I've been bullied since I was a young kid. I was 9 years old when other kids started teasing me about me being gay. They called me names. Teased me. They humiliated me in front of other kids.
It was tough. Kids could be mean and heartless you know.
It made me cry. Made me angry. I was confused. I don't know why I'm different. Why I can't blend in with other boys. Instead I found comfort in the company of girls.
My sister was the one usually defending my honor (honor daw oh! charot!LOL). I know for a fact that I was brave fighting girls but not boys. You know catfight...chos!
With boys I have no strength...I was defenseless...didn't know then that in the future I would also be no match with boys breaking my heart... and the sad part is...they're also gay like me! *sigh*
Didn't know why I love chinese garter. Why I love paper dolls... or why I hated boyscout and camping and jamboree and sports...yeah sports!!! specially basketball!!!
Fucking basketball!!!
My dad even pushed me to join other kids play balls. But I just can't! I can't I told him. And I remembered how my dad used to hurt me with words....words that would cut deep inside my soul.
It took me a while before I could honestly forgive my father for all the emotional pain he had given me.
It took me a while before I could finally accept that i can't do anything about the teasing and the bullying of other young kids. I was a weakling.
This is the part that I learned how to be numb and to not care anymore. It lessen the pain...I guess...
I kept it all inside and dealt it myself...I never told anyone...who would help me, anyway?
This is the part that I played deaf...blind...and insensitive. But there are times that they could still get to me. Still cutting inside me...sometimes no matter how hard you tried to ignore it, but the pain was too great that you cannot let it pass easily...
I was at the school playground after class with my sister on the bike and this kid 2 years older than me annoyingly teased me about being gay and all... I was really trying to ignore him and my sister was defending me once again and he said something that really really pissed me off... I just couldn't control my self...
I said words at him to hurt him back...and he said words to hurt me back more... mas masakit kapag pagkatao mo na ang tinitira e...I don't know. Maybe young gay kids are really sensitive to be teased with being gay at that time, or its just me? I don't know.
I left my bike and walked towards him with clenched fist and I punched him straight at his left eye...
He was in so much pain that he was unable to move or speak anything while holding his other eye...
I myself was in pain too for punching him. I didn't know that it will hurt this bad too. But inside me...I was feeling damn proud. I didn't know how to punch till that day!
yeah I'm the man!
I went back to my bike and told my sister to go. We saw the kid recovering from my POWER PUNCH and running towards me... He wanted revenge!
"Go! Go! Go! let's run! " I told my sister. I'm on a panic. My heart was beating like crazy!
"bilisan mo! ayan na siya kuya!" my sister screamed in horror.
The kid pulled me out of my bike and punched me in the eye too! I was hurt real bad that I was feeling numb. It was so painful. I cried! yeah I cried!
I was not able to fight back. I had no strength at all. The kid run as fast as he could after. My sister threatened him that she will call our cousins and get back at him.
Once again, my sister defended me. She helped me stand up and get back at my bike.
Yeah I was a weakling...
Fuckin' memories! hahaha!
I still see that kid from long time ago. We're still living on the same neighborhood. I've heard he's working on some low paying company in the county. Loser... look at me now!ganda ko! chos! may paghihiganting ganap?LOL
Anyway, have a great weekend guys :-)
16 comments:
nabully din ako noong bata ako sa school. pero wala naman nanakit sa akin or may inupakan ako. i just started to ignore them.
kinarer na talaga ang imbedded video at the end of the blog... hehehehe...
being different before was like a sin... but these kind of incidents made you a stronger person now mac...
hindi lang ikaw ang nakaranas ng ganyan... buti nga ikaw sumuntok para gumanti... compared don sa piniling umiyak na lang sa tabi...
@lonewolf--talaga?first and last time ko nga manuntok un e hahaha!tapos nun puro pandedeadma nalang ginagwa ko..
@juan--aba sympre gaya gaya ako kay aries e hahaha! tama alam mo sarap ng feelin na ipagatanggol mo ang sarili mo haha un nga lang talo pa din ako sa huli :-(
Hey Mac, I think we lived in the same generation, and like you, I have experienced those you have narrated. Unlike me though, you are blessed to have a sister that defended you against bully attacks. Me, I was just alone.
Those experiences made me strong, and made me dream of becoming someone, someday.
I might have realized that, now that I see some of those kids of my age (back then) in the neighborhood. With all humility, I feel that I have a more comfortable life, compared to them now.
I realized, God blesses us with challenges so that we can appreciate success better.
Don't you think?
I love this post, its so real! I can relate haha : )
kinaya mo yon te? grabe ka, never done that.
@leo--halos lahat ata tayo naka experience niyan e...mahirap maging batang bading noh?hayyy..buti nalang we are all done on that stage of our lives...
@daniel--bullied ka din?salamat sa pakikiisa hehe :-)
@ming--hahaha ewan ko sobrang galit siguro
ayan edi natikman nya yung pagka-Charlie's Angels ano? nyahahaha
lucky me, wasn't really harassed during grades chool. Sige, awayin nila ako walang silang kokopyahan ng assignment /gg
Bullies. I think I was one of them. Lol. But I never bullied a fellow gay friend. I feel for you, especially the "father" part. I don't have a good relationship with my father. It pains me whenever I see a father and son together--having their time, talk like family, have intimacy. Love of a father, I hope it's not yet too late when we decide to have a father and son relationship in the future. He's getting old and I am always away from them. Sigh.
magandang kwento kakapulutan ng aral
Thanks for this post, Mac. This is a relevant topic for us.
These days, the bullying has extended to cyberspace. Just recently, another kid took his life after excessive bullying.
Back in the day, I was lucky not to have been the subject of bullying. I was in good terms with those being bullied. But I never stood up to anybody who was bullying them.
If there's one thing that I know I should've done back then, it would be to defend them. I was easily taller than any of the bullies. But that's all in the past.
Yeah. I was bullied nung highschool kaya ngayon bully ako sa mga mahilig mam-bully. :)
@brian--good for you haha...at sandata pala ang pagpapakopya ha!make sense!
@parteeboi--pareho pala tau...nakakapanibago kapag may mga dad na super close sa anak nila..well,maybe we were a disappointments to our dad kaya siguro ganun....
@bien--hahhaa natawa ako sau sira ulo ka!
@juan--wala naman tayo magagawa nun mga panahon na un mga bata pa tayo e...
@nimmy--hahaha ikaw ang kanilang super hero! super nimesia!
nabully ako pero ngayon ako na nambubully sa kanila.. ahahhaa
di ako masyadong binu-bully kasi laki akong skwater so back then parang asti-astigan ang dating thought may mga pasaring din naririnig sa ibang tao,at lalo na rin sa mga kapatid ko pag nag-aaway kami noon, nakikipagsuntukan talaga ako. In school naman iniisip ko na lang na mas matalino ako sa kanila and i just ignored them and sometimes it works for me, but until now Narnia pa rin ako..hehehehe
@kiko--hahaha!yeah you're the man!
@thecure--squatter talaga?hehe ayos yan atleast kaya mo protektahan sarili mo nun..mga bata naman kasi kugn sino lang tingin nila kaya un ang bubully nila e :-0
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