...as in uber

(like what you always texts me hehe)

Happy first month together baby-baby-ko.

(",)

Old Ugly Bitch

One sad reality I've seen working abroad is that many of our fellow Filipinos are ill-mannered! They're annoying. They're selfish. They're rude and arrogant! Well, not all hehe! But some are and I wanna stab their neck using my fork! LOL

Its disappointing when I was new here to find out that not all are as friendly and as helpful as the others I've been with. Its gives me a sense of shame knowing that they're my "kababayan". I could understand if its from other nationalities but a fellow pinoy? WTF!

Some act as if they owned the place. Some likes to be the boss even if they're not. Some would treat you as if you're less of a person. But I didn't allow it. I know now how to fight back! LOL.

May sungay na e!

One time I was the one who answered the phone call from an oldie-Filipino nurse, my colleagues just went out the door to go their designated areas:

Me: Yes, what can I do for you?

Bruha: Who is assigned here in _____?What time you do your rounds its almost 12am!!!

Me: Ah, mam, they're on their way, just went out of the door.

Bruha: Huh? How come they're still not here!

Me: Who is this? They are on their way...

Bruha: Its ____. you know the "mataray nurse". How come they're still not here its very late!

I tried to stay calm and still tolerate her annoying tone.

Me: What is it that you need from the assigned person there?

Bruha: Ha? Why you need to ask me that? Of course its your time to do the rounds and you're asking what do I need??? So stop asking me what I need!

Me: I know, I was just asking if you need something else and I might be able to help

Tanga pala siya e, kaya nga my bleeper kami. E di mag bleep siya pag may kelangan siya! kesa mag taray siya kung bakit wala pa ang duty dun (we have our own bleeps so that whenever an ICU needs us, they could easily use that.)

Bruha: Why the assigned here is still not coming????

I am now really annoyed and I wanna go up there and put salt and pepper on her rotting v*gina while tied on a tree and put a big eggplant on her ugly mouth so that she cannot scream!!! Freaking old bitch!

Me: Mam, as I've said, he's on his way. OF COURSE, HE WOULD WALK THE LONG HALLWAY, THEN TAKE THE LIFTS UP TO THE 6th FLOOR, THEN WALK AGAIN THE LONG HALLWAY TO GET THERE...

I spoke clearly and pausing on each words as if talking to a child for her slow and dysfunctional brain can absorbed what I'm trying to say.

Bruha: Whatever! Its hard to talk to you! Goodbye!

That bitch! she hanged up on me!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Ako pa daw ang mahirap kausap? kakatawa! LOL

I told everyone what happened and we all just laughed after a while and said: she's an old bitch, don't pay too much attention to her. Just think that no one likes her and that maybe she has a miserable pitiful life. Instead of being mad at her, just feel sorry for what she become.

After ko siya dinurog durog sa Facebook update ko and my friends making hilarious and ugly comments about her, ok na ko. In my mind nakaganti na ko!haha

Buti nalang di ko siya friend dun.

Di niya nababasa! Nyahaha!!!

Walang Gaguhan

I have a bad schedule at work this week and due to time differences, me and Clayton had a hard time catching' each other online like we used to do for the past weeks since I arrived here. Though we text every day, but we like online chat better.

He suggested he would wake up at 4 in the morning, Philippine time, its 11pm here. But I told him its so unfair on his side. But he insisted. So i just told him to make it 5am there, that would make 12am here.

I felt bad about him waking up on a Sunday morning soooo early haha!

But you know what? Its kinda make me feel special...ayayay!

May kilig factor!

Sweet!

He had his first paycheck and he was so excited telling me how much he earned and I'm proud of him. Told me he gave half to his mom and the rest he will save at the bank...

