Till I Met You

Bigla ko siya naalala now na pauwi na naman ako...kamusta na kaya siya? is he still reading my blog? nagkatampuhan kami and after nun i never talk to him again...

He was smiling when he's approaching me...I smiled back. It was 2 in the afternoon at gateway mall.

"Hi!" the first word I uttered and followed by..."could you button up your shirt!" LOL!

He was wearing a checkered polo and the three buttons are open exposing a large portion of his chest and its bothering me! (kasi naglalaway ako?chos!!!) kaya naman di ko napigil sarili ko!

I teased him that he looked like a gigolo!

"nabukas kasi, and medyo masikip( the buttons are opening unintentionally)...that's why I kept it open nalang..." he explained.

"I thought you'll be wearing a polo! Im right!" its a good thing, I didn't wear my fave shorts today hihihi. I just assumed he'll be wearing something decent, so I picked a little more formal top.

It was our first date. Mark and I have been chatting online for a long time. He reads my blog...leaving some comments...teasing me, that I should choose him instead blah blah...in other words, he got my attention hahaha!

He used to have a blog too, but he shut it down recently, I don't wanna think that I'm the reason behind that! hahaha!

I love his writings. Some of his posts are dedicated to me and it made me smile whenever I come to visit his site. Honestly, kinilig ako. I just hoped i made a copy and saved it on my file earlier, but its too late he said he deleted his blog already. Arte-arte nya kasi! charrr!

Anywayz, I'm just glad that finally, after all what happened, we are here face to face. Talking and goofing around atBurgoo restaurant. Actually we are having a real great time together. I was surprised. I was expecting something else due to our age gap and status! And I lost count to the number of times we fought online!

Para kasi siyang bato...manhid!charrr!

One time I had to remind him to be quiet because he was laughing too loud and people are looking at us!

All of our issues are being addressed at. As usual, I'm the one to blame. Me being impulsive! Sorry naman! But I gotta say, he's got some part on it too noh! Its not all me! Aminin mo Mark!

"So where shall we go after this?" he asked.

"I don't know. What do you want to do next?" deep inside, I was happy knowing he still want us to spend more time. I thought after lunch, that's it. Bye bye time.

"You decide. You invited me out. uhmm, i remembered you said you wanna see a movie..." he replied

"Ah yeah, but I don't know if they have a good one this week, I already saw x-men and kung fu panda last week eh"

I excused my self and went to the rest room. To freshen up first before headin out. When I came back and about to call the waiter for our bill he said:

"Its all taken care of"

"huh?! why did you do that? this is my treat ano ka banaman?" I protested. Baka isipin nya sinadya ko mag CR talaga ng matagal hahaha! andami ko kasi tinga sa bakal ng ngipin ko kaya matagal swear!LOL

We saw the movie Super 8 and this time I'm paying! Di na siya kumontra. I was thinking of him holding my hands inside the cold and dark cinema! chos!

Wholesome kami. Walang ganun :-)

The movie was just so-so...not as good as x-men, but its OK. It has some scary scenes that almost made me scream, but thank God, I didn't! or else it would be embarrassing!

It was still early when we finished the movie. We decided to go to Shangri-La Plaza Mall at ortigas to have dinner.

"Naks. Makakasakay din ako ng car mo! yes!" I was teasing him. Parang ayaw nya ako isakay dati e! LOL

It took us a long time to find a parking space! Grabe kakahilo!Mas lalo pa ko nahilo sa dami ng cute na pagala gala sa Mall!

"o ang mga mata mo..." he catched me taking a glimpsed at a cute guy who passed by.

This time we dined in at Secret Recipe restaurant. Here we talked about families and some other things. He is a good listener. I talked a lot OMG!

"sabi naman sayo, di ako madaldal di ba..pangiti-ngiti lang ako..." i remembered him saying that on one of our chats months ago.

"Till when ka nga dito sa pinas?"

