I call my mom Mother Lily minsan e. so si father, naging father Lily. *sabaw lang* hahaha
I don't know how to deal with my father anymore. Even my sister is having a headache. I'm glad I'm not there with them otherwise baka mauna pa ko mautas! LOL
Suko na ko. Jusme. Tigas ng ulo grabe.
My dad has a long history of drinking alcohol. He has hypertension under medications but he's still drinking. Everyday he's consuming bottles of beer. Sometimes hard liquor pa. Minsan nagsusugal pa daw. How lovely!
About two years ago he suffered from Bell's Palsy wherein half of his face was paralyzed and deformed. I remember my sister told me how afraid he was back then.
I thought he learned his lesson na after he recovered through medication and therapy. OO Pinapagamot ko naman siya afterall itay ko pa din siya. LOL
I'm constantly reminding him to refrain from drinking kahit na there's no specific relation yet his drinking to the condition. Tinatakot ko siya na dahil kako sa pag inum inum niya yun. LOL
If you're a long time reader of my blog you knew that I'm not close to my father. I have this hatred at him when I was growing up. Don't worry I already forgiven him for all the pain and verbal abuse he caused me back then.
But I'm still distant. I could never be close to him. The thought of hugging him makes me wanna puke. or maybe my eyeballs would roll back 360 degrees as soon as he hugged me and pretend that he loves me.
Yeah that's how I imagine it. LOL
I sent him money monthly for his personal expenses but I found out that he's still drinking nightly and used the money for nothing. I feel bad about it. Nakakabuwisit di ba? I worked hard for those. Well yeah. sometimes kapag di ako nagpapa cute sa mga pinoy nurses. charrrr!
Kidding aside, andami nagugutom sa pilipinas...getz nyo ko?
Ang nakakatawa pa daw according to my sister if may pera si father, tuloy ligaya lang sa inom. At every time he runs out of money saka lumalabas mga sakit niya. Andiyan yun head ache, masakit daw tagiliran, masakit ngipin...blah blah...
Sabi ko naman: ay siya kulang pa sa alak!
Lately kasi I stop sending him money na. I felt kasi na I'm just giving him resources for his vices. I'm afraid he might get a stroke or something if pinatuloy pa niya yung hobby niya. Nasa sister ko ang money. He just need to ask what he needs. Pero I heard na nag aaway din sila ni sisterette madalas. Haist.
It felt like if i give him money, the more siya mag iinum. So if there's no money to spend, mas less ang alak di ba? Pero wag ka, ako pa ang masamang anak. Ang anak daw na wala paki sa ama at ni hindi inaabutan ng pera. Kakaloka. Hahaha
I talked to my sister yesterday, she told me, dad is sick daw. Mataas ang BP. Masakit ang batok. His eyes are almost popping out daw! (parang naluwa na daw at namumula mata niya)
Sagot ko: ah kulang sa alak pa kamo. lak lak pa.
Sabi ng sister ko: "gaga! this time mukhang totoong may nararamdaman na nga". I just took a deep breath and told her to bring him to the doctor.
Baka daw mag pa blood works sila bukas and she's asking if magpapadala ba daw ako ng pera.
"what to do Yanni...send ko asap"
Idinugtong ko pa: tell him next time uminom pa siya ng uminom hinding hindi ko na siya ipapa doktor.
Sorry guys ha nag rant ako, medyo personal ang post ko. haha well sanay naman kayo sa akin na personal masyado ang post minsan x-rated pa nga di ba? LOL. I just need to get this out of my chest lang kasi. Asar na asar kasi ako.
Alam na alam naman naming lahat bakit siya nagkaka ganun. and for sure he himself knew it.
Haist.
Kayo ba how's your dad?
andami ko pala nakitang nakakatawang senglot pic na pinag tripan ng mga kaibigan nila! hahaha tawang tawa naman ako potah! nakalimutan ko tuloy pagka imbyerna ko kay Ama!
