I know its little late for celebrating, but better late than never right? I feel really awful for forgetting it, I should've checked my phone's calendar.
Its my blog's anniversary!
So, my blog turned two last August 7. I remember, its the time that I was busy being homesick and melodramatic! haha. No wonder I forgot about it.
I can't believe Maccallister is 2 years old too! My alter ego. A name, well its actually a surname, that I got from watching my fave drama series at the time, Brothers and Sisters. For two years, I was referred to as Mac. Well, I kinda like it though. Parang totyal at gwapo pakinggan! LOL!
This blog means a lot to me, its my life. Its my baby. Its my whole being. Everything in it was the true event that happened, and I will be very happy when I grow old, I mean really really old like major-major-old, that one day I could sit on that couch, and look back and reading entries...remembering those moments...crying in it...laughing in it...
Hay, I'm so glad I made this blog a personal one. A random personal blog.
I can't forget the people that I've met since I started this blog. Salamat sa inyo.
And to my few and wonderful online friends: Rik from UK (see you there pag nag escort ako ng patient), Tizzy from Indonesia, Stainedheart from Lebanon (kahit wala na tayo communication naging part ka ng life ko hehe drama), Jaypeelo from Nevada, Delfin from New York (malay mo, maging tayo din sa bandang huli, pero di pa definitely ngayon haha!), EDC from Dubai (we've been good friends for almost 2 years nun nasa dubai ka pa, di mawawala yun kahit na bad ang ending natin) and Vin from Texas (miss you dork!). You are all part of this journey.
This blog has been a great tool also for me in meeting those "boyfriends" in the past, you already know who you are! hahaha. Yaw konaisaisahin, kasikakahiya!
To those avid readers and followers. Gosh, I never thought it would be that much. Para sakin madami na yung 182 na followers ha! Parang kelan lang, halos wala nagbabasa dito! Just keep on following! Para maging 200! LOL
I, thank you. You don't know how you made me so happy when you give me emails and instant messages saying how you love reading them from the very first post up to the latest entry. Its overwhelming.
So anyway, masyado na madrama 'to. I am looking forward for another year of blogging with you guys.
I have a heavy heart when my family brought me to the airport. Last year, when they hugged me I was feeling really awkward because we're not really expressive of our feeling towards each family members, I thought its unnecessary to hug haha. But this time its totally different, I was the first one to really hugged them! haha. My arms automatically hugged them!
I last hugged Brian, he is not my boyfriend, don't get confused, my current boyfriend is Clayton, he's my ex-bf who happened to be a family favorite among my ex's. He arrived at our house last Wednesday afternoon, and take note, my sister picked him up at the terminal! (special treatment eh?) while I was asleep.
There's nothing going on between us, we just happened to be friends, my recent bf's jealous of him though. We talked about our own current boyfriend over dinner. And advising to me like he's my mom to quit flirting around now that I have Clayton. I never told Clayton that Brian stayed at our house and will come to the airport with us. Clayton was at work that day.
I was not sure how he would react if he finds out. So I kept it a secret for the meantime. Sorry bebe...(well, i told him today, after exactly 1 day, and we have a little discussion about it, gonna tell you about it some other time, but we're good now).
It was raining in Manila when my plane took off, that was around 6pm...I was sitting beside the window and the metro's view at night was amazing! When I arrived at Doha (10pm), I felt the extreme heat immediately as soon as I left the airport and saw my friends waving at me! Yeah, I'm really back here at the desert, I told myself.
They helped me with my stuffs and the never ending chitchat went on till we reached the coffee shop nearby. They asked me almost everything. They're most intrigued with my break up with EDC haha. Well, obviously they are avid readers of my blog too. When the EDC questionnaires ended, the Clayton's episode came up!
Well, I'm so proud of bragging all about him hahaha, what's he like in person, and how he wanted our relationship to really make it for as long as we can. "Damn, he's a good catch..." one of my friend said. I just smile and said...yes he is.