"Till july 6..I still have plenty of time" I smiled.

"Are you sure its Ok for you to travel safely at this time, its late? Why don't you check in at a nearby hotel?" He asked.

"if you're going to check in with me, why not! chosss! Of course i didn't say that! baka maeskadalo lolo nyo haha!

He drove me to the terminal where I will take a Van back to Laguna after our dinner.

No good bye kiss...hihihi. Just plain: Thanks and I had a great time....

"weh, Di nga?" he answered

"its true. I enjoyed your company". I assured him. He thought I'm just sugar-coating it.

"Ok. text me when you get home. Take care Mac". 

It was sweet of him to park nearby while I'm looking for the right line. He's a real gentleman. When he saw that I'm OK. He opened his window and waved his final good bye.

I waved back... and i whispered in my mind:

"thanks doctor Mark... sana may next time pa..."




This is a repost  from June 13,2011 :-)

Broken

I made a mistake and we broke up. I asked for his forgiveness. I literally begged for him to take me back...I was like crazy piece of shit. No pride. Nothing.

Looking back, I realized how silly and how pathetic he might think of me then.

He said that its my fault and that I should suffer the consequences. I was so heart broken and all I did was blaming myself.

I didn't realize that it would come to this point. A break up.

Another break up, I said to myself. But no matter how many times I've been in this position, why does it always have to be so fucking painful?

I've been with too many guys before and yet the pain was all the same when we're breaking up! Fucking heart! fucking emotions! Fucking love!

Andali ko kasi ma-inlove! Something is wrong with me. I guess.

We were just doing fine before. We're happy. Everything's going smoothly. Why can't it be back to the way they were?

Nothing lasts forever, they say.

True.

Two weeks later, I received a message from him telling he'd come over to our house. I was so glad when I realized whats goin on...Maybe, just maybe...he forgave me afterall! That he still loves me after all!

When he arrived, he's as cold as ice. He hardly talked to me. As if nothing changes. Was he still mad at me? But why is he here?

I wanted to talk. I wanted to explain. I wanted us to be "us" again.

Instead, He pulled me up from the couch and took me to my room. He undressed himself and lay down on my bed. He's like a God looking straight at me. I was just staring at him.

Damn, how i missed you. I whispered to myself.

Come. Take your clothes off. He said.

I did and joined him in the bed. His lips are tight. Not saying anything. He pushed my head down on his chest...on his abdomen...on his manhood.

He moaned with pleasures...I did everything...I wanted to make up for everything....He's my God and I am his slave.

I love this guy and I want him to forgive me. I want him to take me back. He's here and it made me real happy.

But am I really happy?

I was on top of him and I'm about to kiss him when he moved away his lips. Pushing my face away...

No, no kissing. He said.

Pain rushed through my face down to my chest and ended inside my heart. Slicing my heart. I felt it bleed.

We could have sex, but no kissing. Is that it? I said.

Let's just get over this ok? he answered.

And in seconds he shifted our positions and he was on top of me. Sliding himself inside of me. Pushing. Rushing. In ravage. A dance that we used to dance. A kind of dance that I don't know how anymore.

A dance to inflict pain. A dance to punish.

In minutes later, he was gasping, heavily breathing. He was finished.

And all this time all I did was just stared at him. His lovely face. His tightly sealed lips. His burning eyes.

I wanna touched them. I wanna remove all the anger, all those mixed emotions I've seen in his eyes. Did I turned him into something so evil?

But, I love him so much...I asked for his forgiveness...am I not worth forgiving? Did he stop loving me already?

I was still on the bed looking blankly at him when he started wearing his clothes again on the floor.

Tears fell down on my eyes when I've heard the door closes. He left. He's done with my punishment. He's done with breaking my heart once again.

Two days later and the same thing happened. He texted me. He arrived. He took me to my room. He undressed himself. He fucked. He came. He left.