The best toh! taena! pag gising mo nasa kisame ka na! LOL
Nasa loob pa ng short nun katabi niya yun kamay niya! ahahaha
Well, me and my dad had a very long history of disagreements and fights. We have this great big wall between us, its too late to break it now. Even if he's trying to reach out for me, I just can't restart all over it again with him.
I just can't find it in my heart.
When I was a kid: I like to watch Variety shows. That time it was Sharon Cuneta's variety show! LOL! (Blame my mom she idolized her!)
He gets mad at me. He wants me to watch NBA or PBA!
I like staying home and read magazines and gossips and celebrities and all. He gets mad. He wants me to play with the boys outside.
He wants me to play ball....But I played my friend's balls. LOL
For him, its a disappointment to have a son like me. He can never accept me. He was embarrased of me. His friends....his brothers...all teased him to have a "malamya son" like me.
So he will get back at me.
He yelled at me. I yelled at him.
He said fucked you. I said fuck you too.
He pushed me. I pushed him back.
Everyday was like hell for many years.
Mom, defended me. They would fight.
I left home and lived with my aunts. He would check me out, because my mom wanted him to.
I hate him so much then. I wanted to put him in an elderly home when he reached old age and will let him rot in hell. And not attend his funeral.
Many years have passed. I'm older. He's older....somehow I felt, that he accepted my preferences.
I forgave him.
I saw change in him.
I see him everyday.
But he's just an ordinary person to me now...
Like a neighbor...
Like a boarder at home....
He's nice too me.
But I'm just civil.
He asked something. I answer. Just One word.
I assessed my self. I'm not angry anymore. I just don't feel anything about him.
We can't be friends.
If he dies, maybe... I'll cry.
Maybe not.
One things is for sure.
I'll die for my Mom.
***
This is a re-post from February of 2009. Exactly three years ago. Funny, I still feel the same way about him.
I've been bullied since I was a young kid. I was 9 years old when other kids started teasing me about me being gay. They called me names. Teased me. They humiliated me in front of other kids.
It was tough. Kids could be mean and heartless you know.
It made me cry. Made me angry. I was confused. I don't know why I'm different. Why I can't blend in with other boys. Instead I found comfort in the company of girls.
My sister was the one usually defending my honor (honor daw oh! charot!LOL). I know for a fact that I was brave fighting girls but not boys. You know catfight...chos!
With boys I have no strength...I was defenseless...didn't know then that in the future I would also be no match with boys breaking my heart... and the sad part is...they're also gay like me! *sigh*
Didn't know why I love chinese garter. Why I love paper dolls... or why I hated boyscout and camping and jamboree and sports...yeah sports!!! specially basketball!!!
Fucking basketball!!!
My dad even pushed me to join other kids play balls. But I just can't! I can't I told him. And I remembered how my dad used to hurt me with words....words that would cut deep inside my soul.
It took me a while before I could honestly forgive my father for all the emotional pain he had given me.
It took me a while before I could finally accept that i can't do anything about the teasing and the bullying of other young kids. I was a weakling.
This is the part that I learned how to be numb and to not care anymore. It lessen the pain...I guess...
I kept it all inside and dealt it myself...I never told anyone...who would help me, anyway?
This is the part that I played deaf...blind...and insensitive. But there are times that they could still get to me. Still cutting inside me...sometimes no matter how hard you tried to ignore it, but the pain was too great that you cannot let it pass easily...
I was at the school playground after class with my sister on the bike and this kid 2 years older than me annoyingly teased me about being gay and all... I was really trying to ignore him and my sister was defending me once again and he said something that really really pissed me off... I just couldn't control my self...
I said words at him to hurt him back...and he said words to hurt me back more... mas masakit kapag pagkatao mo na ang tinitira e...I don't know. Maybe young gay kids are really sensitive to be teased with being gay at that time, or its just me? I don't know.
