When I was growing up I always think there's something wrong with me.I was in grade two,I grew up shy,very close to my mom,I play inside the house with my sister,I only have one friend,Bert.Who is very straight by the way hehe.I have a hard time blending with other boys,I always have this feeling that why cant I naturally join them when they play or hang out....it was so difficult for me.I tried so hard to be accepted,but my classmates knew that I'm not like them,they tease,they call me names...
I end up playing with my girls classmates,you know,playing Chinese garter (so gay!LOL), jack stone, paper dolls!which I'm so good at designing their clothes haha.But i enjoy playing cars and airplane too with Bert,he used to come to our house to ask me to play,he was my best friend back then,we go to the same classroom from grade 1 to high school.God knows I really tried so hard to be straight.I don't want it.I get so mad when someone call me "gay".My dad was a complete reminder of that,he suspected that I'm gay and he's so furious whenever he sees me with some signs and symptoms of gayness!LOL. He was so happy when he sees me playing with Bert,one time,i said to Bert "I'm already circumcised" and he was like"really?I don't believe you!let me see!"And I showed my uncut penis at him! "nah!stop fooling around!you're supot pa like me!" and I was like "can I see yours?" at that time there's only the two of us.
We sat there at the corner pants down and both inspecting our penises!I pulled the foreskin and saw the whitish smelly thing on top of it "kupal" he said(smegma) I swiped it with my finger and put on his nose!haha.He did the same and I run,its so grosse!Good thing I have more kupal to put at his nose and chased him again!LOL. I called that game kupalan!hahaha
There was this time,when my mom was taking a nap one afternoon,I wore her old maternity clothes and put some towels inside my tummy and played like pregnant woman!My sister was the doctor and I enjoyed it so much that I got so carried away with the role play "push...push...its coming"my sister said,when I'm about to deliver the baby I screamed so loud like I was really in pain giving birth!"arayyyyy!ang sakitt!!!!"
I forgot that my mom was at the next room and sleeping!next thing I knew she rushed into us and spanked me using her dirty slippers!haha "why are you like that??you really want to get pregnant?!wanna be gay huh!" she scolded me so loud that I cried.Hmmm,memories of my childhood haha.Till college I was in denial,I don't look so gay,I acted straight.I kept on telling my self I'm not gay,i wanna be straight and all,but its useless fighting it,I think I was born this way,and no matter what I do or try to do nothing can change that.
After college that's when I finally told myself.I had enough.I'm tired of pretending.This is me.I'm not straight,hate me or love me.Taray!LOL! I realized being gay was not always have to be dressing up like a big fag or be girly. I still have attraction to women and men.(I had a gf before) I don't wanna wear make ups and all. I like my d*ck and I like fcking other gay men.Filipino gay are so afraid to be called gay.They get so defensive.They wanna be called bi's. Even if many of them haven't been with a girlfriend or have any interest in girls at all!Duh!Why not search the word bisexual?Discreet gay or a gay guy will be fine.OK?!
