A Date With R.A

It was 3 in the afternoon and I checked my phone for the 3rd time if R.A left any messages, but none, I'm afraid he might cancel our date later today. Last night I've told him thru text that we're gonna see each other at 5 in the afternoon, but no reply, all night I've waited...I tried to go back to sleep but could not.

Eventually, di ako nakatiis...I sent an sms message:

"Why are you not replying my messages?"

I told my self, if he still not gonna reply, I'll consider it cancelled. Fortunately after a few minutes my phone vibrates:

"Sorry, I just woke up..."

I made a deep sigh of relief. I typed in and sent him a reply:

"I'll meet you at 5pm at the lobby and we'll go to the Villagio (a special mall here in Doha where the ceilings take your breath away, with its majestic representation of the blue sky outside. an a fake river at the heart of the mall.)".

"OK" his final text.

I ate my late lunch and think of something not too casual to wear for our first date, I don't wanna look overdressed or too casual, if he ever considers this a date after all! We'll, I do! LOL

I changed clothes 3 times and decided to go with my v-shaped Armani black shirt and topman faded gray skinny jean. I matched it with a black dog tag necklace from river island. I checked my self once again on the mirror and... danced with excitement!LOL

I waited for him at the lobby of our building, I was 10 minutes earlier. Atat lang? then I heard someone approaching, making annoying sound as he walk...and when I finally saw who it was...its Egay! my colleague!

"oh Mac! you're going somewhere??" he said

"yeah. at the villagio"

"with whom?" he noticed that I'm waiting for someone.

"secret..."

"you slut! who is it this time ha?" he insisted on knowing who it is.

"just go and do your own thing OK!"

"No. I'll stay and wait who you're going out with!"

Then R.A appeared and I saw Egay's wide smile as he tried to leave us. For sure he would broadcast it to our department tomorrow! grrrrr!

R.A was wearing almost identical clothes with mine! both black and faded jeans and we're both wearing the same dog tag hahaha! good thing I didn't wear my nerdy eyeglasses!

Inside the cab, I wanna hold his hand and give him light kisses on his lips..but I didn't. Or else he would jump out of the car or the driver might hit the break instantly!

I content my self with playing innocently and accidentally touching his arms and hands...at pasimple simpleng pag akbay...masaya na ko dun...hehehe.

I also found out he likes Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton! Yuckyyyy! asar talo siya sakin!

He did much of the talking, I just listen and laugh most of the time. He loves to share his stories. I think he's an old fashioned guy. We ate at T.G.I Friday's and had back ribs and steaks and chicken wings and shrimps and salmon. It was a nice dinner though. I love talking to him. He looks too childish with his eyeglasses and braces whenever he remembered something funny and laughed.

Then the pinoy waitress approached me and said:

"sir, please don't get mad if I ask you something..."

For a brief moment, I was speechless and nervous for what she might ask! Could it be she noticed that we're extra sweet to each other and wanna know if we are actually a couple????

"what is it?" I then asked.

"Can I see your wristwatch? Can I ask where you got it?"

Oh. That's my first reaction haha. I thought it was something else. I told her its from Toywatch and left us.

R.A don't wanna see a movie at the Imax, he said he don't like the films being shown. I was disappointed of course. I wanna spend more time with him, and my evil plan involved touching his hands on the dark corners of the cinema! LOL

We've just entered the amusement park and checked out their amazing rides. We've sat at the bench where we could talk a little. I sat so close to him and put my arms at the back of the bench almost on top of his broad shoulders...from time to time I was touching his shoulders sending him intimate carnal signals hahaha!

On our way out of the mall I saw my friend's Ric and his wife Reen and their closeted gay friend Al whom they are talking about! Oh Lord, he's cute!LOL

Ric was teasing me that me and Al look great together without knowing that R.A is my date! and placed us beside each other as they took us home. I was in the middle of Al and R.A! hahaha. Al was so nice and actually "gay".

When we got to our building towards the lift, I asked R.A if he wants to come up at my unit and spend some more time. He said "I think, I'll pass". I just smiled and said goodnight...

Now I was left confused and disappointed, I thought I'd get laid tonight!LOL. Maybe he found my invitation too fast? Kidding aside, I really like R.A, if I wanna be with someone, I want it to be him... insert bruno mars' song GRENADE:

I'll catch a grenade for yah...throw my hand on a blade for yah...I'd jump in front of a train for yah...you know I'd do anything for yah...I would go thru all this pain...take a bullet straight thru my brain...yes, I would die for yah baby...But you won't do the same...

Yeah, thanks Bruno...I don't know if he would do the same.