I left my bike and walked towards him with clenched fist and I punched him straight at his left eye...
He was in so much pain that he was unable to move or speak anything while holding his other eye...
I myself was in pain too for punching him. I didn't know that it will hurt this bad too. But inside me...I was feeling damn proud. I didn't know how to punch till that day!
yeah I'm the man!
I went back to my bike and told my sister to go. We saw the kid recovering from my POWER PUNCH and running towards me... He wanted revenge!
"Go! Go! Go! let's run! " I told my sister. I'm on a panic. My heart was beating like crazy!
"bilisan mo! ayan na siya kuya!" my sister screamed in horror.
The kid pulled me out of my bike and punched me in the eye too! I was hurt real bad that I was feeling numb. It was so painful. I cried! yeah I cried!
I was not able to fight back. I had no strength at all. The kid run as fast as he could after. My sister threatened him that she will call our cousins and get back at him.
Once again, my sister defended me. She helped me stand up and get back at my bike.
Yeah I was a weakling...
Fuckin' memories! hahaha!
I still see that kid from long time ago. We're still living on the same neighborhood. I've heard he's working on some low paying company in the county. Loser... look at me now!ganda ko! chos! may paghihiganting ganap?LOL
Ito ang simula, simula ng buhay ko, simula ng lahat, nais ko ibahagi sa inyo ang aking kabataan, ang aking pamilya, ang malayong loob ko sa aking ama, ang aking buong pagkatao (di naman lahat!slight lang!) Ito ang serye ng aking buhay, sana ay subaybayan nyo ang kada labas (parang pang primetime bida lang a!), at nawa'y masundan ko ng kasunod kapag may time ako!LOL
Ito na ang marahil ang pinaka personal post ko ever. Samahan nyo akong balikan, makiiyak at makitawa sa simula ng aking buhay. FYI: di pa ako mamatay! LOL
Ito ang tunay na ako...ito ang mukha sa likod ni Maccallister...
**********
Lumaki ako sa probinsya ng Laguna, dalawa lang kami magkapatid, isang lalake at isang babae, sabi ng Nanay ko, tama na ang dalawa, kasi naka babae at lalake na siya, dun naman sya maling-mali! Gurl din ako noh! LOL
Hindi kami mayaman, tama lang kumbaga, di kami nagugutom. Naalala ko pa nung anim na taon ata ako nun, pinapasan ako ng Tatay ko nun, ilalagay nya ako sa knyang mga balikat habang papunta sa bahay ng mga lola ko. Siya din ang nagturo sakin pano isulat ang buo kong pangalan, napakalinaw pa nito sa aking isipan hanggang ngyon. Para sa kanya ako ang kanyang nag iisang anak na lalake. Unico-hijo. (hija po...LOL) May pagmamalake nyang sabi sa mga kumpare nya non.
Nag abroad ang tatay ko para matugunan ang pangangailangan namin sa araw araw, nahihiya na sila umasa sa aking mga lolo ng tulong pinansyal. Nag Saudi siya. Grade 2 ako nun una kong maramdaman na may kakaiba sa akin. Hindi ko mainti-intindihan kung bakit hirap na hirap ako makihalubilo sa mga kaklase kong lalake! Taena, kahit anong pilit ko di ako maka-blend in.
Sa mga babae ko nahanap ang kasiyahan ng paglalaro...chinese garter, jumping rope, bahay-bahayan (enjoy ako sa luto-lutuan!) at ang pinakamalala: paper dolls! siyet! ang galing ko mag design ng mga damit nila nun infairness! kala ko nga magiging fashion designer ako e!