"I'll be saving up so that when you come back next year, I will be treating you to anywhere you wanna go, anywhere you wanna eat without you spending a single penny..." he said

That gave a smile to my face. He deserves everything that's happening on his life right now, his loving family, great friends, new job, and having me!!! toinks! haha

"If someone fall out of love, or got tired of the other, or met a new guy...please let the other guy know, OK?" --me

"Yeah, that's what I want too, to tell it straight, walang gaguhan...(no cheating) I want an honest relationship." he answered.

I had that conversation with him because let's face it, we are miles away from each other, though we love each other, we never know what might happens next...or someone will come and suddenly you don't love your boyfriend anymore, though its tragic but, what to do?

"I think its you who would get tired of me first" I teased

"Really????you have your Brian! Is he courting you, anyway? Tell me...seriously?" he asked

"No. I told him I'm happy with you." I assured him

"I got a feeling he will try to take you from me...I just feel it." he continued. But I tried to convinced him Im not going to waste what we have just like that.

"You love me?" --me

"Yes. Too much. As in uber." --Clayton

"Hahaha. You're good now ha! nabobola mo na ko!" --me

After two hours:

"Go to sleep Mac, you need to rest! Stop chatting with anyone else" --Clayton

"You go ahead. I'll sleep at 4 o'clock...hahaha" --me trying to annoy him. I'm not really chatting with anyone else aside from him. He's worried that I might flirt with some gay guy and he's jealous hehe.

"Potaena matulog ka naaaaaaaaaaaaa!(F*ck! go to sleep!!!!) Do you want me to beat you?! enough chatting Mac. I'm serious please stop chatting. Go to sleep its 2am already." --Clayton

"yeah, yeah, I will log out now, but you go ahead first..." I was really laughing while typing those words. I knew he is really annoyed.

" ..|.."

he sent me that instead. Fuck you sign. hahaha!

"lets sign off together, nowww!"

"OK, OK!"

Don't tell him but, I didn't sign off

just clicked "invisible mode"

*wink* wink*

Brian...Past and Future?

A day before my flight, (which was august 3) I was having late lunch when my sister arrived but she was not alone. She was with Brian. He was smiling dearly at me and said Hi. I invited him to sit and eat with me. Both of them haven't had lunch yet.

My sister picked him up at the terminal as they were texting each other about his arrival. Very nice, my sister did all of that effort?! Well, what can I say, they love Brian! But he's my ex boyfriend! What would Clayton say? He would be mad as hell if he finds out about this mess my sister did!

So I thought, I wont tell him...yet! LOL

I know Brian still has feelings for me no matter what he said or how he strategically hide it, it was screaming at my face! My dad excitedly welcomed him. My nephew hugged him as if he is his long time good uncle. We talked about anything like two good friends. Its a nice feeling that we're on this kind of relationship.

He knew I have a boyfriend because he saw our pictures together at face book and he told me he also has one. He gave me some advice or I rather say he gave me a sermon...about me being serious this time, stop being impossible, that I should stick to Clayton and no more flirting with other guys.

Of course I'm not like that! Toinks!

Clayton seems to be a nice guy. He commented after we browsed some pictures. I could see he was hurting. But I tried to ignore it. I don't want him to know that I knew. Brian helped me packing my baggage when I said "are we going to have sex tonight?"

"Kapal mo! My bf ka na noh!" he replied

(shut up!You have a bf already!)

I was just kidding when I said that haha.

I went out of the room and chat with Clayton who has no idea that my ex, who by the way was the longest I stayed with in a relationship. Who by the way the only partner that my family ever accepted and liked...till now.

"Why don't you two get back together?" I remembered my sister asked me when we were alone. I just said, its not happening at this moment. I am happy with Clayton.

"Where shall I sleep?" asking me after some time. I said he could pull the mattress under my bed and sleep there. I behaved really well this time. i could have said we will be sleeping on my bed and for sure he won't protest. But I didn't cheat on Clayton. I played really great with this. I thought I won't be able to resist his charm and that butt below my bed and f*ck it! LOL

Me and Brian are great sexual partners before. But I was not thinking of raping him that night haha. I was a gentle gay! haha. (or gentleman)

On my flight, they took me to the airport and I hugged my Dad, my sister and my nephew. Brian was standing at the back. I waved my hand at him to come closer. I hugged him last.