He didn't even look at me. He didn't even bother talking to me. He avoided my lips again.

I was just an outlet. I was just a fucking shit to him. A fucking machine. When he felt like fucking, he's turned on and off. I felt like a whore.

But why do I still love him? Why do I still wish he'd come back to me and all of this shall pass.

But that's the last time I've seen him. He never called. Never texted me. Never came back. Maybe he got tired of punishing me.

I never thought a loving guy that I love is capable of this. He was so gentle and caring...

And I looked at the mirror and seen my reflection...I never thought I would look like this. Empty.

I was literally thrown into the floor in pieces. I've never seen or knew pain this much. Pain became my boarder. He became my companion. He lives inside me for a long time.

And this is me in the mirror.


Broken.







To Mark. Thank you for introducing me to Mr. Pain hehehe. For the greatest pain I've received 6 years ago, Thank you for making me stronger. You made me realized, how much I could love a person so deeply that it hurts. I didn't know I'm capable of that. Wow. And I forgave you since. That's how I moved on. I forgave you.

How are you by the way? Hope you're alright. If not, good for you! chos! Ampalaya pa din pala?LOL

Last Day Na!

Today is my last day to our country. I've finished packing my baggage just now. My flight will be this afternoon...36 days have passed by and now its time to go back to the middle east, go back to work, going solo once again for a whole year. I am goin' to miss my family and friends. Mabigat ang dibdib ko na aalis, but I have to be strong and be a MAN...chos!!!

Farewell...see you next year.

Thanks to those "secret" bloggers that I've met. Salamat sa inyo. Also to Nimmy and Leo. To Desperate Houseboy, thanks for spending some good time with me, and thank you for the friendship. To Mark, I received your message, its also my pleasure meeting you at last, to Brian, thank you for that two days you've spent with my family. All of you guys made my vacation special.

So that's it! My next blog post will be on the other side of the world na :-)

Good night!

Untitled.

I don't wanna be your friend.

Just One Question!

After our first date, me and Mark were chatting online at yahoo messenger when suddenly, at the middle of our conversation, I felt like its the right time to throw in the question I've been dying to ask him ever since the world began! LOL

This is important you know...

Is he a Top or a Bottom?

So, I carefully thought, how would I ask him that? He is Mr.Prim and Proper...always composed. He might think of me being so...perverted!

E di naman kaya...just wanna know lang...

Bahala na...

"Mark, Can I ask you a question?"

" Sure. Don't make it too difficult though haha..."

"Are you a Top or a Bottom? O, madali yan ha!LOL"

"OMG"

and he followed it with another

"OMG"

I swear I could imagine the reaction on his face saying these words!!!

"Hahaha. Im dying to know" I continued

"seriously?" he said

"Hell yeah!!!"

"Hehehe! OMG talaga! Well, Im _______ :-)" he replied.

"Great!!! So, when are we goin to check in?"

*LOL*

Me at Nuvali at Sta.Rosa, Laguna. The colorful koi's are amazing to watch here!

Till I Met You

He was smiling when he's approaching me...I smiled back. It was 2 in the afternoon at gateway mall.

"Hi!" the first word I uttered and followed by..."could you button up your shirt!" LOL!

He was wearing a checkered polo and the three buttons are open exposing a large portion of his chest and its bothering me! (kasi naglalaway ako?chos!!!) kaya naman di ko napigil sarili ko!

I teased him that he looked like a gigolo!

"nabukas kasi, and medyo masikip( the buttons are opening unintentionally)...that's why I kept it open nalang..." he explained.

"I thought you'll be wearing a polo! Im right!" its a good thing, I didn't wear my fave shorts today hihihi. I just assumed he'll be wearing something decent, so I picked a little more formal top.

It was our first date. Mark and I have been chatting online for a long time. He reads my blog...leaving some comments...teasing me, that I should choose him instead blah blah...in other words, he got my attention hahaha!