After more than an hour, they brought me to my flat and we call it a night. As I entered my room, dropped my baggage and my backpack, I saw my couch...my fave couch... its where I wanked for a whole year! hahaha. By that thought, it got me horny, I pulled down my pants and started stroking! Toinks!!!
After I unpacked some of my things, I had this feeling of emptiness... a sudden unexplained feeling came through me...I realization rushed in my head...
Fuck! I'm sad!
This is what they called:
Homesickness!!!
Waaaah! This is not happening
I felt like crying...I suddenly missed home...my sister, my nephew...Clayton. I felt I'm so alone! Damn, I can't believe I'm having this emotions! This is not me! I'm no drama...I'm no emo... I wanna laugh at my self. No one could believe that the great Mac is capable of being sad...of being affected by homesickness...
Its a funny thing, I never experienced this when I came here last year, this is my second time here in this country...and now this????! its confusing! Does that mean, I love my family now than last year? haha.
Even today after I slept last night as I write this entry, I still have this feeling of wanting to hug my pillow and weep all night! I called my mom at Dubai, called my sister, called Clayton and chat with him online for a while. My friends are calling me that its OK and that its normal. I was thankful to them for helping me to get through this....
But after a few minutes, loneliness strikes again... Fuck! I went to the bathroom and cleaned it nonstop! But yeah it helped a lot! I was tired. Sweaty. Took a shower. I can't believe I cleaned the bathroom haha. Its freakin' shiny! Its the first time that that bathroom experienced cleaning ever!
I just hope tomorrow that I'll be back to my old self...and be happy.
I fell asleep for a while and I felt that I was sweating, I opened my eyes but noticed the ac was open, and I'm perspiring. I don't know why...its odd.
I wasn't using the pillow, instead my head was under an arm of a guy next to me. He was also asleep... I noticed that arm was wet...not with my sweat...but with my saliva...
SALIVA?????!!!! yuckyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
I drooled on him that much? OMG! I removed his arm because I know it will be difficult for him. Mangangalay siya...I turned my back on him to change my position. But that woke him, he hugged me from my back instead.
That put a smile on my sleepy face. It felt so good. He don't want me to be out of his warm body. kilig ako...hehe.
People...meet EDC.
My EDC. Beside me. Loving me. Kissed me. Hugged me. Licked me. Fucked me. Ano daw yun? LOL!
After almost two years here we are, together at last. One of the happiest day of my life. A loving guy who traveled 5 hours to meet me (last Saturday). I remembered when I saw him inside at gateway mall, waiting, on his back, but I know it was him. My heart can never be wrong. Even there's a big crowd around him.
I slowly approached, without him knowing. He was still looking at something when I said :
"Hi, waiting for someone?" and he faced me and smiled so wide revealing those cute dimples as soon as he recognized my lovely voice! ( chos!!!)
"Ang tagal mo..." he said. (you took so long).
"Im not late, you're just early." I smiled and hugged him...It felt good having his body so close to mine.
We had lunch at Max's since I am missing a lot of pork! haha. We started the long casual conversation over, catching up to the lost moment due to our long distance. We fell in line to watch Eclipse, it was a long line, tons of people at the ticket booth, occasionally I would hold his hand in discreet, and he would hug me when he thinks no one noticed.
And of course, at the movie house, he held my hand! and whispered: Mac, I love you..."
I smiled and continued watching, when Im into a movie I don't want talking. So after a while he said: "you still haven't said I love you to me..."
"Oh I'm sorry baby...I love you..."
We bought some stuffs for our boracay adventure this coming Friday after. Sana di umulan nun haha!
We had dinner and we stayed the night together, our first night...I know you're waiting for the big event! You want details!
But to tell you honestly, it was a disaster! Its embarrassing! waaaah!
At first it was so romantic, we took a shower, we dimmed the light, he was kissing me...I discovered he tickles on almost every part of his body! Its so cute and I felt relieved, it just means he's not as experienced as me!
