I just got home from a busy morning shift at the emergency room and I am sitting on my couch, staring at my suitcases...wondering...
looking down at the clutter on my carpet and told myself...
How am I going to fit all of these on my suitcases? there's too much... Just now that I realized, why did I bought too much stuffs? hahaha
Hay, good luck naman sa pag eempake ko tonight!
I wish, I could finish it on time. I still have one last duty tomorrow morning and at the evening my friends will take me to the airport and yeah, see you Philippines na!
that you don't miss me, like the way I'm missing you. that you don't wait for me to wake up any longer and talk. that you don't leave me offline messages whenever I'm not around. that you don't text me anymore.
that you could spend an entire week without talking to me that you no longer cares about me
How I wished it never ends, the good times, times that made me smile, times that I laughed at your senseless jokes...times that made me special.
Life is so unfair...because I miss you like crazy. I've been waiting like a fool for you. Been excited to open my inbox all the time to see if you left me any messages.
Keeps on waiting for your text messages... I'm counting days after days after our last conversation and realized its been a long time since... Been longing that you would finally care...
Yeah, you didn't. It sounds silly, but its breaking my heart.
Last May 2o, I celebrated my birthday with just a few friends, but with lots of fun and loudest screams!
Since our family is going through some tough times, I've decided to spend my special day simple and practical. I don't want to spend too much while we're having this crisis which I hope shall pass soon.
I know some of my friends understood that by now. At first they were all, why are we not invited blah blah blah!
I've been dying to visit this theme park ever since they opened last year. On my birthday my two closest friends gave in and tried some rides that we thought we could handle! Well, that's what we thought! LOL
at the tower drop! amazing ride!
at the top dancer, i dont want to ride this thing again ever!
I don't know what they call this. But this one is an extreme edition! I will die riding that thing! So I bailed out!hahaha
I was screaming my heart out when I realized, I had the loudest and the girliest scream of all at the moment! and I was like, Oh-Oh! hahaha. Then I tried to contain it and shifted my vocal cords at the other mode and tried to scream like a straight dude this time!
It was hilarious! My friends are laughing at me! Dudes don't scream Mac, you're horrible! that's what they told me! OK fine!!!
After that, we're hungry as hell and we dined in at T.G.I Friday's where we had pastas, steaks and lobsters...small lobster! LOL
Well, it was nice having my two friends with me, we had fun talking and gossiping about anything while having these delicious foods hehe.
Asar na asar ako kanina sa duty, sino ba naman kasi ang may pakana na gawin white ang uniform ng mga hospital employee???!!!
Ok fine, naka scruibsuit nga ako, pero naka-coat pa din naman ako ng white! Ganun din!! Ilan beses akong nagkuskos ng pesteng coat dahil nun una natalksikan ako ng blood sa may sleeves, tapos nun nasa trauma room naman ako, may chineck lang ako sa tube nun patient di ko napansin natuluan na pala yun laylayan ng coat ko ng secretions galing sa bibig ng patient! EWWWW!
Sa buwisit ko hinubad ko nalang at nagduty nalang ako ng walang coat! Kever kung masita ako ng mga bisor dito sa ER! LOL
Buti nalang may pang alis ng bad vibes ko kanina, stress reliever ko siya...
si Ihab...intern ko siya...20 y.o, matangkad, tisoy, curly blonde hair, at isang certified Tunisian cutie!!! kakalaglag panty siya mga teh!
Kung san ako punta andun siya, parang aso. LOL
Kilig na kilig ako pag magpapaalam siya magyo-yosi at sasabihin nya sakin: Just stay there, don't leave me! (atat pa kasi siya sa mga procedures, gusto nya andun siya lagi to see it) Parang feeling ko mag-jowa kami! Pakk!!!
Ilan beses ko nahahawakan mga daliri niya kapag gina-guide ko siya sa pagkuha ng blood samples. Oo! masaya na ko dun parang lalabasan lang! hahaha! pathetic no?
Maloko din si gago, nakikipaglokohan sakin di nahihiya na ako ang staff nya! Gusto daw nya dito sa Accident and Emergency Room siya ma assign pagka-grad nya this end of May. Kaya naman tinuturuan ko siya ng bonggang bongga ng mga bagay bagay tungkol dito sa area na to ng hospital.