He used to have a blog too, but he shut it down recently, I don't wanna think that I'm the reason behind that! hahaha!

I love his writings. Some of his posts are dedicated to me and it made me smile whenever I come to visit his site. Honestly, kinilig ako. I just hoped i made a copy and saved it on my file earlier, but its too late he said he deleted his blog already. Arte-arte nya kasi! charrr!

Anywayz, I'm just glad that finally, after all what happened, we are here face to face. Talking and goofing around at Burgoo restaurant. Actually we are having a real great time together. I was surprised. I was expecting something else due to our age gap and status! And I lost count to the number of times we fought online!

Para kasi siyang bato...manhid!charrr!

One time I had to remind him to be quiet because he was laughing too loud and people are looking at us!

All of our issues are being addressed at. As usual, I'm the one to blame. Me being impulsive! Sorry naman! But I gotta say, he's got some part on it too noh! Its not all me! Aminin mo Mark!

"So where shall we go after this?" he asked.

"I don't know. What do you want to do next?" deep inside, I was happy knowing he still want us to spend more time. I thought after lunch, that's it. Bye bye time.

"You decide. You invited me out. uhmm, i remembered you said you wanna see a movie..." he replied

"Ah yeah, but I don't know if they have a good one this week, I already saw x-men and kung fu panda last week eh"

I excused my self and went to the rest room. To freshen up first before headin out. When I came back and about to call the waiter for our bill he said:

"Its all taken care of"

"huh?! why did you do that? this is my treat ano ka ba naman?" I protested. Baka isipin nya sinadya ko mag CR talaga ng matagal hahaha! andami ko kasi tinga sa bakal ng ngipin ko kaya matagal swear!LOL

We saw the movie Super 8 and this time I'm paying! Di na siya kumontra. I was thinking of him holding my hands inside the cold and dark cinema! chos!

Wholesome kami. Walang ganun :-)

The movie was just so-so...not as good as x-men, but its OK. It has some scary scenes that almost made me scream, but thank God, I didn't! or else it would be embarrassing!

It was still early when we finished the movie. We decided to go to Shangri-La Plaza Mall at ortigas to have dinner.

"Naks. Makakasakay din ako ng car mo! yes!" I was teasing him. Parang ayaw nya ako isakay dati e! LOL

It took us a long time to find a parking space! Grabe kakahilo!Mas lalo pa ko nahilo sa dami ng cute na pagala gala sa Mall!

"o ang mga mata mo..." he catched me taking a glimpsed at a cute guy who passed by.

This time we dined in at Secret Recipe restaurant. Here we talked about families and some other things. He is a good listener. I talked a lot OMG!

"sabi naman sayo, di ako madaldal di ba..pangiti-ngiti lang ako..." i remembered him saying that on one of our chats months ago.

"Till when ka nga dito sa pinas?"

"Till july 6..I still have plenty of time" I smiled.

"Are you sure its Ok for you to travel safely at this time, its late? Why don't you check in at a nearby hotel?" He asked.

"if you're going to check in with me, why not! chosss! Of course i didn't say that! baka maeskadalo lolo nyo haha!

He drove me to the terminal where I will take a Van back to Laguna after our dinner.

No good bye kiss...hihihi. Just plain: Thanks and I had a great time....

"weh, Di nga?" he answered

"its true. I enjoyed your company". I assured him. He thought I'm just sugar-coating it.

"Ok. text me when you get home. Take care Mac".

It was sweet of him to park nearby while I'm looking for the right line. He's a real gentleman. When he saw that I'm OK. He opened his window and waved his final good bye.

I waved back... and i whispered in my mind:

"thanks doctor Mark... sana may next time pa..."

Foolish Heart

It's just sad ...

that you don't miss me, like the way I'm missing you.
that you don't wait for me to wake up any longer and talk.
that you don't leave me offline messages whenever I'm not around.
that you don't text me anymore.

that you could spend an entire week without talking to me
that you no longer cares about me

How I wished it never ends, the good times, times that made me smile, times that I laughed at your senseless jokes...times that made me special.