I still don't know whether he's just looking for a friend or what. I never ask him directly what his feelings about me, so I don't want to conclude yet. nakikiramdam palang ako kumbaga. Let's just wait and see...It's just our first date anyway.

I called up Ric after a few minutes and asked about Al!!! LOL

My Shy Guy

I spotted him many weeks ago, a new staff nurse at the cardiac unit. I noticed the way he talks, the way his hand sways as he walk by, he is too silent, too shy... all led to my conclusion. He is gay.

And I like it! LOL

Let me call him hmmm, what shall I call him that's very close to his name...hmmm, alam ko na...Hardy...

Toink!!!

It was not my area, at that time I was covering pediatric ICU, but it didn't stopped me for dropping by at the cardiac ICU. To hell with protocol! LOL

Well, my friend allowed me to be there and helped her anyway. Who would refuse some help right?

"I know why you're here!" she said with accusation

"I just wanna help you, I've finished early on my area!"

"Oh come on! He's on that side! Go on and flirt with him! You slut!" she was laughing while walking out on me.

I saw his patient, I took our folder and start checking the settings on the machine. I occupied his table so that he has no other choice but to say "excuse me" and come closer to me when he need something on his paper works! I did take my time. Took longer than it should be. I need to talk to him even with just a few words!

"Sir, his nebulizations are on hold because he is currently tachycardic..." he said. OMG! he was the one who actually spoke first! *fainting*

"But his cardiac rate is not that high now naman a, what is your base line bah?" I asked with a serious tone. I looked at his face while waiting for an answer. Surveyed his face actually. He is really cute. Moreno. lalake'ng-lalake ang dating...Those lips..hay...I wanna kiss them...

"ah.." he flipped his charts and looked for the vital signs record. It took him a while. I noticed he was unsure what to say to me. OMG, I didn't mean to scare him...nagpapa-cute lang ako sa tanong ko! LOL

Bago pa nga siya... I thought.

Many times I attempted to see him, but he was too shy. Hardly talks to me. Kainis! mapapanis laway ng ka-date nya! feeling i-date nya ko?hehe

The other day, I was assigned on the emergency room on the ground floor but I still managed to visit him at his unit at the 6th floor! lufet ko nakarating ako dun!

Nagagawa nga naman ng pagla-landi...

Once again, I pretend I was busy checking our files on his table. He was on the other side, I know he is waiting for me to finish, but damn, I took longer than usual and he still didn't talk to me! What's with this guy! grrrrrrrrrr! usok na ilong ko!LOL

He was going in and out of the room, as if he's really avoiding me...shit, I'm already rejected? hahaha. One pinoy dialysis nurse was also on the corner of the room and he was the one who tried to make a conversation with me. I noticed his bangs, too much effort on styling, too gay, I thought.

He was nice though. By the way where is Hardy???! hmmp! In my frustration, I left the area and started walking out of the ICU. A few meters after I closed the doors, I looked back, I don't know, I just looked back...

and there he was...

standing...

looking at me...looking at me?!

Shit!I caught him looking at me...

taena!!!!

He did look at me while I was on my way out!!!
(hinahatid nya ko ng tingin???feelingero na din ako?hahaha)

*kilig*

I took the lift with a wide smile on my face...Yes!!!

I'll Say It Anyway

I see him online most of the time, but he never even say hi knowing that he sees me already. Maybe he's too busy, or just really not interested talking to me, that I don't know, I know its too demanding on my side, but damn I want him to talk to me even for a while, not like this ignoring me...I'm pathetic.

One day, I don't know what came to me and suddenly I missed him, my feelings are uncontrollable anymore, I wanted him to know how I feel about him. That I like him. Its like I woke up and I wanted him to know it.

Yeah, I'm impulsive at times, you might say.

I thought its best that he would know. Bahala na...

I texted him "how are you?"

"am good, you?"

"I saw on your face book status that your friends saying you have someone left behind at UAE...am jealous hehe" I tried to make it sound casual

"yeah, but its nothing, I just pasted a quote from somewhere and many of them reacted, its nothing. And besides why you'll be jealous, we're friends, right?"

"but what if, i tell you I like you?" there, I finally said it. I was inside the Pediatric ICU when I texted that, It took him a while before he replied. I know he's thinking what to say or he might be surprised with the revelation. I was doing something when he replied, I immediately went on on the stock room so that staffs wont see me texting LOL.

"you like me? but we're friends...and besides I'm not yet ready for another commitment. Let's be friends for now, who knows eventually it could lead to something special" he said

I was hurt and my pride was shattered.

Hmp, wag ko lang malalaman na magkaka bf ka soon kundi papatayin kita LOLLLLLLLLLL!!! may murderous intent haha. Joke lang!