Tandang tanda ko pa, magtatago ako sa room ko para lang makapag laro nito, ayaw ko makita ng Nanay ko, siguradong papagalitan nya ko. Naka-lock ang pinto, kahit pawis na pawis ako, go lang, di kasi pwde buksan ang bentilador, liliparin ang mga damit! Inilalakad ko si manika'ng papel ko suot ang kanyang casual wear! LOL
Tuwing magbabakasyon ang Tatay ko, nagtatanung siya kung sino daw ba ang crush ko sa school, kung naglalaro ba daw ako ng basketball (hello, ok ka lang? manika ang type ko noh! gusto ko isagot sa knya non) pero mahiyain ako, mejo takot ako sa knya nun.
Nagsisimula na din ako tuksuhin ng mga kalaro ko ng "Bakla! Bakla!" galit na galit ako dati, ang sakit pala kapag tinutukso ka ng ganun. Para akong nabubuhay para tuksuhin at laitin ng mga kalaro.
Gusto ko umiyak at tirisin silang lahat.
Kapag nagsusumbong ako, sasabihin nila, suntukin mo kasi kapag tinukso ka. Sana kaya ko, naisip ko. Pero di ko kaya, wala akong lakas ng loob para upakan ang mga hudas na bata'ng yun. Mahirap ang kalagayan ko ng aking kabataan, di ko alam bakit ako ganun. Di ko alam pano sila titigil sa panunukso.
God knows, gusto ko maging normal. Pero bullshit talaga, kahit anong gawin ko, talagang di ko mapilit na maging kagaya ng kapwa ko lalake. Dusa din sakin kapag boyscout at girlscout season na. Hate na hate ko yun camping, kasama puro lalake, nasa sulok lang ako lagi. Taena!sino ba kasi nag inbento nun!
Maganda din lagi ang mga notebook at pencil case at iba pang gamit ko sa school nun, kasi nga nasa abroad si tatay. Angat ako sa klase. Sa Sm makati pa kami namimili ng gamit kada pasukan, mula pa kami sa Laguna nun ha! kasi dun palang ang pinaka malapit na Sm! naiisip ko ngayon, ang tiyaga ng Nanay ko bitbitin kaming maliit na magkapatid sa layong yun! E ilang jeep transfer at oras din yun ha!
Gala din tiyak ang ang nanay ko! Ever!
Grade 5 ako nun mapansin ng aking guro na magaling ako sa klase, bright ako sa section namin. Kasi section 3 ako! LOL. Lagi ako nasa row 1. Magaling din ako magbasa at mag pronounce ng english. Naging first honor ako buong taon sa aming pampublikong paaralan. Dun unti unting nabuo ang self-confidence ko. Proud na proud Nanay ko nun recognition day nung sinabitan nya ako ng ribbon. Nagpa-pansit siya nun hapon. Ramdam ko mahal ako ng nanay ko.
Grade 6 ako nun nagdesisyon ang tatay ko mag quit na sa pagsa-saudi nya. Di ko alam ang dahilan. Ang dating maginhawa naming buhay, napalitan ng pag hihirap, lagi kami kinakapos sa gastusin. Di na ako makabili ng magagandang gamit. Baon ko pahirapan pa hingin. Ito ang lowest point sa buhay ko.
Dito din nag umpisa ang kalbaryo ko sa piling ng aking Ama. Nahahalata na nya ng mga panohang ito na...ba-bakla-bakla ako! LOL
Kapag nakita nya na nanonood ako ng The Sharon Cuneta show imbes na PBA, mag papasaring siya ng mga nakakainsultong salita gaya nito..."hay naku ang anak ko...showbiz na showbiz... sharon cuneta....ay nakuuuuu...." mag totonong bakla siya dito.
Galit na galit ang kalooban ko nito. Madami pa siya'ng insulto'ng sinasabi nun kabataan ko. Tinitiis ko lang. Kasi tatay ko siya. Madalas kapag naglalaro ako kasama ang mga batang babae, madalas hihiyain nya ako sa harap nila. Iiyak ako at uuwi ng bahay.