Sabi nila pag wala ng kiliti, meaning, gamit na gamit na katawan nun! haha I don't know if that have a scientific basis or what! But with my body, I know, when I'm starting to have sex, I have tingling sensation all over my body. But now after a decade the only part remains is my earlobes! LOL
He gave me a sensual massage. He was good. He was on top of me...I could feel his manhood on my butt as he moves to reach my shoulders....
Nag-aalburoto na etits ko nun!
It was perfect at first, I was on top on him, riding...grinding him LOL! We shifted position, he was on my back, but then I felt uncomfortable, I needed to use the toilet! nyahaha! I'm having a bad stomach for about 3 days now! It felt awkward. Poor EDC.
I don't know why my body was like that, at times I wanna pee! I thought I'm about to come but its not, its literally pee! haha.
I told him its painful on my part already and I cannot continue. I never see a disappointment on him or was he just good on hiding it?
"You could wank if you want?" I told him
"No, come on...let's sleep...I know you're tired." he said instead.
"kalabitin mo nalang ako kapag nililibugan ka ulit..." he teased.
(if you feel horny, just let me know)
What's wrong with my ass LOL! I did some training prior to this, I prepared "him" for this moment! I shoved a pen, the next day I used the phone, then the TV remote, and recently I used the fire extinguisher!
But why it still hurts????! Maybe I should've trained with the fridge! LOL!
I fell asleep with his arms around me. I can feel his breathing. I slept with a contentment on my heart. All the worries and insecurities banished in thin air.
Until the sweating awakened me...
In the morning he was teasing me how my saliva drooled all over his arm!haha. I was hot as hell that moment and I moved on top of him and started licking him. This time I wanna do my favorite: KISKISAN. No penetration. Just two dicks together with lube till we cum. But we never did! hahaha.
Things just gets better and better for us! Damn! The lube is not actually a lube, its a lidocaine gel, used at the hospital with some chemicals to relieved pain.
We used it earlier since its my first time again after 7 months of no sex! So as we used it on our kiskisan, it creates a burning sensation on our penis!!!! I have to stop!
Ayun nag jakol nalang kaming dalawa! shit!
(we just wanked together)
We spent another day (Sunday) together till 4 pm and he walked me to the bus stop and waved goodbye. I went home with a big happy smile. It was a lovely feeling having my EDC around.
"Even if the sex part was bad, having you with my arms the whole night is much more important to me, because I love you Mac."
Water still dripping from my body after a cold shower...
I tiptoed and wore my faded navy blue skinny jeans on the bed...taking my time since it was still early...
Tying the lace on my high cut DC shoes and took my black shirt off the hanger
I cant believe that the day finally came.
I checked my looks on the huge mirror and told myself:
"Gandako.." LOL!
I saw a guy who is happy and contented...
I saw someone who couldn't ask for more...
Oh, I forgot, I could ask for more money! Toinks!
My phone rang, its kuya Dan, he will take me to my destination tonight...
I took my backpack, laptop, and my luggage and headed to the door.
I'm on my way to the airport :-)
...
And now after 9 hours, and 3 hours of socializing with family and relatives, I am currently in my room and writing this blog entry! I will see EDC this Saturday for the first time after almost 2 years...we will be spending a whole day together and gonna check in to a private place and explore each other's wonders the whole night...
This post is about how I came out to my Dad...well, I think so!LOL
Actually we never talk about it at all, but maybe parents do know, especially my Dad, when I was growing up, he noticed some signs that I maybe, becoming "gay". He didn't like it, of course, it will be such a shame for him. Lets face it. Its the truth. I mean who would want a gay kid right? and if ever I would be the first in our family's history of macho man.
He tried to make things right, but I guess he did the wrong way. He tortured me emotionally. He humiliated me in front of family and friends. We always fight, its a word war between us. Sometimes we get physical but I fought back. I am not the battered son. LOL!
