September 24, 2011
I've been bullied since I was a young kid. I was 9 years old when other kids started teasing me about me being gay. They called me names. Teased me. They humiliated me in front of other kids.
It was tough. Kids could be mean and heartless you know.
It made me cry. Made me angry. I was confused. I don't know why I'm different. Why I can't blend in with other boys. Instead I found comfort in the company of girls.
My sister was the one usually defending my honor (honor daw oh! charot!LOL). I know for a fact that I was brave fighting girls but not boys. You know catfight...chos!
With boys I have no strength...I was defenseless...didn't know then that in the future I would also be no match with boys breaking my heart... and the sad part is...they're also gay like me! *sigh*
Didn't know why I love chinese garter. Why I love paper dolls... or why I hated boyscout and camping and jamboree and sports...yeah sports!!! specially basketball!!!
My dad even pushed me to join other kids play balls. But I just can't! I can't I told him. And I remembered how my dad used to hurt me with words....words that would cut deep inside my soul.
It took me a while before I could honestly forgive my father for all the emotional pain he had given me.
It took me a while before I could finally accept that i can't do anything about the teasing and the bullying of other young kids. I was a weakling.
This is the part that I learned how to be numb and to not care anymore. It lessen the pain...I guess...
I kept it all inside and dealt it myself...I never told anyone...who would help me, anyway?
This is the part that I played deaf...blind...and insensitive. But there are times that they could still get to me. Still cutting inside me...sometimes no matter how hard you tried to ignore it, but the pain was too great that you cannot let it pass easily...
I was at the school playground after class with my sister on the bike and this kid 2 years older than me annoyingly teased me about being gay and all... I was really trying to ignore him and my sister was defending me once again and he said something that really really pissed me off... I just couldn't control my self...
I said words at him to hurt him back...and he said words to hurt me back more... mas masakit kapag pagkatao mo na ang tinitira e...I don't know. Maybe young gay kids are really sensitive to be teased with being gay at that time, or its just me? I don't know.
I left my bike and walked towards him with clenched fist and I punched him straight at his left eye...
He was in so much pain that he was unable to move or speak anything while holding his other eye...
I myself was in pain too for punching him. I didn't know that it will hurt this bad too. But inside me...I was feeling damn proud. I didn't know how to punch till that day!
yeah I'm the man!
I went back to my bike and told my sister to go. We saw the kid recovering from my POWER PUNCH and running towards me... He wanted revenge!
"Go! Go! Go! let's run! " I told my sister. I'm on a panic. My heart was beating like crazy!
"bilisan mo! ayan na siya kuya!" my sister screamed in horror.
The kid pulled me out of my bike and punched me in the eye too! I was hurt real bad that I was feeling numb. It was so painful. I cried! yeah I cried!
I was not able to fight back. I had no strength at all. The kid run as fast as he could after. My sister threatened him that she will call our cousins and get back at him.
Once again, my sister defended me. She helped me stand up and get back at my bike.
Yeah I was a weakling...
Fuckin' memories! hahaha!
I still see that kid from long time ago. We're still living on the same neighborhood. I've heard he's working on some low paying company in the county. Loser... look at me now!ganda ko! chos! may paghihiganting ganap?LOL
Anyway, have a great weekend guys :-)