The next day I'm here already at the middle east when we had an interesting chat at Face book.

"Are you happy with Clayton?" --Brian

"Yes I am. Why?" -- me

"Nothing. Just asking.." --Brian

"If I'm not, what you gonna do? Steal me from him?haha" -- me

"You bet!" -- Brian

Back On Track

After 5 days I could say I'm done with my dramatic moments! haha. No more loneliness. No more homesickness. As soon I started working, being with my crazy colleague, being busy again, I am definitely back on track!

It just sucks that I am back on doing the laundry. Ironing of my clothes. Doing the dishes. Cooking. Cleaning the house all by myself. The price of being alone or independent.

It just good to know that at the end of the month I will get paid once again! Yahoo! I missed pay day!haha.

Vacation in the Philippines was a whole lot of fun, but only for a month or two, if I stay for like more than 3 months, that would be boring, if you are used to working and being busy most of the time, your body would be screaming back to work, plus I spent all of my money, it will suck big time to have a long vacation if you don't have much money to spend anymore! LOL

Clayton and I are good. We talk online almost everyday, phone calls once in a while. He never missed to send me a text message everyday. I am loving him more and more.

I love you baby ko, please bear with my moods and my horny-ness LOL :-)

Shit! Im Sad!

I have a heavy heart when my family brought me to the airport. Last year, when they hugged me I was feeling really awkward because we're not really expressive of our feeling towards each family members, I thought its unnecessary to hug haha. But this time its totally different, I was the first one to really hugged them! haha. My arms automatically hugged them!

I last hugged Brian, he is not my boyfriend, don't get confused, my current boyfriend is Clayton, he's my ex-bf who happened to be a family favorite among my ex's. He arrived at our house last Wednesday afternoon, and take note, my sister picked him up at the terminal! (special treatment eh?) while I was asleep.

There's nothing going on between us, we just happened to be friends, my recent bf's jealous of him though. We talked about our own current boyfriend over dinner. And advising to me like he's my mom to quit flirting around now that I have Clayton. I never told Clayton that Brian stayed at our house and will come to the airport with us. Clayton was at work that day.

I was not sure how he would react if he finds out. So I kept it a secret for the meantime. Sorry bebe...(well, i told him today, after exactly 1 day, and we have a little discussion about it, gonna tell you about it some other time, but we're good now).

It was raining in Manila when my plane took off, that was around 6pm...I was sitting beside the window and the metro's view at night was amazing! When I arrived at Doha (10pm), I felt the extreme heat immediately as soon as I left the airport and saw my friends waving at me! Yeah, I'm really back here at the desert, I told myself.

They helped me with my stuffs and the never ending chitchat went on till we reached the coffee shop nearby. They asked me almost everything. They're most intrigued with my break up with EDC haha. Well, obviously they are avid readers of my blog too. When the EDC questionnaires ended, the Clayton's episode came up!

Well, I'm so proud of bragging all about him hahaha, what's he like in person, and how he wanted our relationship to really make it for as long as we can. "Damn, he's a good catch..." one of my friend said. I just smile and said...yes he is.

After more than an hour, they brought me to my flat and we call it a night. As I entered my room, dropped my baggage and my backpack, I saw my couch...my fave couch... its where I wanked for a whole year! hahaha. By that thought, it got me horny, I pulled down my pants and started stroking! Toinks!!!

After I unpacked some of my things, I had this feeling of emptiness... a sudden unexplained feeling came through me...I realization rushed in my head...

Fuck! I'm sad!

This is what they called:

Homesickness!!!