I developed this hatred for him. I even cursed him to death at that time. I swore I will take him to the home for the aged institution when he gets older and let him die alone. But that's in the past now. He realized maybe, he cannot do anything about my "fate", or he thought I'm old enough to decide for myself, and that as long as I wont bring shame to my family, he has to accept me. He made an effort to make it up to me. He tried to be a good father. But its ten years too late. The hatred on my part disappeared though.
All his efforts are useless to me now, I will never be close to him like the way he wanted to be. The gap is way too big. We are just civil to each other, that's all I could offer. Anyway, lets go back to the main issue hehe. I always feared what would be his reaction if he finds out about my relationships with other gay men.
That's why I never brought a single guy at home even if I wanted to. Boyfriends come and go. To tell you honestly I lost count! LOL. But this guy came along, Brian...(that was I think around 2006) he was so special to me at that time. I love him dearly and vice versa. I was so fond of him that I wanted my sister to meet him and become a part of my family.
But I was hesitant to, because I don't know how my father would react. It took him a long time to accept (i think so) about my sexuality, but bringing a guy at home, that I don't know if he could take. But I took the risk, I have to find out. It was our barrio fiesta and many of our guest from far places sleeps over at our house.
The first step is introduction: I invited Brian and my father didn't suspect a thing. I introduced him to my sister who knew that he was my boyfriend. He stayed the night. Second step is visibility: After a week, I invited him again, this time stayed for two days. Brian helped my sister with the cooking, taking care of my nephew and Brian even called my father:
"tay, kakain na po...(Dad, let's eat)
The first time I heard him said it, I almost faint!LOL
My sister and Father became fond of him too. I know deep inside him, he knew who was Brian is to me. No words needed. He understood.
One time Brian and I had a big fight that to my anger, I threw him out of the house "lumayas ka ayoko kita makita" (get out of my house, I don't wanna see you) LOL. He was crying and took his things and waited for the jeepney to arrive. I saw my Dad was talking to him. When he was gone, my dad went inside the house and said:
"Why is Brian crying? Did you two fight? Why you made him cry, he's nothing but nice!"
Huwaaaat! I was so surprised! OMG! Brian would love to hear this. LOL
For 8 months, Brian was a part of my family, every weekend, every occasion, he was there. Even to my close friends. When we broke up and the visits stopped, father asked my sister these:
"How come I didn't see Brian this past weeks?"
"I don't know, ask Mac!" but he never did haha.
So that's the story of my coming out, which I'm not sure if its really a coming out story LOL! With my upcoming vacation, when I told my sis and a friend that we would go to the beach, they asked, if Brian will come? I said no.
I told EDC about it, I want him to know what he's up to when he meets my family and friends, he felt the dilemma of being compared to him, I sensed the insecurities. He felt the need to compete with Brian's memory. I just said to him:
"just be yourself and they would learn to love you too like they loved Brian, eventually..."
Siyet... ten days to go and I will be coming back home to my beloved country! I cant believe it, time is indeed really fast! It also marks my first year in Doha and whew! I made it, a year with a million miles away from home.
July 1 is the day I will see my family again, my taklesang-sister, my cute nephew/godson, and of course, my father (hay naku pwde bang wag na siya isali! bad koh!)
ohhhh, I miss our house, my room, and my dog shaggy, she just died last month huhuhu. But I won't cry anymore. I'm done mourning her death already.
(wiping tears...LOL)
You may ask, what about EDC? well, I cannot answer that now, we are having some issue (actually, we never run out of issues LOL) so, if you guys are confused, well, me too! haha.
Anyway, my bags are pack and ready to go, just waiting for the days to pass by. My suitcase is full of "pasalubongs" (give aways) to my loved-ones. I hope they will like it. I enjoyed buying them though, its fun! you know, shopping-shopping eklavuh!
yun nga lang nabutas bulsa ko! huhu
I have so many plans, so many things I wanna do, and eat! especially...jan-ra-ran...PORK!
Baboy! Baboy! gusto ko ng baboy! LOL!
Babuyan tayo! Nyahaha!
That's all for now. See yah later guys! have a great week!