Bawat pilantik ng mga daliri ko kapag hawak ang kutsara at tinidor, bawat oras na nahuli nyang nakapameywang ako, bawat oras na nakita nya ang mga kasing edad ko na lalake na naglalaro ng basketball sa may tabi ng bahay namin...lahat yun may katumbas na insulto... tumatagos yun sa kalooban ko...masakit...ramdam ko kung gano siya ka disappointed sa akin...kung gano siya nahihiya na ang unico-hijo nya ay nagiging isang bakla...
Galit na galit ako. Dumating sa puntong sinusumpa ko siya. Hinihiling na sana mamatay na siya ng maaga at ng matahimik na ang bahay namin. Pero lahat yun di dininig...ilang beses akong naiyak sa gabi, nakatalukbong ng kumot...naiisip na magpakamatay...o kaya maglayas....andami dami kong naiisip na gawin...
Pero di ko kaya. Duwag nga ata talaga ako.
Isang beses na kumakain kaming mag anak, aksidenteng natalsikan ko ng sabaw ang nanay ko pagkasandok ko ng ulam, pinagalitan ako ng nanay ko: "ano ba,dahan dahan nga ang pagsandok..."
Sumagot ang tatay ko "e kasi babakla-bakla ka na naman..."
Di ako nakatiis, sinagot ko siya ng pabalang "nagsandok lang ako, bakla na???!" tumayo siya at sa bilis ng pangyayari, nakita ko nalang ang sarili kong mukha na nakasubsob sa platong kinakain ko. Dinuldol nya ang mukha ko sa plato. Galit na galit siya sa akin. Umiyak ako at tumakbo sa kwarto ko na nanlalagkit at may kanin sa mukha. Narinig ko na lang na nag away sila ng nanay ko.
Nag abroad ang nanay ko pagkalipas ng ilang taon, di na niya kaya ang mahirap naming sitwasyon. Walang pera, may tatay ka pang walang hiya.
Araw-araw nag aaway ata kami, natuto ako sumagot at lumaban, nawala respeto ko sa knya. Ang tagal ko nag tiis, binalewala ang mga turok sa kalooban ko tuwing pagsasalitan at hihiyain nya ko. Mas matindi kapag nakakainom siya.
Nagiging dimonyo siya kapag nakakainom. Ako lang ang nakikita nya. Lahat ng masasakit na salita na kaya niya ibato sakin ginawa nya. Kapag di ka umimik, ipo-provoke ka niyang sumagot, at kapag sumagot ka na, may dahilan na siya para saktan ako, babatukan nya ko, hahampasin ng kung ano man, pero di nya ako sinusuntok...ewan ko kung bakit.
Isang beses, nilabanan ko siya, tunulak ko siya, natumba siya, umusok siya sa galit, natakot ako, tumakbo ako...dumating ang tiyahin ko nun marinig ang malakas na sigawan sa bahay namin. Rinig na rinig ng mga kapitbahay ang pagwawala ng tatay kong hayop...
Yumakap ako sa tiyahin ko ng mahigpit, takot na takot ako...hinihila ako ng aking ama palayo sa tiyahin ko, ang lulutong ng mura nya... hinihila nya ko palabas ng pinto...
"Putang ina mo...tang ina mo, halika dito, bumitaw ka diyan! wag ka makialam dito!( sabi nya sa tita ko) Pinagtatanggol ako ng tita ko, naririnig kong sinasabihan nyang tumigil na tatay ko, na bata lang ako at wag niya pag diskitahan...
Walang tigil ang pag iyak ko. Hagulgol...saka ko lang narealized na hinihila nya pala ako palabas ng bahay...nun makabitaw ako sa tita ko, kinakadlad nya ako, halos mag dugo ang tuhod at siko ko sa bilis ng paghila nya....
"Putang ina ka, lumayas ka! Di kita kailangan!!!" sigaw niya. Nakita ko pinag titinginan ako ng mga kapitbahay namin. Awang awa ako sa sarili ko...
