Revelation

My mind was made up already when I came in this country to work, that there would be no secret about who I am, about what I am. I don't wanna stress my self anymore on hiding the truth to my Filipino colleague. I'm done with that. I am out to my close friends, but majority are still guessing.

You know, that gut feeling that people talk behind your back asking "is he gay?" and you would do everything to prove them that you're not. You would check on your speech, on your hand gestures, on your walking, or even practice how to scream like a man when watching a horror flick when there's a scary scene!LOL

That's all too stressful!

So I decided, new country, new work place, new people, its high time to start "HONESTLY". I don't mean like announcing to every one or dressing like a she-male! that would get me to prison! toink!

I would still be my own self. But only transparent. I slowly revealed my self, one at a time, like one time I was having dinner with one colleague and I said "damn, I miss my ex boyfriend..." she almost choked after!LOL

Until words passed to one another blah-blah, some said they had a clue already and some doesn't have the slightest idea. They even had a surprise of their life when one of them are mismatching me with this straight guy and I bluntly said :" no, no, I only date gay guys too...."

"Whaaaat?" they asked in chorus with eyes wide open haha. I was like: are these people came from the Jurassic era?! They don't know that there's such a thing as gay to gay relationship. That concept was so new to them. They even expect me to wear make up or to love girly stuffs!waaaaa! I'm still very much of a man! I just love to love a...man.

At least now they knew, thanks to me they gained new information LOL! So, now I feel very free, no worries, no fear of thinking people might think I'm this or like that. Its a wonderful feeling to go to a workplace where you could be your self and wont be denying who you really are.

Tragedy

It was my first orientation at the emergency room/accident room last night, of course I was a bit nervous at first, I mean its not my territory, I'm always assigned at the five ICUs of our hospital. I was told I will have regular duties there, as a punishment for not doing overtime work and being late at work!LOL

Many of my colleague don't wanna be assigned there. Little did my boss know, all my crushes, straights and gays are there! I mean this is so cool! ER has many new nurses that are gays and sooooo cute! (mahal, crushes lang naman to ha? wag selos!LOL)

Its really busy there, cardiac arrest left and right, vomiting all over, traumas, brains out, bloods etc. And besides, we don't know much of the people there. So technically at first you would look like a stupid unknown guy! My senior staff did her best to orient me and took me to places I need to know and the stocks etc.

But this entry is all about something else, something tragic. The charge-nurse sat beside us and told this:

I have a bad news...Marvin committed suicide at the prison yesterday. He's in our mortuary now.

He hanged himself.

I didn't know how long did my mouth was open that time. Its was so shocking. We didn't see it coming...I don't know him personally but I felt him. He's gay. He's one of us. I was sad, I felt mad, and tons of questions arises.

You may remember HIM on my post as the gay guy being arrested by the police here in Doha. You could check the story here. I was so concern abut his case because I wanna know why he was arrested in the first place. So that I could avoid it, and learn the lessons from it. But up to now its still blank.

We went at the morgue and we saw his friends sitting, one was looking at nothing, and the other one, crying at the side...They're saying its unbelievable. Marvin was full of life.

We are all clueless about the truth and now...he's dead. No one could know the real score. Was he having an affair with a local? Was he arrested because he's gay? Was he raped or tortured inside that's why he killed himself? Or he cannot face his family back home about what happened?

We were told he's about to take the flight back to Manila last night. So why would someone about to go home would hanged himself? why not on his first few days there? he's been imprisoned for a month now. It doesn't make sense....

Filipinos all over the hospital said this: Its a foul play.

Let us pray for his soul.

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Note: So I'd like to make a holler to all PLU's out here. Please be careful. As much as possible, don't entertain or date or make any affair with Arabs or other races. Its too dangerous you never know who might report you to the police. Stick to our fellow Filipinos.