I guess a former friend was right when he told me, don't talk too much online with your boyfriend or else you will end up fighting. That's what exactly happened to me and EDC last night. We were so excited to chat again after the other day. During a few minutes it was fine, until everything turned out...sour...and ugly....
Its about something I want, and its something he won't try. I won't go into details what we fought about, but its something shallow and petty!LOL
"If you're that disappointed, why don't you break up with me then huh?" he said provoking me. I was about to, I was so mad and hurt. It was our second argument and its the second time he hurt me with words I can't take.
He said his piece, and I shared mine too.
I was so sure I will break up with him again this time. For me twice is enough, I said to my self. The tension was so high that I couldn't take it anymore, to think this is just online argument, what if we're facing each other right now? Would it be much worst?
It's so bad that I cried. No one made me cry. I don't know. Words cut so deep this time.
I don't know what happened but it seems like an angel passed by and scattered "love confetti" in the air. His next words caught me by surprise....
"Fine! I will do it even if I don't like to! " Huh? I thought he typed in a wrong sentence.
"Gago ka Mac, alam mo kasing mahal kita, kaya iniipit mo ko...if ever you would be the first (referring to what I want)!!!" he added.
("Damn you Mac, you knew that I love you and i would agree eventually, that's why you're pressuring me")
I didn't expect he would give in, after all the arguments and harsh words...it may sound that I'm demanding to you guys, but its not, so don't get me wrong. I just can't share it to you haha.
Those words sounded so rude and sweet at the same time.
Actually its very sweet!!!
I was caught off guard. This guy is unpredictable.
Oh I love him.
"Did you know you made me cry?" I told him when everything was fine.
"Please Mac, don't cry, hush...I'm sorry to cause you pain, I didn't mean to..." he continued
(Tawa naman ilong ko, palakpak pa tenga sa narinig haha, kaya naman sinamantala ko na lalo pag da-drama!LOL)
He said many things to cheer me up and yes he did.
"You were asking me to break up with you earlier, did you know I was about to, what would you do if I actually agreed to your challenge and broke up with you?" I asked.
"Susuyuin kita ulit... Mahal kita e Mac..."
("I'll persuade you again to take me back, because I love you Mac...")
Awwww!!! ganda ko!!!LOL
I wanna get closer to him now.
Get much closer to a point where I can't take no more...
That feeling when you're hugging someone and you literally wanna buried yourself deep inside him...
and synchronize your heartbeats and his breathings with yours....
I went home from work and feeling so horny, I wanna speak and see EDC online, and we'll do a show together but he has no Internet connection yet. I was frustrated. It's been many months since I last had sex LOL! I felt like I'm a wolf and my saliva is drooling for too much anticipation for something I want haha!
EDC suggested that he could buy the Smart bro prepaid Kit and a new web cam at the county, but it will take him 2 or 3 hours to get it since he lives in the lay back country side!!
3 hours!
I'm so horny nah ano bah! Toinks!
So, I said, OK payn wat eber, go mahal and buy!
After 3 hours he texted me and said he is good to go. And damn, the camera's clear as a crystal haha. I love it.
"EDC, strip down hurry up...shit I love your boxers..." I said as soon as he opened his cam and started teasing me by spreading his legs and stroking.
"Babe, just slow down, ok, di naman halatang atat ka noh?" he said scratching his head.
According to something we read before about surviving LDR is this:
Even the most connected, loving couples need some extra skills to overcome the possible damage to the relationship imposed by long distance separation. To begin with, sex between them is gone as they have known it in the past. Without sex, and without the other partner looking over their shoulder, long distance relationships often meet a quick end as either or both parties find new sexual partners.
EDC was still reluctant at first, it is his first time he told me. But not for me LOL! After a few minutes I am able to persuade him to do it, and yeah I am not disappointed. He gave me a show I will never forget! Toinks!
I could almost explode but I said I wanna see him to finish...I wan't to see that fountain LOL!
ahhh...ohhh... he is almost there he said. OK, me too, lets do it baby....
ohh...