Clayton's dad arrived to Manila yesterday, after many years of working abroad, he finally decided to quit and stay for good. His dad don't want him to be gay. So my baby-baby is hiding inside his big closet full of skeletons with pink ribbons on the head! Nyahaha!
I told him to go home early and meet his dad. But Clayton said he'll be very late to have a grand entrance!
Anong kaeklatan yun? artista?!
When I'm about to sleep, I texted him:
Iidlip muna ko, i-kumusta mo nalang ako sa "Papa" natin...hehe. Goodnight. (Goodnight, I'll take a nap, Clay...send my greetings to "our" DAD)
OK, kamusta ka din daw. Mahalin mo daw ako ng todo-todo sabi nya! LOL (OK, he said hi too. He said, you should love me more than enough!LOL)
Napailing nalang ako... bumanat na naman si Tanga hehe
This post is about how I came out to my Dad...well, I think so!LOL
Actually we never talk about it at all, but maybe parents do know, especially my Dad, when I was growing up, he noticed some signs that I maybe, becoming "gay". He didn't like it, of course, it will be such a shame for him. Lets face it. Its the truth. I mean who would want a gay kid right? and if ever I would be the first in our family's history of macho man.
He tried to make things right, but I guess he did the wrong way. He tortured me emotionally. He humiliated me in front of family and friends. We always fight, its a word war between us. Sometimes we get physical but I fought back. I am not the battered son. LOL!
I developed this hatred for him. I even cursed him to death at that time. I swore I will take him to the home for the aged institution when he gets older and let him die alone. But that's in the past now. He realized maybe, he cannot do anything about my "fate", or he thought I'm old enough to decide for myself, and that as long as I wont bring shame to my family, he has to accept me. He made an effort to make it up to me. He tried to be a good father. But its ten years too late. The hatred on my part disappeared though.
All his efforts are useless to me now, I will never be close to him like the way he wanted to be. The gap is way too big. We are just civil to each other, that's all I could offer. Anyway, lets go back to the main issue hehe. I always feared what would be his reaction if he finds out about my relationships with other gay men.
That's why I never brought a single guy at home even if I wanted to. Boyfriends come and go. To tell you honestly I lost count! LOL. But this guy came along, Brian...(that was I think around 2006) he was so special to me at that time. I love him dearly and vice versa. I was so fond of him that I wanted my sister to meet him and become a part of my family.
But I was hesitant to, because I don't know how my father would react. It took him a long time to accept (i think so) about my sexuality, but bringing a guy at home, that I don't know if he could take. But I took the risk, I have to find out. It was our barrio fiesta and many of our guest from far places sleeps over at our house.
The first step is introduction: I invited Brian and my father didn't suspect a thing. I introduced him to my sister who knew that he was my boyfriend. He stayed the night. Second step is visibility: After a week, I invited him again, this time stayed for two days. Brian helped my sister with the cooking, taking care of my nephew and Brian even called my father:
"tay, kakain na po...(Dad, let's eat)
The first time I heard him said it, I almost faint!LOL
My sister and Father became fond of him too. I know deep inside him, he knew who was Brian is to me. No words needed. He understood.
One time Brian and I had a big fight that to my anger, I threw him out of the house "lumayas ka ayoko kita makita" (get out of my house, I don't wanna see you) LOL. He was crying and took his things and waited for the jeepney to arrive. I saw my Dad was talking to him. When he was gone, my dad went inside the house and said:
"Why is Brian crying? Did you two fight? Why you made him cry, he's nothing but nice!"
Huwaaaat! I was so surprised! OMG! Brian would love to hear this. LOL
For 8 months, Brian was a part of my family, every weekend, every occasion, he was there. Even to my close friends. When we broke up and the visits stopped, father asked my sister these:
"How come I didn't see Brian this past weeks?"
"I don't know, ask Mac!" but he never did haha.
So that's the story of my coming out, which I'm not sure if its really a coming out story LOL! With my upcoming vacation, when I told my sis and a friend that we would go to the beach, they asked, if Brian will come? I said no.