Kaya naman after nun shift at inaabot na nya sakin yun form for my signature na requirements sa school nila na part pa rin ng internship nila, hindi na ko nag atubili...
I'm the kind of person you could easily get along with if you get to know me, and I talk too much too, that's why I have many friends here at work even those people from other departments. Last month, our transportation service was no longer available to take us to the hospital, I am currently looking for a new transport and with a pinoy driver in it too.
While I'm on the hunt, I usually take cabs, and since I am friendly, some of those friends I've gained usually drives me home after work. O di ba, kung kani kanino nalang sumasabit! Mas tipid pa!LOL
So after my night shift the other day, my colleague Ryan asked:
"Mac, you'll ride with me?"
"I'll go with Philip this time, he's near my place, thanks anyway" I said
"I'll take care of him bro, don't worry!" Philip joined our conversation and teased me.
We all took the lift and while we were busy talking about something at the hallway while walking, someone called my name:
"Mac!" I looked around and saw Ariel. A nurse at the medical ward. We live at the same building.
"Ariel! you're also from night shift! I didn't see you last night" I said
"Come, I'll take you home, my car's at front" he insisted. I laughed and look at Philip. he said its OK go with him.
"OK. Philip, I'll ride with you next time then...take care"
When we reached the parking lot, we saw a gray car approaching and when the window opened, I saw my friend Ric.
"Mac! Ariel! Where do you think you two are going huh?!" he was teasing us, kunyari tsismis daw hehe. both of them are close friends even before I came here to work.
"I'll take Mac home, Ariel. Come, Mac, get in!" he added. I wanna laugh real hard that time, whats wrong with these guys! He's the fourth guy who offered to give me a ride that morning!
Am I that fun to be with?LOL and mind you, these are all straight guys! hay, I love my friends talaga!
"No, thanks, Ric, I'll stick with Ariel, don't bother yourself anymore, we are on the same building. I'll just delay you if you take me home".
"Okie-dokie" and he waved goodbye to us.
It made me happy knowing these people are so sweet to give a little time to help me. And hopefully, I could find the right driver and transport soon.
Kinda late but I still wanna greet you, mom. A Happy Mother's day. Even though you can't read this and I cannot tell you how much I love you in person, I know deep inside you, you could feel that we do love you Mom, very much :-)
Mom, I do wish you happiness. I'm missing you terribly, you don't know how much I wanted to see you. I called you on the phone most of the time and you would say you're fine. But, I know you are not. I know you are under a lot of stress lately, the current situation you are in Dubai right now, God knows I wanna do the best I could to help you carry that burden but I don't have the power to do so...its not in my power to do so...
I just hope and pray that every thing's gonna be alright soon....
I planned for this June vacation for both of us...I wanted to give you a great beach vacation, a grand dinner for your return and a reunion for all of us after two years...
I died when you said its not possible for you to come home. You deserved a break from all of this...
I cried when you said, you have to wait for another 6 months or a year to go home. You are tired. I know. I want you to come home with me, to see your one and only grand son, I know you miss him...
I wanna scream when I asked you what's the best thing we could do and you said: I don't know, son. We don't have the solution at hand.
I am really sorry Mom. I wish I could. Sometimes I think, i don't deserve to be happy or even to laugh real hard while you're there. A feeling of guilt.
Just hang in there.
God has his own way. I just know it.
I feel so helpless when all I want for her is to be at home, on her couch and watching her grandson play while having her cup of coffee...
Konting panahon nalang Nanay.
Marami kang sakripisyo na ginawa sa'min magkapatid at utang namin ang buhay namin sa 'yo. (yan naiiyak na ko huhuhu)
I love you Mom. Happy Mother's day. You're the best Mom in the world.
Lahat tayo may kanya kanyang love story na binubuo sa ating isipan...nangangarap...masarap mag wish na sana magkatotoo ang mga ito, na sana maranasan natin na magmahal at mahalin...alam natin na hindi ito ganon kadali.
Masakit magmahal. Masakit umasa at mabigo. Totoo yan.
Minsan magmamahal tayo pero di natin natatanggap ang pagmamahal na gusto natin in return...laging may kulang...
Pero kahit nam gusto mo pa din magmahal at mahalin kahit konti...
Mga tanong na nasa isipan mo ngayon, andami mga bagay bagay na humahanap ng sagot....Bakit nga ba mahirap humanap at makatagpo ng taong magmamahal satin?