I'm about to see it...
I'm waiting for it....i wanna shoot with him
just waiting at the right moment...
then his camera hanged!
WTF! its freeze! Shit! Shit! Shit!
When his camera moves again he came already! I saw all of it on his tummy!
waaaaaaaaaah!
I said OK EDC, just tease me while I stroke mine again...and suddenly the view from his cam became dark as hell!
"Mahal, there is a power interruption...walang kuryente..." he said.
TAENA!
That's all I could said and stroke my d*ck like a mad man and came.
Threw the tissue at the floor! (nagdabog! padyak padyak on the floor!)
Last Thursday was my birthday, I was waiting for my mom's greeting as what she usually does for the past years. But its almost afternoon and I haven't received a call from her at Dubai. So, I called instead. Apparently my cool mom forgot about it!
Imagine! She forgot my birthday! napaka-galing di bah?!
Anyway, I celebrated my birthday at a Chinese restaurant at a mall in Doha (its an eat-all-you-can!) Ten of my closest friends are invited, we ate, we took pictures, we laughed, and we had a good time especially when they surprised me with a cake with candles and sang the famous "happy birthday" toinks!
I was so shy because almost all the guest at the resto are staring as I blow the cake, I tried to keep my mouth pouting and poised !haha
"Potah, ang kipot ng bibig...as if! ahahay!" I heard my friends joking LOL!
At exactly 8:00 o'clock in the evening, we went clubbing at Qube. We were expecting a live band but turned out its a DJ night, so the musics are all house remix! I hated it! By the way they have a brit artist named Sonique, but I don't know who the hell she is LOL!
Beers and alcohols poured in and we danced the night away! I was dancing like its my last night at that club haha. A guy danced with me and shook my hand and introduced himself, but its just a plain hi and hello kinda thing. Nothing special. Technically, I didn't have my birthday sex that I had been talking about!
Sorry for me!
Anyhow, my friends drove me home at 2:00 am after we had some trouble at the road, but gonna tell you about that on my next post.
I am now eating a riped mango, I am savoring each bite, its been a year since I last have this fruit, its my favorite! I bought a few after we went shopping, birthday shopping haha. I bought a new perfume, this time I have " the one" by Dolce and Gabbana. I also bought a new bag from Zara and few shirts at Jules. (yaman-yaman-an daw!)
Maybe its my way of moving on from our break up hehe.
"Lahat nalang nawala, pati ikaw...haist (all are gone now, including you...)" an sms message EDC sent me after a few days.
I don't know what else to say. But I do miss him though. Anyway, I'll go for now, before this post become an emo one!
Anyway, I am 31 years old now, old but wiser I guess (wise daw oh LOL!) This is my first birthday in Doha, technically my first...alone. But I don't feel alone at all, I have too many friends who cares for me and I love them all.
Too bad we broke up and I'm single, but its alright...
Anyhoo, I will be celebrating my special day later at a dinner, in a Chinese restaurant and we will go clubbing immediately after. I hope I have enough budget for that LOL!
I'm still waiting for that birthday sex! haha. Peromukhangwalatalaga...sorry for me nyahaha! I will tell you about my party in the next post. See yah peeps!
Finally, the long wait and the suspense was over! My boss allowed me to have my first vacation!!!!
yessssssssssss!!!!
jumping jumping...
kumandi-kandirit...
clap clap...LOL
My gawd, after 5 attempts, he finally said yes, and I will be coming home this July! Now i do believe in horoscope and astrology! haha it all came true wow!
*****************************
My birthday is on the 2oth of May, two days from now, and I'm planning to celebrate it on Qube, a club here in Doha or we could have dinner and watch movies after, I don't know, I still have to decide till tomorrow. What do you think should I do?
I'm also requesting to my friends to have them hire some hunky gay guy to be my
"BIRTHDAY SEX" hahaha!
This is my fave video lately...
Anyway, me and EDC broke up today, we thought, we could be much happier if we just stay friends.