I told EDC about it, I want him to know what he's up to when he meets my family and friends, he felt the dilemma of being compared to him, I sensed the insecurities. He felt the need to compete with Brian's memory. I just said to him:
"just be yourself and they would learn to love you too like they loved Brian, eventually..."
I will call my mom and dad "mother and father lily" in this entry haha"
Yippee!We're going to pick up my mom at the airport (NAIA) this Monday morning at 10 am!Kinda early but its alright, anything for my beloved mother-lily LOL! It would be the happiest day of my life, seeing her again after two years,I didn't realized that it was that long already.We just missed her so much!She must be really excited to see her only grandchild (since all of my kids are killed at the bathroom drainage LOL!)
She'll be having her month long vacation leave from work at Dubai.My mom have been in and out of Dubai for a while now, its like less than ten years already, she went there to send me to college and have hope in heart that I'll be the one to give my family comfort in life!haha what a shame I only gave them comfort rooms!LOL. I'm still nothing up to this day!Darn that visa from Qatar!Its like 48 years already why the hell its not here yet?(nagalit na LOL)
That's one of the reasons, that the title of this blog is "Living the Expectations". Its only fortunate that my mom have a great job there, its not something that she didn't like,s he's happy doing her own thing, she drives her own car, living in a nice unit, there was this time time when she missed her job badly back at Dubai when her vacation took at least two months here in the Philippines way back then.
We asked mother lily if she wants to share my dad's bed when she get here, on the phone last night and she said ,"oh no! I'll be sleeping with Anton(my 5 year old nephew)" and I was like "i told you so" to my sister, because she's having this idea that mom will actually be sleeping at dad's bed, she just didn't get it, that mother lily has fallen out of love to her husband already.A very long time ago.
We just don't know how father lily will take this, for all i know, he's expecting it to be the other way around.He might be un-manageable if he finds out that mother lily wont be sleeping with him,I feel the pity for him,he needs to wake up to reality.My mom is just being civil, she's doing her best to be friendly at him, but dad, thinks otherwise.
Actually I'm bothered, what will happen? I mean by the time my mom reached home. This will be the first time, she will actually spending time together with my father, because not until last year, my dad worked as a supervisor at a food processing at Saudi Arabia.Mother lily was always successful avoiding him, like she's having her vacation leave every month of May and dad will be having his at December, its been like that for like 5 years or so.
But dad quit his job and now living like a king here LOL!See yah next time!
By the way I created a multiply account haha.pls add me up if you have I'm so kawawa I don't have any friends there yet! www.maccallister.multiply.com
I know you're curious about my answers.Well,me and my dad had a very long history of disagreements and fights.We have this big wall between us, its too late to break it now.Even if he's trying to reach out for me,I just can't restart all over it again with him.
I like to watch Variety shows.He gets mad at me.He wants me to watch NBA or PBA!
I like staying home and read magazines and all.He gets mad.He wants me to play with the boys outside.
He wants me to play ball.But I played my friend's balls.LOL
He yell at me.I yell at him.
He said fuck you.I said fuck you too.
He pushed me.I pushed him back.
Everyday was like hell for many years.
My mom,defended me.They fight.
They're separated now.
I left home.He checked me out,because my mom wanted him to.
I hate him so much then.I wanted to put him in an elderly home when he reached old age and will let him rot in hell.And not attend his funeral.
Many years had passed.He accepted my preferences.
But I forgave him.He changed a lot.
I see him everyday.He's just an ordinary person to me now.
Like a neighbor.Like a boarder at home.
He's nice too me now.But I can't be nice to him.
Its too deep.I can't forget it.
I can't eat dinner with him at the other side of the table.
I'll loose appetite.I eat at my room.
He asked something.I answer.Just One word.
I assessed my self.I'm not angry anymore.I just don't feel anything about him.