Minsan naiisip mo, hindi ka ata karapat dapat mahalin?
Pero pano ka ba magiging karapat dapat?
Sa mundo na pagandahan at pisikal na anyo ang batayan, ano ang panama ng isang simpleng tao na gaya mo?
Susunod ka ba sa itinatakda ng paligid at babaguhin ang iyong sarili?
Ilan na ba ang nakilala mo na minahal ka ng dahil ikaw yun at tinanggap ka ng buo kung ano ang meron at kaya mong ibigay?
Marahil, masasabi mong meron naman...
Pero bakit ganun? pagkatapos ng pagkahaba habang proseso ng pag hahabulan at panahon na dumaan magkita at magtagpo ang inyong landas...
Kung andiyan na ang isat isa, abot kamay na ang ligayang matagal na pinangarap sa isipan lamang noon...hawak kamay mo na ang iyong love story...
Bakit hindi mo kayang panghawakan ang pangakong ibinigay nyo na magmamahalan kayo...bakit sa problema kay rupok nyo? bakit sa pagsubok kay dali nyo sumuko?
Ganun ba talaga ang pagmamahal? O sinabi lang nila na mahal ka nila at gayun ka din sa kanila? isang pagkukuwanri...pagbabalatkayo...
Minsan naiisip mo...Nakakaya ng iba di ba, marami kang kilala na tumagal ng mahabang panahon na matibay at matiyagang umaalalay sa isat isa...
Pero bakit di mo magawa?
Sana this time, ready ka na...matured to handle it differently.
Sabi mo hindi ka na naman naghahanap ng taong mamahalin, sa katunayan, andami mong kaibigan, masaya lagi, magulo, asaran. Okay ka na dun.
You are living your dream ika nga...maayos ang lagay mo, maayos na trabaho, kumikita ng tama lang sa pangangailangan mo...
Pero tao ka lang...may mga pangangailangan...malamig ang gabi...hinahanap mo ang pagmamahal na nalasap mo dati...
Mga halik at yakap na may assurance na mahal ka nya...
Minsan naiisip mo ayaw mo ng magising nang nag iisa, na sana pagmulat ng mga mata mo kasabay ng pagsikat ng araw, andiyan siya sa tabi mo...pinagmamasdan ka hanggang sa ikaw ay magising...nakangiti...
O di ba kay sarap lasapin ng ganun umaga...at maibubulong mo sa sarili mo na, this time:
mamahalin ko tong "gagong" to ng buong buhay ko...
ang taong ito na nakikita ako sa kung ano ako...sa kung ano meron ako at kung ano ang kaya ko ibigay....
Yun pera ko! charrr!
Kahit paulit ulit ka ng nabigo...paulit ulit na nasaktan...Naniniwala ka pa din na isang araw darating siya. Magmamahal...magiging matibay sa pagsubok...at hindi susuko sa pagmamahalan....ano ba ang sukatan ng pagmamahal? nasusukat nga ba ito?
Andami ng nagsabi na mahal ka nila, pero walang tumagal sa mga pagsubok na dumadating, lahat kay dali sumuko... naging marupok at naduwag...
We were talking over dinner and I was concentrating on his cute face while he speaks but I can't really helped but to look at his crotch!
He sat next to me with legs crossed (nakabukaka at naka taas isang paa and nakapatong sa silya, parang kakain sa baryo lang!LOL) and I swear I could see his groin area with his white undies under his skimpy shorts...
konti nalang lalabas na betlog nya! (a little more and I would see his balls!) His bulge was also very visible!LOL
Damn!
RJ was hot! he made me feel hot!
charrr!
Lets go back some 3o minutes ago...(O di bah parang Heroes episode lang may flashback!haha)
RJ and I haven't seen each other for few days, blame it on different schedules at work. Even on facebook, we could hardly catch each other online. I've heard from an indian colleague who was assigned on RJ's area that he asked about me and I was happy knowing that he's looking for me too.
KILIG PEPE lang! LOL
Finally, last night we were able to chat online. The usual hi and hello's and how are you's. We were just chattin about anything when he asked if I had my dinner already. I've told him not yet, but I'm about to. He asked what's for dinner and I said, I've ordered something at the Filipino resto nearby.