I am still hoping and bugging my boss to grant my request to have my first yearly vacation this coming July...I have been talking to him, begging, and almost kiss his ass everyday to allow me to leave!LOL Today his answer was promising unlike the other day that he's saying: "We will see..." now I got: "OK, I will consider it..." hehehe.
I wanna go home *sigh*. Been planning a lot of things on that 30 days of vacation. They are:
1. Of course, I wanna see my sis and my cute nephew who by the way I'm wishing won't grow like me!Toinks! I want him to be straight. But damn, there's signs and symptoms!
2. I wanna see my EDC...kiss him, hug him, and f*ck him!LOL
3. Need to do a lot of shopping, stores here sucks! Mas up to date pa din tayo dun! especially the shoes!
4. Will go to Boracay for 3 days and 2 nights! yahooooo! Don't care if its rainy season by the time I get there! At least mura ng konti hehe. I haven't tried having sex in the water or in the sand! definitely gonna try that! Nyahaha!
Anyway, been so horny this past few days, can't believe been wanking everyday! And recently I tried something so shameful huhu so shameful that I cant believe I did it! No, I wont tell you what its about! I'm such a pervert!LOL
I wanna forget about it! Erase! Erase!
(But been considering doing it again!Toinks! sarap eeeeeeeh!)
Lastly, my solo days on my flat is almost over, after a year whew! two Filipino guys, they are nurses, moving on the two vacant rooms of the house. They're nice though, I just hope we all get along well.
OK peeps, bye for now. Wish me luck on my coming vacation, if my boss wont grant it, I will have him assassinated! Kiddingggggggggggggggg!
I was at the mall this afternoon, I sent money to my sis to help with the bills, and also to my mom...sigh, I've been thinking about her for some time now, our plans of getting her here with me was canceled. She just cant be, she has a financial obligations there, its too big that I don't know how she can settle it....the bank wont allow her to leave.
Amounts she used to save my uncle's ass from being put behind bars. (Don't wanna bore you with the details) She was confident she could pay little by little, but recession plagued Dubai and her salary was cut to half, she wants to resign from work and move here with me, and that's where the problems came in....
When I spoke to her, it seems that everything was alright and under control but I know deep inside, she was troubled. She cant sleep at night thinking and trying to figure out a solution...I know her, she's my mom. Always like that. She always spare me the worries even when I was small.
She stood up for me when someone teased me due to my weak personality while growing as an insecure gay kid...Fought with my dad whenever he tortured me emotionally for suspecting I am going to be gay...which by the way turned out to be true LOL!
She took a risk applying for a job abroad to support my studies through college, I mean, everything that I am, all that I have, is because of her...So why can't I find a way to help her now...I did everything I could, but all seemed not cooperating...I am so useless....
shit! shit! shit!
Anyway, excuse me for being so mellow dramatic today, she's not going to prison though, its just that, it will take her a long time to pay all those sums...and she wont be able to go home...they would hold her back. I want her to retire and spend her days worry free...
It all has to wait...
The annoying part of all these is, my aunt, who by the way I think never understood the sentence: Walang pera si nanay anu bah! (my mom have no money) she kept on calling my mom for financial support, she's telling she will die if my mom wont send her money! and naturally my mom being so kind to her siblings, would send even if there's nothing left to her!
I wanna yell at my mom and tell her to stop being sooooo "like" that already!
I strolled the mall, entering from shops to shops, but didn't bought anything, I thought I don't have the right to spend or splurge on anything when my mom is saving every penny at the other side of the world. Even went to a Chinese eat all you can resto alone, didn't stop until I felt like vomiting!
I went to the supermarket after and took some basic stuffs I need at home.
...canned goods
...baby powder for my face (sooo bading LOL)
...soaps, hand sanitizer, tissues
...Durex condoms
waittttttttttttt!condoms?! I don't know why I picked it up and put on my cart haha! I mean, EDC is not even here and there's no other guy! *Ting!*
I remembered I have a cucumber at the fridge! *wink*