Life is so unfair...because I miss you like crazy.
I've been waiting like a fool for you.
Been excited to open my inbox all the time to see if you left me any messages.

Keeps on waiting for your text messages...
I'm counting days after days after our last conversation and realized its been a long time since...
Been longing that you would finally care...

Yeah, you didn't.
It sounds silly, but its breaking my heart.

Where Are You Now?

One moment in our lives, we met a lot of people, some of them made us special (or not) in their own way...but life goes on and for some reasons, we have to separate and go on our own way...

I wonder where you are now...Miss P.

She's my favorite teacher when I was in grade 6, she's the only teacher who showed me care and love. Gosh, its been 13 years since I last saw her. She's an old maid. I wonder if she's married hehe. Is she still teaching? or is she with our creator? How I wish I could see her one more time.

I wonder where you are now...Jas.

She's my best friend when I was in high school, she used to call me Tom-bong, because I have this great admiration for Tom Cruise at the time hehe. And we listen to this uber-jologs song: OCEAN DEEP! waaa shoot me now, I know!LOL. After our graduation in high school she moved in to their province in the Visayas region.

I wonder where you are now...Sasha.

We had this crazy chemistry during college days, we called ourselves best friend for life! We are inseparable, we did everything together. We're like family. But i don't know what happened after our big fight after college, last thing i heard, she's in Dubai. Sometimes, i thought, why friends have to go this way, I mean can't we just forgive each other...do we have to let pride take over and let the friendship go to waste? I missed her though...

I wonder where you are now...Jeff.

He was my first eyeball and my first sex partner! It was the time where I have to laugh like crazy every time he licked my neck and my nipple: why, It's ticklish! Price of being a virgin! No intercourse though, I'm not ready at that time. But I remembered how foolish I had been with him, after the boom-boom-pow, I texted him asking what are we now that something happened already, because in my mind, we had an intimate moment right? so automatically he will take responsibility! feeling like a virgin lady who could be pregnant and that he has to marry me!LOL

He told me its just sex. Nothing else. It played in my mind over and over again. Its just sex. I realized one thing that time, that sex could be this so meaningless to other people. I was hurt... I was so naive.

I wonder where you are now....Mark.

He was my third boyfriend. I loved him so dearly with all my heart. I think he's one of those relationships that really made a mark on me (cause his name is Mark?!LOL) I made a mistake and he punished me when I asked for a second chance, he accepted it but made my life miserable...my soul was crying inside when he was spending the night with me but made me feel like a stranger, he didn't bother kissing me...

Texting someone else when he knew i could see it, he made love to me but treated me like I'm a whore...he will visit just to have sex with me and leave. I cried every time he does that. After sometime, he just vanished without a word till now... though I'm over him, but I could still remember the pain it caused me. Wishing I would never feel that again.

I wonder where you are now...Rom.

Many of us have fallen in love with our best friend. Its a classic story for most of us. I am no exemption...he used to hold my hand and forced me when he wanted me to accompany him somewhere when I'm too lazy to...he used to asked my opinion on things he's unsure of...he used to asked me to join him at the shower when its only the two of us at their house...I remembered how I tried to stop my feelings for growing more and more deeper...

I remembered how it made me jealous when he tried to court some girl at school, and I remembered it clearly how I tried to discourage him that she's not worth it. We used to hang out till very late at night after school and talk about anything but not our own feelings. I know, I could feel it, he has something for me too. But he knew it was not right. He wanted to be a good son as what his mother told him to.

He's the first person I loved.

:-)

Looking back on those years made me smile and made me sad at the same time. There are some regrets and most specially there are lessons learned. We grow older and we gained more knowledge on how we could run our lives and those people around us. No matter where they are now, no matter what they do, I hope they are all doing good and happy.