April 15, 2010
What Have Just Happened?!
I came home from a night shift, and EDC text me good morning, today marked our 2oth day as boyfriends, yeah, a long distance relationship. So far we are surviving, sms, calls, chats, and web cams. Too many plans are made, we were both excited this coming July where we could be united when I get my yearly vacation.
As usual we did chat, usual how are you's and I love you's, I told him I'm having tortang talong for breakfast, until sweet conversation turned sour!and spicy too!LOL. I was surprised that I had so much to say, and him as well, we are definitely fighting. My angel that was so gentle became a lion, we threw hurtful words towards each other.
"you don't love me the way I love you" I said
"nah, you don't love me the way I love you!' he snapped.
"you don't appreciate the things that I do. OK. I'm done..." he continued
" you don't have the initiative to do normal bf usually does..." ---me
"because you cant wait for me to do it!"--EDC
I wont go into details other things we said. We are both convinced that its not working. He said we have completely different views about relationship. I said, because you don't wanna meet halfway. I'm trying to reach him but he was so confined with his own ideas of things. He don't wanna give my ideas a try.
"You're childish Mac, grow up. You're expecting too much" He said. I cant believe he said that! That moron! I was hurt. In respond I typed these words to get back at him:
"Yeah maybe this really is a mistake. We just don't click." yeah I knew it hurt him so bad.
One thing for sure at that moment, I was totally turned off and about to say the magic words: Its over. I'm just waiting for the right time.
"So its over?" he asked. I felt his insecurity in that question. Should I say it now? My mind's saying 'yes, do it'. I typed these: Maybe it should be better if we stay friends. He said if that's what I want, its OK with him.
"I would miss you, you take good care of yourself 'ayt?" my parting words. There was a pause in him I thought he's already gone on the other end. Until he sent another message:
"I asked you if you are sure about this (our relationship) from the very start. You said you are. I also asked you we would encounter many trials, and you said, you can do it, you are very sure...but how come you're the one giving up?"
Those words almost killed me. I felt like he became a kid, a kid being ignored, a kid being so hopeless...I just wanna come where he was and hug him...
Until he sent me a draft of his blog entry that he wasn't able to finish yet. I almost cried when I read them. It felt so sincere and loving. I sighed....
"Let's just think this through, maybe you're not ready for this yet..." I composed my self and said. "I will always be here, loving you. I will be loving you on this far side of the world until you're ready..."
"You made me cry...I am ready Mac, but please try to understand that Im slowly building up myself again, picking up the pieces, I dont wanna feel the pain anymore, if I would have that kind of pain again, like what's happening between us now, I might not able to stand it..." he said.
I told him that we should think, and enough with the fighting already.
He typed :"So, we're over, right?
"tell me what do you want?"--me
A pause again.
"I want you to be with me, you're the only one I have left...you're the only I trust, you're the only one I dreamed of..." he said.
Juice ko di ko kinaya yun...!bumigay ako mga 'neng...LOL. mahal ko siya waaah!
I told him we should relax first and have a breather and think all through what has been said, that we would talk soon.
"Is this our last chat? Will I ever talk to you again?" him
"No, i love you so much that it aches..."me
"I love you so much that I dont care even if its aches..."
This was our exact conversation in tagalog before we said goodbye, sorry to my foreign readers hehe.
"Di ko tuloy natapos tong tortang talong ko...kaw kasi! (now I wasn't able to finish my breakfast, its your fault!)" I said instead, enough of the dramatics already.
"Gago ka Mac! Wag mo ko iiwan, mahal na mahal kita! (Damn you Mac! Dont ever leave me, I love you so much)" he replied, I knew the tension was over and I smiled with his words typical SIGA attitude of him. "Im sorry for all my shortcoming"
"I love you too, umayos ka kasi!" --me
"Kakagatin kita diyan e! mag sorry ka din ngayon na!"--him
"ok sorry na."-- me
"Galing sa ilong! Yun sincere naman, isa...dalawa..." he jokingly threatened me if I dont apologize hehe. "tatapukin kita jan, mag sorry ka din sakin"
"mahal na mahal kita, wag ka na nga magdrama at mag inarte diyan, tama na ang emote, puyat ka lang kaya ka ganyan..."he continued.
"Hindi ako maarte noh, kasi manhid ka"--me
"Kasi nga na pe-preempt mo yun mga balak ko, nawawala diskarte ko"--EDC
"E bilisan mo noh!"-- me
"mag antay ka kasi, ikaw din dami aali-aligid sakin.."--EDC
"Aba subukan mo lang tsi-tsinelasin kita diyan gusto mo???"--me
Sigh, I dont know why I love him inspite of this...Up to now I dont know what just happened, I was so sure I wanna break up with him earlier and turned out we're still together afterall! haha.
I just laughed so loud in my room. Maybe I am really crazy! Nyahaha!