Waaaah! This is not happening

I felt like crying...I suddenly missed home...my sister, my nephew...Clayton. I felt I'm so alone! Damn, I can't believe I'm having this emotions! This is not me! I'm no drama...I'm no emo... I wanna laugh at my self. No one could believe that the great Mac is capable of being sad...of being affected by homesickness...

Its a funny thing, I never experienced this when I came here last year, this is my second time here in this country...and now this????! its confusing! Does that mean, I love my family now than last year? haha.

Even today after I slept last night as I write this entry, I still have this feeling of wanting to hug my pillow and weep all night! I called my mom at Dubai, called my sister, called Clayton and chat with him online for a while. My friends are calling me that its OK and that its normal. I was thankful to them for helping me to get through this....

But after a few minutes, loneliness strikes again... Fuck! I went to the bathroom and cleaned it nonstop! But yeah it helped a lot! I was tired. Sweaty. Took a shower. I can't believe I cleaned the bathroom haha. Its freakin' shiny! Its the first time that that bathroom experienced cleaning ever!

I just hope tomorrow that I'll be back to my old self...and be happy.

Goodbye Pinas!

Tomorrow afternoon is my flight back to Doha.
Gonna miss my family...
Gonna miss my friends...
Gonna miss the foods

(lalo na ang baboyyy!haha)

And I'm gonna miss YOU...

Clayton.

He won't be able to send me tomorrow to the airport due to work...but its alright. I understand.

He told me not to say "I'll miss you"
Because he said, we'll do the best way we could to be part of each other's lives...even if we're miles apart.

That made me smile.

*wink* wink*

Last Date,Last Kiss,Last Sex!!!

The lampshade was the only source of light on that dark room. I was watching Mamma Mia over my laptop last night, its my first time to see it. Some scenes made me laugh and some made me cry. I was sitting on the bed and my back at the headboard from time to time I have to switch attention to the monitor and to the one on my arms.

He was snoring like an old car engine who wouldn't start. But I didn't mind if I can't understand some dialogue from the movie with his snoring...I just kept my body still so that I won't wake him. I know he is tired as hell.

I remembered him rushing to see me last Saturday night from the mall. He's almost 2 hours late. Its our last date. Last time together. On his semi formal attire, sweating, tired, and looked...So...maasim! LOL!

(well, its hot last night and he's been up since 10am for a meeting at work till 6:00 o'clock and he have to travel all the way from Cubao to Alabang plus the fact the I might be so mad as hell which added to his already stressful day)

I don't have the heart not let him rest for a while.
We are in a hotel room and its late.
Technically this is our last night, last f*ck! haha.
But I think the best term for this night is, bonding time.

Well, that's the plan. A whole day and night
Together, me and him. Just us.
Doesn't have to be sexual all night. But a real time.
A time to talk. To kiss a little. To kiss a lot.

To laugh...to hug each other tightly...
To suck...to f*ck....hahaha!
Nagmumurahan din kami minsan-minsan, you know!
And a little pitik sa ilong if someone gets annoying or cheesy.

The best part above all this, I have him in my arms all the time. Its like I don't wanna miss a thing (kanta yun a!) Its like I want to take all the chance to hold him and hug him so close to my body. I want to savour each minute and save it in my mind...and play it again when I'm away.

I looked at him and I see a person so annoying for snoring so loud. That I wanna pinch his nose so that he wont be able to breath...and struggle for air. So that I'll laugh so hard if he die! Just kidding! hahaha! I just have to kiss his forehead and sigh...

And oh, I finally told him that I love him for the first time
It was this Sunday morning, both naked
I looked at him in the eyes while I was on top of him
And said: "ohhhh...ahhh...shit Clayton....I loooooove....youuuuu.....ohhh"

"I love you too, Mac..." he whispered

I want to regret saying it after he came and didn't wait for me! I feel like getting my machine gun and shoot him in the nose! I punched him like over and over again saying "kaasar ka! kaasar ka! " But its alright I came after a few minutes after I flipped him anyway.LOL