"Wow, pakain... (can I eat with you)" he said
"haha lika dito! (Sure, come up here!)" I teased. But I was not serious about it for I know he's just joking on eating with me too. But it made me excited.
"kakahiya...(its embarrassing...) he replied.
"Artista ka! Hahamon hamon ka ng pa-kain di mo pala kaya!LOL (you would tease to join me and you won't come here?!)
"What time you're going to work?" he asked instead
"I have to take a shower at 8:30 and leave the house at exactly 9:30pm"
"haha OK. I'll take a shower first..."
"Nah! there's no need for that! We'll just have a quick dinner! maghilamos ka nalang at konting wisik wisik!LOL" I insisted. I was wondering why does he need to take a shower???
"I'll just take a very very quick shower...can I? pleaseeeeee...dadalhin ko na din yun daing (dried fish) na bibigay ko sau" he begged. He promised to give me that dried fish from Manila earlier.
"Arte naman oh! Maliligo pa! hmmp!"
"Just wait for me...and you take a shower at 9 pm instead of 8:30..." he suggested. I was kinda excited for what's about to happen...he needs more time to spend with me at dinner that's why he's telling to move my shower schedule 30 minutes later? hmmm...kilig!
"Oh no, That's not possible I need an hour to prepare for work haha! (I checked the time, its quarter to 8:00) and be here at 8:00 o'clock! hurry and take a shower if you really want to!"
"yup! and hey, which floor you at? and what's your flat number?" he asked and I willingly answered it.
"And...can I get your cellphone number too?" he added.
"OK. See you in a bit"
I literally screamed inside my room!!I can't believe whats about to happen! me and RJ! Inside my house! Just the two of us over dinner! How romantic is that?! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
I called my friend Cher to tell her whats going to happen! I asked her what am I gonna do? shall I have our dinner over the main dining table or inside my big room on my own small dining table in it? Would it be so suggestive of any sexual intentions if I did invite him at dinner inside my room?
Argh!!! How I wished I'm off tonight instead of going on night shift! There's so much we could do if Im off!!! *Insert evil smile here*LOL
Kainis!
"I suggest you have it on the main kitchen, its still early to insinuate anything...you might scare him off a little bit, just take it slow..." and then she added "good luck, Just promise me details later tonight hah!".
I checked the kitchen and OMG! It was a big mess! I only have a few minutes to go! I just picked up everything which is not supposed to be there and throw it at the back of the sofa where RJ wont be able to see!LOL
I was preparing the table when he called and said he's already at the front door! Huwaaat! That's fast!
I run to my room and checked my own face at nag lagay lang ng konting blush on, lipstick and mascara sa mukha! Kidding!!!!
and opened the door...
He was wearing a red cap and plain t-shirt with a sexy-skimpy-shorts...it looks like more of a small boxers to me...
It was awkward at first... eventually we became comfortable and a few more minutes the conversation never stops. We talked about work, our colleagues, safe topics I may say.
Till he changed his sitting positions, maybe he got lazy and just crossed his legs (like in yoga sitting position but with only one leg up) where I can't resist but to take a peek on whats inside that white underwear...I could see his crotch...his bulge visible...I was disappointed on not seeing some pubes peeking out of the sides though but its still a hot scene for me! a little tease!
Then he shifted his position at the other side, maybe he noticed I'm looking at what I'm not supposed to look!hahaha! Kakahiya naman!
Deadma na lang ako kunyari!
Continued on eating while listening to his stories
"Wait! what time is it? is it 8:30 already?" I panicked
"Don't worry, its still early" He moved his phone away from me without checking what time it is. As if he don't want me to find out the time and end everything there.
This is the first time I've spend a long time talking with him. He was nice and pleasant to talk to. Walang ligoy ligoy and masarap kausap...
masarap din siguro katabi sa kama! chossss!
When we checked the time again its 8:40 already!!! He said his quick good bye and thanks for the dinner while I was walking him at the front door.
I went back to clean the dining table and found the dried fish he gave me. I smiled and thought, this is his own version of giving me "flowers"...
Konting tiis nalang! exactly 30 days from now...balik bayan na ko at makakapag lublob at makakapag tampisaw na ulit ako sa beach! Pero bago yun mag cecelebrate muna ko ng b-day ko this May...sana magka bonus kami kundi kulelat ako sa big day ko!hahaha
Gusto ko na umuwi! mother earth bilisan mo pag ikot!chos!
