June 24, 2010
I Brought My Bf Home
This post is about how I came out to my Dad...well, I think so!LOL
Actually we never talk about it at all, but maybe parents do know, especially my Dad, when I was growing up, he noticed some signs that I maybe, becoming "gay". He didn't like it, of course, it will be such a shame for him. Lets face it. Its the truth. I mean who would want a gay kid right? and if ever I would be the first in our family's history of macho man.
He tried to make things right, but I guess he did the wrong way. He tortured me emotionally. He humiliated me in front of family and friends. We always fight, its a word war between us. Sometimes we get physical but I fought back. I am not the battered son. LOL!
I developed this hatred for him. I even cursed him to death at that time. I swore I will take him to the home for the aged institution when he gets older and let him die alone. But that's in the past now. He realized maybe, he cannot do anything about my "fate", or he thought I'm old enough to decide for myself, and that as long as I wont bring shame to my family, he has to accept me. He made an effort to make it up to me. He tried to be a good father. But its ten years too late. The hatred on my part disappeared though.
All his efforts are useless to me now, I will never be close to him like the way he wanted to be. The gap is way too big. We are just civil to each other, that's all I could offer. Anyway, lets go back to the main issue hehe. I always feared what would be his reaction if he finds out about my relationships with other gay men.
That's why I never brought a single guy at home even if I wanted to. Boyfriends come and go. To tell you honestly I lost count! LOL. But this guy came along, Brian...(that was I think around 2006) he was so special to me at that time. I love him dearly and vice versa. I was so fond of him that I wanted my sister to meet him and become a part of my family.
But I was hesitant to, because I don't know how my father would react. It took him a long time to accept (i think so) about my sexuality, but bringing a guy at home, that I don't know if he could take. But I took the risk, I have to find out. It was our barrio fiesta and many of our guest from far places sleeps over at our house.
The first step is introduction: I invited Brian and my father didn't suspect a thing. I introduced him to my sister who knew that he was my boyfriend. He stayed the night. Second step is visibility: After a week, I invited him again, this time stayed for two days. Brian helped my sister with the cooking, taking care of my nephew and Brian even called my father:
"tay, kakain na po...(Dad, let's eat)
The first time I heard him said it, I almost faint!LOL
My sister and Father became fond of him too. I know deep inside him, he knew who was Brian is to me. No words needed. He understood.
One time Brian and I had a big fight that to my anger, I threw him out of the house "lumayas ka ayoko kita makita" (get out of my house, I don't wanna see you) LOL. He was crying and took his things and waited for the jeepney to arrive. I saw my Dad was talking to him. When he was gone, my dad went inside the house and said:
"Why is Brian crying? Did you two fight? Why you made him cry, he's nothing but nice!"
Huwaaaat! I was so surprised! OMG! Brian would love to hear this. LOL
For 8 months, Brian was a part of my family, every weekend, every occasion, he was there. Even to my close friends. When we broke up and the visits stopped, father asked my sister these:
"How come I didn't see Brian this past weeks?"
"I don't know, ask Mac!" but he never did haha.
So that's the story of my coming out, which I'm not sure if its really a coming out story LOL! With my upcoming vacation, when I told my sis and a friend that we would go to the beach, they asked, if Brian will come? I said no.
I told EDC about it, I want him to know what he's up to when he meets my family and friends, he felt the dilemma of being compared to him, I sensed the insecurities. He felt the need to compete with Brian's memory. I just said to him:
"just be yourself and they would learn to love you too like they loved Brian, eventually..."