August 6, 2010
Shit! Im Sad!
I have a heavy heart when my family brought me to the airport. Last year, when they hugged me I was feeling really awkward because we're not really expressive of our feeling towards each family members, I thought its unnecessary to hug haha. But this time its totally different, I was the first one to really hugged them! haha. My arms automatically hugged them!
I last hugged Brian, he is not my boyfriend, don't get confused, my current boyfriend is Clayton, he's my ex-bf who happened to be a family favorite among my ex's. He arrived at our house last Wednesday afternoon, and take note, my sister picked him up at the terminal! (special treatment eh?) while I was asleep.
There's nothing going on between us, we just happened to be friends, my recent bf's jealous of him though. We talked about our own current boyfriend over dinner. And advising to me like he's my mom to quit flirting around now that I have Clayton. I never told Clayton that Brian stayed at our house and will come to the airport with us. Clayton was at work that day.
I was not sure how he would react if he finds out. So I kept it a secret for the meantime. Sorry bebe...(well, i told him today, after exactly 1 day, and we have a little discussion about it, gonna tell you about it some other time, but we're good now).
It was raining in Manila when my plane took off, that was around 6pm...I was sitting beside the window and the metro's view at night was amazing! When I arrived at Doha (10pm), I felt the extreme heat immediately as soon as I left the airport and saw my friends waving at me! Yeah, I'm really back here at the desert, I told myself.
They helped me with my stuffs and the never ending chitchat went on till we reached the coffee shop nearby. They asked me almost everything. They're most intrigued with my break up with EDC haha. Well, obviously they are avid readers of my blog too. When the EDC questionnaires ended, the Clayton's episode came up!
Well, I'm so proud of bragging all about him hahaha, what's he like in person, and how he wanted our relationship to really make it for as long as we can. "Damn, he's a good catch..." one of my friend said. I just smile and said...yes he is.
After more than an hour, they brought me to my flat and we call it a night. As I entered my room, dropped my baggage and my backpack, I saw my couch...my fave couch... its where I wanked for a whole year! hahaha. By that thought, it got me horny, I pulled down my pants and started stroking! Toinks!!!
After I unpacked some of my things, I had this feeling of emptiness... a sudden unexplained feeling came through me...I realization rushed in my head...
Fuck! I'm sad!
This is what they called:
Waaaah! This is not happening
I felt like crying...I suddenly missed home...my sister, my nephew...Clayton. I felt I'm so alone! Damn, I can't believe I'm having this emotions! This is not me! I'm no drama...I'm no emo... I wanna laugh at my self. No one could believe that the great Mac is capable of being sad...of being affected by homesickness...
Its a funny thing, I never experienced this when I came here last year, this is my second time here in this country...and now this????! its confusing! Does that mean, I love my family now than last year? haha.
Even today after I slept last night as I write this entry, I still have this feeling of wanting to hug my pillow and weep all night! I called my mom at Dubai, called my sister, called Clayton and chat with him online for a while. My friends are calling me that its OK and that its normal. I was thankful to them for helping me to get through this....
But after a few minutes, loneliness strikes again... Fuck! I went to the bathroom and cleaned it nonstop! But yeah it helped a lot! I was tired. Sweaty. Took a shower. I can't believe I cleaned the bathroom haha. Its freakin' shiny! Its the first time that that bathroom experienced cleaning ever!
I just hope tomorrow that I'll be back to my old self...and be happy.