Shit! Im Sad!

I have a heavy heart when my family brought me to the airport. Last year, when they hugged me I was feeling really awkward because we're not really expressive of our feeling towards each family members, I thought its unnecessary to hug haha. But this time its totally different, I was the first one to really hugged them! haha. My arms automatically hugged them!

I last hugged Brian, he is not my boyfriend, don't get confused, my current boyfriend is Clayton, he's my ex-bf who happened to be a family favorite among my ex's. He arrived at our house last Wednesday afternoon, and take note, my sister picked him up at the terminal! (special treatment eh?) while I was asleep.

There's nothing going on between us, we just happened to be friends, my recent bf's jealous of him though. We talked about our own current boyfriend over dinner. And advising to me like he's my mom to quit flirting around now that I have Clayton. I never told Clayton that Brian stayed at our house and will come to the airport with us. Clayton was at work that day.

I was not sure how he would react if he finds out. So I kept it a secret for the meantime. Sorry bebe...(well, i told him today, after exactly 1 day, and we have a little discussion about it, gonna tell you about it some other time, but we're good now).

It was raining in Manila when my plane took off, that was around 6pm...I was sitting beside the window and the metro's view at night was amazing! When I arrived at Doha (10pm), I felt the extreme heat immediately as soon as I left the airport and saw my friends waving at me! Yeah, I'm really back here at the desert, I told myself.

They helped me with my stuffs and the never ending chitchat went on till we reached the coffee shop nearby. They asked me almost everything. They're most intrigued with my break up with EDC haha. Well, obviously they are avid readers of my blog too. When the EDC questionnaires ended, the Clayton's episode came up!

Well, I'm so proud of bragging all about him hahaha, what's he like in person, and how he wanted our relationship to really make it for as long as we can. "Damn, he's a good catch..." one of my friend said. I just smile and said...yes he is.

After more than an hour, they brought me to my flat and we call it a night. As I entered my room, dropped my baggage and my backpack, I saw my couch...my fave couch... its where I wanked for a whole year! hahaha. By that thought, it got me horny, I pulled down my pants and started stroking! Toinks!!!

After I unpacked some of my things, I had this feeling of emptiness... a sudden unexplained feeling came through me...I realization rushed in my head...

Fuck! I'm sad!

This is what they called:

Homesickness!!!

Waaaah! This is not happening

I felt like crying...I suddenly missed home...my sister, my nephew...Clayton. I felt I'm so alone! Damn, I can't believe I'm having this emotions! This is not me! I'm no drama...I'm no emo... I wanna laugh at my self. No one could believe that the great Mac is capable of being sad...of being affected by homesickness...

Its a funny thing, I never experienced this when I came here last year, this is my second time here in this country...and now this????! its confusing! Does that mean, I love my family now than last year? haha.

Even today after I slept last night as I write this entry, I still have this feeling of wanting to hug my pillow and weep all night! I called my mom at Dubai, called my sister, called Clayton and chat with him online for a while. My friends are calling me that its OK and that its normal. I was thankful to them for helping me to get through this....

But after a few minutes, loneliness strikes again... Fuck! I went to the bathroom and cleaned it nonstop! But yeah it helped a lot! I was tired. Sweaty. Took a shower. I can't believe I cleaned the bathroom haha. Its freakin' shiny! Its the first time that that bathroom experienced cleaning ever!

I just hope tomorrow that I'll be back to my old self...and be happy.

Goodbye Pinas!

Tomorrow afternoon is my flight back to Doha.
Gonna miss my family...
Gonna miss my friends...
Gonna miss the foods

(lalo na ang baboyyy!haha)

And I'm gonna miss YOU...

Clayton.

He won't be able to send me tomorrow to the airport due to work...but its alright. I understand.

He told me not to say "I'll miss you"
Because he said, we'll do the best way we could to be part of each other's lives...even if we're miles apart.

That made me smile.

*wink* wink*

Last Date,Last Kiss,Last Sex!!!

The lampshade was the only source of light on that dark room. I was watching Mamma Mia over my laptop last night, its my first time to see it. Some scenes made me laugh and some made me cry. I was sitting on the bed and my back at the headboard from time to time I have to switch attention to the monitor and to the one on my arms.

He was snoring like an old car engine who wouldn't start. But I didn't mind if I can't understand some dialogue from the movie with his snoring...I just kept my body still so that I won't wake him. I know he is tired as hell.

I remembered him rushing to see me last Saturday night from the mall. He's almost 2 hours late. Its our last date. Last time together. On his semi formal attire, sweating, tired, and looked...So...maasim! LOL!

(well, its hot last night and he's been up since 10am for a meeting at work till 6:00 o'clock and he have to travel all the way from Cubao to Alabang plus the fact the I might be so mad as hell which added to his already stressful day)

I don't have the heart not let him rest for a while.
We are in a hotel room and its late.
Technically this is our last night, last f*ck! haha.
But I think the best term for this night is, bonding time.

Well, that's the plan. A whole day and night
Together, me and him. Just us.
Doesn't have to be sexual all night. But a real time.
A time to talk. To kiss a little. To kiss a lot.

To laugh...to hug each other tightly...
To suck...to f*ck....hahaha!
Nagmumurahan din kami minsan-minsan, you know!
And a little pitik sa ilong if someone gets annoying or cheesy.

The best part above all this, I have him in my arms all the time. Its like I don't wanna miss a thing (kanta yun a!) Its like I want to take all the chance to hold him and hug him so close to my body. I want to savour each minute and save it in my mind...and play it again when I'm away.

I looked at him and I see a person so annoying for snoring so loud. That I wanna pinch his nose so that he wont be able to breath...and struggle for air. So that I'll laugh so hard if he die! Just kidding! hahaha! I just have to kiss his forehead and sigh...

And oh, I finally told him that I love him for the first time
It was this Sunday morning, both naked
I looked at him in the eyes while I was on top of him
And said: "ohhhh...ahhh...shit Clayton....I loooooove....youuuuu.....ohhh"

"I love you too, Mac..." he whispered

I want to regret saying it after he came and didn't wait for me! I feel like getting my machine gun and shoot him in the nose! I punched him like over and over again saying "kaasar ka! kaasar ka! " But its alright I came after a few minutes after I flipped him anyway.LOL