The next messages I typed was: "OK, now I need to avoid you, I cant be friends with you knowing that I like you, it will be very painful to me seeing you most of the time..." jusko ang drama ko! haha

"but why...I thought we'll gonna be very close friends and now you want to avoid me?" he texted

"I dont know if I can be with you, it will be very hard for me..."-- me. Wow todo na kaartehan ko!

"OK, if that's what you want, good luck. It was nice knowing you mac..." his last text.

I had this sudden strike of loneliness after I read and erased his messages. It took me a while to concentrate on work, but knowing my personality, I immediately adjusted and my emotions shifted to the jolly person that always in me. I'm really thankful I have great colleague and friends on this side of the world.

I erased all links on him. Its my way of forgetting someone. It worked most of the time. I went to bed and the next day I hardly missed him at all!!!Waaaaa! I thought I will be down and aching cause technically he rejected me haha. And my romantic fantasies gone, but where is my pain????

Realization sinked in...that it was just a product of my desire to have somebody so bad that a simple infatuation I felt on him made me say that. A product of the whole week of fun being with him. And he was right, its better we could be friends, and that's what I want from the start, a gay friend like me...

A friend is much better, a good friend wont be too easy to find. A friend stays at your side.

As soon as I realized these, I texted him, I apologized " Aldwin, am sorry for what I said last night..."

No reply. I called. He cancelled. Is he mad? I asked myself.

He texted me "I'll talk to you later, am in a meeting right now".

A whole day have passed and he didn't call back.

--to be continued...

Older and Wiser Me

Its annoying when you received text messages from someone you don't know and when you asked them "who are you?where did you get my number?" and they would just answer you " someone sent me your number I don't know who it was" and all I can think of helloooo this gimmick is so pre historic! For sure they know who sent them my number they just don't wanna say it!

And one time I received something like "ah,I saw your number at friendster" and I would say I didn't even post my ym ID at my account there why would I even post my number!hayyy people just don't think of a better alibi or something you know the one worth convincing,why cant they just tell where they got it?

Well,I don't text them anymore, its so lame.

But there was this time that I cant forget,it happened around 8 years ago,someone texted me and said "hi I saw your number at the CR of Starmall,care to be my text mate?" OMG this is totally absurd! I couldn't believe it at first imagine mall CR!!!!and starmall!!!and when a second text and third came from different persons who told me the same thing I was convinced someone was messing with me!Or someone might have a grudge on me and this is his way of getting back at me!

Then it strike me,there was this guy that I supposed to meet,my text mate I never saw his picture then,because at that time texting was your way of getting a date or to meet someone of the same sex unlike now Internet is so popular and you could see the picture of your date beforehand,we decided to meet at this mall and he described what he was wearing,he said he's in a red shirt and khaki pants with a small bag,I was first to arrived there so that I will have the first look at my eyeball hehe and I said I'm wearing blue but in reality I was wearing a white shirt.

I'm so immature then,when I'm thinking about it now, I'm so inconsiderate and bad.When I saw him from a distance coming,I freaked out!He was so out of what I'm expecting..he looks old for his age,and dark you know dark-dark and rough skinned...big belly just like the policeman,come to think of it he looks like a policeman in his civilian clothes! My eyes wide opened when I realizes he was my date!and I said to myself I cant face someone like that I don't like him!So I flew away and get out of the mall as fast as I can!

He texted me and said where I am I just said "oh I got to rush home my sister texted me!" and he didn't believe it, me myself couldn't believe that lie and he said "cursed you!you just don't wanna meet me!Fuck you!" I cant blamed him,i mean what I did was so mean and unfair...and I know he was the one who put my number with a message "text me I'm a whore" at those mall comfort room,I immediately changed my number after that.

I regret that thing in the past,now I can say I've grown and become mature in meeting my dates and eyeballs...and considerate too,Of course it happens to all of us,I mean there will be guys that we don't like when we meet them,and there are guys that we like but don't like us...rejections...its part of gay life...

Now whenever I meet someone that i think is not my type,I just go on with the date,I dont say Oh,I changed my mind I gotta rush somewhere else...guys its immature.I'm telling you hehe.I still spend time with him,and talk,I mean he is a human being too,he deserves that,and if I'm in his position i wanna be treated good too,not like a trash that if doesn't match your standards you just leave and on.I believe in karma.

Of course the after-date-text is important...Its like "oh no will he still text me?.he's not texting me..." I just text them and say,thanks for the time and nice knowing you.We could be good friends.That's it,he got it already that you only like to be friends with him.Unlike guys who would not text at all!That's rude!

I guess its true that when you become older,you become more mature and wiser.